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> Frustrated Singles
twelve_percent
post Dec 31 2008, 03:50 PM
Post #141


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61
From: The grassy nolls


Yeah, numbers mean nothing. I understand that. But not having an actual loving romantic relationship finds me feeling lonely.

I have a great family but I suppose I will always want more in the area of love.


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Listen to my music and you will feel complete! www.myspace.com/kellyinezmusic
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Persiflager
post Dec 31 2008, 06:34 AM
Post #142


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


*posting like a mad thing because the ofice is empty and she plans to avoid work all day*

Hey twelve_percent, welcome! I think 'everyone' is talking at least half nonsense. Singledom definitely beats being stuck in a rubbish or mediocre relationship, or going through a painful break-up, but isn't generally as fun as a smashing lovely to play with. That said, I wish I hadn't been so frustrated when I was 18 that I flew to Helsinki to sleep with my holiday fling (who really did have a girlfriend as all my friends said he did), spent 6 months rhapsodizing about the beauty and tragedy of our doomed 'romance', then eventually realised how much fun I'd been missing out on while mooning over someone who'd forgotten about me the moment I got back on the plane.

Ooh, sorry, that sounds quite patronising! I think I just meant to say that you're right to be frustrated, but I don't recommend sleeping with a Finnish git to relieve the frustration. Which you probably wouldn't have done anyway. Um, I'm going to be quiet now...

Also hey to mumblestutter! I don't think it's worth getting too worried about numbers - quite a few of my friends are married now as well (I'm 27) but one's already divorced, and when my mum was my age she had already married, had one kid, divorced and re-married (much more happily). She remains firm in her maternal pressure to not rush into anything.

*wanders off to bother the canteen staff for a cup of tea*


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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twelve_percent
post Dec 31 2008, 12:29 AM
Post #143


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61
From: The grassy nolls


I just turned 18 and my only relationship has been with a gay guy. I am very frustrated. Everyone tells me waiting is better. No heartbreak, no tears, no sleep deprivation. But isn't that why people have relationships? Life's not beautiful without the pain right?


--------------------
Listen to my music and you will feel complete! www.myspace.com/kellyinezmusic
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mumblestutter
post Dec 19 2008, 09:53 AM
Post #144


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 103
From: michigan


FRUSTRATION is the word! ugh. i LIKE being part of a couple. not in a weird-clingy "lets buy matching outfits" way but in i LIKE having some one who LIKES doing things with me, has similar interests & is all about the mutual support. it's so weird to read over this thread & the crushes thread. it sounds like a "relationship" is something a woman does to a man... like it's something he must be tricked or brow-beaten into.

i need a totally awesome feminist dude who loves music... and i'm not sure where to find him.

and i'm feeling all angstie. i've recently gotten into touch with a bunch of OLD friends... somehow, they're all celebrating one year wedding aniverseries... and well... the word is so far removed from my live, i can't even spell it. not that i want to rush into something... as there are waves of marriages, there will be waves of divorces (i hope not... but generally inevetiable...)

but it makes me think... makes me wonder about numbers... about age & relationships. should I have someone by now? should i be in something? where is this person i've been looking for? why haven't we connected? am i being too picky?

AND... making matters more complicated. most of the guys in my life are younger than me by about 5 years. it confuses me b/c when i was their age, i didn't WANT anything serious so i'm hesitant to get involved. but on the other hand, somehow all the guys i encounter who are my age are seriously taken.
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thirtiesgirl
post Dec 10 2008, 10:26 PM
Post #145


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


Go for it, mouse. Casual sex definitely has it's purposes, and it's especially good (emotionally speaking) if the person is not someone you see on a regular basis.

I can't believe I'm just catching up on some of the posts in this thread. Good gracious, funk's a nutter. And thanks for the advice, ladies, about my sex question...four months back. Ach. I'm really slow on the uptake. I liked your comment, Jan, about feeling the same excitement I felt back in high school when I first started dating. ...If only that had been true. I wasn't allowed to date in high school, so I didn't. The closest I got was one boyfriend who I saw only at school, which I wouldn't exactly qualify as 'dating.' We'd just hang out in the hallway, holding hands, and once he tried to kiss me. We were both very socially inept teenagers, so we had no idea how to go about even being with each other. It lasted 3 weeks.

With regard to internet dating... in my experience (and I've had about 8 years of it), it can really suck. I've been so disheartened so many times, I've given up hope and given up the search more times than I care to count. But, after nearly 8 years of looking, I've finally found a guy who, I believe, embodies what I'm looking for in a long-term partner. It remains to be seen if our current online dating situation will work into a long-term relationship, but this experience has shown me that if you look long enough and know what you want, you *can* find him (or her, in my effort to be inclusive of all genders and sexual preferences). I know 3 other women who have met long term partners online, two of whom married their online finds. In my history of online dating, I've met two other guys who I felt were really worth my time. Unfortunately, they weren't that into me, so the relationships didn't take off. But this tells me that there *are* worthwhile guys and girls out there, if you just don't give up the search.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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mouse
post Dec 10 2008, 02:05 AM
Post #146


Most Likely Procrastinating
***
Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


so resurfacing guy wants to hang out. eh. if it turns out he still doesn't think there's "chemistry" and he's just built me up in his head because it's been a year and now he cant' get a date, ima punch him in the face. but if not, i'm totally into having some stupid nsa bullshit with some passably cute asshole who lives very far away from me and doesn't know any of my friends. i'm serious.


--------------------
jam out with your clam out
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geekchickknits
post Nov 19 2008, 10:10 AM
Post #147


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 319


QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 15 2008, 05:39 PM) *
That sounds cool but we're meeting on a Friday night and the AGO closes at 8:30. sad.gif Coffee would give us a chance to chat but I want to d something that will kind of...give us something to talk about. At least if we could go to the AGO we could discuss the art.


Taste Wine Bar out on Queen West is a nice little place, and the Bishop and the Belcher pub has board games on site - operation, scrabble, sorry, mastermind, uno
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sniggles
post Nov 19 2008, 09:34 AM
Post #148


BUSTie
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Posts: 14


I swear, there is something about me that attracts guys on the rebound.

Dude I've been dating for a few weeks had started avoiding me, so i just texted him last night asking what was up... turns out he's not over his ex. the really fucked up thing about this is we had this discussion before we even went on our first date. He was pretty adamant about me assuring him I had no feelings for any of my ex bf's. when i asked him the same thing he said no, and I could tell he was lying. I really should have known something was up with that. I really liked him too.... I feel like such a fool. sad.gif
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candycane_girl
post Nov 15 2008, 05:39 PM
Post #149


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


That sounds cool but we're meeting on a Friday night and the AGO closes at 8:30. sad.gif Coffee would give us a chance to chat but I want to d something that will kind of...give us something to talk about. At least if we could go to the AGO we could discuss the art.
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geekchickknits
post Nov 15 2008, 04:35 PM
Post #150


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 319


QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 14 2008, 08:18 PM) *
I really wasn't sure where to post this. I have my first date next week in like, a year! The thing is, we only have the actual date set, we haven't decided what we want to do. This guy is super cute and we already have some interesting things in common so I was just wondering if anyone has ideas for a good first date. I just want to do something fun with him that will allow us to talk a lot.


You're in Toronto, right? Go check out the new AGO! I also have been enjoying lately strolling through at least one bookstore.

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candycane_girl
post Nov 14 2008, 08:18 PM
Post #151


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


I really wasn't sure where to post this. I have my first date next week in like, a year! The thing is, we only have the actual date set, we haven't decided what we want to do. This guy is super cute and we already have some interesting things in common so I was just wondering if anyone has ideas for a good first date. I just want to do something fun with him that will allow us to talk a lot.
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datagirl
post Oct 31 2008, 04:23 PM
Post #152


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 218
From: Australia


Crazyoldcatlady I Hear YOU!!
Oh my god I do. The same thing is happening to me and I'm 31 in 2 days so yeah....

I left a wedding of an old friend early yesterday without saying goodbye because the muck was just too in my face.I know it was selfish but she wouldn't have noticed anyway.When I say 'old' friend I mean we knew each other a long time ago and haven't stayed in contact.But I know it was a shitty to do but I was just so depressed.The couple told me afew months ago that they were only getting married for their six year old daughter anyway so all the speeches about love and forever just broke my heart and reinforced my cynicism.
I know said friend is going to hate me for doing that or maybe not.I just don't give a shit right now.

I'm actually missing a guy I broke up with on Wednesday.He'd only communicate through sms and msn.Hmmm there must be a 'type' that I can name maybe 'profoundly inadequate net boyfriends' they never call or see you in person and treat the relationship like it's overseas.So why am I 'missing' him.
Probably because at this very moment an sms or an email is better than nothing at all.
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crazyoldcatlady
post Oct 22 2008, 09:32 PM
Post #153


the moistiest
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Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


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candycane_girl
post Oct 13 2008, 12:35 AM
Post #154


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


Okay, so I was talking to this guy online back and forth for a few weeks through OK cupid. Usually I take a day or two to respond but he responds right away. Now it's been like 4 days and absolutely nothing in response to my last email. WTF?
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anna k
post Oct 10 2008, 07:17 PM
Post #155


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


I got stood up again on my date. It felt so dull and a waste of time, and I gave up my kickboxing class for it, which would've have been more exciting and interesting. Why do I even bother with these dates? I give guys a chance, and keep meeting these socially awkward dull nerdy types who just bore me and make me feel "eh" about them. It may sound rude of me to say that, but I've had plenty of experience encountering those kinds of guys through online dating. Yet my life now is all about work, with my PT job and my new internship, so not much time to hang around looking for guys to date unless I happen to meet someone interesting without trying. That would be great if that happened.
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zoya
post Oct 8 2008, 03:15 AM
Post #156


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


mouse - I say fuck it. Sounds like you've opened the door, and he's not walking through - so I say don't waste your time. Why should you have to work to figure out what this guy wants when it sounds like he's being too much of a pussy to be straight forward about his motives. Maybe he really did just want to say hello and see what you're up to, out of curiosity. Maybe he was testing the waters in some way, but he's kinda got a half assed way of doing it, if so, and do you really want to deal with that shit? I say why do the work of even trying to figure out what he's up to - I say just don't even write back, and move along.

Men mystify me. Seriously.


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mouse
post Oct 8 2008, 01:06 AM
Post #157


Most Likely Procrastinating
***
Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


okay i do not understand what this guy wants AT ALL. i wrote him back, said i was surprised to hear from him. he wrote back reiterating that he'd seen my name in the book, and figured he'd say hi. told me a little about what he was up to and asked some questions about my life, remembered the jobs i'd been working on when we had met, asked if i'd done anything else like the art mag in question, and was generally inquisitive and pleasant. i write back, answering his questions, commenting on his work, and then gently say that i don't quite buy the "just saying hey" line. he writes back "you're too funny" and then declares, for the third time, that he "just thought he'd say hey". he does clarify that it wasn't the first time he'd thought about saying hello but that before he felt stupid, and he does now too, but at least he has an excuse. this followed with some blah blah about work and life, and then a "take care and talk to you soon".

i still don't get it. if he wants in the pants, if he wants to see me again, why won't he say so? and if he doesn't, why the hell is he talking to me?

i don't want to have to be all "so getting to the point, do you want to bone me this time around or what?" but i think i may have to. help, ladies?


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jam out with your clam out
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candycane_girl
post Oct 7 2008, 09:29 PM
Post #158


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


I was always a bit weary of the online dating thing (even though I'm on a site or two) but last week my friend got engaged to a guy that she met online! They've been together for two years though, so it wasn't spur of the moment but hey, maybe it really can work out.
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Moonpieluv
post Oct 6 2008, 06:15 PM
Post #159


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Thanks for the input ladies...by NO means am I doggin online dating. Heck, I've been dabblin for a year or so. I think it's a great way to connect. I've never had luck with on-the-job dates..and as for getting out to the bars? I don't have the cash flow right now. What better way to meet people than going on-line like so many others? Especially in a bigger city. We have a great tendency to keep to ourselves, have engrossing work schedules, etc....and then, sometimes it's just damn hard to meet people.

I was just giving an example of silly questions that have come up in my head. If I were doggin online dating, I wouldn't be doing it myself. Heck, my ex and I reconnected on myspace.

I apologize for that line coming across as a negative. I totally agree with keeping my options open..having some fun with it, etc. My comment about the dudes not being that cute..is cumulative with personality. I've another friend who lives in my area who concurs. She's on Match and OK. Guess when I came across him..I was all. Yay!

As for not being ready, I'm probably not essentially, but I said to myself...keep it casual and have some fun. You're right...Kittenb...nothing else has to happen. But I feel like going... Because I can, damnit. If it seems to be going well, forwarding into a second date, I think it would be good to mention I'm freshly single. He can determine where he wants to go with it from there.
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erinjane
post Oct 6 2008, 05:57 PM
Post #160


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


Moonie, I would go for it. I would be honest that it's soon after a previous relationship though just so he knows where you're coming from. When people msg me on POF they always ask why I'm on a dating site...my reason that I was always just wanting to keep my options open. I don't go out to the bar too often, I'm not in University anymore, and I work almost exclusively with women - where the hell am I supposed to meet people?


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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