[funk0039]

Hello,

If it helps any, I can tell you quite a lot about the effects of antidepressants, because I am taking them myself. Unfortunately, there is a reality to this that most people don't know about. All the pills do is take the edge off depression, like aspirin does for pain. You are STILL bummed out, but it's easier to respond to therapy. Ultimately the only real way to feel better about yourself is to change how you are thinking. You've got to shift your perspective on a fundamental nature. I'm sorry, but there's no magic bullet, and it takes a MINIMUM of 3 weeks on any dosage to see results, for me it's usually a month.

What I'd concentrate on is trying to make your life better. You have to also set yourself up for good things to maybe happen in the future, even though it's not guaranteed to work. For example, I know darn well that going back to school isn't going to fix things, but it might help me feel more productive and help me meet people. So, I'm trying to get my academic school year 2000-2001 deleted, and then I'm going to transfer my remaining grades to another college and begin part time classes. If I start slow I can hopefully deal with any problems that might arise from the stress. But, I don't know that the college board will approve my desire, so all I can do is hope.

Try doing little things at first, like making sure your home is tidy and clean, or if you can't do that maybe force yourself to do something to stay healthy, like taking a shower and going for a walk when the depression gets bad. Often, it helps me to be near people, to interact with them because it provides me a mirror. This lets me realize I'm really not such a bad guy, that how I'm thinking is an illusion.

I really hope this helps!

[mornington]

Damona - what star said; at least three weeks for it to kick in, if you're not seeing any change after six (or a negative change earlier), then go back to his doc. Fingers crossed for the little guy!

Star, prozac is prescribed for anxiety here in the uk, it seems like a "starter" drug almost (as in if it doesn't work, try something else, but it's pretty tried-and-tested safe).

[neurotic.nelly]

thanks stargazer, i hate anxiety, and owning up to behavior is what i try to do, and I did that as best I could with the lady, but she basically ignored me. she is kinda near baby boomer age and really obnoxious, loud, and self absorbed, i got that about her, and tried to steer clear of her, and I nearly did. everyday I get away from it, I feel better. today is day four!

[stargazer]

damona, i have no experience with prozac. but, it generally takes 3-4 weeks with any medication to see any changes in behavior. that being said, if you do not find the medication helpful, then let the doc know. on a side note, prozac is used mainly for depression. i'm surprised they did not prescribe a different med for his anxiety. keeping my fingers cross the meds work for him!

neurotic.nelly-yeah, my anxiety makes me snippy with others too. you can't beat yourself too much over it. i would talk to the person you cut off, own up to the behavior, and move on. that's all you have control over. in the past year, with my stress level, i know i've reacted in ways i'm not happy about.

[neurotic.nelly]

((((polly)))) ((((depressed busties))))
I got into a bit of an argument with two older women at work, it was in a group setting, my anxiety reared it's ugly, dormant head and I completely cut one of them off after she had cut me off three times, to tell her that I didn't want to talk about this anymore - I said this and nearly bit the trainers head off along with the other lady. The day ended on a fairly upbeat note, and I am so proud of myself for sticking it out, because I just wanted to jet after that situation and stick my head in the dirt. But now, I am in the hole. Why, why, why??? am I still thinking about it, and totally beating myself up?? Because now, now, now, people are going to talk. About me, and how mean I am. And I am struggling with low self esteem again as a result of this... I have tried really hard not to let this kick me in the hole. But, it did.

[damona]

((((polly)))) i have had those days. frequently. my house is a disaster and at the moment, i just don't care.

ok, question for everyone: my almost 10 yr old son was just started on prozac for anxiety. he's been pulling his hair out (he has a bald spot from it), picking at his cuticles til they bleed, and he is just generally highstrung and tightly wound. he's on 10mg a day. how long, on average, does it take to kick in and start helping to calm the nerves? i know what the literature says, and i took zoloft for post-partum depression after #3, but i have no experiance with prozac. anyone?

[lananans]

((polly)) I have days like that too, where everything just seems completely insurmountable, but they pass. You will be okay, and you have us to talk to!

I was wondering - is anyone here on Celexa? I was wondering if anyone knew about the relationship between Celexa and weight gain. Because I have gained 35lbs since starting it almost three years ago, and I thought that was just my eating habits... but I really didnt change them all that much. So I guess just out of curiosity, what are peoples experiences with Celexa? Also has anyone ever tried to get off of it? I have, once, but I was too freaked out about it and just ended up going back on the meds.

[mornington]

((((polly)))) room for a third?

[stargazer]

(((polly))) i will come hide under the covers with you.

[pollystyrene]

Ugh, I'm having one of those nights and I don't want to bring everybody in kvetch down.

My house is a mess. Every time I get the smallest bit of motivation to clean or organize something, I realize I can't do it until I clean/organize something else (i.e., can't put away all the stuff on the kitchen counter until I reorganize the cabinet most of it goes in....can't do that until I put all my spices into the spice rack LeMom got me for Christmas that I haven't even opened...no sense in doing that until I clean the other kitchen counter where the spice rack will go.........) Then I feel overwhelmed and paralyzed. And then I find myself back in front of the computer and nothing gets done.

LeBoy is getting on my nerves. Last night he bought $10/pound turkey lunch meat from this nice deli where he gets sandwiches for lunch sometimes. We don't have the money for $10/pound turkey. And yes, he bought a full pound. Then, tonight, he was watching some stupid TV show with the volume cranked up. I kept asking him to turn it down (I was in the kitchen making dinner) but he said he couldn't hear it because of the fan in the window. I stormed out. Now I'm too pissed to go back in there and watch The Office with him.

We're in financial hell. I haven't told LeBoy yet, but we got the bill for his biopsies and mole removal. They want $600. I don't think insurance paid very much. I think they thought it was a cosmetic procedure...um, no- removing "atypical" moles isn't cosmetic. The 1.5 inch scar on LeBoy's arm from the removal ain't doin' anything for his looks. Isn't it cheaper to remove them now than maybe pay for cancer treatment later?!?! He needs to contact them and set them straight. I haven't dealt with any of my own medical bills from my surgery in March.

I keep pressuring him to look for a new, better-paying job, but feel like I have no place to talk since I make less than he does and took a small pay cut for this job. Actually, after my raise, I'm making more than I was at any of my previous jobs, but it pretty much makes no difference because of how expensive everything is now. He hates his job and gets paid crap....um, time for a new one.

I know it's getting to a point where I should go back into therapy and maybe get on meds again. That just feels like another thing to add to my To Do list, though. And more money to spend. I wish my old therapist hadn't left the place I was going to. I don't want to start all over again with someone new. I guess after not seeing her for 4 years, though, I'd practically be starting over with her, anyway, though.

I just want to get under the covers with the kitty.

[stargazer]

can you taper down on your medication to see how you are feeling?? i tried going off my lexapro last Fall, only to have heart palpitations Feb. 2008. So, yeah, I needed the medication. After a week of being back on my meds, I was able to focus and sleep better. Good luck candy!

[starpiste]

I had success going off celexa about two years ago. I'm back on it again, and starting to think about going off in December (although that's a little risky with Christmas and all so who knows). I basically discuss with my doctor and therapist if they think I'm ready. Last time they thought I was ready before I did.

I tapered off 30mg pretty slowly. I think a month total. All my side-effects from the first few weeks on them returned, but nothing worse. It wasn't great, but it was ok. I also checked in with my doctor about a month later and was still seeing my therapist the whole time. I had a bit of a game plan in terms of what I was going to do to avoid back sliding right away. Like extra time for myself, getting into a gym routine, etc.

hmm. I think the defining thing for me was that I went onto meds because of situational things. I have a history of depression and anxiety, but have them generally controlled. I felt I was ready to go off the meds when I had worked through those situations and felt my previous coping strategies would be adequate. In hindsight, even though I have since relapsed, I don't think it was at all related to not being on the meds.

[candycane_girl]

Wow, it's been a while since I've been in here. I guess mainly because I haven't felt depressed for a long time. I don't feel depressed now but I do have a feeling that it's something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

sassy, I have to agree with what star said. As for the meditation thing, I know how difficult it can be to shut off your mind. I know that it's not meditation, but sometimes the one thing that clears my head is exercise. It's mainly because after cardio I lift weights and the only thing going through my mind is "breathe one, breathe two", etc. I just concentrate on my breathing and what number of rep I'm on.

Does anyone have any experience with going off of meds? I've been on Celexa for about two years. I think I'm ready to go off of it, I know that it's a long process (last year I went off, kind of against doctor's orders and ended up depressed all over again). I'm seeing my doctor on Friday to talk about it but I just wondered what everyone in here thinks.

[stargazer]

sassygrrl, dude, don't compare your life to someone else's cause you will eventually put yourself down on the list. you have a great relationship with mcgeek. so things didn't workout with some of the exes. some were good, some were horrible. maybe you just weren't ready for the good ones. doesn't matter. look at what is in front of you. i kinda have this belief that people, things, situations, whatever, come back into your life to help you learn from your past. it is always about learning and understanding yourself a little more.

i have zoya to thanks for reminding me the last part. i got stuck in the past and to focused with trying to control the outcome instead of just letting things happen. like with my current situation. it sucks balls not knowing how things will turn out. i know i am taking a major risk, but alot of good things have come out of my taking risks. that is why i know i make a good leader. nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[sassygrrl]

((depressed busties)))

I'm heading to a meditation workshop in a few weeks. I'm finding "seated meditation" extremely difficult, because I can't ever shut off my mind. I'm sure that's a common thing for people.

Depression dealing with the childhood memories. My parents keep asking if I went in the driveway. I said that I got to the driveway. My mother kept saying : WHAT?

Also still trying to deal with some ex boyfriend issues. Two have popped back up (as recently as today), and one IMed me about his family and his children. All I can respond to was that Mcgeek and I were getting a new puppy. I know it's not the same, but for us it's sort of a stepping stone. I think this serious college boyfriend was just checking up to wish me congrats on the engagement. It's just one of those were I have to release with some boyfriend demons. THEY'RE BACK!! Bleh.

Off to a nap.

[Muffy]

stargazer, I have the same problem of just sitting around thinking when I'm alone. Sometimes its good because I'm an artist, sometimes not so much because its like poison.

I practice yoga and mediation. Many times I have a hard time staying 'in the moment' and not thinking of anything when I practice. I agree its something that comes with time. I used to be pretty good at quieting my mind, not so much lately.

[stargazer]

in terms of meditation, it takes ALOT of practice to silence the mind. especially in the beginning. i would often find myself falling asleep. but, with yoga and practice, i find i am improving. i did a mindfulness weekend workshop recently and i was able to meditate for 30 minutes. however, i found that having someone facilitate the process helped me. so, i bought cds with someone talking me through the process which i found helpful.

keeping practicing with meditation!

sassy, childhood memories can bring a flood of emotions. i think it is great that you are allowing yourself to grieve the past. maybe with time when you see old familiar places, you won't be as sad as you are now. it takes time though.

as for me, i have waves of depression. still not sleeping well at times. trying to get a handle of things even when they feel out of control. it helps to visit with friends. it just sucks when i'm alone cause then i think. thinking is hazardous to my health.

[starpiste]

I'm trying to get into meditation but struggling with it. I used to do guided qigong when I was younger but it was guided by a family friend and in an environment I was used to. I find it really hard on my own. My counsellor recommended a book (The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness) It comes with a CD of guided meditations, which I think will help me a lot. That said, I just can't read it. I'm stuck on page 21. It's so depressing to read. Reading about how common relapse is and how every relapse makes another more likely is totally discouraging.

I am making progress with the councelling though. More than I have previously I think.

[sassygrrl]

Hi. So, I went back to my hometown last night to see Chris Issak. It was a very moving and emotional experience. Yes, the show was really good, but I kept thinking "Why the fuck does he have to play my hometown?" When we got on the street I used to live on, I started sobbing. I got to the top of the driveway, and fell down. My therapist told me to gather some stones from emotional places/houses in my life as a therapy exercise. I just feel so shitty and blobish today. I think I've never really said goodbye to where I lived as a child. Cue the grief and the anger. My parents were also very emotional abusive, and never really said how they felt about anything. I was always the "emotional" daughter.

My self esteem is dwindling too. I keep thinking that employers are going to be upset that I broke my toe, and haven't worked in two months. I'm just going thru extreme bouts of depression and grief. I also understand the whole concept of looking awesome on paper, but inside feeling completely and utterly worthless. I hate feeling this way.

I am jan, I do agree with meditation. Also, writing helps wonders as well. I also really can relate to only feeling your true self when you're alone, and not around other people. It's almost as though I'm playing a part.



((everyone))

[i_am_jan]

Deluca: I really hope things are moving in a better direction for you. Your post really rang out to me, pretty much described my feelings as well. I wonder if being around your mom so much screwed things up for you. My mom was from an extremely abusive home, and the cycle continued (the physical never as bad as the emotional/mental abuse), she passed the abuse and her depression, anxiety, down to me, and I have a hard time being a good person at times. Because of living right beside her, mimicing her behavioral patterns from a very young age, there are things I can't get away from. And I don't like being me. I never liked my mom, and I can't say I like the daughter she created much, either. People like her shouldn't have kids. I don't. I always feel like I should take the good parts of me and salvage my life as best I can. But it's really, really hard to just be myself around others. Because of the abusive mom, I got into a pattern of never being myself/saying how I *really* feel about any little, tiny thing, as a defense mechanism, hiding my feelings/who I am, in order to just survive. I had to walk on eggshells. I had to be a fake person (ONLY a person who would not press a wrong button and piss someone off because they would hurt me bad. So now, even though I try so hard (as you say) to be the person I truly am, say the things I really, feel...the truth is, I can't even *FEEL* my true self around other people. I can only feel myself when I am alone. I can't say what's truly on my mind with other people. And they sense this. They don't trust me, don't understand me, most people don't like me. I come off as awkward and weird. Just wanted to say I know how you feel. The thing that helps me most is zen practice. Just trying to be in the moment as much as possible in order to BE the person I AM, right now, rather than constantly having that "alien" you refer to take me over. Boy do I know what that is all about. It's like knowing exactly what you need to do to change your behavior, knowing very well the person you are/how you feel and think about life/ but never being able to BE that person...because that "entity" (I believe mine is fear) autopilots my being and has for so long that it just kicks me out of the driver's seat. I also have a really hard time with relationships...I don't know how to handle any kind of confrontation or middle-ground with people...it's either I be completely agreeable with them or we don't get along/hang out at all, I have no mid-ground where I can feel comfortable, normal relationships are not in my schema. As far as offering anything positive, I can say meditation helps...practicing being in the moment helps. I can see it consistently improving me. But life without other people in it (not many people in my life) is not easy...not very fun many days either. I am always trying to just gather the patience to wait for the process to evolve me. (Patience...first step? I guess I can do that one little thing today.