[flatgurl]

You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.

[angie_21]

I just used to get people calling me scrawny when I really, well, wasn't. Just because ONE part of my body was skinny. I always figured they were just trying to "nicely" call me flat because skinny is supposedly a compliment.. right, well, not to me, thanks. I'm now fat and lovin' it, for the most part. if only the boobs had grown to match the hips, I'd be a freakin movie star. Though I do think that having a smaller chest still keeps me feeling and looking much thinner than I really am, and I don't mind that so much anymore

Too bad I don't get the age benefit - most of my friends are older than me, so everyone actually assumes I'm older than I am!

[MariCat187]

I totally understand the "you look SOOOO YOUNG" comments too. But I've gotten better over the years. My boyfriend was talking to this girl we both know, and she tried to throw one at me, saying, "At least I'm not dating a little 12-year-old girl!"

I retorted back, "At least when guys see ME naked, they get hard!"

(True story behind it - My boyfriend's roommate told us that he and said girl were making out, and said girl took off her clothes. Roommate told us, "Yeah.... she got naked.... and...... it wouldn't stand up!" So that's where my reply came from )

The girl went completely quiet and didn't say anything more to us.

*goes back to lurking*

[KeraBear]

Wow! Lots happening while I was gone! Great stuff I am reading here. I love you gals.

Welcome FLatgurl. I know where you are coming from totally. I get those "you look like a 12-year-old" comments ALL the time and it does get oh so annoying. Like you i've always equated it with comments that I have no breasts and not a woman and I know that's not true! I am a tiny gal, AA cup. And I also feel you on the sister with bigger breasts, only mine is my younger sis (two now). But when we are older, we will apppreciate looking younger! I encourage you to look through these 100 (!!) or so back pages. It's helped me begin to appreciate and love my body for what it is. Hang in there!

To paraphrase Horton Hears a Who - A boobie's a boobie no matter how small! Heh...

[strongirl]

I know it probably isn't much comfort to you younger chicks bemoaning your small size, breast-wise and elsewhere, but I have to say as a woman who is pushing 50 (I'll be 48 this fall) I have aged surprisingly well and still get mistaken for being in my twenties. I attribute much of this to my smallness, which I think helps a lot in terms of aging well. I still get hit on by guys in their twenties and even, embarrassingly and very uncomfortably, in their teens. It's not a bad deal at all being small, as you go through the decades. I've mostly enjoyed it.

Plus I love it when my boyfriend does the "he-man" routine and throws me over his shoulder and carries me to the bedroom. If I were bigger, he would have trashed his back by now.

[Allison-Shine]

Allison-Shine, I'm sorry I really do think that you are justified in feeling the way you do because I understand that this culture is obsessed with really large breasts. Just also know that I would love love love to be your cup size and that there are people out there (like me) for whom that is their ideal size. So you should feel good about yourself knowing that some people would kill to look like you!

Thanks flatgurl (gee I feel mean calling you that, LOL) for understanding.

I have been fortunate to have very few negative comments from guys regarding the size of my breasts. Most of the comments come from females in my experience, everything from my 16 year old sister and some of her same-age friends. Its not just about breasts, but height and all the curves that are supposed to make one "womanly" or whatever. There is more to my experiences that I cannot address publicly.

Its tough sometimes when you go swimming or even shopping and see those a almost a decade younger than you (I'm 23) looking as filled out as you if not more. It's not just about breasts, but the whole "package". This should not bug me as much as it should but it does, whatever.

I can't imagine what those who are even smaller than I go through. I should count my blessings, someday maybe I will understand permanently.

[anarch]

Yea it does not reflect well on him that he didn't say anything. we ended up getting in a big fight about it after which he apologized profusely and then ended up calling his friends and setting up a boundary. it made me feel a little better, but it doesn't count as much since he didn't do it at the time it was happening.

Hopefully, now that you've spelled it out for him (often, guys are clueless about these things until we spell it out letter by letter), if that kind of situation happens again, he'll say "Cut that shit out" or otherwise demonstrate that he's sticking up for you. That'll be the test -- will he walk the walk.

Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I originally came in here to post this. I enjoyed a lot of the answers, the ones about how the total person matters more than one physical trait.

[Persephone3]

This is sort of off topic for this thread but in my experience and from what male partners and friends have told me, guys are more open and honest with their women and with their female friends than they are with other guys. For example, every man to whom I have been close has cried in front of me at some point. But I don't think any of them have cried in front of other men.

I should have mentioned that the guy was complaining to his friends about the size of the girl's chest to his friends. I have to wonder then why would he date her, if breast size is so important. So I just womndered who he was being more genuine with, them or her. (This is an issue that came up on another message board, and was just interested in your thoughts).

[flatgurl]

Yea it does not reflect well on him that he didn't say anything. we ended up getting in a big fight about it after which he apologized profusely and then ended up calling his friends and setting up a boundary. it made me feel a little better, but it doesn't count as much since he didn't do it at the time it was happening.

It also just hurt me alot bc he knows how sensitive I am to comments about how young I look or anything like that bc I automatically think they're talking about my lack of a chest. I brought it up to him last night and told him about why it effected me so much. He was supposed to help protect me from those comments so that I could feel better about myself and I was disappointed to see that didn't happen. I am going to start taking care of myself more and sticking up for myself, hell I don't need a guy to do it!- it just wouldve been nice I guess to have that support.

I'm just getting really sick of people making any sort of comments about my body. I know I'm small, I know I have small-to-no breasts, so I don't need anyone to point it out to me. My whole life I have been getting negative comments about being flat. I wonder sometimes that if no one ever said anything to me about my chest, would I have ever thought anything badly about it? I remember being about 14 or so and living happily in my body and then I remember when my gfs at school started to say how flat I was and that's when I remember the self-consciousness and agony came in. I just wonder how different my life could have been without those comments. Would I even be on here now or would I be completely satisfied with myself and not even ever think anything was wrong with me? I hate how much impact other people can have sometimes.

[angie_21]

I consider how my guy acts at any given point in time to be a reflection of who he is. There may be different facets of his personality, and I think I see more than most people, but all the facets add up to a single real person. If they didn't, I would be questioning which parts of his personality were genuine. People always have a choice. There are a small few instances where bad behaviour is at least understandable, such as having to brown-nose a boss, or to not rock the boat to prevent a fist-fight in a bad situation. Hopefully people try to avoid most of these situations in the first place, but sometimes shit happens. But with friends that he *chooses* to hang out with, well, clearly it's his choice to act that way, too.

I've gotten better at come-backs over the years. I've found that it's sometimes mandatory to keep your head above water when you work with mostly men. Sometimes it just takes a few correctly timed insults mixed with flirtation, and guys will forever afterwards smile and do anything you ask of them... and you don't have to be a supermodel to do it! unfortunately it only works with certain men. younger guys aren't gentlemanly enough to play these games.

[karategrrl]

and what i should have said was "yea i guess im the hottest 12 year old youll never be able to get" or something like that..dont you wish you couldve come up with those good comebacks when youre in the moment?

I SO know you feel, gurl. But the ability to have quick comebacks is a skill fostered through years of bullshit. Guys are great at it because so much of what they do is chest-beating and they develop lots of comebacks. You were hurt and probably frozen in that hurt moment, reeling with shock at the unmerited attack. I know the feeling. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I wouldn't hang out with those dicks ever again. And I know it may sound harsh, but it doesn't make your guy sound very good if he just stands there and lets the abuse happen.

[strongirl]

This is sort of off topic for this thread but in my experience and from what male partners and friends have told me, guys are more open and honest with their women and with their female friends than they are with other guys. For example, every man to whom I have been close has cried in front of me at some point. But I don't think any of them have cried in front of other men.

[Persephone3]

Hi, I was wondering if you girls had any opinion how much meaning there is in what guys say to their friends as compared to what they say to you. I know that there are many women that have left guys when they have overheard their guys talk badly about them. Sometimes I wonder if guys (not men) make themselves seem 'manlier' amongst their friends, even though it may not represent how they really feel. Or are they being disingenuous to us? Any thoughts?

[flatgurl]

Yea I agree, I have stuck up for myself against these guys a few times but sometimes im just like come on act like my bf! i guess why it hurt so much was because he was commenting on how i look 12- and i automatically equate that with a dig at my small chest. but i do agree with you ladies, and what i should have said was "yea i guess im the hottest 12 year old youll never be able to get" or something like that..dont you wish you couldve come up with those good comebacks when youre in the moment?

[strongirl]

I think it would be nice if your boyfriend stuck up for you, Flatgurl, but it would be more powerful if you stuck up for yourself. You deserve your own protection and respect at the very least. Right now it sounds like you're holding him to a standard you won't uphold yourself, in terms of standing up to those assholes.

And I agree with Angie_21, those so-called "reality" shows can't be helping your self-esteem any, when so many of them are showcases for overblown paychecks, overblown boobs, overblown egos, overblown houses/cars, and overblown needs for attention. I'd suggest diversifying when it comes to "guilty pleasures" - there are so many lovely ones from which to choose!

[angie_21]

As for the music video.. there's a reason I don't watch mainstream TV or listen to mainstream music. It's an extension of the advertising industry, it's all a big scam, pure unadulterated crap intended to make us feel like shit about ourselves so we go out and spend money on stuff that we think will makes us look and feel better. It has no entertainment value, and certainly no artistic value. I hate to say it, but as long as you are hooked on this stuff, you are going to feel like shit once in a while. It's what this stuff is meant to do. Yeah, there are guys who buy right into it just like girls do, and expect girls to look like that. But they generally aren't people I hang out with. The music video is nothing more than a teenage boy's fantasy, used to sell what in my opinion is a pretty crappy song.

no one has ever made me feel this stupid before and i can't tell if its because of the way i look to them or the fact that my interests differ from them or what. its just really hurtful that my own bf cant stick up to me to his friends. am i making too much of this or what? what would you girls think?

Feel free to bring questions like this to other forums here. theres a whole bunch of relationship ones, I don't know how to link to them though. Anyways, it sounds to me like they are trying to make you feel stupid because they know you are smart, and some kinds of guys can't stand that (like the quote strongirl had from utube "hoz is stupid thinkin they important, yall know u just ho'z to us") I've experienced it too when I dated a guy in high school who well, wasn't all that bright (everyone remember twinkie man? this was him. we all do dumb things in high school lol) he took any chance he could to make fun of me when I did an occasional stupid thing, as we all do, because he didn't like feeling dumb next to me. I know it sounds snobby to say it like that, but whatever. It really sucks for your boyfriend to let that happen, but really it sucks that those are the kind of guys he hangs out with. My current boyfriend knows that he would be kicked to the curb so fast if he behaved like that, whooee. Not that he ever would. I can't say, maybe your boyfriend really is a nice guy who just can't stand up to his friends, but that would have been the last time I hung out with his friends. Life's too short to waste it hanging out with idiots.

[flatgurl]

hahahhahahhha Allison-Shine thats hilarious. and strongirl you are absolutely right, it is demeaning to all women and it just makes me soo angry (plus i dont think i can ever listen to that song again-ill only be able to think of that!). i guess it just frustrates me that things like this still exist and sometimes it seems like it will just never change...

on another topic, i went to a party last night -one of my bfs friends- and all of his friends treat me like shit for some reason. they always have and it makes me so mad bc my bf will just never stick up for me to his friends, and he even admits that he doesnt and doesnt know why he can't stick up for me. well anyways it was his friend's bday last night and his friend commented that even though i happened to be the oldest one there, i look 12. normally im used to that and i can just joke around with it, but he said it in such a hurtful way. All of the guys there laughed and agreed and my bf said NOTHING- even though i've told him before how much it hurts me. these guys have also all called me pretty much a "dumb blonde" to my face and they treat me like im just some slut that my bf picked up off the streets. it makes me so mad bc (not like i would ever put this in their face bc im not an asshole) but i went to an ivy league school and i have worked my ass off my whole life to get there. these guys dont even have jobs and yet they have the audacity to treat me like im the dumbest bitch on the face of the earth. i have always been kind to them and i think my only crime is that they know i like to watch reality tv and have a few guilty pleasures in my life. no one has ever made me feel this stupid before and i can't tell if its because of the way i look to them or the fact that my interests differ from them or what. its just really hurtful that my own bf cant stick up to me to his friends. am i making too much of this or what? what would you girls think?

[Allison-Shine]

So just when I was starting to feel a little bit better about myself, i youtubed this song i really like and this is what i got:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb0KowdtK6Y

ugh things like this make me hate my body so much, is this really what people want/expect?? but I will say that one of the interesting things is that if you read some of the comments a lot of people think the video is bad, but who knows that could just be girls saying that..

But the large-breasted girls lost the basketball game, shouldn't that make you feel better?

[strongirl]

I'd like to elaborate on that. First of all, let me say that with that comment I didn't intend to insult you, Flatgurl, nor did I intend to insult big-breasted girls. That video really offends me and I think it is itself insulting to ALL women regardless of breast size. Without showing a bit of real nudity, it managed to be way more offensive than most porn, by reducing women to just a couple of body parts (tits and asses) solely existing for male consumption. The male coach has complexity (comparitively speaking), a range of emotions, problems that weigh on him...he's a person. But the female "athletes" (what an insult to real female athletes!) are nothing but bouncing boobs and perky butts. This is crap. This promotes the exact attitude that is reflected in one of the comments on YouTube (partially quoted here):

hoz is stupid thinkin they important
yall know u just ho'z to us

So when I say I would not want to look nor act like that, I don't mean to diss busty girls in general, I mean that the way these women look and act in this video is not anything that I would want to portray, nor do I think other women should do it either. While I vehemently defend the rights and dignity of sex industry workers, I really do think actresses and models should complain and/or turn down work like this. It doesn't have to be demeaning in order to be sexually stimulating. While there's nothing wrong with appreciating big boobs, or medium size boobs, or small boobs, there's definitely something wrong with seeing nothing but boobs when you look at a woman. That's what this video does.

As far as "is this really what people want/expect?", some of them do. Like the guy I quoted above. I seriously doubt you would want to appeal to and attract the attention of guys like that, Flatgurl.

[strongirl]

Flatgurl, would you really want to look and act like that? I most certainly would not.