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> Frustrated Singles
divaintraining
post Jul 6 2006, 07:37 AM
Post #961


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 194
From: Arlington, VA


cloverbee, I know how it feels to see happy couples- articles always say to remember that they are prolly different behind closed doors, at least some of the time.

And for some laughs, something making its way round the web about pick up lines.

I'm sure we've all suffered through some real winners.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9aBxowg850
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cloverbee
post Jul 5 2006, 09:35 PM
Post #962


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 691
From: Northwest


I am so sick of seeing couples holding hands and making out and being so damned "happy"! I wish they would all ship off to an island and just be "happy" over there somewhere! yes, I'm frustrated.
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ill_cover_you
post Jul 3 2006, 12:03 AM
Post #963


Newbie
*
Posts: 1


This is my favorite thread at the moment -- it is so comforting to hear from other singletons, especially those like me who only get a date once in a blue moon. I've only had two relationships, both ending in under a month. The last one was great -- I thought I had found someone wonderful, but he turned out to be something of a player. But luckily, I ran before I could get played!

Still, it's sad to wake up every morning and have little more to look forward to than a drink at Starbucks and a few conversations with my interesting coworkers. They all seem to be in happy relationships, saving up for their first house, expecting a baby or just looking forward to going home and having dinner with their husband/wife/boyfriend/whatever. I'm more than jealous. =(

I try to live life to its fullest, making the most out of each day as it comes, but I can't help but hope for a real, romantic relationship.
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emtee
post Jun 24 2006, 06:27 PM
Post #964


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 174
From: The Great White North


Okay. I'm frustrated, but can laugh at it.

Last night, I went out with friends to celebrate finishing my degree and signing my job contract. One of my friends brought along a guy he works with, with intentions of setting us up. We really hit it off, were talking and flirting all night- he even walked me home!- but at the end of the night, it occured to me that he had exchanged phone numbers with EVERYONE at the table EXCEPT me.

"Closing" is always the hardest part for me! Any advice?
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octobersky
post Jun 24 2006, 02:13 PM
Post #965


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 330
From: Cultural Backwater


When you have been single for extended periods of time, it's really hard NOT to get down on yourself and feel that there is something inherently wrong/unloveable with you. I've been single now for years - just a date here or there nothing exciting. But it's hard when you watch your friends pair up and the realative ease with which they seem to acquire dates/boyfriends and that nagging self doubt eats away at you. I often joke that I have the word "repulsive" written on my forehead in ink only men can see:-) People laugh and the remark is meant to be self-deprecating, but it's really how I feel most of the time.

It didn't seem so bad to be single in my early/mid twenties, but now that the majority of my friends are married/engaged/serious it's harder and harder to reconcile the concept that at 34 I'm still single and never been in a really serious relationship. This bugs me more now than it ever has.

And to top it all off, I just got a wedding invite in the mail addressed to "October & Guest" it might as well read "October & 0" or "October and Nobody" in large blinking neon letters! It sucks, 'cause I can't not go due to the fact that this is a close family friend's wedding and everyone my age that I know IS bringing a date. ARRRGGGHHH!

I guess it's just nice to know I'm not alone in my frustration - it makes it a bit more bearable. Solidarity Busties!!!
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cloverbee
post Jun 14 2006, 10:50 PM
Post #966


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 691
From: Northwest


(((bklyn))) I feel you, sister. but there is NOTHING about you that is inherently unlovable. I am 26, relatively good-looking and single as hell. I don't even get so much as a glance on the street from men. I dunno what it is. I just recently called a guy who I thought was flirting w/ me only to get rejected. ouch!! I guess it's tougher than I thought to get a date. I have always acquired my bf's on the party scene but I don't party anymore so it is so hard. I have been single for two years now and I have not dated even once. sometimes I feel like you do but I just keep holding out hope that one day I will run into some awesome person and it will click. Not "the one" or anything. I totally agree with maryjo in not holding out for some special "one" person. I just want someone to share with. anyway, that's all I have to say.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 14 2006, 10:07 PM
Post #967


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 647
From: NYC


i actually came off in a way that i didnt mean to, bc i do believe every relationship you have, while varying in degrees of how much they affect you, the fact remains that they all do in one way or another. i think what i meant to say that just bc you have not had a long term relationship by a certain age and others have, doesnt really mean anything in terms of who you are. you aren't better or worse than someone who has had 5 long term relationships and it doesnt mean you wont find someone eventually. but i guess that is obvious. still doesnt mean it isnt frustrating but i see women like bklyn getting so upset about it and since i know (from your posts anyway) that you are such a cool girl and have so much to offer that it gets ME upset to read stuff like that, even if i cant take my own damn advice half the time:-)


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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anna_k
post Jun 14 2006, 09:25 PM
Post #968


BUSTie
**
Posts: 23


Busy busy life. School and work and writing pieces for magazines and fulfilling school credits so I can graduate and afford a place to live and be a mature grown woman at 22. It's hard to keep up relationships with friends in the city, much less anything romantic or even sexual (too many people and it's a crapshoot).

I like it when I make eyes with men in the streets or in close encounters. Like today when I was watching some women hurry around like nervous hens, and I turned to smile at this cute young guy in a suit behind me. We both smiled at the sight. It was a quick moment, but it was cute.

I like getting along with different people and observing people. I commute to summer classes every day, and on the way home it's the 5 o'clock rush, so I am crammed with people, and I make mental notes of people near me and observe them with interest. I like making up stories in my head about the people, or listen to their voices talk about anything.
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maryjo
post Jun 12 2006, 03:18 AM
Post #969


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 143


Like stillveryangry, I completely disagree with the idea that the only relationship that matters is your lifelong 'one'. In fact I think that the idea there is 'one' person out there for you is qute a poisonous one.

To me, all our relationships matter - friendships or family connections or brief sexual exchanges or romantic flings or long-term partnerships, they are all connections with people that affect and change us. That's a reason not to discount any kind of relationship and not to put up with crappy ones whose effects on us we don't like.

I do agree with everything else Katie said - that we shouldn't beat ourselves up for not having long-term partners and that we shouldn't pursue any relationship just for the sake of it, and that not having found someone by your twenties means absolutely nothing.

Me, I'm in one of my phases where I'm totally happy being single and wouldn't know what to do with a relationship if the perfect person suddenly inserted themselves into my life. Though I do worry about it from time to time - I'm 24 and have had two major relationships in my life, both over three years ago and neither with a woman, which is what I would want now. I am moving to another country in a few weeks and I always think that maybe something will happen then, but I probably won't - and I may well be too accustomed to self-sufficiency to deal with it if it does, though I would like to have a loving relationship in my life.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 11 2006, 09:21 PM
Post #970


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 647
From: NYC


i would say that emtee. maybe i am thinking along the lines that i just rather not have a meaningful one for an undertermined length of time then have a crappy one every year or so. either way, its frustrating bc it makes you wonder if anyone is out there for you ever. and yeah, i think we can all agree that dating can totally suck.


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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stillveryangry
post Jun 11 2006, 06:32 PM
Post #971


BUSTie
**
Posts: 59
From: US


well, I'd have to say that all of the relationships, or at least some of them matter. not in the stupid sentimental sense, but in the sense that they help you to become a stronger person. or some shit like that.
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emtee
post Jun 11 2006, 03:40 PM
Post #972


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 174
From: The Great White North


Can we all agree that no matter HOW old you are, being single can at times be frustrating? Dating is also frustrating.

Katie, I think that your point of the only relationship that matters is the one you end up in for life is good, but at the same time, how many of us find that relationship at 20, or 25, 30 or even 40? To think that I might not be in a loving, serious relationship that "matters" for 15 or 20 years? Now THAT's frustrating.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 11 2006, 12:52 PM
Post #973


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 647
From: NYC


naaa bklyn, one of my best friends from college in 24 and never been in ANY relationship. if you dont click with someone, you just dont click. and its better that happen then you trying to fool yourself into thinking that you like someone more than you do.
i see what you are saying about your past relationships, but is it possible you are underestimating their feelings for you bc you are so down and out about this? of course, i have no idea, its just a thought.
and the way i look at it is, i am 24 and have been in 3 long term reltionships. however, i am no longer in ANY of those relationships. ok i guess what i am TRYING to say is that the only relationship that matters is the one where you end up together for life, so what it actually means is that all those relationships before dont mean anything in the end ultimately.
i know it has to be really really frustrating for you and sometimes being in a long term relationship would just help reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you, however conversely, sometimes there is ALOT more wrong with people who are serial monogamists who are ALWAYS in a relationship.
i dont know, this all makes sense in my head, i just dont want you to think you are unworthy of a loving relationship, or that it will never happen.


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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lunasol
post Jun 11 2006, 11:24 AM
Post #974


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,271


well, bklyn, i'm 28 and i've NEVER been in what i would consider to be a serious relationship. not sure how that happened, but there you go. bizarrely enough, i'm still confident that it'll happen. maybe because my parents didn't meet till they were 31, and they have one of the best relationships i've ever seen.
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bklynhermit
post Jun 10 2006, 09:35 PM
Post #975


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


i see what you're saying (especially about the shitty relationship thing, i don't envy anybody that). i think it's more the fact that i've dated a few people relatively seriously (more than a few months, spending tons of time together, one person i even moved in with) and never got the sense from any of them that it was anything more than the sex or maybe minor conveniences like having someone to spend valentines day with.

i mean, at the age of 25, after dating for ten years and being in a few somewhat serious relationships, shouldn't someone at least have given a shit? once? ever? i mean i guess men get better about this, but with women it's been the same.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 10 2006, 08:14 PM
Post #976


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 647
From: NYC


let me tell you, being single is about 500 times better than being in s shitty relationship which for some reason, is how most end up i think. arent you only like 25 bklyn?

trust me, i understand what you are saying as well, but to be so pessimistic (esp if you are that young) seems to be jumping the gun a little when it comes to thinking you will always be alone.


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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bklynhermit
post Jun 10 2006, 08:01 PM
Post #977


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


i've been out in the dating world for 10 years now and had a few relatively long term relationships. and i've never even so much as gotten flowers. or an 'i love you'. or any sign that the people i've dated were in any way interested in me beyond sex.

so i feel like my pessimism is warranted. i mean, i'm as physically attractive as i'll ever be. i like to think i'm smart, funny, caring, and all the other things people say they're looking for. i'm bi open to finding love with either a man or a woman. i live in a big city and meet a lot of people. i'm at the point in my life when i'm statistically most likely to meet the person i'll spend my life with.

and still nobody wants me, nobody ever has. at this point i can only assume that this is an inherent thing for me -- i'm meant to be alone.
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misspissed
post Jun 10 2006, 07:08 PM
Post #978


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 317


(((bklyn)))
never say never, though.
while i completely empathise with everything you wrote, don't be so pessimistic.

i know how you feel, because i am pretty much right there lately. but there is a faint glimmer of hope somewhere (very deeply hidden). i don't consider myself stupidly optimistic nor naive to the realities of life. but i have seen folks find companionship at all ages and places in life, and that is kind of encouraging.

\end hopeless romantic post.

what i've been feeling lately, and i am a bit embarassed to admit it, is envy for those in functional relationships. like i am the butt of some karmic practical joke, and man oh man...does it suck! i'm stuck in a catch-22 -- i hate dating but love being in a relationship. :-(

xoxo to all my lovely singles!!
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emtee
post Jun 10 2006, 05:54 PM
Post #979


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 174
From: The Great White North


bklyn, you just articulated EXACTLY how I feel.
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bklynhermit
post Jun 10 2006, 05:27 PM
Post #980


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


i am officially tired of being single.

my roommate (who i do have feelings for, it's true) is on a date. i am ok with this. i understand (in my mind if not in my heart) that he doesn't have feelings for me and that we'll never be together. that's not what's bothering me.

what's bothering me is the knowledge that i will always be alone. nobody has ever loved me. i have been in love three times. all three were unrequited. watching my roommate date other people is like being in a wheelchair and watching your friends run marathons. i want to run marathons! i do! and i've tried a thousand times, but it seems like there's just something about me that prevents it from happening. i don't know exactly what's wrong, but the bottom line is that i am completely unlovable. i will never be loved. i will always be alone.

i know that there's nothing wrong with not being part of a couple. i know that it's possible to be completely fulfilled and happy and also single. believe me, i do. i've certainly had enough happy single years (and enough shit relationships) to understand that.

it's not fulfillment i'm looking for, anymore than a paraplegic is looking for fulfillment in the desire to walk. i just want to be loved. i want someone to share my life with. i want someone who will be there for me when i need it, and who i can take care of when that person needs it. i want the physical presence of someone next to me, walking the same path. i want to have sex that is meaningful. i want the sensation of two heads being better than one. i don't want a knight in shining armor so much as i want a fellow traveler. and even that is denied to me.

i don't even get to have a cat!
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