[pollystyrene]

I just took a self-defense class, so I'd be happy to share my wisdom with everyone.

Such a coincidence, I just saw a commercial for PrivatePhone tonight- perfect solution!

And my sister was telling me about Mailinator, a temporary email address service.

[venetia]

I agree with Maimy. It's much easier to take their number.

Anyone who still "insists" on getting your phone number after you have said "but I don't want you to ever call me" should definately not be given any kind of number if you can help it, as it just encourages them to go around intimidating unwilling women. IMO.

[pam76]

Oh and the phone thing -- I don't want to scare anyone but I read an article on the web that said that people with good tech skills can find out all kinds of stuff about you (home address, etc) with just your phone number -- INCLUDING cell phone numbers. So everybody please be careful. I'm not saying we're all going to be stalked, but identity theft is everywhere now. Lily, for dating purposes you can get a forwarding service that disguises you real phone number, and they're pretty cheap, my friend has one. I think hers is called Alias. Alias Phone, Alias Line, something like that. Look it up. You give out a fake number but still get the calls on your own phone. Much safer, probably worth it if you date a lot. (Although my friend uses it to run a phone sex business -- she can tell when it's a "customer" calling her fake number instead of a friend calling her real number, so she can ignor the customer if she's out to dinner or something. Think I should consider phone sex? She makes a decent amount of cash doing it. Although I think I'd probably crack up and ruin the mood.

[pam76]

I agree with Tyger, I think a safety thread is a good idea. You could talk about all those great tips for dealing with crime, like when somebody asks for your wallet, throw it as far away from you as you can, then run in the opposite direction. The idea is that the crook will be more interested in the money than you and will go after your wallet, and not bother chasing you. And you could post self-defense tips.

[auralpoison]

I don't give my digits out too freely, but if I think a cat has potential I go with the cell. If he's a psycho, I can always toss the number & get a new one, lickety split.

I've never made up a boyfriend, I just tell 'em to feck off. If somebody is really persistant, I give them the number for the Rejection Line. Polly, I've got my local shit memorized!

[bklynhermit]

you know, if i'm sure i'm not interested, i have no problem just saying, "actually, here's my email address..." or even "i'm sorry, but i'm just not interested." i even invent the occasional boyfriend if the number asker gets too insistent. i hate the notion that you HAVE to give out a number to be considered polite. fuck polite. i don't want to date you. we'll probably never see each other again. why should i compromise my feelings of safety so that you can feel like a player?

this probably comes from the same place in my hard, black little grinch heart that hangs up on telemarketers and blatantly ignores proselytizers and panhandlers in the subway. i figure i'm saving both of us a lot of time and energy.

if you do think you might maybe like the guy, though, that's more uncertain territory. you could play it cool and tell him that's an easier way to reach you when you give him your email address.

i wouldn't give someone my cell before my landline, though. if they're one of those over-persistent dudes, they can get in touch with you ALL the time. at least if it's the landline you can say you didn't get the message in time, etc.

[pollystyrene]

Cell phone # is probably somewhat safer that giving out your home number.

If you're not really interested in the guy, but don't feel comfortable saying no, you could always give out a number from the Rejection Hotline, if there's a number for your area.

[tyger]

i'd be for a safety in dating thread. sure, if it was vetted it'd have a witty title, but i'm all for making use of threads once they're here

[maimy]

AP, I tend to agree, but a safety in dating thread *could* go. I would have thought it a good idea if someone had vetted it.

Lilly, if this does get off the ground, it may be more general than strictly about phone numbers. That said, my own solution was always to ask the guy to give me his number. For me, that felt better, it allowed me to control first contact without all the annoying "Is he going to call?" bullshit, and it assured me that all MY pertinent information was safe until further notice. I don't even like giving out my email too freely.

[auralpoison]

First, Welcome to Bust, Lilly. Good Busting to you! Do stop by here & introduce yourself:
http://lounge.bust.com/discus/messages/19/340.html?1151294375

I do feel I should drop a bit o' science on you. This topic did not need it's own thread when it would have easily fit here: http://lounge.bust.com/discus/messages/15/37127.html?1151349680

We here at the Lounge are self-moderated & it gums up the works to have an extraneous thread like yours. Also, it's appreciated that you go here if you want to start a new thread to see if other Busties feel it's warranted:
http://lounge.bust.com/discus/messages/19/1700.html?1151258527

Just wanted you to have the 411. Have fun & I'm sure we all can't wait to get to know you & have you be a part of our little community.

[lillymarkman]

I'm new to New York and I'm definitely interested in dating. But I have a concern about giving out my phone number. I feel really lame when a guy says "Can I have your number?" and I pause like an overly paranoid geek. And I actually said to a guy, "Actually, can I just give you my e-mail?" and I felt like an ass. I'm just a little concerned about handing out my phone number. But how else am I going to connect with anybody? E-mail just seems so lame to me. Is giving out your cell number safer? What do the rest of you do?