[dynamitedamsel]

(((dynamite)))

keenkitty, what did you decide?

Some classic quotes from our latest "family conversation"... oh it's all such fun.

me: yes dad, but when I have more contact with my ex-boyfriend that with you, why do you think I'm a little tetchy?

and from my mother: it's like announcing that we're all going to play strip poker, but then she decides to stand on the sidelines and watch. She's not actually interacting.

We appear to have come to the root of the problem - my stepmother refuses to acknowledge that my father wishes to have his children in his life. Thier marriage is being put under strain due to her idiocy. That was two weeks ago and we have progressed... no further. there is not even a whisper of progression. *head/desk*

(((everyone)))

Again I feel dumb, but which part of your post was directed to me? Still kind of new to the whole posting bit and I'm not to sure what the name in parenthesees means?

[ginger_kitty]

(((mornington)))

I haven't checked back here to report how the family party went. Actually, it went really well, I hadn't seen my nephews or niece for years, so I was psyched. They are growing up way to fast! And my BIL's daugher from a previous marriage is really grown up too! She was telling me about a school trip to Europe and stuff. It was awesome to catch up w/ everyone,

My parents came and made nice with my sister. But they told her husband he was fat. (They have a knack for being rudely blunt.) After the party they all promptly decided to go back to not talking. Leaving me in the middle....first, my mom called like 2 hrs after I left to complain that I didn't talk to her enough and see if my sister or anyone else talked about her. Then my sis calls me the next day to get the scoop on what my parents said about her....I am staying out of it and not relaying messages or gossip to either one of them.

[mornington]

(((dynamite)))

keenkitty, what did you decide?

Some classic quotes from our latest "family conversation"... oh it's all such fun.

me: yes dad, but when I have more contact with my ex-boyfriend that with you, why do you think I'm a little tetchy?

and from my mother: it's like announcing that we're all going to play strip poker, but then she decides to stand on the sidelines and watch. She's not actually interacting.

We appear to have come to the root of the problem - my stepmother refuses to acknowledge that my father wishes to have his children in his life. Thier marriage is being put under strain due to her idiocy. That was two weeks ago and we have progressed... no further. there is not even a whisper of progression. *head/desk*

(((everyone)))

[dynamitedamsel]

Gumby..

I completely unerstand. In my personal experience I've always been the parent....with both of them. It completely sucks. I mean I am only 18, on my way to finishing high school, but I still live with mom. She has indirectly forced me to take care of myself most of my life...and then take care of my sibbling because her then husband was too fucking lazy and she worked. Since then (they split about 4 years ago) things have only gotten worse. It has always been about her...her feelings come first, her needs, I mean don't get me wrong she has always provided financially, just never emotionally...lately my mother has just been plain nasty and well controlling trying to keep me from independence just so she can have a little extra cash. AAHHHHHHHHH! Why should it be about money, why is it always? The latest episode was last night when I came home, and she picked a fight with me about how I didn't help her wash the car....it took all day. Who the fuck takes a whole day to clean the car and well when I awoke yesterday I got bitched at because she couldn't find the measuring cups...I just didn't respond because I knew I'd explode...when she finally calmed down I simply told her they were in the strainer from when I did the dishes(SUNDAY). Ok enough ranting and back to my origional thoughts. My father has never been a part of my life unless it was convenient for him...I just finally stopped waiting for him to make plans with me....now it's if I can see him around my busy schedule not his. Your story reminded me of somthing I would call a sperm doner classic....Something my sperm doner has done many, many times. He's the sperm doner because basiclly it's the only real thing that he's done. Dad is a word I would use to describe the person who took care of me and I and have some communication with; and father is a loving word I would use to describe the person who raised me. I've never had a father, I did, however, have a dad who coincidently was my sterp-father. He raised me but there was never a loving feeling between us. Good luck with all.

[gumby_cc]

I haven't seen my father since last November. He wanted to see my for my birthday (at the end of June), but never called to make plans with me. He finally sent me an email last week asking me to email dates in August I was available to see him. I only gave him two weekends because I was going away with my boyfriend on a two week trip. I wrote it very nicely and added that if those two dates I had listed didn't work, then perhaps when I get back, in the beginning of September would be better for him. He just sent me an email back that said, "Then why don't we just wait for Christmas"...doesn't even fucking mention if the dates even work for him or not. He just has to be the fucking whiny crybaby and I have to be the adult...every single time. I even did what he asked me to. God.
Sorry. End rant.

Gingerkitty, how was the party? At least it's over....

Keenkitty, I'd probably go to the concert, too.

[sixelacat]

(((Gingerkitty, mornington, greenbean, everyone)))

keenkitty, I would totally go to that concert, too. Did she even call to ask if you already had plans at that time? I'm betting no, so, I'd totally see her during the day and see the concert at night...

gingerkitty, my family does that too. I finally had to say "um, no. I don't do that." Which is also why I don't know what's going on with my family most of the time, because they are like if you don't wanna play our weird little games then obviously you just don't care...*sigh*. whatever.

So, for some reason I told my dad I would go play poker with him at one of his tourneys. He plays 5/6 nights a week at various pubs. I'm such a crap player, I think I just got caught up in being happy for him to finally be getting out of the house and having a hobby. Damn. At least there'll be beer....

And this was kind of funny: I bought a PDA, but ended up selling it to a co-worker b/c it didn't do everything I needed it to. Before I sold it I had showed it to my mom as she does IT stuff and owns 2 herself. The co-worker just told me that she had programmed "call your mother" like a hundred times into the calendar, so it pops up at random times (which kind of freaked him out, 'cause his mom's dead).....

[ginger_kitty]

(((keenkitty))) I'd go to the concert and skip the sister hell!!! But I tend to be put myself over my family since they tend to be nightmarish.

(((mornington, greenbean, all the other busties)))

This weekend I have to a big welcome home party for my older sis. She has been away in the army for 2 yrs so tons of family members will be there. My family just makes me so tense, b/c they make the tinyist things incredibly complicated.

For instance, my mother has disowned my sister. But my sister wanted to invite her to the party, but she didn't want to speak to her so she made me invite my parents. And we had to make up an excuse that I was inviting half the people for her so my mom wouldn't freak out about my sis not asking her. Which somehow lead to me actually having to invite half the guest list....most of whom I haven't spoken to in years. Then my mother was all aloof on the phone like she is unsure if she be able to attend. The woman does literally nothing! Okay, done ranting until after the party, Saturday.....

[mornington]

keenkitty, is she just visiting the one night? If not, I'd go to the concert. She sounds a little selfish to me.

(((keenkitty, greenbean, misslady, gingerkitty, sassy, sixe, and all the dysfuctional bustie)))

The usual blah. Stepmother not speaking to brother. Funny moment though - mum went round to thier house to pick up some of my brother's stuff, and wanted to arrange a good time. My dad told her to "come round during the day, as what [my stepmother] doesn't know won't bother her". It seems he finds her a little difficult too. I almost feel sorry for him at times like this, but I do hope he's happy. *sigh*

[keenkitty]

OK bitchy sister rant!

My sister whom ONLY calls me when she A. Wants something, B. Is bored or C. My neice asks about me is coming to visit me for her honeymoon.

She wanted to stay with us (in a one bedroom and she is pregnant?!) so we got her a hotel room (Happy Late Wedding/early baby shower prezzie)

And she is coming to visit the EXACT TIMES when we were going to see our absolute FAVORITE band MUSE.

I am beyond pissed off.

Not only am I probably never going to get to see them live again in the US but I have to cancel our tickets and spend the evening with my sister listening to her bitch about being diabetic while pregnant and poor (yet they CHOOSE to have another kid?!)


Oh cruel world.

*knocking head against desk*

[greenbean]

Yeah, I think its sooo weird that my sister got physical because our parents NEVER laid a hand on us so I dont know were she learned that behavior. I know I was being a smart ass and I think I called her a 'princess' or something, but still, she could of kept it verbal. We still havent talked since and I'm really sad because we were doing so well for the last 3 years.

missladyj--I hope it works out for you, either way. Personally I couldn't cut out my sister permanently, but if thats what your situation calls for then I support it.

mornington--my ex-bf had stepmother issues very similiar to yours. I just cant believe how childish grown-ups can be. Its effin ridiculous.
(((busties)))

[missladyj]

mornington,
your brother is lucky to have you

thanks ladies,
It is nice to know that I am not the only one with sister issues. I just think it is best if I don't have a relationship with her.

but man if she slapped me, damm thats cold.

[mornington]

(((ginger_kitty))) (((greenbean))) (((misslady))) (((sixe))) (((busties)))

Saw Boy Wonder today. We have a plan for him to live with me next year - he's at boarding school, so it won't be all the time. It involves futons and the lounge, but at least he will have a chest of drawers or something. It will be his space when he wants it.

It also appears my father is having problems understanding the concept of "food"... BW has no food in the fridge! And (being seventeen) no money. I feel sorry for him; while I still resent being effectively frozen out of my father's life, I saw him much less, and we weren't close. BW sees him regularly, and it seems now my stepmother has got rid of me, she's getting rid of him. She won't even speak to him.

The worst bit was that I was starting to work towards a better relationship with my father - as much to maintain BW's relationship with him as for me - and I'm starting to realise that it's going to be impossible as he isn't strong enough to stand up to the woman he married. It scares me that he will lose both his children, because he doesn't have any other close family - he doesn't really speak to his brother as there's such an age gap between them. We are his family, and much as I would hope he and the stepmother will grow old together happily, I can't see it.

Oh, and apparently, he's changing job. He neglected to tell us, and my mother found out through a colleague of his (they both work for the same organisation). He's a knob. *sigh*

[ginger_kitty]

(((Greenbean)))(((Misslady)))(((all the busties)))
My sister and I are attempting to have a relationship. But there is a 10 year age differnce and about a 100 other differnces between us, so it's difficult. All of our lives our mother pitted us against each other. So we are weeding through all the things she has sad over the years sorting fact from fiction. Trying to forgive, and trying to trust. But this is really our last chance. If things don't work out now I don't know how we'll ever fix things.

[greenbean]

My sister and I were finally being really cool to each other this year, but sadly, that ended this weekend. It was my birthday, we were drunk and at a casino. She lost a lot of money and got cranky and snapped at me for no reason. Somehow this turned into mutual character assasination and eventually she slapped me acoss the face. Slapped on my birthday. awesome.

[missladyj]

i have decided to just stop talking to my sister . She sent me an email trying to guilt me into speaking with her and I deleted it. She is a miserable bitch.

The problem now is that my father wants to leave everything to me because she and her husband have pissed him off too.

It's weird I was always the black sheep of the family and now I am the greatest daughter ever. At least we can all agree that we don't want to deal with my sister.

Just cuz we are related doesnt mean I have to put up with her obnoxious rude bitchiness.

[sybarite]

Sassygirl, I insist on separate spaces when on vacay with family. Not least because I'm cranky first thing in the morning and don't like to inflict myself on people. I feel my family and I get the best from each other if we're not arguing over who gets the first shower or about having the TV on at 8am. As soon as a trip is in planning stages I just quietly book a room for myself. Otherwise I find we all exhaust our goodwill to each other fairly quickly.

It is also perfectly possible that I'm just a control freak.

Mornington, your poor brother! Any chance at all your dad will convince 2nd wife to let him have the room and a bed to himself for the month? If not, your plan to make space for him in your own place is a good one (although it shouldn't be necessary IMO). Everyone should have a room they can call their own.

(((sixelacat)))

[sassygrrl]

Sorry to barge in here... ((mornington))) ((all busties))

So, I go on this trip for my father's birthday this past weekend. I thought that we had two rooms. No. So, I'm stuck in a mountain town with my bitchy parents (who were in shitty moods when they picked me up from work that day) for three days straight bitching at everything from my new job, my new boyfriend (who I'm not even really sure if he is or not b/c everything is so new) to my weight (Right now I'm on two meds, and slowly decreasing one for my seizures. Anyways, that's what is causing the weight gain). I tried to tell them all this, but it didn't help. I even said: "Mom, it's these drugs. Once I get off Drug B it will be better..." "Well, you're probably just tired from having a boyfriend!" Hello? She was already implying that I'm fucking him, and she hasn't even met him!!

And, my mother was criticizing everything I ate, both of them knowing full well I was bloated and pmsing...."J, that's bread! It's full of carbs!!" Please stick your carbs up your arse Mom!

I've never been so happy to get back to work on Monday in my life.

And they wonder why my sister does not talk to them, or why I'm still in therapy. Yet another reason to not go on vacation with them unless we have separate spaces. The reason the trip to Portland worked out, is b/c we weren't all cramped in one room together... So hoping that we won't have to go on a vacation in a long time. Also, so glad that they leave a few states away.

[sixelacat]

(((mornington)))
My parents actually moved when I first went away to uni (and didn't at first give me the address), and during breaks when the dorms were closed my mom made it very clear that I would occasionally be allowed to stay in the "guest" room. I too have a BW younger brother who encountered much hostility after I was no longer around to be target. 'Course, these were our bio parents, such as they were. I found the thing that helped the most was just being there to listen when he needed to vent, and to let him know that this is not normal behavior for parents. Not that we didn't know they were f*cked, it was just good to be reminded.

[mornington]

*rant incoming*
My father. Amusingly enough, vs My Brother The Boy Wonder, round one, *ding*.

My father is remarried to a silly bitch of a woman who clearly resents both his offspring. I'm banned from the house - whole 'nother saga, therapy etc etc - and now it seems she's about to start work on my little brother (The Boy Wonder is seventeen). They - she and my father - have a two-bed house, of which they've converted the attic room into a third bedroom. Her daughter (my step-sister, yes, my father adopted her) has that room, The BW has the second bedroom.

Or at least that's the theory. But they (read: she) has decided they want to keep thier bedroom "clear" and so the wardobe etc holding my dad's clothes is in the second bedroom. Along with all the boxes of things they have.

There is no room for the BW to have a bed. He sleeps on the couch. He's living with them for nearly a month - until my mum moves to her new posting (she moves around the world a lot, he's based in the uk). BW feels - quite understandibly - rather unloved, not to say a wee bit pissed off. I'm thinking of finding a three-bed house next year so I can have BW to stay as much as he wants when he's not in school.

I'm pissed off for him, and I feel helpless because, right now, there's nothing I can do.

(((gumby))) & (((dysfunctional busties)))

[gumby_cc]

Is everyone's families all picture perfect bundles of functioning togetherness yet?

Yeah. My dad is a mentally ill abuser whom I was never close to growing up. He left my mom four years ago, when I was 22. My younger brothers and I hardly have a relationship with him anymore. We are all socially inept in our own way, and my mom hardly has any emotional support at all from outside the family because she really doesn't have any friends. Being the oldest (and a girl), I was always her confidante....she never really thought about how inappropriate the things she was telling me really were. And we still have these messed up boundaries...like today I somehow got involved (and really worked up over) an argument my parents had over what price my childhood home should go on the market for. I just started thinking only about 6 months ago about how inappropriate it is that she tells me all these things I never should be involved in. I have finally have started telling her I don't want to hear it, but then secretly feel guilty because she has no other outlet to express her frustration. At the same time, she lets people walk all over her and I hate seeing it all the time.
Sorry to rant, I just don't know how to deal with this shit.