[doxy]

I just think I'm too inept to date. But I hate not having options? Not being selfish, just busy: 2 jobs and 1 class with school (busy class, too, mind). I just wish there was someone with the same obstacles to date around them with. Being in the restaurant industry always seemed easy enough to find certain persons, but not in this town.
When I think about it, I know I'm not ready...but damn does being selfless suck.
Stargazer, wish you'd have made it to Decadence...would have been nice to have couple drinks over this sad topic of ours. Sorry for what you're going thru, though.

[knorl05]

i read something pretty depressing but realistic recently: most of our intimate relationships dont work out. how sad is that? makes me put things into perspective though. is the time spent with those we are choosing to date, really worth it? band dude apologized after i told him he was being a dick.. whenever i am the least bit pissy with him he's all cool with me. that's not what i want to deal with, i dont mind bein a bitch if the situation calls for it, but i dont want to have to be a bitch to keep a man in line. i'm not his fucking mom. these temporary relationships are just a distraction anyway.. i need to put my passion into things that will produce results. i think we can all benefit from a little me time, away from all reminders of some people's tendency toward being insensitive and thoughtless.

[jkat]

hey star, i've just read what you've been going through lately. that's so hard; i hope you're doing well. you def need this more than i do!

((((((((((((hugs for stargazer))))))))))))))

[itchyfeet]

no sir

[stargazer]

oh yeah, jkat. i've been needing that alot lately. hugs are great.

[jkat]

here's a being single frustration that just occurred to me: when you're awake at some ungodly hour (say, 4:30a.m.) because you've got a lot on your mind, and rather than get out of bed and go to your computer to pass time, you really just want someone you can wrap your arms around and forget about what's bugging you. grrrrrr

[stargazer]

knorl, it's tough when you come to that realization, but in a way it is also liberating. trust me, i still get nervous if a good guy liked me that i would fuck it up. but, that is just my own insecurity. a real man will be patient with me. and i know a man will treasure you and appreciate all you have to offer. don't sell yourself short.

[knorl05]

star: you know what's bizarre? i had never really thought about it like that before.. i've just always thought i was doing what i wanted to do when i wanted to do it. i mean i know i've had my issues and what not, but i guess i havent really considered the fact that i've just been selling myself short. since i been a grown up i've only kicked it on the booty level with a handful of guys. the ex was my main distraction, i kinda just thought we would always be together because we been through so much. but i finally came to the realization recently that i do not think we are meant for eachother because we wouldnt play such stupid games with eachother if we were. so time for me to decide what i want, deep down, really truly wholly.

[sixelacat]

gt, I gotta say, that's not such a bad place to be. I mean, not knowing how to navigate, it means you don't have any formulas to go by. You end up being a lot more yourself, which ultimately can be a lot more honest. Whether you end up with him or not, you only have your own feelings about what you want as a guide, not any outside expectations about what you should be doing/should have done. I would suggest just seeing where it goes, how deep the connection runs. It's not easy, by any means, but either you'll end up forging a relationship YOU want, or you'll know that this guy wasn't for you, specifically. If that makes any sense......

[girltrouble]

yeah, well, we have a pretty cool connection-- both artists, etc. so i do like him---

ok, so, the deal is, i've dated nothing but women. i've been with guys before, to be sure, but the whole dating thing....so the problem is that i really don't know how to navigate these waters.

hell, i don't even know if i want to be dating anyone.

[stargazer]

knorl, yeah, that sounds like my last year. not making smart choices, but just selling myself out. so, i've stopped that. you really need to be with a man who will want the whole package. because you deserve it. remember that. i can totally understand the sexual frustration part. but, after realizing you are not the love 'em and leave 'em type eventually gets to you. i mean, it got to me. you'll realize those booty calls won't wash away your longing and desires for something real.

gt, yeah, i don't like too much flattery. seems a little too smooth. one of the dislikes of owen wilson. oh, and that's a red flag for me with boys who like him. a smooth talker who can talk any women into doing anything he likes and then acts all ambivalent with them. losers. i agree with knorl...he seems like a player.

[knorl05]

follow your gut.. it probably is a game. besides if ur not really into him, whats the point?

[girltrouble]

there is a guy who has a crush on me, he constantly complementing and flattering me. but i find myself liking him less and less because of them. it just all feels like game. i was talking about this with my ex, and i realized i prefer less flattery, and more just hanging out being cool. am i the only person who feels like that?

[knorl05]

so ex and i were on an off with our sexual relationship (we hop between just friends, just sex, just relationship, exclusive, non exclusive, etc etc).. and then i met this boy. so hot. instant attraction, within an hour we were in bed together. and he's real fly, but he's a band dude and i know what to expect with band dudes. so it became a booty call, and in the meantime ex and i started sleeping together again. so i'm bouncing between these two hot dudes, all the while knowing it wont last. i get sexually frustrated if i dont get it for a while and then i make a decision that i know feels nice for the moment but in the long run leaves me unfulfilled. and i'm this passionate girl who enjoys to fantasize about love and puppies and all that stupid shit. i'm too old to play the hook up game, but i'm also not the type of girl who wants to 'settle down'. so now what.

[sareybelle]

Oh, I know, one of my closest friends (or "non-sexual life partner" as he likes to refer to himself) treats me like a queen. Never forgets a birthday, a milestone, always calls and sents sweet notes and thoughtful gifts "just because." I don't know what I did to deserve this! I think I will always need two men in my life- the straight one, who keeps me happy in bed, and a gay man who keeps me happy when I'm out of it.

It's funny, one of my younger female friends is experiencing the same thing. She's been best friends with Roberto, her non-sexual life partner, since they were in junior high, and they are 25 now. He is absolutely devoted to her. For her 25th birthday, he emailed all her friends and got us to surprise her at Bistro Du Coin, her favorite French restaurant, where there were bottles of champagne and steaming pots of mussels waiting. It almost broke my heart because I'm sitting there thinking, "I don't know if a straight man would ever do something so incredibly thoughtful, no matter how much he may love a woman."

I don't know, there are some very chivalrous and romantic straight fellas out there, but they are few and far between. But, here's to hoping.

[stargazer]

it is not really a frustration. but, i laugh how gay men take such good care of me. they are very chivalrous with me. and i keep thinking, "ok, i need to find this behavior in a straight guy." um, i'm working on it.

[sareybelle]

And Anna K, I am sympathetic. It's tough being in the slow lane in the fast paced, Sex in the City world we live in. But I think everyone is capable of finding rewarding experiences, whether they chose to sleep with someone for the first time on a first date or on a wedding night or whenever. The good news about living in a liberated age is that the decision of "when" is largely left up to us... women didn't always have that luxury, which is hard to imagine, esp. when they were getting married at 13 and 14!

[anna k]

Whenever I fantasize about my old crush, I get a rush of excitement to my knees.

It sucks that I haven't had a boyfriend yet, or been close enough with someone to enjoy my own sexuality with another person. Just getting used to touch and fumbling around, seeing what's what with sex. It sucks, but I'm not a free little wood nymph or very physically affectionate, as much as I'd like to be. I get sexually turned on the most when I'm thrilled by someone's mind and personality, then I find the rest of them attractive, not just finding a hot dude and immediatelly getting turned on. I'd like to mature into an older woman who has a roughness and strength to them, like the way Joe Esterhas described his wife in his memoir, or Patti Scialfa, or Denis Leary's wife, or my old English's teacher's wife. Those women have strength and intelligence and a mature sexuality and trust in their partners. That's what I like and what I'd like to enjoy someday.

[aviatrix]

that was a cute story too. you are super funny. of course he's charmed by you...

[anna k]

Thank you for posting that, sareybelle. I've been the same way when I was reluctant to be physically affectionate because I've been alone a lot and unused to having a person for physical comfort.