[spot-on]

I'd love to see the article you wrote! (spotonmail at gmail dot com) I am so sick of people also saying "why do you need to workout? you're so thin" yeah but if I don't workout I'll lose my muscle mass and be all boney. "another salad, eat some real food" as they point to their fast food. Which is laughable considering real food is actually good whole foods that I already have on my plate thank you very much! It's true you can't win. And what's even sadder is that it's our female peers that usually do the comments! Why aren't we supporting each other?

Ladies, I'm floored by what so many of you are describing--the rude comments, the physical poking, etc. about weight and breasts. Mostly because over 2 years ago I wrote a blog about VERY similar things that have happened to me. I can't post it b/c I'm now trying to get published elsewhere, but for any regulars here who would be interested in reading it, I'd be more than happy to email to you directly if you want (also don't want to clog up the board with a full article).

I'm on one hand relieved to hear I'm not the only one who's experienced this bullshit. On the other hand, I'm disgusted that so many of us have experienced it & that it's such a common experience. WTF!!???

When you're thin and are seen eating healthy food or junk food, someone will likely say something. You can't win. I supposed it may, however, be the same if you're heavy--like people may smirk if you're eating "fatty" stuff: "No wonder she's fat" or eating a salad: "Good thing she's eating that salad." The difference seems to be that when you're thin, people say it to your face, while if you're heavy they just do it behind your back. Either is equally unacceptable.

[Aithinne]

karategrrl, if you're publishing it elsewhere on the net and that elsewhere is a place that other people can post comments to, let us know, because I will happily add my experience to back you up. Skinny-bashing and fat-bashing are the SAME thing and need to stop.

[karategrrl]

Ladies, I'm floored by what so many of you are describing--the rude comments, the physical poking, etc. about weight and breasts. Mostly because over 2 years ago I wrote a blog about VERY similar things that have happened to me. I can't post it b/c I'm now trying to get published elsewhere, but for any regulars here who would be interested in reading it, I'd be more than happy to email to you directly if you want (also don't want to clog up the board with a full article).

I'm on one hand relieved to hear I'm not the only one who's experienced this bullshit. On the other hand, I'm disgusted that so many of us have experienced it & that it's such a common experience. WTF!!???

When you're thin and are seen eating healthy food or junk food, someone will likely say something. You can't win. I supposed it may, however, be the same if you're heavy--like people may smirk if you're eating "fatty" stuff: "No wonder she's fat" or eating a salad: "Good thing she's eating that salad." The difference seems to be that when you're thin, people say it to your face, while if you're heavy they just do it behind your back. Either is equally unacceptable.

[anna k]

My aunt likes exercising a lot. I don't think I inspired her, she just wanted to know what my exercise habits were, but I didn't like that she would bring it up at the dinner table in front of family, it made me feel self-conscious.

I agree on focusing more on personal goals with working out rather than weight loss. It used to be weight loss, but now I focus on strength and being a better dancer. I'd like to be able to lift my own body in strength moves, have a strong core, and be more flexible. I especially like it if I can do an exercise DVD that is deemed advanced or hard, like a Budokon DVD or a kickboxing workout DVD based in MMA drills.

spot-on, those women are all gorgeous, and very intelligent and interesting people. I hardly watch porn, but I like them because of their interviews, and how Chloe and Belladonna can seem like sex educators besides being porn stars, like Nina Hartley is, who gave great advice in an old interview about knowing your own body, and not to put all the blame on your lover if they're not getting you off, to figure it out yourself.

[Aithinne]

I know what you guys mean about eating habits. I don't eat a lot of chocolate because I simply do not like it that much. Don't drink pop because it makes me feel bloated and uncomfortable, plus it gives me this weird slick+frictiony feeling on my teeth- idk, I can't describe it. Don't like fast food but once in a rare moon, because it just makes me feel blah. I just like healthier foods more because they taste better to me. And I hate getting dirty looks at restaurants when I order a dinner sized salad. First of all, some of those salads can be huge. Second of all, sometimes I just want a friggin salad, okay?!

On porn stars, the small breasted women in porn I've seen are mostly in the 'teen' or 'barely legal' category. Which kind of peeves and annoys me. Where's the demographic for adult women with small breasts? Grr.. but then again, I have a pedo fear due to my smallies, young-looking face, and 'cuteness' (ugh..gag).

[spot-on]

Exactly. My aunt is a sweetheart, but can sometimes be superficial, and compliments me a lot on my looks. I just saw her this week, and she practically gasped when I took off my coat, saying how thin I was. I'm not fat, but I'm not really skinny either, and it made me feel self-conscious. At the dinner table in front of family, she would ask me how many times a week I went to the gym, saying I toned up, how much weight did I lose, and how nice my skin and hair was. It felt very uncomfortable, partly because I'm so used to myself that it doesn't feel remarkable, and not liking to be picked apart by anyone. I don't like commenting on anyone's body, negatively or postively, and when I see women at the gym who look really good, I praise their strength, like a woman who used heavy weights in a strength training class or another woman who could do these complicated push-ups. But it makes me feel uncomfortable if someone says how small I am, how I lost so much weight, or just "awwing" over my "transformation."

I know of some famous female porn stars with small breasts, like Chloe, Belladonna, and Aurora Snow. They are petite women, and implants wouldn't look right on them.

Anna I agree with you wholeheartedly, but maybe you just inspired your aunt and she was looking for advice? Or she was just genuinely proud of you? I have to agree on the workout praise though, for me it's always been personal goals rather than weight loss that gives me incentive to workout. Doing more push ups or most recently doing p90X (finally completely Ab Ripper all the way through without resting). I am more inspired to workout for me own personal workout goals than to lose weight, or look a certain way. Knowing that our bodies are stronger makes the mind stronger I think.

Off to google the other women you listed

[spot-on]

Edie, she's gorgeous and definitely not far off my body size (something to aspire to!). She has a smaller waist than me though for sure. Anyone wondering what her stats are? Googled and found her stats: 5'7" 121lbs 32B. That makes her and Sasha the same boob size. Though by 'looking' I'd say Stoya was slightly smaller? I'd say I'm in between both of them body wise. I think like all women it depends on their TOM as to their boobage. Both of them are pretty darn hot IMO. Now I am motivate to lose that extra 5lbs and work on my waist!

Remember a 32B is equivalent to a 34A, iff you go up band size, you go down a cup size, and conversely if you go down a band size you're supposed to go up a cup size. If 34A fits cup size, but loose band, that SHOULD make me a 32B right? I really need to get out and try a 32B bra on.

[anna k]

I just flat out don't understand how people think it's okay to talk about anyone's weight... talk about rude. I mean, unless you know the person well, how do you know what their food intake is like, or how much they exercise, etc etc. It's like people don't have any manners anymore.

Exactly. My aunt is a sweetheart, but can sometimes be superficial, and compliments me a lot on my looks. I just saw her this week, and she practically gasped when I took off my coat, saying how thin I was. I'm not fat, but I'm not really skinny either, and it made me feel self-conscious. At the dinner table in front of family, she would ask me how many times a week I went to the gym, saying I toned up, how much weight did I lose, and how nice my skin and hair was. It felt very uncomfortable, partly because I'm so used to myself that it doesn't feel remarkable, and not liking to be picked apart by anyone. I don't like commenting on anyone's body, negatively or postively, and when I see women at the gym who look really good, I praise their strength, like a woman who used heavy weights in a strength training class or another woman who could do these complicated push-ups. But it makes me feel uncomfortable if someone says how small I am, how I lost so much weight, or just "awwing" over my "transformation."

I know of some famous female porn stars with small breasts, like Chloe, Belladonna, and Aurora Snow. They are petite women, and implants wouldn't look right on them. I think Sasha is very intelligent and self-aware, but can also come off as pretentious or standoffish in interviews.

I used to wear stockings under my pants during the winter, and they felt good, except for when the elastic band would stick out over my pants if I lifted my shirt off. But I liked the right corset-like feeling of the stockings and how my pants could hang lower.

[spot-on]

re: Sasha Grey. I think breast size is subjective. We're all saying we're either like Sasha Grey, or smaller, when we had no basis of what size she is just our own opinions based on how she looks, and like Strongirl mentioned we see more flaws on ourselves. I just searched google and according to her 'model' stats she's 5'6", 105 lbs and a 32B. I think she looks pretty hot, athletic and muscular rather than skinny. According to VS bra measuring I should be a 32B, now all I need to do to look like her is grow 2" in height and lose 15lbs!

KarateGrrl is love this: "Yes, a few thousand dollars can buy me big, fake boobs, but all the money in the world can't make you NOT an asshole." I AM the kind of woman that would use this if someone was really getting on my nerves with the whole "you have a flat chest" comments. I hate that too, nope I don't have a flat chest. See these jiggly things here, they are boobs. Sure I'm no Pam Anderson, but then neither is she considering those jumblies are fake!

Enfermera - when I was younger I got the 'disgustingly thin" comments, even "you make me sick!" seriously? Is it my fault I worked for this body and am considerably hotter than you? Cos you know that's the problem! They are usually jealous. That's my experience anyway. I've never had many female friends because of this. I eat like a horse, 5 meals a day and I don't eat chocolate either. It gives me headaches. occassionally (birthdays etc) I'll eat some choc cake or something but I can happily live without it. I don't drink soda either not because of the calories but because it's full of crap. My body is my work, I look after it, I want it to be at it's prime for a great many years to come!
I also agree about bra shopping, so dependant on lots of things not just OUR boobs. Different manufacturers, different bra styles both change my size, let alone my own TOM. Right now I don't buy anything unless I try it on first. Just not worth the hassle.

Treehugger - that's where I was last Dec. 30lbs overweight with some nice boobage going on. Filling a 34B quite nicely. Lost 25lbs and lost the boobs. I get more looks now, more attention and I think I look much better now. Not that I need the male attention (happily married) but it's nice to be appreciated

Buttercups - you know what makes a woman attractive? not looks, not a great body, not boobs... CONFIDENCE. If you are happy with your own body then you will become attractive. beauty as they say is only skin deep. If you're happy and confident with yourself that will shine through. At 25lbs overweight I wasn't happy, it showed. Smaller body AND smaller boobs and I am more confident now.

As an aside I thought I'd share this...
When I was heavier and bigger boobed (34nearlyB) I mostly wore sports bras, or bralettes, going for comfort. I literally owned 1-2 nice bra's which I wore rarely. Since losing the weight and boosting my confidence, I buy underwear regularly, my size has changed, I buy maybe monthly. I wear proper bra's daily. I want to feel nicer for myself. This is the way I was meant to be @ 120lbs. I feel smoking hot. I have mostly molded cups, but one of the bra's is a padded push up for an extra boost when I need it. I've bought pretty much a whole new wardrobe (all thrifted) and 2 weeks ago we went out for dinner with friends. I wore a top with no sleeves, boob tube type with a halter neck support. I had a strapless bra under, 34A. NO WAY a year ago I would've worn that, now I feel more confident wearing it, sure the size 3 jeans and make up helped Sexiness isn't about boobs it's a state of mind.

[edie52]

Yeah, it's funny, I've never thought of Sasha as small-breasted- more just natural and average sized. Which I guess is small for porn. Obviously, we have a variety of bodies on this thread- which is great! We should try not to become resentful towards each other, as some of you described happening on other boards.

Here's a famous porn star who is small by my standards (meaning "around my size" I guess) and gorgeous:

Stoya
Stoya2

She's extremely popular, from what I've gathered. Never seen her in action though.

Oh, and I definitely get the skinny/disgusting comments occasionally. It hurts because I do think of my body as natural and healthy, and at the same time I'm struggling to accept it in its natural state. Those comments kind of tear all of that down. Someone commented on Jezebel that "the thought of someone who is 5'10" and 120 lbs makes me wanna puke." I don't think it would be acceptable to say that about any other body type or feature (except maybe excessive plastic surgery). I know that I'm underweight, and I have lost over 10 pounds in that past few years (used to always be between 130 and 135- now I'm 120) and I don't know how that happened. I'd like to try to gain it back, but I seriously don't know how.

[treehugger]

Yeah-my boobs are about the same as Sasha Greys-but only because I'm like 30 pounds overweight. If I were my ideal weight, they'd be about half as large as hers. It's a double edged sword, but I think I'd rather be close to my ideal weight and take the smaller chest. It's just as hard to find a bra when you're a 38-39 B. I was a lot happier when I weighed 120, even with my 34 a's.

[buttercups]

Don't worry nbdx0645, she's nowhere near my size either- I'm a hundred times smaller. I guess my problem is that I wouldn't mind having small boobs, I just want some boobs. If I could fill an A cup I feel like I would be happy with myself, but I guess you never know. Maybe if I was a full A cup I would feel like that wasn't big enough the way society is today. But I feel like I'm not greedy, I just want something up there..

[nbdx0645]

I have the same problem, enfermera. The only bras in the women's section that may have a chance of fitting me are chock-full of padding. I've also had my fair share of the "GOD you're so skinny" "OMG do you eat?" Another thing that bothers me is that the people saying it will actually touch my body. Like my wrists, or my waist. Or they'll poke my arm. I don't know how to take the comments. Some people do mean well, and they think that it's what everybody wants to hear. It's hard to figure out what to say. I think if you're really close to them, you could say that it can be difficult to hear about your size. I also hate chocolate (it makes me really thirsty) but some coworkers think I hate it because I'll make me gain weight. Meh.

I looked up Sasha online and I was hoping she'd be closer to my size. Still, anybody who says 'natural is best' has my vote.

[enfermera]

i just thought i'd commiserate a bit about the difficulty of finding well-fitting bras. target (i know, target, but it's where i was) probably has a 32A in one out of maybe five styles, and only two total in the styles that come in pretty colors and patterns. one of those had a fist sized wad of padding, and the other didn't fit--weird underwires that poked into my sternum, and cups that gapped. i know it's melodramatic, but i usually end up feeling discriminated against after bra shopping. i can find a few pretty designs in small sizes online, but i'm so hesitant to buy one without trying it on!

i get occasional comments at work (presented somewhat lightheartedly) about how "disgusting" it is that i'm so thin. disgusting! i can't imagine another physical aspect that people would use that word to describe when they're just teasing. but what i get much more frequently is comments about what i'm eating. for whatever reason, i tend to be self-couscious about my food choices. i eat a lot, i often try to eat relatively healthy but i like junk food as much as the next person. but it seems like no matter WHAT i eat, someone wants to comment on it--either about how i eat so healthy and how "good" i am, or about how they can't BELIEVE i would eat that--i NEVER eat junk food. i can't ever figure out what kind of response they are expecting to these comments, but it makes me want to snap or be sarcastic.

[buttercups]

Hmmm Sasha Grey has much bigger boobies than me, so if you've got her body I say rock on! I think she looks totally hot I would love to look like that!

As far as people commenting on weight goes, it's like people do think its ok to say whatever they want to you if your body type is on the small side. I wouldn't dare say the things to people that they have said to me- about my breasts or just about me being smaller than 99.9% of the population in general. Even now in my mid-twenties people will ALWAYS comment something about my size, ALWAYS. I guess I've gotten used to being the smallest girl everywhere, but it kills me to think that if people hadn't commented so negatively on my body in my younger years than maybe my self-esteem would not be complete crap. It just really angers me that maybe all that pain could have been prevented if people had just kept their mouths shut. I remember being in school and being so happy, never thinking anything was wrong with my appearance, until people began making comments about how I must have an eating disorder or how I must have to buy bras at the baby gap (that comment was from someone when i was in college mind you).

Karategrrl I really love what your friend's daughter said, so much insight for someone so young, she is absolutely right!

[karategrrl]

spot on, loved your comments, esp. about responses to getting implants! Might I add one to the list:
(Most effective if said very matter-of-factly) "Yes, a few thousand dollars can buy me big, fake boobs, but all the money in the world can't make you NOT an asshole." I haven't actually used this but would love to. Please, anyone, feel free to try it out and let us know how it works!

Aithinne:
"I think we as a people need to start being nicer to each other, nicer to ourselves too. Maybe then we wouldn't need small breast support groups, or have eating disorders, or as many suicides.."

Well said, sistah, well said. The fact that people think it's OK to bring up thinness/fatness when it's not okay to do so about race/big noses, etc. is something I find constantly intriguing. In the end, people who say such crap are really indirectly making a much bigger statement about dissatisfaction with themselves. My friend's 7-year-old daughter put it perfectly: "When you point your finger at someone else, you're really pointing 3 at yourself."

Haven't heard of Sasha Grey but now I'm intrigued. Will look her up.

[spot-on]

Spot-on - I know what you mean about eating. It's a little embarrassing but I eat quite a lot more than my bf who is a big strapping guy, and my ex-husband who is an average size guy and a triathlete. I have a high metabolism and I love exercise and run at least 3 miles daily. I don't eat junk but I eat a lot of good healthy food. You do have to feed the machine! I think people who consider themselves "fat" sometimes look at people like us and assume we are lean due to self-denial and "discipline", and then further assume that we look down on them as lacking discipline. I don't judge others that way EVER but I think that sometimes people lash out at thinner people because they assume we do.

Totally agree! I eat a lot, probably more than my DH and he's almost twice my weight. But like you it's all good healthy food, I just feel better for it. If I eat poorly I feel sluggish and with my job I can't afford that. The thing is if you eat good food your metabolism increases so for people like us it's a continuous healthy cycle. I have hereditary health issues so I am determined to live as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

[spot-on]

strongirl, haven't seen any films with her in and hadn't heard of her, but just did a google search and yep she has my body too. Good for her for not getting implants, but from what I can tell implants are no longer pushed on porn 'actresses' anymore as men want natural. There are supposedly a few small chested porn stars refusing implants, and they are quite successful. Though their definition of small and mine seem to differ. I like that a smallie is successful in a sex industry but I like actresses like Olivia Wilde better. She was smokin in a film we watched a couple of weeks ago.

[strongirl]

OK, so here's a weird question:

I know most of you dislike porn (and I dislike most of it) but there's this porn actress, Sasha Grey, and based on what little I know of her, she's intriguing. She's one of the most successful porn stars of the past few years and I can't quite figure out what to make of her - she does extreme hardcore stuff but she's very articulate and bright, considers herself a feminist, and refuses to get implants. My bf and I watched a mainstream film starring her, "The Girlfriend Experience", and he thinks her body looks like mine (of course, when I see her I don't see flaws but when I look in the mirror I do) but he's right that we're about the same size and figure type. She's not a Pam Anderson or Kim Kardashian, that's for sure! I haven't seen any of her porn and know very little about her, other than I watched some inflammatory and un-informative YouTube stuff from when she was on the Tyra Banks show.

Are any of you aware of her and what are your thoughts? I'm just intrigued by a successful porn star who's built like me, refuses to get implants, and calls herself a feminist. But before I call myself a fan, I want to know more, skeptic that I am.

[strongirl]

Y'all are so cool. The real reason I hang out in here at this point has nothing to do with breasts...it's just that it's rare to find people with such refreshing, intelligent, and insightful things to say, on any topic.

Karategrrl - I fell out laughing over the image of you whipping that chick with your tights!

Angie - "this is my body, it's out there, and if people can't handle it, they don't have to look." Totally!

Aithinne - "I think we as a people need to start being nicer to each other, nicer to ourselves too. Maybe then we wouldn't need small breast support groups, or have eating disorders, or as many suicides.." I think what you are talking about is simple kindness. And I enthusiastically agree with you!

Spot-on - I know what you mean about eating. It's a little embarrassing but I eat quite a lot more than my bf who is a big strapping guy, and my ex-husband who is an average size guy and a triathlete. I have a high metabolism and I love exercise and run at least 3 miles daily. I don't eat junk but I eat a lot of good healthy food. You do have to feed the machine! I think people who consider themselves "fat" sometimes look at people like us and assume we are lean due to self-denial and "discipline", and then further assume that we look down on them as lacking discipline. I don't judge others that way EVER but I think that sometimes people lash out at thinner people because they assume we do.

And I loved your mock conversation re. boobs - we should all try to memorize those lines for emergencies when we're caught in unexpected conversations with "idiots".