[Vendetta]

Hei ladies, it has been a while.. I've been reading you lately and relating to some of your posts. My relationship is still a mess, not even our holidays helped out. I think our sex life is over. Not for him, but for me. And having him expecting me to be ready for sex everyday when clearly i'm not is killing me. I don't know why i'm still with him...

[neurotic.nelly]

Hi tinyk. Welcome.

Your last post made me think about my boyfriend, and our trials with porn. I like porn, eh. as much as one with a feminist perspective and locked, loaded, and ready "critic" can enjoy it. Here's what I know: men and women watch porn differently. I mean for men, it's like their "stories", and they know all the leading ladies.

But getting back to my experience with my boy... he used to be very careless about leaving the history up after he was finished. And to his credit, he looks at a variety of women. But, sometimes, I'd come across Brazzers.com, this site for men with big boob fetishes, and I'd get more annoyed and furious than feel insecure, but I am sure a small part of me was insecure.
I'd start fights about it too, and make fun of them and him. Then it spilled over to more than just big boobs, and I'd start fights about the porn itself, because I didn't understand why he felt the need to look at porn so much, I mean, we had just started living together, and I had no desire whatsoeva to look at porn, because I used porn to get off, that's it. So, we're in love, we have each other, porn shouldn't even be an issue. But. It. Was. And he started getting very defensive about it.

And so I started doing research. I had a friend take a survey of all the guys that she worked with (she's in security) about how much they look at porn, and whether or not having a girlfriend influences their viewing. These guys are from a very very very liberal place, so as teens and young 20 somethings they looked at porn all the time. But, as they got older, eh. not such a big deal, they said they'd rather be with a real girl. And when they have girlfriends they don't look at it as much. So, I think access to it and age plays a role in a man's desire for it. So, maybe your boyfriend, like mine, is a late bloomer, so to speak.

And you're right men are very visual. My girlfriends who look at porn, all acknowledge that we look at porn differently than the men in our lives. We can take it or leave it.

My boyfriend and I still got into fights about porn, until he wised up, and erased all evidence. I don't mind him looking at porn, as long as I don't know what he's looking at. I have decided that porn and masturbation is a very very solitary indulgence that I cannot share and I do not want him to share with me. We tried, and we had horrible sex afterward, or we fought. Now, if we stay together for the next ten years, all this may change, I might enjoy watching it with him, never say never.

I guess I am saying all this about porn to help you cope with your man's attention towards it. One last thing: (assuming all the equipment is running properly) men wake up everyday with a hard on, it's not their fault. They need release. Porn helps them with that. They'd do it anyway. Also, a lot of porn sites are made so that you have no idea what you're clicking into because they name things like G.W. Bush would name things, they make no sense. Until he is a subscriber of a particular site, he's just browsing and it's like an obstacle course, you never know what you are going to get.

eleven: I am loving your perspective overall, welcome to you too!

karategrrl: I will have to go rent Sirens. I love that mythology anyway.

This is my word and I'm out: "Alright Ladies! You are all Beautiful Sexy Creatures, now chin up, and shoulders back and swing those hips!"

[tinyk]

karategrrl and i see eleven, thank you so much for your responses. You ladies are awesome, and I love the idea of this alternative electronic sisterhood... My friends are always supportive, but they don't *quite* understand how I feel.
I generally dislike the idea of porn, and the younger version of me would have made a huge deal out of a boyfriend watching/ looking at it, but as I've gotten older, I have realized that the demon lies moreso in my own insecurity than in the man's motives. I doubt I'll ever feel completely comfortable with the idea of my partner ogling other chicks naked, but I know that most guys are going to look at porn no matter what (some are better at hiding it than others, of course) so I just deal with it nowadays. My current boyfriend's specific porn choices, however, seem to indicate a definite sexual interest in breasts, which is why I'm so bothered that he has such little interest in mine. If he were trolling for photos of petite ladies such as myself, or checking out ass-related sites, I might not mind as much, because I blow all of those 1-D bitches out of the water In all seriousness, though, it is becoming harder and harder for me to enjoy having sex with him. In the midst of what has always been such a loving and passionate act, I have to fight away images of him jerking off at his computer because the screen is full of giant boobs. Ew, I wish I could just pull an Eternal Sunshine and erase my memory of said porn discoveries. No one wants to feel insecure DURING sex, it's bad enough to experience such an emotion in a much less intense setting.
As for broaching the subject with my man... Admittedly, I haven't. I know that he would be sweet about it, and might pay more attention to the girls upon my request, but I don't think that would satisfy me. I don't want him to feel me up out of obligation or to appease me. I guess I just wish he'd magically become so turned on by the sight/ feeling of my little rack that he can't stand it... I also wish I'd receive an anonymous ten million-dollar donation, so I suppose sometimes we just need to face the fact that not all of our desires will come to fruition. Am I right?

[i see eleven]

TINYK

i may just be venting here but i hope this helps. knowing kinda what you're going thru i hope i can offer some sort of encouragement.
first of all i wouldn't feel the way i do or say these type of things had it not been for the girls in this thread that have helped me directly or indirectly.
i'm married almost 4 years, have one 2 year old son. i'm 29years old 5'1" and between 85-95 lbs (i really can fluctuate) and a 34 NA (nearly A). anyway about 2 years ago my husband was unfaithful to me by gropping a co-worker's boobs at work. he told me reluctantly what he had done, and i was absolutely devistated and sickened to say the least. come to find out my husband has been addicted to pornography and masterbation since grade school. this shouldn't be a suprise since i've known he had 4-5 sexual partners before we were married. i was a virgin. anyway, i never really had issues with my breasts till i got married. realizing there wasn't much to have fun with i became so very self conscious. then to have him do this to me was beyond devistating to me and my self esteem and self worth and other things. i thought i'd get a boob job to save our marriage so he wouldn't want to look at anyone else etc. but i'm so glad i didn't. among the many reasons i decided not to, i knew in my heart big boobs don't save marriages and relationships. real true healthy relationships aren't about boobs. and boobs no matter how big small ugly, beautiful, lop sided or simetrical (sp?) won't make or break a relationship, and if you think it is/does it's usually an underlying issue.
i still however want to believe my husbands answer when i ask him why the hell me married me, small breast and all when he obviously prefers big breast or actually breast other than mine if "breast" were so damn important to him, why didn't he decide to marry some slut fake boob or naturally big boob whore. (that's how i felt/feel) he sais that he married me for much more than my breast, we connected on a lot more important levels that he has never had with others. apparently that's not enough to be faithful either but anyway....i'm getting off track..
i've been obsessing over mine and other boobs for so long. until this thread i realized that no one else can make me happy with what God gave me besides me. i can get fake boobs and hope all will be well but the reality is, is that if we're not happy with who we are, nothing and no one will/ can make us happy. in my last few posts.....ahhhh crap i have to go so i'm going to have to finish my thoughts later....just know there's hope in being happy with yourself every part of yourself but it's up to you darnet! anyway, hang in there and know that confidence is what makes someone sexy not their body. know that you're blessed for having the healthy beautiful body that you do. and say "F*** you world, for encouraging me to feel bad about me." be a rebel and like/love your body despite everyone/everything.
till next time beauties!!!

[karategrrl]

Tinyk, a big huge welcome to the group, and congrats on "coming out," ha.

First off, let me say I have a similar body type, so I feel I can relate to a lot of your concerns.

As for porn, it's not something I'm a big fan of (because I've seen it wreak havoc on relationships--others as well as past ones of my own), but it seems that men just view it differently than I think a lot of women do; for them, it's no big deal. Remember, men are quite the visual creatures and advertising and porn capitalizes on that primal drive; it's a multibillion dollar business. Men are used to being bombarded with these images and therefore don't see it as any big deal. I personally DO think that sexual "energy," if you will, directed toward any other person than the one you're with IS a big deal, but I also try and understand that many people don't agree with me (including my husband, unfortunately). As for the breast size of women in porn, remember that 98% of women in the industry are going to have large breasts by definition (fake or real) and the ones that are built like us are typically found on "Barely Legal"-type fetish sites. So I wouldn't freak over the fact that the women he's looking at are large-breasted, because porn is largely about overdoing everything--the "more is more" approach--lots of makeup, big hair, big breasts, big butts, women with insatiable sexual appetites, etc. etc. Think of fertility statues they've dug up from archeological sites--they usually are these tiny little figures with gi-normous breasts--quite funny, actually. I think most porn is along those same lines.

What concerns me is feeling like you have to somehow "compete" with these imaginary women. There is no competition--not because you aren't sexy, but because they are all fantasy whereas you are a real live women in the flesh who CARES FOR your man. That gives you a huge advantage over any fantasy image, grrlfriend. When your BF calls you "adorable," I wouldn't rule that out as a compliment. In my experience, men can be kind of dopey when it comes to saying what we want to hear. We all want to hear, "Damn, you're so fucking SEXY!!" but often it doesn't come out that way. I'd say to remember that "cute" or whatever is a VERRRY sexy version of womenness. That turns me on in a woman much more than a dime-a-dozen stereotypical "sexy" woman, honestly!

As for him not paying attention to your sexy breasties, have you spoken to him about it and made your needs known? Though I've had lovers who were alll over my breasts to where I had to say, "Enough!" but mostly I've had the same experience. I honestly don't know what it is. Maybe by definition we attract men who love legs, butts, or some other features besides breasts, and therefore they pay more attention to those other things?

If you haven't, you might read some of of our older postings related to porn and such. Also what helps me a lot is to counteract the boobfest images I'm bombarded with, with images of sexy small-breasted women--think Keira Knightley. We had some lists going on here of such hotties.

Have you seen the movie "Sirens?" There's a lot of nudity in that film. I saw it years ago and felt kind of bad all through it because the women in it are mostly large-breasted. There's one small-breasted woman who refuses to take off her clothes all through the movie until one of the final scenes. In that scene, one woman (Elle MacPherson)pops out of the water, big breasts knocking around, then another big-breasted one, then...little breasted hottie pops out (Portia De Rossi), all in her glory with her small self---and I was knocked over by how much HOTTER she looked than the others. I surprised myself with my reaction!!! Think fairy-nymph goddess hot. That, my friend, is YOU.

God(dess), I'm talkative today!!!!

[tinyk]

I am new to the group, although this is not my first time poring through the entries on this thread. I desperately wish that I could just squash my insecurities and be happy with my breast size... I sort of always figured that I'd come to accept my 32A someday. *Sigh.* 25 years old, and I'm still tortured by it on a daily basis. I have a fantastic boyfriend who loves me very much and swears up and down that I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen (sweet, sweet lies...) I'd like to believe him, but evidence points to the contrary. He is a huge fan of porn, and whenever I've happened upon his un-deleted internet history, I am deluged by images of giant boobs. I want him to think I'm as sexy as those virtual girls, so I try to spice it up in the bedroom by wearing little lingerie outfits and whatnot... The other night, I put on a hot (I thought) red, see-through 2-piece set, gave myself a once-over in the mirror, and thought "Hey, I actually look pretty fierce..." He responded by saying "Aww, don't you look adorable." Not exactly what I was going for. He has never once complimented my breasts (in nearly 2 years), and all but ignores them in sexual situations. This heightens my insecurity exponentially! I am 4'11" and 80 lbs, and it's tough to feel "womanly" and "sexy" with a body that could easily pass for that of a pre-pubescent middle-schooler. I love that this forum exists, it is definitely a bit comforting to know that I'm not alone...

[karategrrl]

I agree totally, stronggirl. I don't think there's any organized "they" either--just being tongue-in-cheek.

Feel the love, ladies--especially for ourselves!

[strongirl]

Karategrrl, the comparison of implants to corsets, and Copeless, the comment about it relating to profits, are very astute observations. While I'd be happy to see a cultural shift from uber-boobs and implants to small natural breasts, the whole concept of our breasts as fashion accessories is disturbing to me, no matter which "style" of breasts is considered "in". I don't think there's an organized "they" plotting the whole thing out, but I do think exploiting and manipulating womens' insecurities about their bodies is a very real dynamic in plastic surgery, fashion, and personal care products industries.

The only remedy is for individual women to just say no to it - to love our bodies in all their beautiful diversity, to care for them by doing everything we can to enhance our overall health, and to enjoy them and take pleasure in them.

My take, anyway.

[karategrrl]

www.marygreen.com has some nice bras, too--and reasonably priced. I've bought from them. Their customer service wasn't great, but the bras were.

[karategrrl]

Copeless, that's an astute observation about the moneymaking thing. I think you are dead-on. "They" try and show us ladies how we "need" face creams, silky-smooth bikini lines, etc. etc. If they can convince us we all need bigger boobies or other surgery to look "right," it's all part of the same consumerism. Of course, surgery--especially surgery which inserts a foreign object into the body--is a much bigger deal than face cream! That's where I draw the line.

Why were breast implants invented in the first place? To make money, of course. The saddest thing is that in the process, the self-esteem of tons of women is getting targeted. A couple hundred years ago, women might have felt like they "needed" a tighter corset or something, but technology has brought us breast implants...wow, what progress!


I saw one of those soccer moms at Home Depot Saturday--she was walking past us with her husband, two kids under ten, and her breasts. I noticed immediately since they were just too large for her frame and they really bobbing up and down, and she had some really dark veins on her chest (which, along with stretch marks, seem to be common on many implanted women). Apparently, implants have become quite common among women in this group, who are dealing with post-pregancy and nursing sagginess, and who also feel like they have given so much to their families and marriages and they want to do something for themselves. I am not against breast lifts, but since implants are known to cause so many health and financial problems, I do find that disturbing. Ah, but everything has the choice of whether or not they possibly endanger their lives, wipe out thousands of dollars that could be put toward kids' college educations, and seek to "fix" their bodies rather than their self-image. <Ahem.>

On to the bra topic, I ordered several bras from aalingerie.com and none of them fit right--cups too big, even "AA" ones. I had to send them back and go back to my Target teen bras. Too bad, since the aalingerie bras are really very pretty! But that's just me--since everyone's proportions are different, they may fit you well, so don't let me discourage you.

[Copeless]

(reply to a post in which someone asked if anyone had ordered from Lulalu)

I've ordered several bras from Lulalu. No problems. Great experience. Love the bras.

aaalingerie.com is another good one.

knowknockers.co.uk is good for aa, a, and b sized bras, but I have to say that both times I've ordered from there, the bras have arrived REEKING of cigarette smoke, so I had to wash them before I could wear them. They were definitely new, in package, but whoever packs up their shipments there seems to have an out-of-control tobacco addiction.

[Copeless]

I think it might even be a matter of money, as usual.

First, big breasts were hyped to sell implants & big bras. Now they've got those girls locked in, because they have to go back repeatedly for re-do's.

An alternative to waiting for them to get re-do's (for money to be made on them) is to shift the style to small, so that they'll spend money taking their implants out & reconstructing their breasts (lifts, etc.) back into small ones. Also, there is money to be made on women who are naturally large, if they can be convinced that smaller is better.

The big breasts thing may have hit it's uppermost pendulous...I mean pendulum... swing when soccer moms started getting boob jobs. Maybe they feel they've gotten as many people as they could to buy into that whole thing, so now they need to sell something else to make more money.

(I don't know who "they" is...the surgeons I guess??? Bra and clothing manufacturers???)

Maybe it's all just economics & marketing: they'll promote what they need to in order to make the most money.

[strongirl]

Ugh, yeah, gross and scary. And sad.

Have you all noticed the trend toward "downsizing" among celebs with big breast implants? Jenna Jameson, now that British glamour model Katie Price.... I personally think that there's a trend starting, right now in the early phases, but I predict an anti-implant, pro-small breast trend coming up. Which sorta sucks for all those women who paid the price, physically and financially, to get implants. But I do think that cultural preferences wax and wane - it's hard to see sometimes when you are younger, but you can see it as you get older. And this uber-boob craze...the pendulum is starting to swing back.

I saw in an article on Katie Price that her husband, who met her after she was an implanted 32E glamour model, loves to look at old pictures of her when she was a natural B cup and prefers them to her current look. So for all of you who stress about your male partners preferring or fantasizing about big boobs, you could be Katie Price - famous Page 3 model with 32E's and your hubby jerking off to your old pre-implant pictures. LOL

[karategrrl]

Karategirl, I saw that site before. I think anyone thinking about implants should read it. Did you see the impants that were full of black mold (in the "other people's stories" section)? Or the breast that had a hole in the flesh!?? Sexy, right?

OMG, yes. Horrible, just horrible. I think most people just don't know--or don't want to know--of what can happen. I'm not saying it's like this with every set of implants, as I'm sure many, many procedures go as well as possible, BUT (as I've said before), even the best, complication-free implants don't last forever. The new set--and every replacement set thereafter--means surgery, anesthesia, recovery, cost (not covered by insurance), and another set of scars. Ew, no thanks.

[edie52]

Karategirl, I saw that site before. I think anyone thinking about implants should read it. Did you see the impants that were full of black mold (in the "other people's stories" section)? Or the breast that had a hole in the flesh!?? Sexy, right?

[oceangirl]

has anyone ever ordered bras from lulalu.com? what was your experience? good? bad?

[oceangirl]

I so want to design my own bra line. very much so.

[karategrrl]

Interesting site! (But sad!)

http://www.myimplantstory.com/

[karategrrl]

http://men.style.com/details/blogs/details...ready.html#more

Even more interesting than this article are all the comments. And this is in a men's magazine! One of the most interesting comments is, "In our culture, men desire women while women desire being desired." WOW. I never thought of it that way, but how true. That viewpoint certainly explains a LOT.

[neurotic.nelly]

another one I'd add to my list is M.I.A.. Heeheeha! I heart this.