[deschatsrouge]

I have met some men who are just as baby hungry as some women. I think we fail to see the big picture when we look at something as purely nature or nurture. Humans are bio-psycho-social creatures. Not wanting kids probably has roots in both biological and cultural origins.

[buttercups]

Thanks for posting that AP! Very interesting- even though I don't quite get why it's such a frickin mystery to people why not all women want children. I think my only real annoyance is how they're saying now that it must be because of some " high testosterone exposure in the womb"- if that was true wouldn't most men not want children?? In my case, I have never wanted kids and like the women in the article that is something I have always known, but my bf desperately wants children and always has. Does this mean that he was exposed to a high level of estrogen in the womb?? haha am I the man and he's the woman?? Doesn't seem to make sense to me but I guess they have to have some explanation for why some of us women don't want to put up with screaming brats at the grocery store!

[auralpoison]

From today's Jezebel, a bit on CBCers.

[pollystyrene]

Okay, so maybe his methods are a little extreme, but who among us hasn't wanted to go ballistic because of A Baby Story, The Duggars, Jon & Kate, et al.?

[anarch]

I have also taken to thanking my IUD in public and patting my belly when I tell people about not wanting babies.

Ha! That's awesome.

[missladyj]

I was at a pool party and high fived another woman who was also married and had no kids. she said it was nice to meet another married person who doesn't want a kid.

I have also taken to thanking my IUD in public and patting my belly when I tell people about not wanting babies.

When I mentioned to my husband that I will be 41 when the IUD comes out and maybe at that time he should think about a vascetomy he said he'd think about it. Which is progress as far as I am concerned.

[anarch]

This is brilliant:

My personal gripe of the typical response when people learn I don't plan to have children: "Oh, you'll change your mind."

I've actually made this fairly lucrative. When people say that, I used to say "wanna bet? I bet you $50 that by the time I'm 35 I will not have changed my mind."

Damn. If only I'd be clever enough to do that, starting when people first started saying that to me when I was, what, twelve? I'd have earned at least several hundred dollars by now.

[thepointybird]

Sigh.... All, my best female friend has just had her first baby. Well, about 3 weeks ago. I've not had a chance to properly talk to her yet, but we've been exchanging texts and she is struggling. Saying she's just tired and permanently stressed and it's much harder than she expected. I feel so awful, she lives at the other end of the country and there really isn't anything practical I can do for her. Another close friend, who lives on the other side of the world, is pregnant with her second (both pregnancies were unplanned and with her first she didn't even know she was pregnant until she was 5 months gone!), and she really also seems to be sinking, her little one is about 14 months and is a real handful, and reading between the lines of her emails, I know she's also struggling quite a bit, making constant reference to the fact that her and her boyfriend are really broke etc. I sent a pretty underwhelmed response back when she emailed with news of the second pregnancy because I don't think she's ready for it or able to cope with it, but she's going ahead nonetheless. I really wanted to say "do you really want to go through with this just now?", but I feel bad saying something like that over email, even though if we could sit down and talk face to face I would definitely say it. But I bet everyone else just said "oh, how wonderful, so amazing!" Why can't we get past this notion of pregnancy and children as something to always be congratulated on, something to think of as positive when it might in fact be completely the wrong thing for the women going through it? I feel really sad for my 2 friends and I say a secret prayer of merciful thanks for my childfree state all over again....

[stargazer]

this friend is so self absorbed she probably doesn't even stop to think that I am not interested which is why I see her very rarely. I don't see the point in saying anything about it to her. I mostly hang with my single gals or those ladies sans babies.

Missladyj, this friend just sounds like she is boring conversationally in general. Probably why you haven't had the urge to hangout with her. I get annoyed when people use their children as reason why they can't do some social activities, especially sans children. I have a couple of friends that I can be direct with and say, "Hey, you need a break from the kids, your husband, being at home....let's go out for a drink." Of course, I have usually served as the social factor for these friends in the history of our relationship prior to their children.

[missladyj]

Syb,
when swimming laps and someone doesn't get out of my way I do a flip turn and splash the shit out of them or do it so close they learn very quickly to get out of my way. I am a stickler for lap swim ettiquette even though I cant spell that word to save my life.

koffee
this friend is so self absorbed she probably doesn't even stop to think that I am not interested which is why I see her very rarely. I don't see the point in saying anything about it to her. I mostly hang with my single gals or those ladies sans babies.


thank goodness for this space to vent. you all rule!

[sybarite]

MissLadyJ, I run into entitled wee brats in the pool I use all the time. During the most recent episode, I was doing laps when two young girls started lounging around at one end of the lane, chatting and occasionally splashing around. I suggested they move to the free area whereupon they haughtily informed me that they were in the Swim Club. I ignored this as irrelevant and observed they weren't using the lane for its designated purpose, at which point they sulkily moved off--and over to the next lane!

My sister and I were taken to the local university pool by our parents when we were kids. They drummed it into us that we were to stay out of the way of adults and we were never to get into the lanes under any circumstances. I think it's great that kids learn to swim but their parents shouldn't encourage them to use the (membership only) pool as their private playground. It's a great pool which is relatively nearby; otherwise I would join a kids-free club.

[koffeewitch]

This is strange to me, LadyJ, I know exactly which of my friends have no interest in children. And this is fine by me, because sometimes I need to have an actual honest-to-maude grown-up conversation. Why do you think your girlfriend rams her kid stories down your throat; she must know how you feel, right??

For the record, I was always wondering why the kids of my neighborhood were always asking me rudely for things: to go to the store and buy them drinks, to get them a cup of water, to make them toast, etc. Then came the days when their parents (who I had never seen or met before) would come to my door asking to borrow money, my pre-paid cell phone, MY CAR, my washer/dryer, my organic sugar (so they can make kool-aid with it) or rides to various places some of which were in definite walking distance. They see me always *walking* to the store and yet they have no problem asking me to drive them there. They saw me walking to the store when I was 9 months pregnant (not to mention I am a full 15 years or more older than many of them). So yeah, somehow people have gotten a sense of entitlement to everything. I hate to sound like some old fogey screaming about how our culture has gone to hell, but some days I really think that people just fucking suck.

[missladyj]

I have a girlfriend who has a kid and a mutual friend of ours just recently had one. I got a message about how crazy her kid is and isn't AWESOME that our mutual friend has one and how she wants to get together with me. Can I tell her I will only see if her if I am not subjected to stories about her kid and everyone else who we went to school with that has a kid? I am not interested in your kid. YOUR KID IS FUCKING B ORING! I want to see her to hear about what she is up to not listen to her go on and on about her kid and so and so's kid and blah blah's kid etc. Maybe this is why I ha vent seen you in over a year. YOU ARE BORING and I don't care about everyone and their obnoxious crotch fruit.
end rant

I feel better now.


on another note. I was at the public pool using a noodle to do leg lifts and this little shit with three noodles under his arms swims over and asks me

shitty kid: can I use your noodle?
me: No
shitty kid: Why?
me: Because I am using it. It looks like you ha ve plenty of noodles.

Who does this? No please ,no excuse me m'am. no manners at all . and then after I say no has the nerve to ask me why when he can clearly see I am using the noodle? What is wrong with you and your fucking parents?

ARRRGHHH!!

even though I was done with the leg lifts I kept using it as this little shit swam away with his three noodles that he already had because I was pissed off.

[damona]

*delurks*

(((((spot-on))))) i'm sorry to hear that your dog is ill.

polly, you are so right. i even get attached to my houseplants... which is why i don't have any b/c i kill them and then feel guilty for ages. i can't even imagine what it will be like when my kitties depart this world. they are definitely part of the family.

*relurks*

[pollystyrene]

I, of course do have human children, but my animal companions are also like my children. And YES, when your dear, beloved pet is ill or dying it IS, IS, FUCKING IS, like your child. Love is love.

Last weekend, my cat snuck out and returned to the house with a 5 day old, featherless, helpless, baby sparrow in his teeth. I spent the next 12 hours tryng to feed that baby bird every 15 to 30 minutes and keep him warm and hydrated until he died (after which I was and am still really sad and devastated). I've noticed that there are just two kinds of people when it comes to animals, those that "get" the bond between humans and pets, and those that don't really care for animals at all. Those in the latter category are entitled to feel the way that they do...but when the rest of us are grieving over a lost or ill pet, they should have the courtesy to keep their comments to themselves.
(((((((spot-on))))))))

Absolutely- my friend's 17-year-old dachshund passed away about a month ago and people told her mom, "it's just a dog"...cod, I'd be a little sad if I had a houseplant for 17 years and it died.

[koffeewitch]

I'd just like to say that last week one of my dogs was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and actually had some nice comments rather than the "well it's not like it's your child or anything" kwim? People actually THINKING before they speak/type for a change, a very welcome change!

I, of course do have human children, but my animal companions are also like my children. And YES, when your dear, beloved pet is ill or dying it IS, IS, FUCKING IS, like your child. Love is love.

Last weekend, my cat snuck out and returned to the house with a 5 day old, featherless, helpless, baby sparrow in his teeth. I spent the next 12 hours tryng to feed that baby bird every 15 to 30 minutes and keep him warm and hydrated until he died (after which I was and am still really sad and devastated). I've noticed that there are just two kinds of people when it comes to animals, those that "get" the bond between humans and pets, and those that don't really care for animals at all. Those in the latter category are entitled to feel the way that they do...but when the rest of us are grieving over a lost or ill pet, they should have the courtesy to keep their comments to themselves.
(((((((spot-on))))))))

[spot-on]

This reminds me of the "pregnant women are smug" song/video! Damn I love that song!

*pulls down all the cobwebs*

quick vent: i hate how you can't even say one goddamn sarcastic remark about smug parents without it being suggested that you're thoughtless/selfish and hate parents/children/women/mothers. it's bullshit, and i'm sick of it.

[spot-on]

I'd just like to say that last week one of my dogs was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and actually had some nice comments rather than the "well it's not like it's your child or anything" kwim? People actually THINKING before they speak/type for a change, a very welcome change!

[faerietails2]

*pulls down all the cobwebs*

quick vent: i hate how you can't even say one goddamn sarcastic remark about smug parents without it being suggested that you're thoughtless/selfish and hate parents/children/women/mothers. it's bullshit, and i'm sick of it.

[spot-on]

a recent article on childfree living brought to my attention recently

http://www.grist.org/article/2010-03-30-gi...e-and-im-proud/