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> large breast support group (cuz we actually need it!)
girltrouble
post Sep 18 2008, 12:03 PM
Post #281


new highs in personal lows daily!
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funk, you might try reading more, talking less. i don't mean to come down on you, but, it's been my experience that sometimes people aren't looking to be handed a solution, so much as be heard. many of the threads here on bust are people talking about their shared experience. if you don't have that shared experience, it's probably best just to listen. i'm not saying that you can't post in those threads, but rather, come from a place of humbleness, as one who is here to learn, to understand things, rather than somebody who's got all the answers.


just a thought.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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funk0039
post Sep 18 2008, 09:58 AM
Post #282


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


Fine.


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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thirtiesgirl
post Sep 18 2008, 08:53 AM
Post #283


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


Funk, you write as if I don't know these things already. I *know* men like fat girls. I wouldn't have gotten half the play I've had if they didn't. As far as my weight goes, I trust only one person: me. *I* know how I feel about my body; my doctor does not. I'll trust my general practitioner to prescribe antibiotics when I have the flu, or offer remedies for the common cold, but I don't discuss how I feel about how my body looks with my doctor, and I've specifically chosen a doctor who will not preach to me about weight loss and 'healthy eating habits.' That's not what I see her for.

Nor do I need someone to tell me to 'figure out what's making me unhappy.' I figured that one out on my own long ago. I have a strong relationship with my personal therapist. Again, it's offensive to me when a guy feels he 'knows what's best' for me and speaks/writes as if I don't have the critical thinking skills to reflect on my own life and make the changes I need to make for myself. Don't assume we're unintelligent creatures who can't reflect on our lives simply because we choose to kvetch about something or make an issue of it. We don't need you to fix it. ...Or, at least *I* don't, at any rate.


--------------------
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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funk0039
post Sep 18 2008, 03:29 AM
Post #284


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


http://www.fabulousmag.co.uk/diets/diet_bo...s_issue_025.php

Apparently, men seem to prefer a size 12 female, while women want to have a size 8 body. See the survey results for yourself. Oddly, men don't seem to be as critical of women's bodies as they themselves seem to be.

Kinda bears out what I was writing about earlier, doesn't it? We like you curvy, we really do!


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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funk0039
post Sep 18 2008, 12:40 AM
Post #285


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


Then, what are you looking for?

As for men just looking for physical relationships, this is by no means a male only phenomenon. I've encountered a lot of women who are the same way, and I agree it really hurts to find that your mate doesn't feel the same way as you do.

Personally, I like "overweight women", they're fun to snuggle with and are frequently ticklish. smile.gif
As long as I can find the essentials of her anatomy and it isn't a health risk, I'm quite happy with any woman with a few extra pounds. But that's not what I was writing about.

As for the medical industry, I wasn't referring to them in general. I have a lot of hatred for those damn weight loss commercials. Frequently I prefer the "before" to the "after." They actually LOOK female, IMHO.(I'm sorry, but I'd be scared of hurting a stick woman, and little boy bodies do absolutely nothing for me personally) I was talking about your doctor, whoever you trust with your health. That's usually a general practitioner, a family doctor, and a person YOU CHOSE to trust.

I'm not claiming to know what's best for all of you! Never did, in fact I'm confused as to where you got that inference. What I was saying is that each one of you has to figure out what is making you unhappy, and then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND DON'T GIVE UP. I used the example of weight because you brought it up. Hell, I need to lose some weight too, but that's not what's making me unhappy at all, so why would I spend all my efforts in losing weight when I have bigger fish to fry? I'm not telling you to lose weight, I'm telling you to figure out what's making you unhappy. It MIGHT be you, I dunno. Just don't automatically discount the possibility that it might be your perspective(or more likely, one you absorbed from someone else) that makes you feel that your breasts are too large.

I prefer women as they are, I don't even like it when they dye their hair. So, I have no stake in this whatsoever, I just had an idea and thought it might help.


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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thirtiesgirl
post Sep 18 2008, 12:17 AM
Post #286


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


QUOTE(funk0039 @ Sep 17 2008, 09:26 PM) *
I don't doubt your competence. However, what you need to know is that most of humanity is nothing like you. I'm not talking about your breasts or your body weight. I'm talking about your head and your heart. What you're looking for is far more than a simple date, and you know it. You want a husband, and that entails someone who is a match for you intellectually as well as spiritually/emotionally.

Um... I'm *not* looking for a husband.

QUOTE(funk0039 @ Sep 17 2008, 09:26 PM) *
Can you afford to condemn half of the human population, when you know full well that each and every one of humankind is different?

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I'm 'condemning half the population.' At no point have I written that "all men are bad." I'm writing about my own experiences, not generalizing about 'all women.' My own experiences have shown me that there are a lot of men out there who are looking for physical relationships. As far as I'm concerned, that's neither bad nor good. It just is.

QUOTE(funk0039 @ Sep 17 2008, 09:26 PM) *
Finally, if you don't like something in your life, then find out what it is, and set about changing it. If you are overweight, then go to a doctor and explain that you are willing to radically change your life to lose weight. But only do this if it's what is making you miserable, you won't have the commitment to do otherwise.

I know I should move this to the "take it outside" thread, but it's too late; I'm all in.
(1) I speak for some fat people when I say the word 'overweight' is offensive. It implies that extra weight is a bad thing, when some fat activists don't believe it is. That was your assumption, not mine.
(2) As a fat activist, the medical industry is the last group of people I'd trust to manage my weight. Do your research, hon, and know who you're writing about before you go there.

I know your intentions are good, funky-man. I don't think you're a bad person. But I feel like you're writing as if you know what's best for all women, and that's the first mistake men make, to think they know what's best for all of us. Until you know me, until you know my heart, you can't speak for my desires, my personality or my body.


--------------------
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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funk0039
post Sep 17 2008, 11:26 PM
Post #287


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


I don't doubt your competence. However, what you need to know is that most of humanity is nothing like you. I'm not talking about your breasts or your body weight. I'm talking about your head and your heart. What you're looking for is far more than a simple date, and you know it. You want a husband, and that entails someone who is a match for you intellectually as well as spiritually/emotionally. Because you are inherently unique, this is a difficult thing to find in anyone, male or female. Ever stopped and asked yourself, among your friends/family, who among them can you count on when things get desperate? Not many, and you know that. Now find someone who is also male, you are attracted to physically, can be the very best friend you've ever had.... That narrows the field considerably, doesn't it?

It doesn't matter where you live, you will always find it nearly impossible to find men that are a specific match for you. It's even harder if you are seeing what you want to see, rather than what's actually there. That is a very human tendency you know, fooling yourself. I can't see your eyes so I can't be more specific with you, thirtiesgirl. But ask yourself if the bad things that happened are coloring your opinions about men? Can you afford to condemn half of the human population, when you know full well that each and every one of humankind is different?

Finally, if you don't like something in your life, then find out what it is, and set about changing it. If you are overweight, then go to a doctor and explain that you are willing to radically change your life to lose weight. But only do this if it's what is making you miserable, you won't have the commitment to do otherwise.

I have endured pain well beyond the point of sanity. I've wandered all my life long, watching people, trying to learn and adapt. All I ask is that you try what I suggest rather than simply toss it away because I'm male or whatever other reason. I have no possible means of profiting from what you decide to do, and you, from what you've posted, have little to lose. Just think about it, ok? Give it a serious think, look at yourself and start asking questions.

Just please try. Your budding relationship is a step in the right direction, it means you haven't entirely given up hope. If you want to be happy, then you have to try to be happy, as trite as that sounds. But you've got to be willing to see yourself for what you are, and then try to build into what you want to be.


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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thirtiesgirl
post Sep 17 2008, 09:08 PM
Post #288


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


QUOTE(funk0039 @ Sep 16 2008, 11:43 PM) *
I'm not sure you understand men in this particular area.

If women could detach their breasts and hand them to us, we wouldn't want them. It's because they seem to give a woman so much pleasure that we love to caress them. Sometimes I see women with huge latex breasts on the internet, and I'm not attracted at all because I know there's no sensation at all in those things for her.

FYI, fetishization of a particular body part or body type doesn't mean seeing the body part as separate from the body as a whole. It means separating the body type from the person who inhabits it. I've spent nearly 10 years in the dating scene, off and on, and have met more guys than I care to count who can't seem to combine their appreciation for fat women with big boobs (my particular body type) with an appreciation of everything else a I can bring to a relationship or casual dating. So I think I know a thing or two about men. It's taken me that long to find a guy who (so far) is able to combine his appreciation for my body with an appreciation of my intelligence, independence, sense of humor, pop culture geekery and indie music snobbery. I think any woman would experience some discouragement and feelings of hopelessness after 10 years of dating nothing but frogs (so to speak). I certainly did, and often gave up and gave in to dating guys who were interested in a physical connection only. Sometimes it was ok, and sometimes it wasn't. But until you've walked a mile in my moccasins, or any single woman's with body, self confidence and dating issues, I might refrain from judgment.


--------------------
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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funk0039
post Sep 17 2008, 05:23 PM
Post #289


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


Sorry. I was trying to help but not preach.


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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deschatsrouge
post Sep 17 2008, 12:39 PM
Post #290


A symphony of atrocities.
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Good message funk, but a little bit preachy.


--------------------
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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funk0039
post Sep 17 2008, 04:42 AM
Post #291


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


You know something funny, ladies? I"ve read many of the posts on this thread, and I realized something odd.

Ladies, I think maybe your problem has nothing to do with the size of your breasts, nor does it really have anything to do with how men stare at you.
Ultimately, wearing minimizers and surgical reductions so you can fit in socially have more to do with your desire to control how other men and women see you! And, even more oddly, there's a truism none of you seem to realize:

No matter how hard you try, you can't force anyone to think or react the way you want them to. Ask a psychologist about it. For example, ever try to force or manipulate someone(in any way, including talking with them honestly) into loving you?

It's that same hard truth I had to learn about my family a long time ago, as I wanted my parents to essentially love me, and realize what they had done. So yeah, I know what I'm writing about.


Maybe your solution is the same one I came up with, one I took from therapy and extended further. Maybe your solution is changing your perspective, change the way you see your bodies? This sort of thing takes a lot of effort, and doesn't come easily. I've seen VERY few posts where women actually feel sexy or attractive because of the way their bodies look to them.

If I were a busty woman, I'd be looking at them and thinking that "Yes, they are physically a pain in the butt sometimes. And yes, men stare at them and other women get jealous so they call me a slut to make themselves feel better. Wait a minute, if men are fascinated with my chest, then maybe I could use it to attract the kind of man I've always dreamed about? You know, the kind that makes me feel like I'm floating on air? Large breasts can be a source of power, of sorts. Maybe if I stopped looking at myself with other women's eyes, and started looking at them the way men seem to, I might feel better about myself? Or maybe if I stop and look into the eyes of those people who seem prejudiced against me because of my chest, I might notice that they have a lot of deep seated insecurities. So maybe their opinions don't really matter to me because they don't make any sense?"

That's just a suggestion, just me riffing on the idea. Ultimately you have to decide how YOU want to view your bodies. Don't allow anyone or anything to ever make up your mind for you! Personally, I think women like the recently pregnant Salma Hayek, or America Ferrera, or Madison Michele are stunning creatures, far more attractive than the stick women that seem to be in fashion these days. Whose opinion about your bodies are you going to listen to? Have you figured that out yet, if not, maybe you should think about just who you're listening to?

Free will is a wonderful thing, exercise it! CHOOSE what you want to feel about yourself.


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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funk0039
post Sep 17 2008, 01:43 AM
Post #292


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


I'm not sure you understand men in this particular area.

If women could detach their breasts and hand them to us, we wouldn't want them. It's because they seem to give a woman so much pleasure that we love to caress them. Sometimes I see women with huge latex breasts on the internet, and I'm not attracted at all because I know there's no sensation at all in those things for her.

The instant that I discover a woman is.... sick inside, selfish, just not a good person at all, I get grossed out and can't look at her at all. Once upon a time, I thought that Anna Nicole Smith was incredibly gorgeous. Then I saw a few episodes of her reality show and I grew nauseous every time I accidentally caught sight of her from then onward.

In the end I think it's also pure instinct that drives us to love women's breasts no matter what their size, since all men have different preferences.

You may laugh at this, but I've been used for sex by women before too, and it hurts me more profoundly than anything else that a woman doesn't give a damn about making me happy or being near me, she just want me to please her and then go away. Men are like that too you know, we're just taught to fight that instinct by our society. After a lot of attempted relationships, I realized something.

I'm the only common element in all of them. Therefore, it's my judgment that's flawed because I chose them. Perhaps I was subconsciously thinking that I deserved pain, or that this was how relationships were supposed to be. I struggled to keep what my head wanted apart from what my perception/instincts saw in a woman. It's really hard to see not what I want to see, but instead what's actually there. I don't know if the people in your city really are that shallow, but there's a possibility that you were only attracted to the men that would treat you poorly, for whatever reason I don't know.

Since I tried to learn how to keep my wants separate from what I see, my relationships of ALL kinds have improved greatly. Still I know that I'm lonely despite my learning and my friends, and so I'm vulnerable to being fooled. That's how I lost my savings, you know. Have you ever wondered why all those "phone sex" lines and strip bars exist? Because we're lonely, so we imagine the women we meet there desires us, instead of our money. A long time ago I tried going to a strip club, but I knew it was an illusion. If a woman's being paid to pay attention to me, or if she only is near because she can get money from me, then it's an illusion. Unlike most men, I can't fool myself like they can.

I wish I could.


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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thirtiesgirl
post Sep 17 2008, 12:35 AM
Post #293


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


My issue is that while I've met plenty of men interested in my big boobs, or who "appreciate a curvy woman," they tend to fetishize my body type specifically for those reasons. I find that they're not really interested in me as a person (the whole package: brain, bod, emotions), but just in my boobs or, *ahem*, curves. It's been a long road, weeding out the guys who fall into that trap. I think I've finally met one with a more 'holistic' attraction to me, but he lives 5 hours away. Such is the price one pays for living in a city where shallowness is the norm.


--------------------
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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funk0039
post Sep 11 2008, 06:00 PM
Post #294


BUSTie
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Posts: 60
From: St Cloud MN, USA


Ladies,

I'm a man, and I've been recently wandering about the internet. I found a website called hiddenfeet.com, and I read a lot of articles there. Apparently there is a lot of pressure on the part of women on other women to conform their bodies, especially their breasts to the Hollywierd ideal. I want you to know that men do exist out there that are kind, loving, and would happily put a huge smile on your faces each and every morning. I know what it's like to be picked on since I'm not exactly average myself. Technically they say I'm a genius(a fact I don't like talking about), but at least I can keep my mouth shut and delay being found odd. You busty ladies can't even do that! I wish I could help. Don't reduce your chests or hack up your bodies for other women. I for one would give anything to date a chesty woman (no matter how large) who has the strength NOT to succumb to this kind of crap. I get angry every time I see ads extolling the stick thin boyish figure on tv or in magazines. I LIKE big bust curvy women, so long as it isn't a health risk be whatever weight you like! Yes of course I want a woman with a brain and a good heart more than anything, but that's off topic. I'd be happy to reply to any messages you send. You ladies need all the emotional support you can get. No, I don't have anything sneaky in mind, I never was good at being manipulative and I can prove it, sigh. At least one man out here would love you AND your chest just as you are, dammit. I hate bullies! mad.gif


--------------------
"Know thyself." Socrates
"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the Bible
These 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.
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anna k
post Sep 10 2008, 11:52 AM
Post #295


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


Is it weird that whenever I read posts on Jezebel that are praising big full breasts of stars like Salma Hayek's (who are rumored to be implants btw), Lindsay Lohan's, and Halle Berry's mommy boobs, I feel really good about my own, like mine are really voluptuous and sexy and awesome?
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anna k
post Sep 4 2008, 09:45 PM
Post #296


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


Ananke, I spent my teen years hiding my breasts by wearing big shirts and cardigans and coats, and felt embarassed about having what felt like large breasts to me. I finally got comfortable with them when I was 17, having lost some weight and felt more grown-up, and wore form-fitting shirts that were very flattering, and I ended up getting flirted with more and not realizing the new attention. I regret feeling so covered up back then, but I had a lot of mental crap to get through and hated my teen years.
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ananke
post Sep 4 2008, 09:27 PM
Post #297


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Posts: 266


Back to swimsuits, I'm a 38M (Aust/US sizing, J in the UK apparently...sizing is so bloody confusing) so I gave up. Instead I've got a pair of boyleg trunks, a microfibre singlet and I just wear a bra. It's got a real 40s kind of vibe, but comfy and covers what I want covered.

If you want sexy, I have no idea.

As far as male attention goes, my mother is horrified by how much I cover up, but I spent my teen years being leered at, I still get leered at, I'd rather be somewhat covered. I use it as a kind of armour though - the more covered I am, the better I feel. Which is all knds of fucked up I know.
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girltrouble
post Sep 4 2008, 01:46 PM
Post #298


new highs in personal lows daily!
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Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


i posted this in the smawl bewbies thread, but i think i should xpost it here:
QUOTE
as for that Pavlovian saliva response to other women, most guys do it because they are taught that is acceptable. that "that's what men do." and just like most women were socialized around women, most guys were socialized around guys. with guys lots of there bad habits are what i like to call "proofs." proofs are a way for boys to prove they are masculine, that they aren't gay. with boys you have to think about some animal that needs to make a show about their virility to spook off their competitors. i've said it before, contrary to what most people think, masculinity is a very fragile thing-- it is constantly needing repair, and defending. at any moment guys masculinity can be called to the floor for a vote. i'd imagine the closest thing-- or the first thing that comes to my mind is mothers. they are perpetually having their motherhood into question. by ads, other people, friends, etc. the same with men. everything he does becomes a proof. think about it. he can look good, but not too good. he can have interests, but only certain interests. everything-- even who he dates, and the car he drives are proof to some degree. most guys are terrified of looking gay. i wouldn't even call it homophobia, because i think i fear of the feminine enters into it too, but they can't see how it's a sucker's game. so as boys they get in this habit of proving that masculinity, and eventually men-- and women-- think it's genetic wiring. i suppose to a degree it is. but only a small degree. ritual becomes habitual.


that said, i think if i guy oggles you, you should lay into him. call him a perv, a shit head and anything else that crosses your mind. the above is not meant to be an excuse, but just to understand the behavior. i wish that more women would lay into guys, they equate bad behavior with masculinity. the need to be disabused of this.



--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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freckleface7
post Sep 4 2008, 01:16 PM
Post #299


beachcomber
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I will admit that sometimes I wear t shirts that fit not snugly, but well, yes- make my girls look good.
but I get tired of wearing shapeless tents in order to what- disguise that I have breasts?
you're so right ht, it gets Old.

esp when wearing said fitted t the other night, and creepy pizza delivery dude gawked at me or should I say them and made me feel sooooo skeevy! mad.gif
I wanted to yell ' hey- I'm not wearing this for YOU bozo, I'm wearing it for ME ' bc it's one of my favorite shirts that just Happens to be fitted. I'm not trying to draw attention, not showing off, I wanted to wear a shirt that shows I still have a waisteline, something the tent shirts obliterate.

let's all get t-shirts printed w/ really small print that says " my eyes are up here " w/ a small arrow pointing up.
and maybe the word 'jerk' on back too? laugh.gif


--------------------
I'm gonna let it shine
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hellotampon
post Sep 2 2008, 12:00 AM
Post #300


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,018
From: Connecticut


I've been insanely stressed out lately because of my job. Like, I just want to cry all the time, and I have this constant nagging anxiety.

I already hate it when guys stare at my chest, and lately I just cannot deal with it. The other night at the state fair everyone and their frigging dad had to gawk at my boobs. Yes, I had a tanktop with some cleavage showing, but what the hell is the difference? My boobs are big. They look even bigger in a turtleneck than a low-cut shirt, which is at least more comfy and less restrictive. Thankfully I was with my boyfriend and a guy friend, so all the men did was stare- no muttering disrespectful things under their breath as I passed or anything.

How hard is it to look away? You would think we grew boobs just for them! One of these days I'm going to tell someone if he doesn't stop staring I'm gonna scratch his eyes out.
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