[Mr Pugs]

Set aside some time and talk with him about it. I personally don't like the my body/my decision stance (even though it ultimately is), you are in a relationship you should at least try to include him in relationship decisions. That's just my stance. Ask him the questions you want answered. If he's too shy to talk about it, he shouldn't be doing it. Don't assume guys know anything about birth control other than the banana/condom demonstration in sex-ed. All types of birth control pills and what-not have side effects which he (or you) might not know about. It also doesn't protect you from STDs. I know you are both young but you said you guys aren't too vocal about sex, but just because it's your first serious relationship, doesn't mean you guys haven't had sex before.

I'll climb off my soap-box now,
Mr. Pugs

[missclaire]

hi all!
first off, i am new to the bust forum, although i've enjoyed the magazine on and off for a while. anyway, it's nice to be here!

second: i'm not sure if this is the correct thread, but i figure if it isn't, someone will point me in the right direction. i have a pretty straightforward question, but here's the background: i've been dating a guy for about seven months- it's the first serious relationship for us both (we're 19) and while we haven't had too much sex (slow start/didn't see each other much over the summer), i decided that i wanted to look into birth control (i'm leaning towards the nuvaring). the boy and i are both kind of naturally quiet people, and being vocal about sex isn't exactly our forte (i'm working on that..), so i wasn't sure how to bring up the issue of BC. i ended up just saying "oh hey i'm probably going to start birth control" one day in the car- he asked me if i was okay with it, and i said yes and that was that. but, now i feel like i should have maybe given him more input in the situation.

i guess my question is something like this: is this a "my body, my decision" type-scenario, or is this something that we should discuss as a couple?
i think deep-down i'm worried that we're not communicating well, but i don't really know anyone who has been in this situation, so i thought i'd put it out there.
thanks!

[dani837]

This was caused by anti-deppresants.

I was thinking that! Maybe he's on medication? or maybe he's one of those guys who arent just that sexual

[culturehandy]

Hi Midoggirl, welcome to the lounge!

Every man is different, and some men take longer to turn on them women. With that said, I am curious if he is on any medications which may prevent him from getting an erection quickly. I know my ex could maintain an erection, but sometimes he just couldn't have an orgasm as he would go numb. This was caused by anti-deppresants.

Can your partner orgasm from actual intercourse? If he can I'd not be concerned that there was a physical condition which prevents him from having an orgams from manual or oral stimulation. It could be pstchological in nature, or perhaps he just can't. I've been with some men who couldn't cum from oral sex. It happens to some men.

If you are to bring this up, I'd do it outside the bedroom, as bringing up sexual issues in the bedroom is a terrible idea, the results would be disasterous.

I would just work through it, stopping the activity, at least in my opinion, probably wouldn't make him feel very good. .

I'm sure some of the other BUSTies can offer further advice!

Good Luck!

[midoggirl]

Hi, I'm new here and still finding my way around. I was wondering if you ladies could give me some tips about handling a situation I've never encountered in my 16 years of sexual activity. I recently met and started having sex with the man of my dreams. I simply adore this guy, in every way. He's in his early 30s like me, but unlike me, he hasn't had much sexual experience. He also said he didn't really start masturbating till he was in his mid-20s because he found it difficult to come.

I love all the cuddling and touching we do, but it doesn't seem to have much of an effect on his erections. There have been a couple of times making out pretty heavily when I thought he must be rock-hard and when I touched him, he was barely erect. Sometimes he does get a real erection, but he seems to lose it very quickly, especially if we attempt any kind of penetration.

I'm not quite sure what's going on here, and I try not to make a big deal out of it, figuring that that certainly won't help matters. I've more or less stopped trying to take the lead when it comes to actual intercourse, so that he doesn't feel any pressure. He clearly enjoys all the stuff we do do, but he rarely comes from any kind of manual or oral stimulation. Does this sound like something that needs to be checked out by a doctor? Do you have any other ideas of what I can do to make things easier/better for him? Should we stop making out all the time in order to let things built up a bit for him?

I really care about this guy, and want to be with him for a long time, but I can't figure this one out. I guess I've always been fairly in charge of my sexual desires and activity since I started, and don't know how someone can explicitly learn this kind of stuff.

Thanks!
Catherine

[candycane_girl]

I've honestly never noticed a big difference once it slips off, it's always the guy who notices. The first time one slipped off in me was just last year and it was with a guy who was so big that he needed those Magnum condoms. Later on we had run out of those so I tried to get him into a regular condom and it just looked too tight and painful.

[dayglowpink]

That's happened to me once with a guy who had a big dick also. I have no idea how it happened, but it was funny, because we didn't realize it until it was over, but we both said something like, yeah that was feeling really good, and then it started feeling REALLY good. Damn, I hate condoms. It's nice to have my iud and be in a condom-free relationship for the time being.

[candycane_girl]

Yep, I'm definitely paranoid. I got my period today, yay! I just don't understand this condom slipping off business. This never used to happen to me! I mean, we didn't even use lube, and the guy is fairly well endowed so I don't know why it just slipped off.

[shinyx3]

candy, there is a pretty good posibility that you are just nervous and over analysing everything your about your body. altough there is a chance you may be pregnant it should be reduced by the birth control that you are on even if it is made weaker by the minocin.

keep us posted.

[candycane_girl]

Okay, I wasn't sure if I should post in here or one of the Our Bodies threads but here goes.

I'm on birth control and always use condoms but here's the deal. I'm on a pill called Minocin (for my skin) which can decrease the effectiveness of birth control. Anyway, I was having one last fuck with my fuckbuddy and the condom came off inside me. What do you gals think the chances are of me being pregnant? I should be getting my period any day now but I haven't been getting the usual pre-period signs so I'm a bit nervous.

[edie52]

I lost my virginity when I was 15 (well, almost 16!) and I didn't have good sex until I was about 19 (a few years ago). Though I'm sure it doesn't take that long for everyone...

I'm having probably the best sex of my life with my boyfriend now. It makes sense, as we probably get better at it over the years, and also less inhibited. I'm having orgasms during intercourse for the first time ever! The first time I thought it was a fluke and didn't expect it to happen again, but it's happened a few times since then (not every time, but I'm still psyched). It's almost like my body had to learn how to do it, and I also had to learn that it feels different than when I'm masturbating and rubbing my clit super-hard (though when I orgasm during sex, there is some clit contact, as well as really deep thrusting, and man does he have an excellent penis). Yup.

*hoping I'm not jinxing the good sex by bragging!*

[starkitty]

Rats. Back to square one. Well, if all else fails then when I visit him at college I'll just jump him in the morning when he's all groggy and such. Hahaha. I've never experienced this side of myself before, so at least that's interesting.

Well, I'm sure all of your help will be very useful once we get back to that point.

[Bekanator]

When I lost my virginity with my boyfriend, we pretty much knew what we were doing. It was missionary, and it just felt very lame. There was nothing to it. Thankfully, I knew from talking with some of my friends that the first time would garner some "THAT WAS IT?!" reactions. Eventually it got better, after we got a bit more experienced and a bit more creative.

And boy, isn't sex great?

[hellotampon]

I had to be on top to lose my virginity too. Up until then I always thought he would slip right inside hands-free but-- no. It was like playing legos or something. The only time it ever slips right in is if we were in the middle of having sex and it slipped out during a position change or something, then sometimes the angle is just right.

Having sex for the first time also required a lot of patience and multiple tries. The boyfriend that I lost my virginity with was a virgin as well and he had the same reaction, like he was embarassed or something. But you do need to LEARN how to have sex. It doesn't just happen.

[starkitty]

Yeah, just about. We've been dating for a year and change, so...

I totally suck at hand jobs, which is sad, and so does he, actually, but I think I'll work on that later because I'm afraid he'll go all skittish again. The oral definitely helped, but not quite enough, obviously. Oh well. I'm hopeful for next time.

starkitty, have you done just about everything else with your boyfriend? When I lost my virginity I had hours and hours of foreplay. Kissing, touching, oral sex, the whole nine yards. By the time we actually had sex I was so relaxed (and turned on!) that my boyfriend went in just fine. Also, I think it helped that he had an orgasm earlier in the evening so that when he got hard again he wasn't ready to blow.

[candycane_girl]

starkitty, have you done just about everything else with your boyfriend? When I lost my virginity I had hours and hours of foreplay. Kissing, touching, oral sex, the whole nine yards. By the time we actually had sex I was so relaxed (and turned on!) that my boyfriend went in just fine. Also, I think it helped that he had an orgasm earlier in the evening so that when he got hard again he wasn't ready to blow.

[starkitty]

Thanks, ladies. I think I can manage most of that. Hopefully it'll work out better in the future. Third time's the charm, right? Lol. Now I just have to coax him into trying again...

[shinyx3]

starkitty, i really helps to be pretty familiar with your body. take a little time and a mirror and look down there and explore. this may help when he is trying to enter you because you will have a better idea of what and how things are down there. it can all be prety complex with labia and skin and all. i also whole heartedly agree with being on top and with lube. it also may help if you help each other masterbate and get a feel for each others bodies. this may be what you have already done. anyway, good luck.

[edie52]

I agree with toasty. The first time I had sex I had to be on top, it just wouldn't go in with him on top. It was a bit awkward because I didn't really know what to do or how to move on top (but don't worry about that, because the sex will almost definitely get better). I'm assuming that both you and he have put a finger or two inside you, and know where your vagina is. It really helps to hold your inner labia open with one hand and hold his penis near the head with your other hand, guiding him in.

Let us know what happens!

[toastybean]

starkitty - it seems understandable that things havent been working out because you are probably both a bit nervous, which is no big deal. It will happen eventually. I think you may also experience some problems depending on the position you are trying. I would suggest having your boy on the bottom (i feel like even experienced guys sometimes have a bit of trouble getting it in when theyre on top)...this way you can straddle him, have him put the condom on, maybe even put some lube on yourselves (it really does help), then you can hold his penis in your hand so you have control over where it is going. then, you can lower yourself onto him as far as you feel comfortable. this way, you are in control of prettymuch everything.