[princess_dander]

Online dating is the new hell. I'm sorry this guy is being weird candycane_girl.

I deleted my match profile after a few bad experiences with the guys I met there. Are there cool dating websites with a better chance of meeting someone smart and interesting that anyone has had good luck with?

[candycane_girl]

I messaged him a few days ago and no response. Yet he keeps checking out my profile. Whatevs.

Also, he was the one that added me to HIS favourites list not vice versa. I don't understand why he would do that and then not even respond to my message but like I said, whatevs.

[stargazer]

xexyz and cc_girl, well, something on their profile made you add them to your favorite list. Just use whatever information you liked about them and send them a message. Just get the conversation going and see what happens.

[xexyz]

Okay, I've decided to finally venture back into the online dating world. I made a profile on OK Cupid. So anyway, I get an email notifying me that some guy has added me to his favourites list. I checked out his profile and he is pretty cute. I was also notified that he gave me a really high profile rating (like 4 or 5 stars). And yet, he has not emailed me. What's the deal? Should I just message him instead? He seems pretty cute, a little bit older than me but whatever. But what's the point of adding someone to your favourites and giving their profile a high rating if you aren't even going to message them?

I can't speak for this guy obviously, but I'm on match.com and there's a woman whom I've added to my favorites and want to email but haven't simply because I haven't yet figured out what to say. Match says you should include more than simply saying something like, "I liked your profile, would you like to have a conversation/lunch sometime?" so I've kind of been at a loss. What can you actually say to someone with whom you've never had any encounter or interaction without sounding trite or ridiculous?

[candycane_girl]

Okay, I've decided to finally venture back into the online dating world. I made a profile on OK Cupid. So anyway, I get an email notifying me that some guy has added me to his favourites list. I checked out his profile and he is pretty cute. I was also notified that he gave me a really high profile rating (like 4 or 5 stars). And yet, he has not emailed me. What's the deal? Should I just message him instead? He seems pretty cute, a little bit older than me but whatever. But what's the point of adding someone to your favourites and giving their profile a high rating if you aren't even going to message them?

[princess_dander]

* runs to hug Stargazer *

So good to see you too!!!!!

Totally, I am making all sorts of crazy changes. No better time than turning 30 to start changing the things I don't like about myself and how I approach relationships is one of them! I know it is a process and such, but damn I am lonely!

[stargazer]

Hi princess_dander! Good to see you posting again. It sounds like you are in the process of making changes in how you approach relationships. Liz Phair is good to listen to when dealing with the relationship blues.

[princess_dander]

Hey ladies!

I'm a frustrated single lady. I'm at the point in my life where I want to get close to a guy, express my needs and wants, but still get stuck in a game and/or find guys who are emotionally 13 years old.

I prolly should say that I am just getting to this point and have played games and was not sure what I wanted in the past. I dated guys and girls and am finding myself more attracted to men and OMG that is where so much more game playing went down. I felt like I was being punished for being with men because as soon as I tried to get close, I was pushed away with a lot of the dudes I dated. I feel like dating is a huge lesson in sociology.

*sigh* maybe I should go listen to Liz Phair right now.....

[BustiRubi]

I don't know why the first thread I went to was "how do you know a guys is a 'good' one"

I guess to re-confirm why I broke up with mine about a month ago...he didn't really do Half of the things posted...

...and I have recently accepted being just friends (for now i think) with possibly the bestest friend I have probably ever had and more (like in physical aspects which would leave me confused) buuuut I like where we are.....

but then I have to come back to the fact that-yes I am single....and I should be enjoying singledom...but I have a fat crush (on someone I can't date) and it makes me feel not single when I talk to him...so this should now probably roll over to the "thats why they call it a crush..." thread.

And maybe you can see why I am frustrated...

[xexyz]

So, I've done a lot of self-reflection and determined that my obstacles are due to the fact that I'm looking for contridictory qualities in a potential mate and relationship. I'm attracted to crazy, certain harmless displays of crazy turn me on, but I don't have any patience for the drama that crazy brings to a relationship. So there's a big hurdle there. Second, when I actually think about what I want in a relationship right now, I really just want a fuck budddy or FWB type situation, but the problem with that is that psychologically I'm not wired for casual sex; I want to be very emotionally intimate with my partner.

So, basically I need to find a woman who's as independent as I am that's at least a little crazy but not psycho with whom I have a ton of chemistry that I can have a passionate sexual relationship and strong emotional attactment but otherwise have separate lives.

This is why I'm going to be single forever.

[epinephrine]

Hmph. Three days and nothing. Guess I said something wrong. Oh well.

[ketto]

That's great, epi!

I like to go about meet ups the same way. When I did online dating I usually chatted online briefly. If that went well, quick phone call, and I usually asked to meet for coffee or a beer pretty quickly. Too many times I've chatted with folks for weeks online only to find out they're totally different IRL. It's worth it to me to skip that step and just meet up and see if we clicked.

So yeah, I think coffee sounds great. You can keep it short and have an appointment "conveniently" if you aren't feeling it and there's not much pressure if it's just a meet and greet.

[Persiflager]

Coffee sounds perfect. Are there any cool coffee shops near you, about which you can make small talk to fill in the gaps while you're both nervous?

[epinephrine]

Ohmygod, she actually responded! She sounds interested! I'd prefer to meet up sooner rather than later - I don't want to build up an online correspondence only to meet and decide I'm not interested. I hope I didn't come across as overzealous.

What should we do for a first meeting? Coffee? Or is that too boring and prone to awkward silences? I don't want to go on a blind date - I just want to meet her and see if we click, then proceed as friends until something develops naturally (if it does). I've never done this before. I feel a little lost.

[Persiflager]

Woo! Good luck!

[epinephrine]

So...I just did something I've never done before. I just responded to a personal ad. I check them out occasionally, just for fun, and this one stood out because the girl's my age and lives in my neighborhood. It was also one of the only ads in the W4W section that wasn't like "I'm 40 and my husband wants to watch me kiss a woman!" or "I'm 23 and I wanna drink a bottle of wine and kiss a woman!"

I have no expectations of any kind of romance or anything budding from this, but I would like to hear from the girl. Obviously, or I wouldn't have responded.

Anyway, here's hoping she responds at least!

[Persiflager]

rogue, how about volunteering? I don't know what it is about volunteer groups, but the ones I've been in have often had super-cute men

hcbeck, this will vary massively for different women. Personally, I am unlikely to respond positively to an approach from a complete stranger, even if I had smiled at them.

Assuming it was a different situation, like at a friend's party, I would be the same as stargazer. A simple 'hi' is so much better than any chat-up line.

[stargazer]

One thing that holds me back is my hangup that the first test in women's minds is that I should just 'know' how to approach them. Seeing the beginning of a conversation with someone new (or the first stages of a relationship) as a series of increasingly hard tests is an idea I find very hard to shake. How do I start so that we are both on an equal footing? To stop this post being just whinge from a man, can I ask if anyone here also have had this block, how have they overcome it?

hcbeck, it sounds like you are being too hard on yourself. There is no one way to start a conversation with a woman. It really depends on your style of starting conversations with people in general. As long as you are being genuine, that's all that matters. I tend to appreciate men who are more direct. I'm not a big fan of corny lines and such. Just a laidback and easygoing conversation. I've started alot of conversations with men, but, I'm kinda freakishly social. I may be a bad example for someone who needs alittle boost to talk with strangers. I'll start the conversation if you, as a guy, can keep the flow going. If not, well, then, I just move on.

Just focus less on the outcome (e.g. you have to land a date or such) and just focus on the feeling if you are connecting with a person or feeling some level of receptivity. Again, you are too hard on yourself, hcbeck.

rogue, not sure where you live so I'm not sure what the dating scene is like or if online dating is heavily used where you are at.

[hcbeck]

When I'm out in public and see someone cute I usually smile at them or try my hardest to look inviting and it gets me nowhere. Like, I'm talking will smile at said target/guy, look away, look back and smile again, etc. Nothing!

I know this might not be the place for this question, but as a male frustrated single, I hope it's OK:

Speaking as someone who might have been some people's oblivious target, could you give me an example (or two) of how you'd like to be approached in this situation? However frustrated in starting new relationships, many single men will quickly convince themselves that any smiles from women in public are meant for anyone but them.

One thing that holds me back is my hangup that the first test in women's minds is that I should just 'know' how to approach them. Seeing the beginning of a conversation with someone new (or the first stages of a relationship) as a series of increasingly hard tests is an idea I find very hard to shake. How do I start so that we are both on an equal footing? To stop this post being just whinge from a man, can I ask if anyone here also have had this block, how have they overcome it?

[rogue]

((((anna)))) That sucks about your FWB. I totally understand how you feel.

And I agree - I'm all for the "meeting up for coffee" kind of first date. It can be short or long and it's a lot easier to be like, "Well, I have to get going, I have a meeting to get to" if it's going really badly. I've always done the coffee thing first when I meet someone new. It works because I also love coffee. A lot.

For me, I honestly don't know where to find men. I don't really have the money to take up new hobbies (classes and such) or else I would, and like I said, when I'm out in public and see someone cute I usually smile at them or try my hardest to look inviting and it gets me nowhere. Like, I'm talking will smile at said target/guy, look away, look back and smile again, etc. Nothing! Even if they look interested, they won't approach me, and I'm just too shy to open my silly mouth. I really think that the only way I'm going to find someone new to date - when I get to that point; I don't think it's going to be for a while yet - will be via the internet or through a friend. I just can't manage it on my own.

Le sigh.