[zelda]

Woah! So much to read at once...

Michelina...re: weed and cigarettes. As you know, Mr. Z smoked a little weed each night. When we started TTC, he cut down quite a bit....the month we actually conceived he cut down to smoking weed on weekends only. Now he did always smoke three cigarettes a day - one in the morning, one at lunch, and one before going to bed. It's a terrible habit and since he smokes so few, I wish he'd quit. BUT...he is one man who smoked weed and cigs to some degree and still managed to get me pregnant.

If you remember his motility numbers were *slightly* on the low side (but still normal)...I think that was the weed, but clearly they eventually got to where they needed to go. I have no idea if his reduction of weed during that last month affected us or not.

I'd say if Mr. M's sperm count was so good even when he was smoking weed, you should encourage him to do that instead of cigarettes because frankly cigarettes are so bad for you and weed is much more natural. Maybe he could do what Mr. Z did - just smoke a bit on the weekends. I hope this helps...I think you should remember his SA results whenever you start to worry because they really are encouraging. Bottom line I think things like weed, cigs, and drinking only affect men whose sperm health is borderline to begin with, and that's not Mr. M. Hope this helps.

Funny, I'm glad you didn't get the job...sometimes it takes the opposite of what we think we wanted to happen for us to realize we never really wanted it in the first place (if that makes any sense). Let Operation Knocked Up proceed! Elliott/Ponyo kicked so hard for my BFF the other night, but Mr. Z still hasn't timed it right to feel him...hopefully as his kicks get stronger he will be able to feel.

Ponyo was very mellow today which I do NOT like! Just now he started moving a bit which was such a relief.

I had my 23 week check up this week and was freaked to discover I'd gained SEVEN POUNDS in one month...should have been more like four. Woops...I've been eating too many sweets. My doctor was so kind about it, but she asked me to slow it down. I've gained 18 pounds so far, so if I slow it down, I should still be on target to gain 30 to 35 which is reasonable...other than that all is well. Ponyo's heartbeat was 144 and my belly measured 23 and 1/2 inches...up and inch and a 1/2 from last time, so that's good.

Next month I have the glucose testing, so we'll see how that goes!

Jenny D...thank you for your kind words. Glad you and Archie are doing well. I feel a mixture of enjoying this special time with Ponyo hanging out inside, but also feeling so curious to meet him out here! Keep us updated with how you're doing.

Cristine...hope to hear some good news from you soon...hope you have a lovely Valentine's...

NickClick, I think everyone on this thread could relate to what you posted...trust me, I had problems with Mr. Z's performance a couple of times...as well as him getting anxious and pressured. It's really, really frustrating TTC and feeling pressure to have sex.

My advice...even though there were a few months when we did it every day, I found this exhausting and it also freaked out Mr. Z. There's no reason every other day couldn't do the trick. I remember one month we did it five days in a row and I didn't get pregnant...the month I conceived we did it once. Sometimes I wonder if doing it every day is actually bad as it could diminish sperm count although the experts say that can't happen...I dunno...but I don't think you have to do it every day - at least not every month!

Try to have sex outside your fertile window to keep Mr. NC from feeling like a sperm bank...and try not to get bent out of shape if it doesn't work sometimes. Easier said than done, I know, but it is SO normal for guys to freak out during this time. I remember Mr. Z freaking out several times even tho he really wanted a baby too...but for guys, I think this is all a scary time and pressure to prove their masculinity, etc...and for many of them they've been raised to think Just Once and she'll get pregnant...when they realize they may have to work at it and their sperm isn't magic, it can be kind of a blow.

Hang in there...I'd say aim for doing it three times during your fertile window. Two days before ovulation, once on the day you ovulate, and two days after just in case you timed ovulation incorrectly...and just try - as hard as it is - to love each other and remember you guys are an awesome couple...don't let the babymaking ruin that.

Hope this helps...we've all been there...

[nickclick]

funny, congrats???? sorta?

i've beenl lurking and i'm pleased to read everyone's experiences and how they differ. good luck and best wishes to everyone here!

mr.nick and started ttc this month. we got to bed late last nite and since we've been trying to make a baby every day this week, i thought yesterday was no exception. the boner wasn't happening and he snapped that it was because i'm "pressuring" him. this morning he apologized and said he was tired and cranky and distracted by work stuff and that yes, he is truly ready for baby. similarness happened when we shopped for a house to buy and a dog to adopt. we talk about doing something and agree on the timing, and when it comes time for action, his anxiety sets in. with the house purchase and dog adoption, it seemed i did most of the legwork, he helped made the final decision, and then he admitted how happy he is with our choice and how happy he is for me pushing him through any worry. but with baby making, i literally need him every step of the way. at 34, i'm having anxiety that every near-ovulation opportunity needs to be seized.

[funnybird]

I didn't get the job, and I'm secretly a little relieved. It would have been nice to earn a little more, but it also would have meant a nightmare commute across town. So instead of focussing on my career I'm back to Plan A (getting knocked up).

Jenny, so good to hear from you! I was wondering how you and Archie were getting on during the cold snap - thinking it was probably lovely to be snuggled up indoors on maternity leave, with a little warm bundle to cuddle.

[Cristine]

Funny, good luck on the job!

Good to hear from you Jenny, so glad you & baby Archie are doing well!

Michelina... weed! Weed is one of the purest drugs on the planet, no additives & the only treatment is drying it out! As a smoker, and I am smoking again today because I started my period last night, I can say it is at least physically addictive... meaning that I am obviously able to go 2-3 weeks without smoking and my only "withdrawal" is I don't know what to do with my hands! (Hence the weight gain while TTC) Mr. C is now cutting down his smoking because it DOES have an effect on sperm as well! And if Jenny got knocked up while Mr. JD was smoking pot AND Mr. M had a good SA while smoking pot, then I would say it's not as bad as people might suspect. When I get pregnant I swear I'll never smoke again, it's an annoying habit that I hate going back to.... and I believe it's hindering me from getting pregnant, at least to a certain extent. But now that Mr. C is cutting back, that will help me as well.

Now let's see if this Valentine's season will get us TTC'ers knocked up this round!!

[jenny_dreadful]

Hi all, it's been a while since I've posted here but I am still reading and wanted to drop by while I've got a bit of internet time.

Fookie, your adoption journey is amazing to read about. The booklet you've put together sounds wonderful, I wish I would've thought to put something similar together while I was pregnant, I think it would really help any prospective parent to think about who they are and the life they have to bring a child into.

Michelina, I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you've been having, I'm thinking about you and am keeping everything crossed that IUI will work for you. I second what Funny says and say 'weed', not just because my Mr is a weed smoker and we got pregnant, but because as an ex-cigarette smoker I'd worry that 4 cigarettes a day could become more quite easily, with all the impact that can potentially have on fertility. However, that's me (and that's why I can't be trusted to have the odd cigarette!)

Funny, your story about breaking the test apart is hilarious, it's not embarrassing, I totally understand exactly the thought process that took you through that! Fingers crossed for the results of your job interview!

Cristine, your friend sounds quite challenging! Who has sex around ovulation unless you're trying to get pregnant?

Zelda I'm enjoying reading about your pregnancy! Although my pregnancy only ended 6 weeks ago I kind of miss it, all the anticipation and planning and excitement! Also, having your baby inside you is an amazing kind of intimacy that I did not fully appreciate until my wonderful baby was on the outside. Really enjoy it.

My Archie is now 6 weeks old - I can hardly believe it! He's smiling and cooing and reaching out for me. I'm just about to go and wake him for his final feed of the day. He's a joy, and all the hard work of parenthood (and the massive culture shock I suffered for the first couple of weeks of motherhood which I won't bore you with!) is totally worth it.

[funnybird]

Fookie, I think I understand why you feel guilty about that form, but at the same time it so natural to want your future child to be as healthy as possible. After all, if you were pregnant you'd be doing everything you could in terms of nutrition and looking after yourself, and I don't see how this is different. You and Mr. F are doing an amazing thing! I'm in awe, and I love hearing your updates.

Michelina, that's a tough one. I'd be tempted to say 'weed', but that's only because in my experience it's more fun than cigarettes! Was he smoking weed when he had the SA? The results from that were good, weren't they? I've been trying to persuade AB to drink a little less. It's hard - I feel mean because I know how much he likes it and he's been through so much crap recently. He is taking zinc supplements now, so I'm hoping they will counter any negative effects caused by booze.

Zelda, how's Ponyo-Maybe-Elliott doing? Has he kicked for his Dad yet?

I had my job interview today. It went okay, but I'm not getting my hopes too high. I'm about to have a glass of wine just to celebrate getting through it!

[Michelina]

Fookie, I agree - everyone should creat a booklet like that depicting their lives. What a wonderful project and gift! I would have a hard time answering those questions regarding tolerance too. Do you and Mr F agree for the most part?

Zelda, what is your official due date?

I am currently on CD6 and have an ultrasound on CD11 for follicle tracking. That way we'll have a good idea when I will ovulate as my follicular phase is now all over the place - between 12 and 17 days. I am nervous about our first round of IUI. I am more nervous about the meds, which I'll start at the end of March or early April - not long at all!

Something has been on my mind lately. Mr M gave up smoking weed, but he has replaced it with cigarettes. At first I thought he would only smoke one at night - sort of like he did with weed. But now it seems he is smoking several (maybe 4 or so) throughout the day. I am concerned about his health and about what this may be doing to his sperm. He is very reasonable, but I know he feels he needs something to take the stress away. And I get that. It's why I enjoy my booze now and then. I am almost tempted to tell him to go back to weed and smoke just a tiny bit. Does anyone have any thoughts?

[zelda]

Fookie, I love hearing about your journey...that booklet sounds awesome. Your ups and downs and emotions sound natural, too...any road to parenthood is going to include these ups and downs, I do believe. I also understand your feelings about low tolerance for things like exposure to drugs/alcohol, etc...I think you have to be honest. The mental illness thing would be more difficult...because you just don't know how that will affect the baby.

For example, since Mr. Z is adopted we have no real idea what our baby will inherit (other than what we know of him). He could have a lot of mental illness in his family and we just don't know...so there is a risk for us in a sense as well. (Another reason why open adoption is so great, so you get this info!).

The way I look at it...there is a risk associated with any leap into parenthood. Right now, I have no idea if this baby inside me is healthy or what (other than what the basic tests can tell us). We have no idea what delays he may have. Of course I can control certain things like what I eat and drink, but ultimately there's a lot of chance involved...I think you have to just guesstimate the risk level you and Mr. F feel comfortable with, knowing that there is a risk for everyone who becomes a parent...just my thoughts.

Man, I am so happy for you!!! And I understand what you mean about just loving Mr. F. I feel the same way about Mr. Z right now...it is a good place to be in, knowing you are bringing a child into the world and your relationship feels solid.

Tonight I went online and preregistered for the hospital as well as signed up for a one-night breastfeeding course, a one-night infant care class, and a three day Labor and Delivery Boot Camp type program...birthing basics. It made me feel a bit more together and less overwhelmed.

Have gotten two good nights of sleep and am feeling better about the insomnia...my OB called me today and said at this stage there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking an Ambien and she will write me a scrip for it on Wed. when I have my appt. I don't want to take it, but perhaps just having it on hand will help.

Having some achy round ligament pains...other than that, doing pretty well....how is everyone?

[Fookie]

Funny! Don't feel embarrassed. If I had been using the fancy tests, I probably would have done the same thing ... every single time

Cristine, people are idiots. Sheesh. I'm amazed at how clueless people can be.


Well, we're down to one training session and one final home study visit. I can't believe how quickly this has gone so far. I know that we're probably up for some waiting next, but I can't help feeling incredibly optimistic that our wait will be short. Our adoption profile booklet is 28 pages long (sounds long, but the example one we saw was longer). It includes a letter to the prospective birth parents, as well as spreads and spreads of photos of us, our families, the kids we love, our house etc. Honestly, I didn't think I could be more grateful for who I am and the relationship I have with MR. F. and our amazing families and friends ... but seeing it all in 28 pages ... it's one of the most beautiful gifts we've given ourselves. I think everyone should make one of these books. It's such a lovely testament to our lives, where we come from, who we are now, and what we stand for.

Our training sessions have been exhausting. A lot of cry-worthy videos and presentations by adoptive parents. So much to think about and consider. One of the final things we have to do for our last home study appointment is fill out a form that specifies ranges of tolerance for everything from drugs/alcohol exposure in utero to birth parents with diagnosed mental illness ... to diagnosed developmental delays ... I'm staying up awake at night. The guilt of having low tolerance for anything on the list is huge. Compounded with the guilt of knowing that ultimately we're staking our "dreams" on the heartbreak or bad situation of someone else ... it's a lot. I'm doing a lot of crying between all the optimism and joy.

Mr. F. and I have been renovating our main bath since before the holidays. He rigged up the bathtub so that I could soak in bubbles the other day ... in the middle of studs, gutted walls, and a giant hole in the wall Have I mentioned lately how crazy I am about him?

[zelda]

Funny, you should never be embarrassed about sharing that stuff here...remember the time I posted about walking in on Mr. Z masturbating and I started crying because we were supposed to have sex the next morning and he forgot he needed to save his jiz? Girl, it can't get more embarrassing than that. :-)

What you did was totally normal - don't feel bad. I'm just sorry this wasn't your month, but I know the time will come for you.

Cristine, that "you're healthy" line is so dumb...does you coworker not know about all the crack addicts who get pregnant, too? They're just pictures of health. My mother in law kept saying that same annoying line during my first trimester when I was worried about having a m/c - she would just say "you're healthy" even though I explained to her that that has nothing to do with it!

Ah, people...

I had a rough few days with another bout of pregnancy related insomnia. Slept a few hours on Wednesday night and didn't sleep AT ALL on Thursday or Friday night. Fortunately I didn't whack out like last time because I knew this was normal. I did call my OB's office and the (very nice) nurse said it was normal and associated with hormones, and that after the baby is born it should go away. I had to take Friday off work and make take Monday off, too, depending on how I feel.

She told me to take Tylenol Simply Sleep (which is essentially Benadryl), and I'm not sure if it had a placebo effect or what, but I finally got about 6 hours of sleep last night, thank GOD. Ugh - insomnia SUX.

I guess it's only fair I put up with this since I didn't have a stitch of morning sickness!

[funnybird]

It was funny even at the time! I KNEW how ridiculous I was being, but I just couldn't stop myself! Anyway, it was definitely an evaporation line. My temperature dropped this morning and the cramps are worse - I'm just waiting for the bleeding to start.

As I say, I'm okay with it this month. If by some miracle I do get offered the new job, we'll have to take a break from TTC for a few months anyway. Even though I'm so paranoid about running out of eggs, this will probably be a good thing. If I don't get it, then bring on month 15, I guess!

[Cristine]

Well apparently she's better than a doctor to diagnose fertility health on appearance alone!

Funny, when are you testing again? That was hilarious about tearing apart that test! Maybe it didn't feel that funny to you at the time, but it's exactly the kind of levity we needed on this board right now!

Michelina, I'm fine... a little frustrated & hopeless but what else is new! I'll test again tomorrow, because I felt like today might still be too soon. And because I bought a 3 pack, I'm sure I'll waste the last test within 2 days after that. I'm getting small cramps right now, feels premenstrual.

Oh Funny, in regard to my prego friend, no she didn't think breastfeeding women couldn't get pregnant. As a matter of fact she's been a little bit annoying since she had her baby... in that she keeps telling me when she's ovulating, when they had sex, followed by "OMG I'm worried I might be pregnant". This happened for several months so I am CERTAIN she was testing fate and not just trying to relate to my TTC conversations. So fucking annoying!!

[Michelina]

Funnybird, it's not shameful, but it is a little humorous! It sounds like what I did a few months back when I peed on the window and pretty much tore the stick apart waiting for a strange second line to show up. It did show up, but I wasn't pregnant. I really hope that is not your outcome, and I would be dehydrating myself and off the the drugstore to buy another brand if it were me! Are you going to wait to tomorrow to test again? You are not crazy - you just really want to be pregnant. I think it makes us all do interesting things with our sticks sometimes! :-) I am still crossing my fingers for you in case it's not an evap line.

I got a chuckle out of the "you're healthy" part too. 20% of couples struggle with infertility. Does she think that we are all visibly ill? The things people say never cease to amaze. We should be keeping a list!

Cristine, how are you?

[funnybird]

Okay, I've just done something so crazy that I'm really, really ashamed of it. But I'm going to tell you all anyway so you can all laugh at me.

The test I took this morning was a real cheapo, chemists own-brand one with really tiny result windows. As I was getting undressed to shower the thought popped into my head - "what if the tiny windows are misaligned with the result strip underneath?". Which is where I should have stopped, right? I mean, the control line was visible when I took the test. I should just accept that this wasn't my month and focus on the job situation instead.

Still, I decided to dig the thing out of the bin and look to see if there was a visible evaporation line - so I did and there wasn't. Probably should have stopped THERE, but no, I actually pulled apart the plastic casing and sure enough, underneath was the faintest of lines, that didn't LOOK like an evaporation line (it wasn't thin and grey and sharp), even though it was more than an hour after I took the test. I had to make myself put the thing back together and back in the bin.

What the hell is wrong with me?? I'm turning into one of those looney women who post photos of their test sticks on the Fertility Friend boards with the caption "Can you see it? CAN YOU SEE IT???" when there's fuck-all there to see! Sitting naked on the bathroom floor squinting at an hour-old torn apart test stick is definitely a low point for me.

I'm probably going to seriously regret sharing this...

[funnybird]

It was the "you can - you're healthy!" parting shot that made me laugh. Umm, thanks for the vote of confidence, I guess!

Cristine, did your friend think that she wouldn't get pregnant because she was breastfeeding? I once met someone who that had happened to - she had a 5 month-old and was eight weeks pregnant. Yikes!

Don't be too sure at of that negative at 10DPO - it's still too early to be definite. I can be certain that the (negative) test I took this morning at 15DPO was right. I decided I needed to get over my phobia of testing because the long luteal phases I'm having at the moment are just prolonging the misery of the TWW, so I did, and now I know that these cramps are my period on it's way and I can drink guilt-free at the party we're going to tonight. I'm beginning to identify with the line in that Cynthia Kaplan essay about thinking that home pregnancy tests are just a con because she never got to see the two lines or smiley face or whatever.

I'm not too bad this month though - I have a job interview on Wednesday and if I did get offered the job, I wouldn't really be able to take it if I was already pregnant, so it's probably for the best. Maternity benefits here in the UK are not too bad, but you need to have been in the same job for at least a month before getting pregnant to qualify for them.

Michelina, I'm glad to hear that you're going to talk to a counsellor. In my experience the worst thing about dealing with fertility issues / struggling to conceive / miscarriage is how lonely it can feel. Because they're such taboo subjects and no one can really understand how it feels unless they have experienced it themselves, it's difficult to discuss them even with people you're otherwise close to. I can imagine that talking to someone who isn't going to either treat you with pity or try and comfort you with glib platitudes will be just what you need.

[Cristine]

Funny, that kills me... "why? you should have one!", what the hell is that supposed to mean?! First of all, let's say you didn't want children for now or ever... you should have one because that's what's expected??? I'm so sick of people's unwelcome commentary on the lives of married couples!

My friend who recently found out she's pregnant said she wants me to get pregnant now so we can be pregnant together, I said I'll do what I can. So then she goes on to say she doesn't want to be pregnant (still breastfeeding a 7 mo. old) but is trying to be positive. Like I really want to hear that so I just said, well you should have used protection then! Here we all are dying to bring a child into the world and people who don't even want one get pregnant with such ease! I stupidly took a pregnancy test today at 10-11 dpo, way early as the earliest my period would come is in 2 days... anyways, negative of course.

[funnybird]

Just had to pop-in and report the conversation I had just now with a co-worker. She was bringing round a card for everyone to sign for someone who is about to go on maternity leave.

Her: So when are you going to have one [a baby] then?
Me: Umm, I don't know. Maybe never. *I'm feeling gloomy today*
Her: Why? You should have one!
Me: Well, not everyone can, even if they want to.
Her: But you can! You're healthy! *And walks off*.

I actually quite like this person too. *Sigh*

(((Michelina))). I don't really have anything to add to what these wise people have already said. Just that I'm thinking of you.

[Michelina]

Oops - double post.

[Michelina]

Thank you so much for the support. Zelda and Cristine, I agree - now is the time to link up with a counsellor. I am going to insist on someone who has experience and expertise in infertility if at all possible. Thank you for giving me a gentle nudge to get that going. And Cristine it's interesting that you brought up that crazy past feeling after a fight with a boyfriend. I had the same thought when I was sobbing and screaming. I hadn't done that since I was about 21 and it was after a ridiculous squabble with a boyfriend. This experience is bringing emotions out in me that I haven't felt in ages.

And Fookie, you have eloquently described everything I am feeling. I hadn't even really looked at this next step as being accompanied by a stage of grief. But it is. I felt the other evening like I was mourning the fact that my arms are empty - grieving for a baby that never existed. A different form of loss - but loss nonetheless. Thank you for understanding and for your offer of information. I am sure I will have many questions, and I'll likely just post them right here in case someone else can benefit from them too.

[zelda]

Fookie, you are so smart.