[Vendetta]

Hei there Knorl, i know that in the end i'll be just fine, i think i just had to hit the bottom since i've been freaking out about it the whole year. And the experience i had of having a bit of breast tissue was like stealing candy from a child. It was like, it's good, wasn't it? Now deal with it and give back all of those fancy things that don't fit you anymore! I'm a smart girl who was raised in good education and love and i feel ashamed enough of myself for feeling this way while there's so many real problems on another parts of my life. And so many good stuff happening at the same time as i'm studying photography as i was willing for and everything in my life is just getting better as time passes by. And i'm worried cause i don't have breasts? Go figure. It's just good to know i'm not alone in this. Did you ended up loving or just accepting yourself? It's a matter of time isn't it? I should focus on the good stuff in my life and appreciate, not hate, the beautiful breasts i photograph, even though they're not mine. Baci

[knorl05]

aw dear vendetta. it is amazing how our relationships can have such a profound affect on our self esteem.. both positively and negatively. it sounds like although your bf doesnt intend it to be, it happens to be the latter for you. i guess i've always been very fortunate that the guys i date dont really care that i've got little to barely-there breast tissue. they've always dug me for other things, namely my character. but i'm not going to pretend that i havent (and still do) use pads and silicon gel inserts.. i've got booty and thighs and i have always wanted my figure to feel more balanced. the way you describe how you tend to feel about your body, reminds me of my deeper body issues which have reflected the same sentiments. i guess, with age, i've come to not pay attention to such things as much. the water bras are just a normal part of my drobe now, and for the most part, i'm ok with that. i've never really wanted fake boobs, stuck inside of me, so thats not been an option for me. i think i'm doing pretty well as i am. so i'm not perfect.. oh the fuck well.. you know. not many people can say they honestly think they are, and those who do, as far as i'm concerned arent very interesting people anyway. in conclusion. this all comes down to your values, what is important to you.. independent of what anyone else thinks.

[Vendetta]

You're both absolutely right in everything you say. I've been a self-confident person almost my entire life and have been pretty happy with my appearance. That is what's bothering me now, how can my self image change this much in just about a year and had started because of a guy? I have to stop blaming him just because he has preferences and forgive him for the things he've said cause he didn't mean harm. He's a caring and loving person and would do just about anything for me. I think it just has been easier to blame him for feeling this way than to accept that i'm having a problem myself.
My breast stopped growing when i was 12 years old and i still wear the same size my first bra was. I've never been ashamed of that and allways tried to focus on my good things. I didn't love my breasts, i just didn't thought of them. It's like when you're asleep and then you wake up. One day i noticed that i really didn't had those things that i was becoming so conscious of. Suddenly I looked consciously at another woman's breasts and thought "My God, those are so beautiful, it must be awesome to feel feminine and powerful that way". And then looked at myself. And then took a good look at those ultra padded bras and those huge silicone pads i use to wear. And started thinking of all the times i had to run into the bathroom to take those thing off first, just to go back noticeably smaller. Or all the times i felt so unconfortable with my high-maintenance "cleavage" and kept hiding myself from everyone to put the bra and the pads on their place. And i felt ridiculous and ashame of myself. And then i took those things off and noticed that i really don't have any breast tissue. And that being this skinny-with-no-hips-and-no-boobs just didn't felt right. Everyone takes me for an 18 year old girl, yet i drive a car, i live alone, i pay for my own bills. I'm a woman and i want so hard to feel like one. But then, i know i don't need boobs to feel womanly. I shouldn't need. Everytime i undress and look in the mirror i try to tell myself that my boyish torso has nothing to do with being or not a woman. I'll never feel the power of a cleavage, i'll never feel the weight of a bosum and i'll never have my boyfriend drooling at my chest. I don't have money for a boob job. Maybe someday i wil, but it will take a lot of time to have that money considerating that i have another priorities. I'm never going to love my chest as there isn't any, i just have to go back in time when i just accepted that. But this time, trying not to stuff myself to death in pads. Thank you for your replies, i think it has helped me a lot just being able to talk to someone that feels or had felt the same way i do. Baci

[Lotus0910]

Hi Ladies! I haven't been on in quite a while but I'm glad to see that you are all doing well.

Vendetta, I feel for you so much. Reading your story, I was transported back in time to a previous relationship. He was a breast guy, 100%. When he and I were together I absolutely hated the way I looked. I knew that he liked large chested women and I tortured myself with that fact. I would never let him see me with the lights on and always shied away from him touching my chest. I saw the way that he looked at large chested women and every time he did so I hated myself even more. When we had difficulty in the relationship I blamed it all on myself and convinced myself that every argument came down to me not being good enough for him. I seriously thought that if I had had larger breasts that our relationship would have worked.

Fast forward five years and here I am. Looking back I realize that if my small breasts weren't a big issue to him (as he assured me time and time again), I wouldn't have felt the way that I did. I, like you, have been in relationships with men where my breast size is a complete non-issue. So why is it different with this guy? Now, I am not in any way saying that he would be valid disliking your chest, nor am I saying that your insecurities are okay but the fact of the matter is this: A breast man is a breast man. He can't help what turns him on and maybe that's a sign that you should let him go be with someone who does. Any man who truly loved you for you would not need to be told not to ogle other women in front of you or make comments about their breasts. Especially when he knows how much it bothers you. Knorl is right about needing to talk to someone, but more importantly I think you need to examine your relationship. And as far as getting that boob job, I say that you should do what you feel is right but please talk to someone first. Who's to say that after you get a boob job that you won't fixate on another part of your body? Or that his comments about other women will stop? And if they do, why should you have to change yourself to fit his standard of beauty? Doesn't that bother you? Think about it: Would you want him top change the way he looks or do you love him just the way that he is? If you need to change the way that you look to satisfy him that is a conditional love. Maybe you're better off on your own and loving your self. Once you have gained love and respect for your own body, you will be able to distinguish those who really love the person that you are from those who love pieces of you.

Looking back now I realize that my low self esteem was what kept me in that relationship for so long trying continually to please him. Guess what? After me he dated a woman who was a DD and his eye was still wandering and to this day he has never been truly satisfied. Me? I love my self and am happily single. I am a beautiful, intelligent, unique individual and I will not settle for someone who is less than I deserve. My breasts are still an A cup, but if that's not good enough for some guy, then he isn't good enough for me. There are plenty of men out there who find small chested women beautiful, and more importantly, men who don't focus on physical aspects when choosing a mate. But honey, no one can love you until you love yourself.

[knorl05]

vendetta: considering this aspect of whom you are constructs such a large part of your self esteem/perception, i would suggest you look into therapy. it is very upsetting to read that so much of your life is affected by your breast size.
i would also like to point out that although you have a very negative opinion of your breasts, it would be respectful of other smaller breasted busties to refain from using such phrases as "flat chested". derogatory terms such as these carry very harmful connotations, and our intent here is to challenge the erroneous messages and labels we hear, not encourage them.
if you continue to feel this low over your physical appearance, eventually you will push your boyfriend away. i dont know your boyfriend, but it's asking a lot of him to continue reassuring you that you are beautiful when you dont believe him. just imagine if he were painfully ashamed of his penis size, and constantly looked to you for reassurance that you find him attractive. after a while, after so much time of trying to convince him you find him appealing, you'd eventually move onto someone who didnt have so many hang ups. not because you dont love him, but because it is mentally and emotionally draining to have to maintain that role in a relationship.
other busties may not agree with this bit of advice i'm about to give, but oh well. the way i see it is if you feel your happiness rests in how large or how small your breasts are.... get them done. if your self image is so deeply affected by the size of your breasts, change them. but if you feel you can be happy -or if you'd like to be happy - with your body as it is, work on loving and accepting yourself just as you are. that includes to stop telling yourself you are ugly, worthless, or otherwise inferior to women with larger breasts.

[Vendetta]

Allright, I just need to talk / write to someone, even if it's a small breast support group! I know that no one wants to listen to this crap, i've lost my best friend on past year and since then i feel like i'm gonna blow sometimes. I've allways had a flat-chest, like a 32 A or AA, i don't even know.. i just pop into a chinese store and get the smallest and more padded bra i find. I don't even dream going braless as i'd look boyish and ridiculous.
I'm 23 years old and even though i always wanted to have breasts and faked them in all possible ways ever, i never really thought of it that seriously. Not until i started dating my actual boyfriend, for about a year. I know he loves me to death and likes my boobs and he wants me to believe there's really not a problem that i have them so small but.. He's a breast-man, he's obsessed about big boobs. He has never had a small-breasted girl before me as he says small breasts didn't attracted him. He even told me it was "funny" to be with me for the first time. I guess he can't imagine how it hurts to know that, yet i told him.
At the begining i just felt jealous everytime a boobed girl passed by or when we were watching some movie. I'm bisexual so i am really atractted to girls too and never had problems talking sexually about one or another. I dated a guy for 3 years and we used to go to this fancy strip club and never even thought about my breasts with him. Now with this guy, i had to ask him not to comment about other girls as a respect for my feelings.
I started an acne treatment about April this year (that worked perfectly) and the dermathologist changed my BC pill. After a month i went on a pregnancy test as my boobs were so full. Negative, thank god, it was just the pill. I think you can imagine my happiness, it seemed my whole life had changed. I started being able to wear a small cleavage (still with padded bras and silicone pads, but it worked!). They were pretty painful but i didn't care. My boyfriend started looking more at them and i was feeling really sexy. Even summer felt better. But then, they shrank. So i'm dealing with a flat-chest again and crying everytime i pick a sexy bra or t-shirt i impulsively bought at that time. Worst, i've lost all my dignity and have cried in front of my boyfriend almost everyday for the past week. He has been a bit patient as i can't ask him to be more comprehensive. Is his head, i believe he likes my breasts as he loves me for what i am and for the whole package, but in my head, he has never looked at them again as he used to on the BC pill. I'm depressed. Crying everyday for something like this, i call it depression.
I dream about him getting turned on by just looking at my breasts, i dream about feeling womanly, i dream about having a cleavage and i dream about not wearing super padded bras and silicone pads just to feel and look normal. I am trying to get rid of those ridiculous bras but i just can't. Until then, i just cry.

[Vendetta]

Hi there, i'm new here. I've been reading you and I can relate, so much..

[modegirl]

hi ladies!
i too often relate to the "almost cleavage". i havent' checked in here for awhile, but wanted to add a bit to what's being written here.

dj-biz: i have for most of my life so with you on the "i just want to know what it feels like" bit that you wrote. i finally got to know what it feels like because last year i had my first baby and decided to breastfeed. 24 hours after you give birth your breasts swell up big and hard. (yes i know!) and within a few weeks i couldn't believe that i, who has most of my life pretty much been a 34AA blew up to a 34b-c. after the initial few weeks, i lost my post baby stomach and i couldn't stop staring at my new big boobs! the weird thing is they were also big and firm like a boob job. the only thing is i was so busy with trying to feed baby with them that the last thing i was thinking about was how to showcase these things. also, i found out that women with boobs have to figure out what to do with them. once i was lying on my side and then i tried to roll onto my front and my boob got caught under my arm! i never learned to deal with these things....

anyways, i stopped breastfeeding about 2 months ago, and my boobies are pretty much exactly as they were before. i was glad to have gone there, but i wished i had kept a bit, like gone to a A cup! my husband said he's happy that the old me is back (he doesn't really care for large ones anyways) because many women, even tiny-boobed ones can get "mudflaps" after breastfeeding. oh dear, what's worse than tiny ones? tiny saggies, that's what. but i am glad to have experienced it, and strangely, i'm less enamored of having big ones than i ever have.

just my experience, and might not impact anything, but i feel sure that we're all so loaded up with the message of "if it's not all that important, why is it always so important?". i did experience it for a while, and never more have i ever felt that i wish i could have boobs only temporarily for those cleavage outfits. otherwise, they are pretty inconvenient.

[Tan Princess]

You can get padded workout bras from figleaves: http://www.figleaves.com/uk/product.asp?pr...07+12%3A02%3A16

[dj-bizmonkey]

'almost cleavage,' now there is a phrase i have heard and uttered all too often!

[edie52]

Oh yeah, halter-style is great for creating almost-cleavage, I've found.

[dj-bizmonkey]

if only we had H&M here in the dirty south! sigh. i've always thought that i was a 34A, and generally that size fits. i wish i could work up the courage to just have the old biddies at the department store measure me. though i don't necessarily trust them either (one lady gave me the up and down and said i was a 36B, what i wouldn't do to be a B-cup!!!).

i actually bought some cute bras from the hated and despised victoria's secret, but they are an italian brand. they had one kind that can be worn as a halter style as well, i love love love it.

[edie52]

Dj, I just bought one at H&M- underwire, sheer lace cups, zero padding, in black (36A). However it's only for the week before my period because I'm not really an A cup any other time. I bought a 34A bra a little white ago and then realized that while the cups fit, the band size is too small and leaving serious marks on my skin. Which means I'm actually a 36AA, probably.

[dj-bizmonkey]

it totally freaks me out to see 'training' bras that are padded. i mean, my god, it's a training bra, it's for right at the beginning of your development. if you are wearing a training bra, you shouldn't be worried about the size of your breasts because you shouldn't even be concerned with being sexually attractive yet. sheesh!

i've said it before in here, but it makes me absolutely INSANO that i can't find an a-cup bra that isn't padded six way from sunday. one's with removeable pads are tolerable, i suppose. i'm not bashing all padded bras, but i would like to be able to make that choice for myself rather than be forced into by the manufacturer.

[Muffy]

I was on the GAP body website this morning and discovered they sell training bras, out of curiosity I wondered if they came in my size, there are days when underwire and padding make me feel like I've reverted to the times of corsets and I just don't care if my breasts don't look like a B cup. I had so much waterweight gain last month I was just wearing tank tops under my clothes, one benefit of being A, it don't matter if your wearing a bra... but I digress, turns out GAP Body does sell every size in A as a training bra and no underwire and lightly padded!!!! I may have to go and try one on now : D

[knorl05]

wow. dj biz. you were so right on with all of that. being honest with ourselves is essential to our well being, i have found. very very well said, thank you for your insight.

[dj-bizmonkey]

me four, karategrrl! i had my gyno put me on the highest estrogen dose that is legal under the law. i was on it for about three or four months. all it resulted in was marked mood swings and mild insanity. my boobies stayed exactly the same. waddyagonna do? for me, i'm dealing with genetics.

with all the fluctuations in my weight, i've never had an increase or decrease in my breast size. my fat goes straight to my ass, and lately it's been collecting around my stomach, which i HATE. i wouldn't mind having a little belly if i was more balanced out on top, but since my bottom half is so heavy (in a good way) i really like having a thin torso so i don't end up looking like a log. sigh.

i feel you on the cleavage thing though, sometimes i just want to know what it feels like. maybe i'll try a water bra or something. just the feeling of weight. i kinda get a kick out of how they bounce when i run. sometimes i'll just jiggle in front of the mirror to get a laugh. is that weird? probably.

i'm with you on staying positive, no one, not even so-called perfect looking actresses and models are totally happy with the way they look (except for maybe linda evangelista, but whatever). it's important to compliment yourself, outloud or in your head. it reminds me of that campy, physics movie called 'what the bleep do we know.' there is a whole section about perception being reality and if you change your perception, you can actually change the structure of the tiny particles of the universe. there's that one scene where the woman is looking in the mirror, thinking that she's fat and her thighs keep expanding. i know it sounds kind of silly, but i think if you keep affirming what is beautiful about you, those things will become more apparent. ok, so maybe it's a little over the top to think that by talking to your stomach it will magically be thinner, but seeing it as beautiful will help you psychologically, and hey, it can't hurt, it might help, right?!

as to what you posted knorl: in terms of widely accepted beliefs and norms influencing even the enlightened, more open thinkers, abso-fucking-lutely friend! all human beings have the desire to be accepted and loved by other human beings. it's very basic to our nature. we're a social species and no one enjoys being a total outcasts. even freaks and outliers get together with other freaks and outliers. the truly rejected, anti-social people are the kind that go shooting up schools and malls (case in point what just happened in Nebraska). so i think that no matter how much we know logically that these standards for our bodies are ridiculous and that they are set by some unknown force that wishes to make money off us by selling us make up, plastic surgery and expensive clothes, despite our knowledge and understanding of those mechanisms, deep down, we still want to be accepted by the general population. nobody likes rejection. i don't care how cool and counter-culture you are. underneath all of that tough, free-thinking exterior is still a human being hoping to be loved by the people around her/him. in order to combat this innate desire, you have to satiate it in a different way, i.e. by focusing on the positive aspects of your body and recognizing the people in your life that do love and accept you. that's why it is so validating when you have a significant other tell you that you're beautiful or that he/she loves your breasts. of course, we want to love and accept ourselves without the affirmations of others, and no one can truly love you until you can love yourself, but those kinds of affirmations are essential to our mental well-being. they satisfy the desire to be accepted. it's lonely out there on the fringe, that's no reason to adopt a cookie-cutter personality/lifestyle, but next time you are feeling tough and bold, thinking you've risen above all of this bullshit, it's important to mentally check yourself. 'I am still a human being. I am still yearning for love and acceptance. I will not achieve this love and acceptance by sacrificing my values or beliefs. I will find others that value the same thing. These people will form my community and provide me with the support I need.'

that's why BUST is so fantastic and why i love having all you ladies out there for me. we're on the same page, for the most part, and we've created a positive and accepting community outside the status quo.

whew. blah blah blah blah. i guess i had a lot to say on that subject.

small-breasted hotties, holla back!

[karategrrl]

karategrrl, you can consider me the 2nd woman in the world to not experience breast size increase on birth control pills *waves hand in the air frantically*

Thanks, guys, for giving me a good laugh! Yah, like, somehwere during the 2nd week of my going on the pill, I swear my breasts grew--a LITTLE. I started getting all excited, trying on my lingerie that I never quite filled out, dreaming of my breasts to come, wondering why on Earth I didn't think of this sooner...then, just as quickly as they had swelled up, they deflated once again. DANG IT!

When my gyno asked me how the birth control was going, I told him it was great except for no breast growth, and he jokingly said, "Well, I could double your dosage!" Even if he wasn't kidding, no thanks--I don't want crazy mood swings or blood clots.

When I get down, I try and think of all my features I DO like. And, of course, I remember to be grateful to be healthy, to have my hearing, sight, all my limbs, no serious medical issues. I try to remember that there are tons of folks out there who would give anything to be a healthy 30-something with a small chest.

Love you guys!!

[edie52]

Oh, yeah, me three. I think they got a little bigger, but I gained more weight in my upper arms, stomach, and face, so it wasn't noticeable. I had my hopes beforehand, but no dice.

[anonymoose96]

karategrrl, you can consider me the 2nd woman in the world to not experience breast size increase on birth control pills *waves hand in the air frantically*