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> Frustrated Singles
kittenb
post Oct 6 2008, 04:51 PM
Post #161


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


QUOTE
why a guy who lives in such a cool town in 2 bands with 4 art shows a year and a 53 Buick can't seem to get a date?


It is up to you what you decide to do. There is nothing wrong with a friendly get-together. However, if you are not ready, you are not ready. Just because you meet him, does not mean that anything else has to happen.

And as for your question about, I am a really great person and I couldn't find a date in the 3rd largest city in this country with both hands, a flashlight, a map, and a grappling hook. There is nothing wrong with those of us who try the on-line dating scene. Some of just are not good at meeting people. wink.gif


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In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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Moonpieluv
post Oct 6 2008, 11:01 AM
Post #162


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Hey all..I've been lurking around a bit...been laying low since I left the gaming troll not even a month ago. I still have a lot of self-healing to do. still harbor frustration, sense of rejection, bamboozlement, anger. But it seems to be dissipating at a healthy rate. I'm still looking for work, living with my sister, trying not to beat myself up for getting myself into this situation, or beat myself up for not being able to score a good job in this shitty economy. yada yada.

SO. I still had a OkCupid account opened since before I met my ex narcissicist...and I decided to browse around a bit..update my account. I mean, why not? I'm really not ready to date again...I mean..I don't think it's advisable to date again yet...I don't feel very attractive in my financial, homeless, jobless state...but..

A really cute guy..I mean. Cute. Totally my style, lots in common, artsy, etc. has communicated with me to the point of asking to meet up.

Honestly, most of the guys on Ok are just....not cute. just so not cute. This guy IS. I feel like even if this date doesn't happen, or doesn't work out...it may help the ego a bit. I've been offered dates, etc from guys who just aren't gettin it. I can get a date, but I want a good one. An affirmation that there are guys out there who at the very least share my kitschy interests. That when I am ready...it's out there.

I dunno if it's healthy necessarily for me to go? I feel my family may poo-poo it cause it's so soon...and I do need to keep focused. I should be focusing on ME. I'm not sure if I'm feeling very trusting of men right now, either.
I question his reasons for having so many pets (4 dogs, 2 cats), why he has moved around a bit (I have, as well), why a guy who lives in such a cool town in 2 bands with 4 art shows a year and a 53 Buick can't seem to get a date? I mean, I love animals. and I prefer my mates to like animals, but my ex treated me as if I were a pet...but without the forgiveness for peeing on his rug (i.e. voicing my concerns or opinions or just being HUMAN). You see? Rejection may ensue. He may not like me at all..or vice versa. Buuuuuuuuuuut?
Thoughts?

Mouse---I'd say you could keep communication open, but be guarded. Maybe the person gained a new perspective..and may be ready now to open up to the chemistry. I dunno. I say go with your gut.

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zoya
post Oct 3 2008, 06:55 AM
Post #163


uh huh.
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From: the world.


...you never know... I've looked up people after years just out of curiosity, and the dynamic had totally changed when we met up - in a good way. You never know what goes on in people's lives over the course of a year and a half that may change them or make them look at things a different way in life. I know I see a lot of things differently than I did a couple years ago, and am open to - and like - totally different stuff... so I say why not keep an open mind and give it a whirl. cant' hurt anything...
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mouse
post Oct 2 2008, 11:44 PM
Post #164


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


ok WEIRD--today i got an email out of the blue from a guy i went on one date with in the spring of 2007. he saw my name in an art annual and decided to say hello. we met through a personals, went on one date, and then he told me that he didn't think we had "chemistry". so, i figured i'd never hear from him again. now, a year and a half later, he is emailing me because he saw my name somewhere???? WTF? i mean, really? number one, that's weird. number two, well, if he's not interested, then why the hell is he emailing me? does he possibly think that somehow i developed some chemistry in the past 18 months??? BUH??


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jam out with your clam out
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erinjane
post Sep 29 2008, 04:12 PM
Post #165


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


I agree anna, I think internet dating has changed a lot in the last 5 years especially. It seems pretty common place now. I feel like I have a pretty good handle of people from their profiles or chatting online and I rarely agree to meet people. Since January I've met 5 folks; 2 turned into friends with benefits and 1 I'm currently dating. I do the public place meeting as well and let a friend know where I'm going and things like that.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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anna k
post Sep 29 2008, 09:34 AM
Post #166


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


Not so much. We got along, but he sent me an email saying "I enjoyed hanging out with you last night. Best of luck to you!" So I know he wasn't interested.

I'm not scared, because we meet in a public place, I don't go back with a guy to his place, at least not on the first date.

Thank you for the compliment, I don't always feel unique and/or interesting, so it's nice to be reminded.
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knorl05
post Sep 29 2008, 09:24 AM
Post #167


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


heyheyhey. good for you anna k! i checked out that website to see what the deal. you've got some balls lady. i dont think i could, i'd be too freaked out that i'd meet some grimy perv or a rapist or something. were you skerd the first time you met up with one of those blind dates? also if it were me hanging with that rude guy who acted like he had someplace else to be, i would have called him out and took off. no use wasting your time, obviously he wasnt worth it. he probably had no other thoughts on life beyond his desire to get laid. you can meet a guy like that anywhere you go. you, on the other hand, are a unique and interesting woman and deserve to be with someone much better. i know you know that, but i think being told it never gets tiresome. wink.gif the latest boy sounds quite promising..


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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anna k
post Sep 27 2008, 09:49 PM
Post #168


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


I had a good date tonight, finally. The guy was skinny and geeky-looking, and we talked about our backgrounds, and found a common ground in being from Long Island, having taken journalism classes, and listening to the same 90's rock radio interview show. He was a little hyper/weird at times, but I enjoyed talking to him and getting to know him. I'd have a second date with him if he accepted my email that I sent through CBD.
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fuego_lento
post Sep 27 2008, 06:39 PM
Post #169


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 688
From: NYC


Hey, Aural and Stargazer! And thanks, Zoya! Unfortunately, there's probably not going to be another meet-up with him. He skipped work today with a fever and now my cell phone battery's dead and I don't have the charger, so unless he tries to email me (less likely) we've got no way to communicate and my flight home is in about 12 hours.

He will be on the same landmass as me again sometime next month, but flights are prohibitively expensive and I no longer have a job (I quit to take a proper vacation, among other reasons) so unless he does the legwork I won't see him then, either.

I will be irritated, to say the least, if I get an email from him later on indicating interest in smooching me once it's too late to do anything about it.
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auralpoison
post Sep 27 2008, 06:03 PM
Post #170


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


See, now, if you've got the Zoya & the Stragazer backin' you up, you know it's the right move. Them ladies know their stuff! Good, no, GREAT LUCK TO YOU, FUEGO!


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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stargazer
post Sep 27 2008, 03:13 PM
Post #171


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


Hey fuego! i agree with zoya and AP, he sounds interested. go out again and let us know how things progress.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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auralpoison
post Sep 27 2008, 01:21 PM
Post #172


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


Zoya is right. I mean, he looked you up after ten years, he's gotta be at least a little interested. Hook up again


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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zoya
post Sep 27 2008, 07:42 AM
Post #173


uh huh.
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Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


make another date if you can. get to know him. It sounds like he's interested and testing the waters, but trying to gauge you and be respectful.

that's my take...
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fuego_lento
post Sep 27 2008, 03:39 AM
Post #174


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 688
From: NYC


*delurks*
Mouse, I know that situation very well. One of those people is dating one of my former coworkers, and when I met the guy I couldn't believe someone with such a dead-fish handshake could sustain a relationship with someone as cool as my coworker -- or that he had enough charisma to be getting her naked regularly. And that, meanwhile, I am not getting laid regularly -- because I expect anyone I'm with to have at least a little bit of a personality and to be able to keep up with me. It seems I expect too much of the people I meet.

Anyway, I'm delurking because I'd appreciate some unbiased perspective on my situation. To summarize: I met someone while on a study abroad trip, and we stayed in touch for a couple years and met up another couple times when I visited his city again. There was always this tension between us but he never even tried to kiss me, and I wondered if it was all in my head, that maybe I was sensing tension because I wanted it to be there. He stopped writing more than 10 years ago, no explanation, and I was crushed for a while -- and never forgot him.

A couple months ago I got an email from him at my work address, completely out of the blue -- and yes, it was actually him and not a spammer from Nigeria. I was elated and at the same time a little weirded out. He said he'd wanted to kiss me, way back when, but got shy and never tried and had always wondered how I'd react. Hmmm. He said he'd love to see me again, which is easy to say when there's no chance of that happening -- but then I was planning a trip and found that the least expensive option routed me through his city, which I took as a sign that I should go and see him and at least see what happens. I was really nervous, though, because sometimes what seems supercool when we're at one stage in life seems much less so later on and I was worried I'd be disappointed now that we're both adults.

I went out with him the other night, and he's just as I remembered him. The things I thought were so cool about him are still there, but he's grown up. We spent five hours together, with me unusually tongue-tied. I still can't read him, which didn't stop me from trying all night to gauge his interest in me. He walked me back to the door of my hotel. Double kiss on the cheek. WTF?

So I regressed to being 15 again. I was writing him an email asking why no kiss goodnight when he texted yesterday to see how my day had gone, and mentioned that he thought he might be coming down with a fever. "Maybe it's a good thing I didn't kiss you, then," I wrote back. "It depends," he replied. (Yeah, that's a total cop-out answer.)

I have no idea what to make of him, of the situation. Thoughts?
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mouse
post Sep 27 2008, 02:18 AM
Post #175


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


you know it's bad when you find out that even the people you were convinced had probably never even had sex are getting regular booty. seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I NEED TO BE FIXED. HELP. you think i'm being funny but i'm serious.


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jam out with your clam out
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anna k
post Sep 26 2008, 10:47 PM
Post #176


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


My date sucked tonight. I liked the Italian cafe we met in, but he was so dull and boring. He told me he was really tired and had little sleep, and had a really "duh" personality. He also received and wrote texts to his friend during the date, which I thought was rude, like I was somebody he was just putting up with. I wrote him an email through Crazy Blind Date saying that his texting was rude, that I was polite about it but others may not be, and if he was so beat and tired he should've cancelled the date instead of treating it like a chore. I hate meeting these duds who I feel too good for.
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erinjane
post Sep 26 2008, 10:29 AM
Post #177


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


candycane, I think having the same taste in movies is VERY important. I'm a bit of a movie snob though. If I dated someone who didn't love the big lebowski I might re-think things. tongue.gif As an aside, I've started dating the guy I was talking about in my last post. So far so good. Fingers crossed!


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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candycane_girl
post Sep 25 2008, 09:46 PM
Post #178


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


I'd kind of given up on the whole online dating thing just to check out my dating profile and find that a cute guy had actually "wooed" me. I messaged him and he just messaged me back and mentioned that he loves The Big Lebowski! Okay, that may not seem like a big deal but there's just someothing about me that feels like enjoying the same movies is important. That is all.
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knorl05
post Sep 22 2008, 09:55 PM
Post #179


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


i am jan: her man was raised in a muslim home, so that was his reference point.. and the only exposure he has had to feminists was while attending university. he genuinely finds nothing wrong with taking care of women so they dont have to work and can stay at home with the kids. she, on the other hand, is a free spirited bohemian type.. in fact as we were having this conversation she was walking around the house near nude. her exposure to feminists was also while attending a traditional college, so i think hers is more of the academic persuasion. like i said before they meant no harm and were not necessarily attacking feminism, they were more curious than anything. i just think it's unfortunate they seemed to have some pretty naive impressions about the feminist experience.. and considering they're more on the open-minded end of the spectrum, it was slightly discouraging to hear.

anna k: yes i think it would be difficult to find a man online who fits that criteria, unless you are just casually or randomly looking through profiles on online social networks.. like facebook, myspace, friendster.. because once you find an interesting, sexy, good-looking guy, most likely he will be pretty open to the idea of being a fuck friend if that's what you want.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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i_am_jan
post Sep 22 2008, 08:11 PM
Post #180


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 488
From: Columbus, Ohio


knorl: Wow. yeah. Feminism is absolutely misunderstood. Shouldn't feminism be sexy? After all, it's the reason most men are getting laid these days rather than having to marry a gal first. So why the bad rap?

I can balance that out for you, however, with a little something positive I saw today ... One of my myspace friends is a 23 year old guy in a band. On his page, under the "about me" section, he goes ahead and blurts out the fact that ... HE'S PRO-CHOICE. ?! That was something I haven't seen often, I was sort of in shock.*

*I''m thinking somebody cute needs to get laid soon, too, cuz it ain't like he ain't cute and talented.

I'll be happy to positively reinforce that behavior in a dude tongue.gif
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