[sybarite]

See, clearly I'm evil, but I don't even think the bride and groom should be responsible for those extra arrangements such as on-site sitter etc etc. It's an extra task and extra expense, and is bound to be accompanied by further stress caused by parents unhappy with the arrangements made.

We're not close to anyone who has kids so obviously I'm uninformed on what they might need in terms of wedding childcare. But why should I be informed? Their kids, their responsibility, end of.

*waits for pelting to begin*

[maddy29]

Raskel- yes, you should be able to have a grown-up wedding with no kids screaming, running around, knocking over the cake, etc. I agree with whoever said to make it VERY clear that the kids aren't invited. maybe the invitation can say something about adults-only, or leave the kids home this weekend and come party! or something very direct. i betcha some people bring their kids anyways.....

[cloverbee]

raskel, the whole idea behind childfree by choice is so you don't have to deal w/ kids. You should not have to deal w/ other people's kids either. I think people feel that it's okay to take kids to a wedding b/c they equate wedding w/ family. WRONG! I certainly won't have kids at my wedding either (if that ever happens). It's YOUR day and you can have it however you like!

[lucizoe]

raskel, stick to your guns. it's your day and especially if you and mr.raskel are paying for it all, who you invite is your business. And that's how it should be.

If you send invitations, be very clear that the invitation is only for the people listed...like on the RSVP card for Ms. Amy and Mr. Bert Whosiwhatsit only give them the option of accepting for a total of 2 people. But don't mention the possibility of a free babysitter on the invite, 'cause then you'll wind up paying for the 50 extra people in babysitting fees.

I wish people didn't have to go through this when planning weddings. It's like, hello? If an invitation is for you and hubby, it is for you and hubby. Not you + hubby + sprog + sprog's toys and noise. Bleh.

I'm sorry your mom is being so pissy about this. How exactly does it hurt her? Jeebus.

(I don't plan on getting married, unless we wind up having to...for insurance purposes. If we ever did do a big commitment party type thinger, though, I'm not inviting people's kids either. For one thing, I am not friends with their kids, I'm friends with them. For another, I don't want to have to watch my language at my party. I don't want my party to become a "let's all coo over so-and-so's new slobbery baby" event. Etc. I'd like to think my parents, both teachers, would welcome the no-kids rule, even if my mom is still reeling over news of mr.luci's impending snippage).

good luck, raskel!

ETA - This might be helpful

[raskel]

I actually did plan to have a sitter pick up my brothers after we've had dinner. I know my step mom would love a night of drinking and dancing and being away from the kids. Not to mention that the boys would probably be bored by then anyway. I would extend the babysitting offer if there was a real need, for example an important family member that really can't find other arrangements. My mom is just so pissed about it. She's telling me I wont get as many gifts...well, with the money I'll save not feeding an extra 50 people [kids], I can buy my own gifts!

[msgoofball]

raskel, if the kids are family and not friend's kids, why not hire a couple of sitters for a few hours and have them nearby but not nearby...ya know? that way the parents can come(not have to worry about childcare) and actually have a good time enjoying your day with you and you can relax not hearing tantrums. just hearing stories of how davy does the funniest things when he...nah i won't go there.. hehehe just a thought.

[sybarite]

Raskel, I think you're absolutely right and I'm going to argue for the same thing for our wedding. State it politely as non-negotiable, and maybe claim the small size of the wedding as the reason? I wouldn't mention your opinion of the kids themselves, just say it will be hard to fit everyone in as it is.

The parents (of the kids) can figure out for themselves if they want to attend, or if they can. Some may not be able to, but other parents might sneakily see it as a break from their kids for a weekend. People may have problems getting people to look after the rug rats for a weekend, but honestly: that's not your problem. Good luck!

[raskel]

Just a very small wedding, less than 100 people (and there's 10 in my nuclear family). There's tons of kids in my family, and they're all obnoxious and loud. There will be temper tantrums every 10 minutes, and I wouldn't doubt something will be set on fire. We just want to enjoy our day with our family and a couple close friends. No kids, so everyone can relax and have a good time.

[kjhink]

treehugger, I haven't taken vicodin personally. However, one of my closest friends is a pharmacist and it is his post-procedure painkiller of choice (as opposed to codeine or whaterver). Some people (my boyfriend) also experience a sort of low-level euphoria on it, so I think you'll be good to go.

Your doctor did you good.

[maddy29]

raskel- my family would flip out too, because there are so many kids, and everyone would have to get a babysitter, etc. Why do you not want kids there? What kind of wedding is it goingn to be? I mean, it's your wedding so you can do whatever you want, ya know?

[maddy29]

Treehugger-yes, details please! This is something I'll probably do sometime down the road (I'm 29) so I'm very interested in hearing all about your experience. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow (well, not at 6:30 am cause I'll be asleep).

That's a great idea about getting everything set up before you go in. WHen i got my IUD, I puked up my guts afterwards, and when I got home I didn't have ginger ale and crackers. I didn't expect to feel that way. So, whatever you can do to prepare your home is great.

Also, that giddy feeling-I hvae that too ever since I got my IUD. I know yours is permanent, so it's probalby even MORE exciting!!!!! FREEEEEEDOM baby!

How long is the surgery?

[raskel]

Sorry this is off topic, and maybe belongs in the wedding thread, but I just told my parents that Mr. Raskel and I don't want children at our wedding (with the exception of my 6, 10 and 14 year old brothers) and they freaked out. My mom told me that I was being ridiculous, unreasonable, and that nobody was going to come to my wedding.

[treehugger]

Well, I found out I have to go in at 6:30 AM. They are prescribing Vidoden. Has anybody ever taken that?

[turbojenn]

tree - feel free to bombard us with details!! You are my tubal-role-model, and whatever information you care to share here will most definitely help me consider when/if to get the tubes taken care of.

And good for you for stocking up on everything you need post-surgery - I don't like standing in pharmacy lines on a normal day, let alone post surgery!

[treehugger]

Oh, yeah, cloverbee, there's still the STD thing. I'm in a long term relationship with a guy I trust *okay, mostly* but in ten years he hasn't given me reason to worry. And birth control has worked well. It's just the random rape thing and the Bill Napoli stuff going on that wigs me out. Not to mention, yup, FREEDOM!

So, I was given some VERY, VERY good advice by my guy, by the way. He suggested that I call the day before the surgery and have them prescribe the pain medication early so I can pick it up TODAY, rather than picking it up tomorrow after surgery which would have happened. He's so right. Who in the hell wants to wait in a long pharmacy line immediately after surgery, still woozy from anesthesia? This way I should be able to go straight home and get relaxed. So I'm going to be picking up supplies today.

Am I boring you with mundane details or is this okay? I'm not sure how much you guys want to know about the whole process...because I was given a list of things to have on hand for after and stuff and I don't know if you want to know that much or not. Yup, I'm horrible at grammar, by the way.

MissPissed, one of the things about having kids that made me realize they have NO place in my life, was just thinking about school! There's registrations, vaccinations, school clothes, the fall school supplies list, the band practice, the soccer games, the teenage angst, the having to put two decent meals on the table every weekday and three every weekend day, just all the aggravation that I'd just rather not focus on. When would I ever have time to paint or make jewelry?

[cloverbee]

I probably would have a tubal but then you still have to think about STD's unless you are in a long-term relationship w/ someone you trust and that scares the shit out of me as much as having kids.

[misspissed]

rock ON, treehugger.
i'd love details on the surgery, when you are up to it.

i think i am gonna consider a tubal at some point, just to have that total fucking freedom.

funny. i had a convo with my roommate regarding the sprogging, and her thoughts are that she will regret not having a child. i on the other hand, feel like i will regret having children. i just don't want to end up bitter, pissed off, and resentful that i had kids -- i have totally random plans for the rest of my life (which hopefully include loads of travelling) and feel like a child just won't fit into that properly. not like i have to justify anything on this thread, but the more i think about it, the more reasons i come up with on the negatory side.

2 sides of the coin, eh.

[doodlebug]

treehugger, when I got my cat spayed, I bragged to everyone that she was "free forever from the tyranny of motherhood."

Nobody but busties ever got it.

[treehugger]

ginger kitty, I AM giddy. I am "fourteen year old girl with a crush on a sixteen year old guy and he just said "hi" and winked at me" giddy. I'm high school graduation giddy. I'm "turning legal to drink" giddy. I'm "wedding day" giddy.

And it's weird that nobody gets it except you guys.

[doodlebug]

"When people ask me why I'm not having kids I tell them I want to save child protective services a trip to my house."

I am so totally stealing that.