[lightchested]

Okay, since I accidentally posted twice, like a numpty (a word I learned in England recently) I am going to let you girls in on something that has me absolutely blown away.

You are the only people I know who I can show this to, and who may perhaps share in my interest in the men's reactions.

Quick background:
A girl who I've never met hates me (she is on another support forum that I joined a while back). She seems to be psychotic, based on the things she's done to me (having never even met!) but this particular thing she did backfired on her, because I don't think I got the reactions that she had expected!!!

She posted a profile for me on a "hookup" board (I don't know what they're called?) and you would not believe the profile she posted.

BETTER!!! You would not believe the RESPONSES I'VE GOTTEN!!!!

words can't describe this
you have to check it out
it's all about 'flatboobs' (the name she gave me on this board)...you've gotta see it & the men's reactions (surely not what she'd expected!)

She set it up and pointed it towards my email address that she knew from another forum. As you will see, she is not the purest of hearts. But once you get beyond reading the profile, check out the messages "flatboobs" received. They keep pouring in and notifying my email address that she pointed this account towards!!

http://www.plentyoffish.com/inbox.aspx
the login name is: flatboobs
password: imabitch (notification of this was sent to my email account...)

Along the top of the site, after logging in, there are some options to click on. View the profile! It is unbelievable what she wrote.

The read "messages"

You just won't believe it. I can't. I simply cannot believe men are pouring in to meet "flatboobs"!!! Not just because of the flat, but because of how she described me in the profile. (and by the way, I'm not 44, I don't have gray hair, and I'm very thin!!! despite what she wrote)

[lightchested]

I know what Ailurophile means, as I'm sure we all must, about taking offense to comments like "all right" in reference to my or any other small boobs. Lukewarm responses like that always seem to indicate to me a "grudging acceptance of them", "despite" their obvious "shortcomings".

I "MAY" be a little sensitive on this issue (!!!!!) but I've just heard too many things throughout my life- comments directed at me, or just comments that I hear or read- or men's reactions that I view- that just don't give me a good feeling about even lukewarm comments towards my or any woman's small breasts (or small breasts in general).

To me, comments like "Small ones are okay", "As long as it has a nipple I'm happy", "Anything more than a mouthful is a waste", "Guys like all breasts, regardless of size", or even "I like small ones", said in a "wow! believe it or not!" tone of voice that denotes some kind of FAVOR that the man is doing for me, or suggests that he is some kind of one-off, bucking the system by claiming to like small ones, I feel like men are saying, "It's okay. I'll take small if small is the best you can come up with, but we both know I wish you had big ones." That kind of "reassurance" is NOT what I want to hear! Not at ALL!!!

If men can't fake some enthusiasm for my breasts, they are history. At least, that's the way I was when I was in the dating world! Now I've got this husband who has ignored my boobs for three years and suddenly wants to get involved with them. However, "involved", so far, means him encouraging me to get Macrolane (it's become almost a daily conversation since I last posted- him telling me all the reasons why I should, me saying why I shouldn't).

I keep telling him why it's not the "quick fix" that it appears- at least not for me!- due to the psychological gravity of it. That procedure bolsters the boobs, but then they die back down again between 6 and 18 months. Can you imagine if I "grew boobs" (and yes, I know I do have some now, thanks to a fellow poster who kindly reminded me , so can you imagine if I grew my already-existent boobs, and then they were GONE one day when I woke up? To have that crutch, and then one day the crutch is GONE// To live in fear, wondering when they are going to go, and how they are going to look as they die down? (do they die down evenly??) and how they'll look afterward? (some women have reported a lumpiness with the Macrolane) And what would I have accomplished? To convince myself that my natural breasts are "wrong" and in need of synthetic enhancement?

It's just not as simple as it seems to him. I can feel that the Macrolane is not right for me. I need to accept my body as it is. Somehow.

[lightchested]

I know what Ailurophile means, as I'm sure we all must, about taking offense to comments like "all right" in reference to my or any other small boobs. Lukewarm responses like that always seem to indicate to me a "grudging accpetance of them", despite their obvious "shortcomings".

I "MAY" be a little sensitive on this issue (!!!!!) but I've just heard too many things throughout my life- comments directed at me, or just comments that I hear or read- or men's reactions that I view- that just don't give me a good feeling about even lukewarm comments towards my or any woman's small breasts (or small breasts in general).

To me, comments like "small ones are okay", or "as long as it has a nipple I'm happy", "anything more than a mouthful is a waste", "guys like all breasts", or even "I like small ones", said in a "wow! believe it or not!" tone of voice that denotes some kind of FAVOR that the man is doing for me, or suggests that he is some kind of one-off, bucking the system by claiming to like small ones, I feel like men are saying, "It's okay. I'll take small if small is the best you can come up with, but we both know I wish you had big ones." Like Ailurophile, that is NOT what I want to hear! Not at ALL!!!

If men can't fake some enthusiasm for my breasts, they are history. Now I've got this husband who has ignored mine for three years and wants to get involved again. However, involved, so far to him, means encouraging me to get Macrolane (it's become almost a daily conversation since I last posted).

I keep telling him why it's not the "quick fix" that it appears- at least not for me!- due to the psychological gravity of it. That procedure bolsters them, them dies back down again between 6 and 18 months. Can you imagine if I "grew boobs" (and yes, I know I do have some now, thanks to a fellow poster who kindly reminded me) and then they were GONE one day when I woke up? To give me that crutch, and then one day the crutch is GONE// To live in fear, wondering when they are going to go, and how they are going to look as they die down? (do they die down evenly??)

It's just not as simple as it seems to him. I can feel that it's not right for me. I need to accept my body as it is.

[Vendetta]

Yes, I also think it is cheating. My ex didn't mind at all and we even had a thresome at one point (she was his friend and they had something going on together years ago: yes, that's how I trusted him) but the now close-to-be-ex does. We don't trust each other, at all.

[karategrrl]

Ailurophile, the open conversation you and the bf are having is just great! It's really good to hear, thanks for sharing!

And no, you didn't ask me this, but yes, sex with somone of the same gender is still sex, so it is still cheating if one fools around with someone else--even of the same gender--when you're supposed to be exclusive with someone else.

[Vendetta]

Well, that was an experience for her, not for me, I've been having girls for years. My relationship with him is dead.

[loonydaray]

ailurophile: that's awesome! good boyfriend i'm happy for you hon, that sounds like a really good step for you. keep up that sexy confidence!

[ailurophile]

Thanx so much, girls, for the support. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting because the way he said, "What's wrong with that?" (him Woa-ing those models) and me being the jealous type, I thought I might me. He is not the jealous type at all.

We got into a little discussion the other night because I was telling him about our new friend here whose husband wants to by her boobs for Christmas and in the middle of the conversation he had said, "Wha--they're alright" meaning my boobs. I thought about it over the next day until we were out last night. I don't want to be alright. I want to be like some of you whose bfs/husbands think your boobs are totally hot/sexy. I am really working on my confidence here and have come such a long way. So if he doesn't think they're hot, that would kill me. Sooooo, last night while out shopping, we got on the subject of his penis. So I said................."It's alright". He was like, "Huh?" I reminded him of our convo the night before and proceeded to explain. Then in a joking way I said, "You were supposed to say, 'Your tits are so hot and sexy, darling' ". He didn't say anything for a minute. I got scared. Then he got really close and said, "I looooove your tits baby. I love them." He hasn't even told me he loves me yet so that was big. I said "Now that's the right answer!" Then he asked me how I could even think that he doesn't like them because he is always playing with them. And he has more recently. So what he said the other night about them being "alright", maybe he meant small boobs in general are alright meaning no better than big boobs? Or just a misspeak? I don't know but I do feel better now. And with your feedback on the "Whoa-ing" big girls thing, I have something to say if it should happen again and I know I'm not being a prude or a jealous gf. So, thank you!

Vendetta: Is it not considered cheating if it is with someone of the same sex? That worries me. I am happy for you that you got to have the experience I know I wish I had just once but you do have a bf. Just my opinion...but that's for another talk show...or thread.

[Vendetta]

We got drunk last night at the inauguration of a photography exhibition that some of our class mates did and me and my class mate Marcia have been really close lately. She has been talking about how she wanted to taste being with a girl so... she pulled me into the bathroom and we did you-know-what. It was the first time I felt embarrassed with a girl for wearing padding since she was trying to reach my boob throughout all that and she couldn't. I dropped a nervous line about how she went exactly to where I had none and she laughed and said something like "me too" or "I understand" meaning she also had small boobs. I grabbed her perfect milky white B-cups underneath the unpadded bra and just thought christ, they are so beautiful, just the right everything

I guess It's just me and I guess I'll just rest in peace when I have my B-cups.

Me and the bf fought a bit about porn today, I guess it came because he doesn't let me use his computer so I assume it has something to do with downloading porn or something related so when I asked out if he still watches porn he responded positively. In the middle of the fight I just stopped and went out for a beer. When I got back I just said to him "I'll praise and remind the confident person I was and the beliefs I had before I met you, so I won't fight over this again in anyway. You do whatever you feel like doing, I just don't give a shit anymore."

On the moment I settle up my life with this wished and achieved new job, I'll be a happy single woman again. Cheers

[loonydaray]

now don't get me wrong, if a girl like that jogged by and he checked her out i would still probably smack him. because that's just disrespectful honestly

but you're right the thing to have is confidence. big boobs won't give you confidence definitely. the big step for me (that this forum totally helped me come to ) was realizing that i really do like my body it's just all the media and boob attention that makes me feel the need to change. but just reading some of the girl's stories here ended that need. what's most important is that you are happy with your own body. what i've gathered from guys, confidence is more sexy than any physical characteristic *shrugs*

[mynameislala]

but you know, maybe it wasn't the big boobs in that commercial that really made him excited, could've been their legs, or butt, or just the fact that boobs were being flaunted in general. doesn't necessarily mean he cares about the size of the boobs. just because seeing those chicks in the commercial, doesn't mean he wouldn't be 9999999999999x more excited to see you and your oh so sexy little boobs up on the screen. point is you should be his ultimate view of sexiness. sure, he's gonna think other chicks are sexy, he may think big boobs are sexy, may think boobs in general are sexy. but the way i look at a relationship is while he may think all this other stuff is sexy, as long as he thinks i'm the sexiest than it's okay. go ahead, let some chick walk by him and flaunt her big boobs, remember he's not with her. he chose to be with you and your small boobies. and he should think you're perfect, cuz, uhm. you are! small boobies are sexy too and if a guy can't appreciate that then forget him! anyway. that's just what i think

WHOAHHHH!!!!!!

Your confidence makes me excited, lol. I aspire to have such a level of confidence one day. I'm still not in the stage where if some DD woman - wearing only a sports bra - jogged by him and he checked her out, I'd be confident enough to not let it get at me. It'd probably be in my mind forever!

But anyway, I think we'll all agree on this... I'd rather have huge amounts of confidence than having huge breasts. Confidence never fails, confidence is a winner. Big breasts, on the other hand... well, not. Sure, it'd be nice to have biggish breasts and be proud, but breasts don't make you confident.

I was checking out the galleries at 007b.com today and it made me feel better. Not to be mean, but from what I saw (a huge diversity too!), the smaller breasts had indeed better shape than some of the bigger ones. Just my opinion though.

[loonydaray]

exactly, thanks karategrrl for helping me claryifing the men's stupidity thing. it's very true that the minds of men and women work completely differently. your bf probably doesn't realize he hurt you with his reaction.

if it happens again, i definitely think you should explain it to him. if he truly cares about you, he'll be more careful. the issue a lot of times definitely isn't that guys are trying to be mean, piggish, or spiteful, they just aren't used to either a. being with a girl who is vocal about that kind of respect and b. they simply can't understand how we work and aren't expecting the conclusions we draw from their small actions. guys do this too. it's very natural for us to read a lot more into another's actions than they mean by it.

but you know, maybe it wasn't the big boobs in that commercial that really made him excited, could've been their legs, or butt, or just the fact that boobs were being flaunted in general. doesn't necessarily mean he cares about the size of the boobs. just because seeing those chicks in the commercial, doesn't mean he wouldn't be 9999999999999x more excited to see you and your oh so sexy little boobs up on the screen. point is you should be his ultimate view of sexiness. sure, he's gonna think other chicks are sexy, he may think big boobs are sexy, may think boobs in general are sexy. but the way i look at a relationship is while he may think all this other stuff is sexy, as long as he thinks i'm the sexiest than it's okay. go ahead, let some chick walk by him and flaunt her big boobs, remember he's not with her. he chose to be with you and your small boobies. and he should think you're perfect, cuz, uhm. you are! small boobies are sexy too and if a guy can't appreciate that then forget him! anyway. that's just what i think

[karategrrl]

ailurophile, NO you were not overreacting, and personally I think it's great you told him what you did right at that moment instead of stewing.

I have been in similar situations with bf's only about, oh, 1,298 times. looneydaray's right--sometimes they are just stupid. Now, before anyone attacks me, let me clarify--men often just don't have a fricking clue. We've commented on this before here, so I won't reinvent the wheel, but honestly I think it's not they're trying to be mean or insensitive, it's just that they don't understand--it's that simple. (Of course, we could get into a long debate over what's worse--to be intentionally insensitive, or to be insensitive and completely unaware. The latter is what has driven me to want to stab myself in the eye with a dull metal object on many such occasions--trying to explain to a man the concept of what I see as a common courtesy or the most obvious thing in the world, and having him act like I'm makingit all up, or worse, I'm "just insecure.") Grrr... Where is that metal object? Just thinking about it makes me simmer...

(Side story: Someone I had just started dating had a similar reaction to a ballerina at a very high-class, high-profile NUTCRACKER BALLET performance in New York. I mean, we were sitting among filthy rich, upper-crusty folks in tuxedos, and he was acting like he was in a strip club. I wanted to crawl under my seat.)

Yay for you for setting him straight. Hell, it may have been the first time anyone ever spoke up.

Heh...next time you see a guy with a nice butt, or some billboard with men's underwear advertised, make a comment and see how he responds. (It may take awhile for this to happen, since men aren't sexualized in popular media the way wome are) . My guess is he wouldn't be too thrilled himself.)

[loonydaray]

your filter dropped and you questioned his attachment to his balls, and rightly so. ~nn

hahaha the way you phrased that was brilliant
ailurophile, i don't think you overreacted at all. guys honestly are just stupid sometimes (okay a lot of times). some don't seem to connect the fact that excitement at big boobs make us feel out of place since we have small boobs

[neurotic.nelly]

ailurophile, i think your reaction was appropriate. imo, he has no filter, and just blurted it out. so, in that instance of complete disregard for you and your feelings, your filter dropped and you questioned his attachment to his balls, and rightly so.

after hearing what you ladies have gone through with your boyfriends, i am so grateful for my current boyfriend, and the ones from the past. they never ever made me feel inadequate about my beautiful little ones. and if they would have ever made me feel less than for having less than, i would've snatched up a nut and kicked them to the curb.

i love my breasts. i love love love having smaller breasts.
~nn

[ailurophile]

I have been only "lurking" these past few weeks. I have had so much to say yet not enough time as I have been sooo busy with the holidays coming. But my Christmas shopping is done!!! Those of you who celebrate Christmas may be able to appreciate that. I have to catch up on the past few days here though. I've only been skimming and there's some good stuff I can certainly relate to and would like to comment on. Not to change the subject but I have a complaint about my bf:

My new bf (of close to 5 months now. met him just before you girls) pissed me off the other night. We have not fought yet about anything. But I had to let him know that what he did bothered me and he's not the communicative type so it's not like I could "discuss my feelings". We were watching TV and there was a commercial kind of interview thing on with volumptuous girls, already large breasted girls with additional padding and underwires, and little sexy panties, the Victoria Secret looking type girls. We were talking and they came on the TV and his eyes bugged out and he said "Whoah!!!" I said "Whoah?????" He's like , "Yeah" I said, "You wanna lose a nut??" It just came out. I didn't even think first. He said "Why? What's wrong with that??" I just gave him a look like I didn't appreciate that and he dropped it. Was I out of line??? Because if they were 32 barely B's with a little pot bellies, he would not have said, "Whoah!!!" How should I have felt when he stopped mid-sentence to exclaim his instant excitement over these well-endowed, perfectly shaped women?? I am a fairly new girlfriend still in the impressionable stages. How does he think I felt??? I hope he got the point that that was inappropriate. I am the jealous type as it is, which I am working on and do not show my jealousy around him but I'm sorry...that was inappropriate!!!!! If he wants to look or exclaim to his friends....whatever! ....but I don't want to hear it! Am I overreacting??

[karategrrl]

strongirl:
I could have written your post myself (about the porn issue). Thanks for articulating perfectly what I feel I was saying rather clumsily. I, too, hate the fake stuff mostly because there are guys out there who think it's really real. I speak from personal experience: My ex (the sexually dysfunctional, porn-obessed one) was always comparing me to the porn girls--which, according to the crap he liked, were all busty, sex-craving nymphos who supposedly took it up the butt all the time, came in .2 nanoseconds and were into threesomes, fivesomes, forced sex, whatever...whenever...wherever...so, because--Goddess forbid--I wasn't that extreme, I was "frigid." There are a lot of fucked up people out there... (And if any of you are wondering why on earth I tolerated that, he was my first bf--I had no other point of reference. If I ran into him now I'd probably spontaneously slap the shit out of him.)

crinoline:
LOL about the kick in the balls comment! Bwahahahahahaha! I almost choked on my coffee reading that!

About lingerie: yep, chemises, tank styles and camisoles are made for us!!! We don't need any "support," so we can choose these very pretty styles.

You girls who have the lingerie that's too big in the bust:
Maybe try taking it to a seamstress or someone who can sew well--maybe they can adjust the cups?? Just a thought.

My best lingerie story: Several Christmases ago, my man (now my ex) and my friend conspired and went shopping for me at Victoria's Secret. He knew she had great fashion style and understood my body type. (I have to say he also carried around my measurements on a little card in his wallet. The sales girls were always impressed when he'd whip that out instead of saying, "Duh, I don't know what size she wears.")

Anyhoo, I got two sets of gorgeous lingerie that year. I opened it up and was instantly overcome with grief, thinking, "Oh my god, this is all SOO beautiful, but it will NEVER fit my breasts!" But, shockingly, one of them fit my bust perfectly and the other one was very close--I put little pads in the top and it was fine. I felt like a million bucks wearing that stuff, and still do!

[lightchested]

Stronggirl and Crinoline, I really appreciate your comments. Though I doubt I'll kick my husband in the balls for wanting to buy me "the gift that keeps on giving"...a.k.a. the gift of serial surgeries to last a lifetime (initial surgery + repairs & replacements), I must admit I was a bit shocked that after telling him profusely that I was not interested in his surgical display of love. that he, days after my refusal to submit to becoming a Bolt-On, brought the topic up AGAIN.

The second time he brought it up, we were in the car. He said, "If I buy you boobs for Christmas, you'd better get them" (so he wouldn't waste his money on a procedure/mutilation & not getting his money's worth). I told him firmly, "Then don't buy them." We drove on in silence for a bit after that.

Stronggirl, to your point, you're right. Thank you for the reminder. As stupid as it sounds, I do often think of myself as "boobless". But you're right. I do wear a bra, and I "couldn't" go braless in public without feeling extremely awkward, so you're right. It's not like I don't have boobs. It's just that I don't feel like I have the boobs I "should" have, which is the issue that I really need to address. (Obliterating the "should" in my mind, rather than trying to turn my boobs into "that pair").

Boobs are a journey. I'm trying to enjoy the ride. This site makes it easier. I am so grateful that this board exists.

[strongirl]

On the porn issue, wow, it sure is a complicated topic. I have been an anti-porn activist. I have also masturbated to porn and enjoyed sex with my bf while we enjoy porn together. This ain't no easy issue.

There's porn and then there's porn. I'm totally with Nellie that the more natural the better - in terms of boobs, action, and responses from the participants. The worst porn for me has fake boobs and fake arousal/orgasms from the women. That sort always pisses me off like crazy. It's ugly, exploitive, and I can't relate to anyone that gets off on it.

But nowadays there's lots of good stuff out there, in my opinion. Betty Dodson is one of my personal heroes for her work on making sexuality in a wide variety of forms acceptable. Her thoughts on the topic are well worth researching for any of you who are not familiar.

I am a strong advocate for full, joyous, generous sex lives for everyone. So when porn promotes that, I like it. When it causes pain and suffering and the retreat from a person's own sexuality, I hate it.

[strongirl]

lightchested...may I point out that it makes no sense for your guy to get you boobs for Christmas because you already HAVE boobs.