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lananans
post Jul 13 2009, 04:43 PM
Post #1


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From: Southwestern Ontario


thanks catlady... it's nice to have support smile.gif

I'm not a heavy enough drinker that I'm going through withdrawal. It's just more of a binge drinking problem. I won't drink for a while and then once I start having a couple drinks I have too many.

I do drink with my close friends, but they understand that I'm going to stop so that's good.

My main problem is going to be that I'm doing my masters in Journalism and there's kind of a whole drinking culture associated with it. I just have to step away from that. I can do it!

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crazyoldcatlady
post Jul 12 2009, 06:35 PM
Post #2


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From: here. in my head.


lananans, the one thing you should watch for--if you were a heavy enough drinker--is withdrawal. shakes, cravings, feeling flu-like, etc. quitting alcohol cold turkey isn't quite like quitting others things abruptly. good for you with the counseling; outside support is crucial to success. social situations will undoubtebly be hard, especially if your core friends were your usual drinking buddies. slowly disconnect from those activities; get your friends to do something non-bingey/non-bar-like/non-frat partyish, and if you find that all you have in common with them is the bottle, well, time to get new friends.

small steps. you can do it.
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lananans
post Jul 12 2009, 03:52 PM
Post #3


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From: Southwestern Ontario


I'm glad this thread was bumped. I am quitting drinking. I occasionally drink too much and had a bad incident on Saturday.

Has anyone else here quit drinking? Do you find it hard in social situations? That's what I'm worrying about. I don't want to become anti-social, but I don't want to be pressured to drink either. I'm going to go for counselling (for my depression as well as the drinking) and see if there's some sort of underlying issues I need to work through to help keep me strong, so hopefully that helps.
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auralpoison
post Jun 19 2009, 08:15 PM
Post #4


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bump


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knorl05
post Jul 14 2008, 11:07 PM
Post #5


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From: detroit rock city


Fightrisk: It seems as though one of the reasons you are so comfortable with him, is due to the familiarty involved (parents being alcoholics). And you may also, on some level, want to save or help him. It could be the appeal of the tragic ones.. that we see their potential and hope that our loyalty to them will allow them to care about themselves. Or that you dated him in the past and always wondered what would have/could have happened? It sounds like a complicated situation. If you want to continue investing in the relationship, I feel you will need to evaluate the situation objectively. Although he may not have gotten into legal trouble yet, and although he may be able to maintain his financial standing, and even though his health has not suffered from the unhealthy lifestyle, is this really something you want for yourself, long term? - That is of course, if you can see him not getting help. I can say, from my own experience with addiction, the only thing that usually works is a hard-core intervention. But even then, if the addict is not ready to change, s/he will not change.
I admire your willingness to love him unconditionally, but I think to put our own well-being first in an intimate relationship is the most important thing; not only for the sake of our health, but also because it leads to a more loving and stable relationship. So then what it really ultimately comes down to, is what you want from the relationship... what you are looking for, emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually... and if he is not providing it, perhaps you should communicate that to him and start looking elsewhere.
Oh and if you are willing to continue to invest in the relationship, I think the main thing is to just go into it with open eyes.


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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kiss_the_fiddler
post Jul 12 2008, 12:45 PM
Post #6


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flightrisk,

as a person married to an alcoholic, i can hear what you're saying. i haven't found anything i can do or say that will change my spouse. we have an arrangement wherein she drinks one night a week at her mother's house (thursdays). the rest of the time, she's sober. we're expecting a baby any day now and i've asked her to abstain until after the baby is born. i felt that it was important to be able to count on her being there for me and sober even on a thursday. boy have i had to pay for that request. you'd have thought it was the end of the world. she's abstaining, but only because i told her that i wouldn't allow her in the delivery room if she wasn't sober.

i love her very much. when we entered into our relationship, i knew she had a drinking problem. she was sober then, but only because of a court order. the day the order expired, she drank and i was crushed. i can't think of anyone else i'd want to be in a relationship with - anyone else i'd want to raise my child with - but i also don't know for sure if i'd do it all again had i known that the drinking would be such an issue. i think i was blissfully naive when it came to addiction. i though she'd stop if she loved me enough. nope.

i do feel trapped at times and that makes me mad. i get mad that i've allowed myself to be trapped by her drinking. we're planning on her adopting our child and that scares me too. after she adopts our baby, i'll be even more trapped. am i stupid? do i expect too much? i don't know. hard questions to answer.

anyway, i think i understand where you're coming from. i don't have the answers, only my own experience.

fiddler


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flightrisk
post Jul 12 2008, 12:10 PM
Post #7


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I haven't visited the lounge in years but I remember it being a good place for insight--however difficult it may be to hear.

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. We have been together for just under a year but we dated in the mid 80's when we were teens working in the club scene. Ours is a weird love story which is probably for another forum, but suffice it to say that my feelings for this man are much more like those of a lifelong partner than a new relationship. I am trying to decide whether to stay or leave.

I went into this with my eyes at least partially open. I knew within a few weeks of getting involved with him that he had a problem. I stayed because every other aspect of who he is delights me. He is able to moderate for several days at a time, sometimes even weeks. But he is not able to last beyond that. The longer he abstains or moderates, the more extreme the binge that follows.

I have taken to disappearing when I know a binge is coming on (a handle of vokda shows up in the freezer, or I get a slurring phone call). I take his call and politely ask him to call me back when he sobers up. When he does, I hear from him, and we pick up where we left off.

If I'm out of the equation, this man has set up his life in such a way that only he is hurt by the drinking. His closest friends are addicts, he supports himself well with his own business, he has no children or nearby family, and he doesn't drive drunk. It's hard to make an argument for sobriety when the drinking is victimless.

Right now we're in the midst of one of these times apart. It troubles me that we have this arrangement--that I'm "okay" with it. He talks about marriage or living together, about traveling and other plans, but I can never really join him in this daydreaming because I can not be locked into a situation where I can't escape.

It's not difficult to guess that I grew up with addicted parents and learned to insulate myself quite well. It's most likely the reason I am 42 and single. None of my previous boyfriends nor ex-husband were addicts, so this is not a pattern for me. But the fact that I am more in love with him than I was the other guys seems significant.

I want the perspective of people who themselves have this addiction. Am I making his problem worse by staying and "cooperating?" Is there something that I could say or do that would change things?

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snow white
post Dec 28 2007, 09:37 AM
Post #8


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From: upstate new york


QUOTE(knorl05 @ Oct 10 2007, 02:13 PM) *
i've determined i think i was meant to survive on alcohol. when i'm drunk is the only time my brain feels normal. not that i necessarily strive for normalcy, or that i think my thoughts are normal when i'm drunk..


i like to drink b/c it quiets down all those constant noises in my head. most of the time my head is just stuffed full of everything and i feel like there's not much room left to relax. alcohol helps, but when i drink i always drink in excess. i'm a sloppy drunk and i don't even like it anymore. i feel stupid about all the stupid shit i've done and i hate that i can't trust myself with alcohol. i'm not quite sure how to fix it either... i just hate knowing that i left the bar a little too sloshed last nite.


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knorl05
post Dec 28 2007, 07:59 AM
Post #9


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From: detroit rock city


i am jan: yes i do agree about replacing unhealthy/nonproductive habits with healthy/productive ones.. i've found most people really do want to live more meaningful lives, they just dont always have the insight to go about doing it. my point is that i think we need to determine if how we're functioning is worth our time, and if it's not we need to change something. it's our responsibility.. and if we decide not to change anything, well then, we've just got to stop bitching. know what i mean? lucky for you alcohol hasnt been your friend through the years... it really isnt the best of relationships for one to have.


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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i_am_jan
post Dec 27 2007, 12:33 PM
Post #10


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From: Columbus, Ohio


Just reading over the posts, as I have family members who have some probs...

Drinking is just so common & acceptable that this whole thing can't be easy. I myself am a would-be alcoholic if I actually LIKED drinking. Cuz every time I've ever gone out to "have a drink" I've lost it, drank too much, blacked out. The only reason it's not a problem for me is that I really don't enjoy it and it scares me too much, I'm a control freak...


Knorlo I really like what you said...how you can still have "distractions" but if they are healthy ones, such as exercise or music, you can still indulge, but you will also truly enjoy your life's activities. That is good advice that I've seen to be true. If you can break a bad habit and pick up a new one to replace it, well...

Good luck everyone and stay safe.
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knorl05
post Dec 16 2007, 05:31 AM
Post #11


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From: detroit rock city


ps. the only way to overcome our problems is to work through them... they're not going to just go away.


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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knorl05
post Dec 16 2007, 05:29 AM
Post #12


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From: detroit rock city


sugasnuf: i understand that. i think the objective is to learn to be comfortable with ourselves. so that we are not deluded by the false promises that alcohol brings.
i think it's important that we are comfortable in our own 'neurotic' minds, to be at peace with ourselves, so that we dont feel the need to escape our thoughts/problems via intoxication. when we're not happy with ourselves, we look to alcohol (et al) as a respite for our distress. but we've got to weigh out our options. discover our priorities. is the temporary high really worth your life? your well being? because if you'd really like to break free from your neurosis, alcohol is not the way to go. alcohol in fact creates more, compounded many times with guilt, shame and embarrassment. i would suggest you start to cut back, perhaps look into therapy, meditation, art, music, exercise... healthy distractions to allow you to enjoy your life for real, not merely through altered states.


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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sugasnuf
post Dec 15 2007, 08:32 PM
Post #13


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Wow! This thread is the perfect place for me! I just read over some of the postings and I will most definitely check out the SOS website that was mentioned.

I have had a problem with drinking and all of my friends know it, but I am afraid to really admit it. I used to be in the Navy and drinking is what we did when we were bored. But as I grow older, I realize I don't have much control over myself. I am a single woman and I enjoy going out with my girlfriends on the weekends. It is hard not to drink and I always swear I am only going to have one drink...well one drink leads to a night where I don't remember a thing. Matter of fact last weekend, I got so drunk I couldn't find my own car! Thank God I haven't gotten in any trouble with the law, but I swear alcohol is going to be the death of me. And just to think that scares the hell out of me!! But not enough to stop drinking...because as I type, I have a drink next to me.

As someone mentioned, alcohol makes me feel "normal" or at least calms the thoughts in my brain. Sometimes I just don't feel like thinking about serious life issues (bills, relationships) so I drink and I have a good time. It never became an issue until I realized that there were more than one nights out of the week that I couldn't remember really what I did/said.

When I drink I am a free spirit, but when I am sober--I am neurotic.

I always thought that I could just stop drinking or not drink as much, but now I am realizing that this is an illness and perhaps I do need help.

Wow....never thought I would "say" that.
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jayboogie
post Dec 14 2007, 09:37 AM
Post #14


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well,i have thought that i would start going back to the last psychiatrist that i stopped seeing a few years ago. being so dependent on booze and other things for the past twelve years and not really realizing it...and then stopping is going to be a huge shock to my system...after all i am only almost 26. i am actually going to join a local gym that three or four of my "good for me" friends belong to, some have already said that they want to make dates to work out together to keep us both motivated. i guess i am doing the detox now...i haven't had anything to drink for 3 days....IT SUCKS. i have had a couple of panic attacks and have been sweaty with those stupid shaking hands. it scares me to think of how much my body hates me right now for not drinking. i am just trying to bide my time until this part...the worst part is over...and trying to get up the courage to go to my first meeting. it's one thing to admit to yourself that you have a problem....even to admit it online to strangers....but to go somewhere and have to look other people in the face and admit it then...
well, i am working on it.


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There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
~Friedrich Nietzsche~
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crazyoldcatlady
post Dec 13 2007, 07:32 PM
Post #15


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From: here. in my head.


talk to your doctor, jay. i don't know the extent/use/duration of what you do, but abruptly stopping, esp. in someone with heavy, frequent use, can cause a slew of medical issues. he/she may also be able to direct you to some good, cheap, effective resources. AA is definitely a good idea, like you said.

in the meantime, exercise can help lessen the blow. change/slowly phase out your peer group, if need be (aka, avoid enablers.) easier said than done, right?
check out the library, book store. great resources there; it's not like you have to get a text book, but i actually read some great addiction memoirs, and the Bill W. Alcoholics Anonymous book and movie were great.

you are a strong person right off the bat if you can do such a fearless analysis of yourself and even take steps to correct it. good luck!
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jayboogie
post Dec 13 2007, 12:31 PM
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I haven't posted in here until now, but I think that now is the perfect time.

I have had a problem with drinking for a long time. I just didn't realize what a huge problem it really was until right after Halloween when I tried to quit drinking. I didn't. I actually felt like suck a looser cause I couldn't that I really ended up drinking more.

last weekend I decided that I should look into some rehab programs, but the health care system is so fucked up in this country.
I have actually BEGGED places to take me...but I am still here at home. I have insurance too!

I have started looking into alternative ways to kick the booze without going to rehab just now.
Obviously I would start attending some meetings in the area...I have already called about all of those.
I was just wondering if anyone here has any other suggestions? I am looking into yoga classes and other things that i could do to relax and get my nervous energy out blink.gif , but does anyone have any other ideas?


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There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
~Friedrich Nietzsche~
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p_176
post Dec 6 2007, 03:39 PM
Post #17


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From: Baltimore


i personally have been drinking too much this week. it's been an annoying week, with jury duty and the rain/snow. since i have not cooked at home, i have been getting takeout, so it's extremely easy to just run to the store on the way for some wine or whatever. i'm just frustrated, because i don't sleep as well when i drink a lot, and i feel all bloated and icky.

just wanted to vent quickly. i am going to try to reduce my alcohol intake this weekend.
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deschatsrouge
post Dec 6 2007, 12:58 PM
Post #18


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I'm bumping this thread for knophusion26.


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"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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knorl05
post Nov 4 2007, 11:51 AM
Post #19


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From: detroit rock city


right. that's it i'm sure i_am_jan. glad you've sorted it all out..


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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i_am_jan
post Nov 3 2007, 06:44 PM
Post #20


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Posts: 488
From: Columbus, Ohio


knorl: Yeah, okay...I see exactly what you're saying...he probably still feels the same way about me as usual, but it's now intensified (really bursting out of him)...so I needn't think a whole new feeling has come into the equation...thanks girl, that goes a long way toward my sorting out the confusion...

love out to all my busties...next one's on me huh.gif

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