[strongirl]

Secretsights, ABSOLUTELY you should go with that. I LOVED everything you said in that post. The things you listed are authentic, not artificially manipulated - you have more confidence because you have earned it by loving and caring for your physical body from within, rather than worrying about what your exterior looks like to others and trying to get it to measure up to some arbitrary standard. This is real beauty...when beauty is not the goal. Rock that clear skin, bright smile, shining eyes, strong body, radiant glow, Secretsights!

Karategrrl, sorry to hear you are feeling less satisfied but you do sound pretty philosophical about it - it doesn't sound like your torturing yourself over it, which is good. I was thinking of sharing this anyway but your post is a good lead-in. Due to some perimenopausal hormonal fluctuations, I am currently sporting large B/small C cup size breasts. And ya know what? It just doesn't really affect anything at all in my life. I don't feel more feminine...I felt feminine anyway. I don't feel more attractive...I felt attractive anyway. My bf was actually avoiding them - I think he was concerned they'd be sore and sensitive. So far from not being able to keep his hands off them, he seems a bit put off by them. No one else even notices. I do sort of get a kick out of cupping them in the shower, like you said, Karategrrl but it's not like it makes my day. It's just not that big a deal. And maybe if I'd been miserable about them being small I would be happier about them being bigger. But I wasn't miserable before and I'm not thrilled now. I think this illustrates what we've said in here before: that good health and our own feelings about our bodies is what matters, that we can totally blow the importance of breast size way out of proportion, and that in reality, it just doesn't matter that much.

My perspective, for what it's worth.

[secretsights88]

Focusing on health is a great idea. I'm not really keen on working out, but when I get into it, I start feeling great about myself inside and out. It's not even about losing weight or toning up, it's this general feeling of being pretty. Maybe it's psychological, but I feel I look less tired, like I have clearer skin and a brighter smile. I don't know. I also feel more energized and knowing that what I'm doing is good for my body just gives me a general feel good vibe, which just makes me feel that much better about the way I look. And feeling stronger, and more capable of doing physical things, just gives me a lot more confidence. I also tend to focus more on improving my fitness level rather than focusing on my physical "flaws".

[karategrrl]

buttercups, welcome back!!! <<<hugs>>>

because I seriously think this place is essential to my mental health. Since I've stopped really participating here and working all the time, my self-esteem about the lack of fat on my chest has just gotten worse

I can tell you that it is also great for my mental health. I think of you ladies all the time and inteestingly enough, my thoughts of you rarely have anything to do with breast size--more, it's some thought-provoking or hysterically funny thing someone has said.

"...lack of fat on my chest..."

Interesting, isn't it? That's mostly what breasts are, yet all this shit about size and how we put ourselves through the ringer over it. Lately I am feeling less satisfied than usual about my chest. I'm just annoyed; I'd like to wear a B cup--nothing big--but enough to be able to buy a fucking nice bra, damn it, and cup them in my hands and feel something cup-able! Not asking for the fucking world, you know.... then I remind myself of how silly it all is--why we attach so much to the size of fat mounds on our chests. No easy answer!


BTW, I came across this documentary today and thought of you all. Watched the preview and was amazed at how it touched on what we've discussed here so often--how media makes us feel inferior so we SPEND MONEY on "correcting" ourselves. And in the preview to either this one or version 2, they panned the audience and it was annoying how it was, like, 99.999999% women. Men need to see this shit, not women. We already know.

[buttercups]

Hey ladies,

I've missed you all, coming back to check-in, though I never really left I've just been lurking because I'm working crazy hours at my new job and barely have time to breathe lately. In any event, I'm going to try to be more present here because I seriously think this place is essential to my mental health. Since I've stopped really participating here and working all the time, my self-esteem about the lack of fat on my chest has just gotten worse. When I was talking to you guys regularly I actually started to accept myself more, and now that I'm downhill again I'm ready to get back on the bandwagon and start feeling better about myself. I've since moved in with my boyfriend too, first time we've ever lived together or that I've ever lived with a boyfriend, so I feel even more pressure lately to look better. At least when we weren't living together I was more able to hide my true self, but now it's even harder.

DeeRayy I hope you're feeling better today. I know the disappointment when you think there is something wrong with you that can be fixed and then find out that there's nothing wrong so nothing can be fixed. I have felt that exact same way, like I want something to be wrong with me so I can just take a pill or something and then look like everybody else. I love strongirl's ideas about focusing on your health though, that will really make you feel so much better about yourself. I know that when I had more time to work-out and take care of myself I felt better about my body on the whole, even my breasts. Just getting exercise and eating well can do wonders.

On the casual sex topic, interestingly enough my small breasts were what kept me from having casual sex. I was so self-conscious about myself that in college I never wanted anyone to see me naked, so while all my friends were going out hooking up with random guys I was in a long-term (and unhealthy) relationship because I couldn't expose my body to anyone. There were guys that showed interest in me but even if I liked them back I was terrified that they would find out how flat I was and tell the whole school. I stayed in that awful long-term relationship for my entire college experience pretty much and never ventured out of my comfort zone with any other guys. Not that I'm encouraging casual sex or anything, and everyone should do what's most comfortable for them of course, but that is one regret that I have from college. I wish I had the guts to go out and date other guys instead of being terrified about what they would say about my breasts. DeeRayy I applaud you for doing what made you the most comfortable and going with your gut on this one, I know what bad self-esteem can do to your head and you really fought through it.

[KeraBear]

LOL, I can always count on the "members" of this forum for "penetrating" insights.

Getting cocky, huh?

LMAO!! It makes me happy knowing that i am not the only twisted bustie on here.

[KeraBear]

I know how it is, DeeRayy... well, not EXACTLY how it is. I've never dealt with thyroid issues, but like four years ago when i was 15, i was sooooo frustrated because i was short, lite-weight, barely any breasts to speak of, no period yet .... yeah, i was absolutely convinced there was something wrong with me and worked up the courage to ask to see a doctor about it. Nope. "You're normal," my doctor exclaimed. Normal! I was actually disappointed! I was certain that they would be able to give me some magic treatment to instantly make me blossom! So i know the feeling anyways. And yeah, it kinda sucks.

But karategrrl and strongirl have certainly done a good job of reframing the situation. Perhaps looking at it in a new light, hopefully you can accentuate the positives??? Eaiser said than done, I know...

*hugs to DeeRayy*

oh yeah, and it sounds like you made the right decision about the "booty call."

[karategrrl]

LOL, I can always count on the "members" of this forum for "penetrating" insights.

OMG, just when I thought you ladies could not possibly make me laugh any more!

It's possible that even if you don't test as "abnormal" from a medical viewpoint, you're not in optimal balance for YOU. ...

Holy crap, you are SOOOOOOO right on!

And let me also suggest YogaToday for streamng free yoga classes. (Thanks, I didn't know about classes on YouTube!) And I LOVE your spiral analogy! Great way to look at it!

[strongirl]

LOL, I can always count on the "members" of this forum for "penetrating" insights.

DeeRayy, <<hug>>!!! I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. Karategrrl's thought about never being back at "square one" is so true. I always think of it like this: in life, you can't go in a circle, you can only go in an upward spiral. Even if you end up back at the "same" place, you're not really - you've gone forward in time, you're at a higher level than you were before. So when I feel like I've come full circle, I try to look down at where I was when I was here before and figure out what's different, what am I supposed to get out of it this time. Getting pretty metaphysical here and off topic, but hopefully helpful.

The other thing I thought I'd throw out in case it's useful is that if you truly feel that there's something "wrong" with your body, that you are not experiencing vibrant good health, then don't give up trying to improve it. It's possible that even if you don't test as "abnormal" from a medical viewpoint, you're not in optimal balance for YOU. Focus on getting as healthy as possible with nutrition, exercise, sleep. Try meditation! Read up on superfoods and what foods promote the best hormonal health. Do 5 good things for yourself, such as buy incense or essential oils so your space smells great, eat fabulous healthy meals, take a yoga class or follow along with one of the great ones out there on YouTube, go to a spa or hot springs or take long bubble baths at home, get a massage. Promote your own well-being and be kind to your self and let yourself feel good. And yes, do invest in that vibrator!!! Orgasms promote hormonal health, I am sure of it!

And if you're truly convinced that there's something medically wrong with you, get a 2nd opinion. No doctor is right 100% of the time and especially with thyroid, there's controversy over what number to call "low".

Again, DeeRayy, <<hug>>!!!

[karategrrl]

DeeRayy, I hear ya, and I so respect your out-there honesty, which is so brave and gutsy. So, if I get what you are saying, basically you feel you are having to face something you had come to feel was medically explainable and treatable. So now you no longer have that explanation and you feel like you're back at square one? I am sorry the weekend was challenging. If I could offer up something (besides a big 'ol hug), it would be something I came across recently that helped me a LOT-- the idea that even when we feel we're "back at square one," we're not really, b/c just having gone through whatever it was that took us to that place does, by definition, change who we are by the time we're "back at square one." A huge variable--OURSELF--has changed, which makes us NOT truly back in that place. What this might mean for you, if anything, is something only you can answer, but I do hope that gives you somethng to think about and maybe feel hopeful about.

And you ladies seriously crack me up with your naughty little innuendos. Getting cocky, huh?

[DeeRayy]

I don't recommend having sex SOLELY to feel better about your body based on someone desiring you, although I don't think that's actually what anyone on here was thinking/intending. But people do it, and to me it seems a bit 1) exploitive of the person you're having sex with and 2) negatively reinforcing the idea that your value comes from being desired by others.

you have a VERY good point strongirl. well i didn't end up ever taking him up on his offer. i just really don't think i'm a casual sex kind of girl at the moment. i did, however, agree to go on a date with him. and while on the date i realized that i just really wasn't into him and so now the thought of having sex with him makes me feel dirty! haha. so at this point i think i might need to invest in a vibrator.

btw, VERY bad boobie day today. you all know that i've been dealing with medical issues lately. and over the summer they seem to have disappeared, which leaves me with mixed feelings. i was recently found to NOT have thyroid disorder after all. so, my doctor then wanted to test my hormone levels to rule out pcos. well, it turns out my hormones are fine and i'm just paranoid. you would think that this would have made me feel better about my body. however, i had been really convinced that i had a hormonal condition and that that was why my body looks the way it does. and i secretly had hopes that maybe i could be treated with hormone therapy and that this could help my body look more filled out. and now that i know that there's nothing to be treated i'm feeling very frustrated. it's like i'm starting all over again. and it's very hard for my doc to truly convince me that i'm perfectly normal when i feel everything but normal. so this weekend has been a rough one for me.

[KeraBear]

it sure does sound like it will be a tough nut to crack, we're up against stiff competition....hopefully others will have the same views as us, touch wood.

xD

LOL! I think I understand the thrust of your argument....

[skindeep1991]

I love this!
ooooh... i can so get behind this... or should i say this can get behind me! It sounds like it will be hard, though...

it sure does sound like it will be a tough nut to crack, we're up against stiff competition....hopefully others will have the same views as us, touch wood.

xD

[KeraBear]

I saw this on a bumper sticker today and thought of all of you:

"Change how you see, not how you look."

Aw yeah.

I love this!

And PS: Can we have penis appreciation day/month too? I do appreciate penises. Very much.

ooooh... i can so get behind this... or should i say this can get behind me! It sounds like it will be hard, though...

[karategrrl]

That is a like a whole book's worth of great sex advice in one concise sentence! Karategrrl, you rule!

Aw shucks!

Tons of great stuff on here and I don't have much more to add but did want to touch a bit more on the sex issue.

After all, if your body can experience sexual pleasure and give it to another person, isn't that something to revel in and celebrate? And shouldn't we feel gratitude and appreciation for our bodies when they do that? Yes! We should! ...
So with that in mind...I encourage you all to "get busy"!

OMG this is SO wonderful. Thank you for this reminder, strongirl! Seriously, I had forgotten this idea for like 10 years. Certainly something to "actively" celebrate!

And PS: Can we have penis appreciation day/month too? I do appreciate penises. Very much. And breasticles, too, of course.

[karategrrl]

I saw this on a bumper sticker today and thought of all of you:

"Change how you see, not how you look."

Aw yeah.

[strongirl]

"And consider this: you obviously already ARE wanted by a guy; feel good about that fact and sleep with him--or not (and practice safe sex if you do)! <hug> "

That is a like a whole book's worth of great sex advice in one concise sentence! Karategrrl, you rule!

Tons of great stuff on here and I don't have much more to add but did want to touch a bit more on the sex issue.

I don't recommend having sex SOLELY to feel better about your body based on someone desiring you, although I don't think that's actually what anyone on here was thinking/intending. But people do it, and to me it seems a bit 1) exploitive of the person you're having sex with and 2) negatively reinforcing the idea that your value comes from being desired by others.

And I completely agree with Karategrrl's points about there being other considerations in the decision, too.

That said, I think that good sex has many diverse benefits beyond the main ones of experiencing sexual pleasure and connecting intimately with another person. One of them is that it promotes feeling positive about your body and less hung up about it's "imperfections". After all, if your body can experience sexual pleasure and give it to another person, isn't that something to revel in and celebrate? And shouldn't we feel gratitude and appreciation for our bodies when they do that? Yes! We should! And appreciation for one's body is the opposite of the negative, critical thinking that we try to help each other overcome in this forum.

So with that in mind...I encourage you all to "get busy"!

[KeraBear]

or small boobie appreciation year! =D

I know, right??? Baby steps, SD, baby steps. Keep the dream of equality alive!!!

[skindeep1991]

The world needs a small boobie appreciation month. Am I right?!?

or small boobie appreciation year! =D

[karategrrl]

I believe her maturity is finally catching up to her cup size.

LOL!!!!

The world needs a small boobie appreciation month. Am I right?!?

YES!

[KeraBear]

Secretsights88 - So much good advice on here that I don't feel like i have anything add. Except I concur! ha ha I can offer empathy though since my little sister has is two cup sizes bigger than i am (it's no secret though because i am always bitching about it on here. LOL!!!). I think a lot of it depends on your sister's maturity level. I agree with karategrrl that you should tell her everything that you have written here. If you don't feel like you can talk to her, maybe write her a letter? I've tried talking to my sis about my issues with her teasing me many times, and for a while it gets better but she inevitably goes back to her old ways. But lately as she has gotten older, it has gotten better. I believe her maturity is finally catching up to her cup size.

DeeRayy - Yeah, karategrrl is right. Regardless of whether you decide to accept the booty-call or not, you should feel good that this guy totally wants you - booblets and all! It is, after all, Hispanic Heritage Month. He is just showing his appreciation of sexy Hispanics.

The world needs a small boobie appreciation month. Am I right?!?