[pepper]

Reading back I want to clarify that I mean having an epi before the duration of any major contractions, I'm pretty sure a few hours of internal baby massage to get those lungs working is just as good as going all the way. I meant to say that having an epi before any contractions, or before too many is what can result in breathing difficulties in the baby.

One thing I can tell you, whether you have a hospital or homebirth, doctor delivery, midwife or daddy on the way to the hosp a great thing to do is to have a birth plan written out that all parties are familiar with. This way no one can say later on, "Oh, you didn't want the eye drops, episiotomy, injections, student doctors watching, etc etc." After is too late to make your desires known and do NOT assume that anyone cares about them as much as you and your partner do. Make sure you get what you want out of this experience, within reason of course. No matter what happens, so long as you feel that your needs were respected and met as much as possible you'll come out of it feeling OK. And yes, a healthy baby and mama at the end is worth whatever happens even if it wasn't exactly what you had in mind. Be flexible, mind body and soul.

[aphelendra]

Pepper - That sounds like an excellent read. . . .

Nick - I struggled, and am still struggling, with my decisions regarding my birth. I definitely have decided on a hospital birth attended by a doctor, not a midwife. We've both had a few family members fall under the category of "wouldn't be here without medical intervention".

Obviously, complications are relatively rare. But like Pepper said, I now know I won't be comfortable at home, especially since the nearest hospital to me is not one I would want to have to be take to in an emergency (the type with dirty floors and flickering florescent lighting. Gak!)

So for me, the challenge is going to be in trying to find a balance between a "natural" and a medical birth. I am hoping to go epidural free, and am doing what I can to prepare for it. I'm not sure about using a doula yet, because I'm hoping for my main labor support to be Mr. But the class I'm planning on taking is taught by doulas, so if I find one I love . . . .

An interesting thing I found out . . . . for a long time, popular knowledge in the birthing community was that epidurals slow labor and descent of the baby. My doc shared with me a study done by Northwestern Memorial Hospital that suggested exactly the opposite. This same hospital gives epidurals to 90% of their patients and still manages to have one of the lowest c-sec rate in the country. So if my labor stalls, I'm happy to accept the epi. After the recovery from my lap procedure, I am hoping to avoid any sort of abdominal incisions for as many many many years as I can . . . . I think one of my biggest fears is a c-section . . . .

I think another important thing to keep in mind is the risk of needing an emergency c-section of the variety where baby has to be taken out immediately. If no epidural is in place, general anesthesia may be needed, and that has some risk attached to it. For some, this risk is acceptable but not so for others. I myself haven't really decided yet . . . .

I'm a bit of a worrier, if you can tell . . . .

I guess part of that ramble was for your benefit Nick, and part of it was to get some yucky stuff off my chest, har har.

Anyways, always keep in mind it doesn't matter how baby gets here, just that he/she does and babe and mom are safe and healthy. Do lots of research and ask lots of questions to whatever practitioner you choose, eventually, you'll be able to formulate an approach (I say approach, not plan, because "plans" often don't work out!) that feels comfy to you.

Let us know what book you ended up going with!

Zelda - so glad to hear Elliot is moving around a lot, that must be an extraordinary feeling. I think I might have felt a few wiggles here or there, but nothing definitive yet.

Anyways, I was wondering if you could feel anything from the exterior of the belly yet? Mr. A is wondering when he might possibly be able to feel the buggo moving . . . .

[pepper]

For me that what to expect book and the girlfriend's book were both nightmares. Way to focus on EVERY little thing that could possible ever go wrong, sheesh. Made me paranoid, I tossed them both.
I read Ina May Gaskens Spiritual Midwifery which was wonderful. It's admittedly a little dated having been written in the hard and heavy hippie era, some of the dialogue is so clique, ha! But it's the story of how a midwifery community came to be, how they dealt with a variety of births (good, bad, effortless, scary, deadly), what they learned, how they changed their minds about this and that, how they dealt with the medical community (have to say it was way more midwife friendly than later years). All in all it was such a positive read, very enlightening too. Lots of info on the physical aspect etc.

For me natural childbirth wasn't a choice, it just was the only way. I think the best thing for any mama is to be where she's comfortable 'cause being fearful or uncomfortable in any way is gonna stress out the body and hold things up. You physically cannot give birth if you're scared or freaked out, your body goes into fight or flight survival mode and delays it all until you feel safe again. And so there you are, if you have fears, deep ones about being at home, then it's not the place for you. I have deep fears about hospitals and doctors and drugs so they are not for me.

The thing about being in labour is that all those contractions get the baby ready to breathe so they are really neccessary. A high percentage of planned c-section babies or mamas who have the epi end up with respiratory issues. It's a small price to pay for a few hours for a healthy baby IMO. Of course, if it gets unbearably painful for long stretches of time I can see having some medication but I just wouldn't do it myself unless I absolutely couldn't stand not to. Once it's over it's over and all in the past. Holding that new baby is the best painkiller going.

[zelda]

nickclick, my feelings on natural birth are mixed. My mother is a huge proponent of natural birth and had all three of us with absolutely no meds or panikillers (although she birthed in a hospital). I think I'd like to do that, but ultimately it's up to the woman. Some women have relatively easy, short labors, so to go natural makes sense for them. Not all women are so lucky, and it doesn't do the woman or baby any good to suffer through a long, agonizing labor just to say, "I went natural." So I think I'll have to see how it is.

I definitely want to experience labor pains as crazy as that sounds. One of my coworkers was induced and given an epidural immediately, and she said she feels like she missed out on some experience because of that. Of course for some women that would be a dream labor! Ultimately, it's up to the woman, I think.

I am a believer (for me) for giving birth in a hospital, I have to say. Not that I don't think home birth is an amazing thing. But I'm too scared to do it. I know too many women who have had labors go awry after birthing naturally for hours and hours, and they had to have a C-section, episiotomy, etc. and were grateful they were in a hospital. I admit I used to have a more Earth Mother birth is so natural view until I became pregnant and had friends give birth. While I still believe pregnancy and birth ARE natural and shouldn't be treated as a sickness (of course!), the hard truth is that prior to modern medicine, women and babies died in childbirth all the time.

So while I think it's great to embrace as much of the natural side of things as possible, I also think it's smart to acknowledge that we've made some advances and it's okay to take advantage of those if it fits US. There can't be a one size fits all approach to birthing and labor. Insisting a woman go all natural or birth at home is like the 50s when the doctors insisted all women be knocked out during birth! (Like Betty Draper!!!)

Woo! Just wrote a book... :-)

Had a crazy dream last night that Elliott was an infant but could talk, and he told me I was "underqualified" for the job. I think this came from watching Stewie Griffin on Family Guy prior to going to bed. In the dream I had to debate with him about why I would be a good mother. I woke up laughing.

He is so active these days, and I just love it. I really can't wait to meet him!

[yumyum]

Congratulations Nickclick!!!!! I didn't read What to Expect When You're Expecting, but I do have The Whole Pregnancy Handbook (Joel Evans,MD), and I think it's full of good info (it integrates conventional and alternative medicine). I know Amazon has it. Have fun book shopping!

[nickclick]

thanks so much for the reading suggestions. i am armed with a Borders coupon and heading there on my lunch break today. i read What to Expect Before... and found it an easy reference. at the library yesterday i picked up Our Bodies, Ourselves - Pregnancy&Birth and so far what i've read is really pushing (no pun intended) for natural birth. i'm not there yet so it's a little overwhelming.

is anyone here planning a natural birth? a doula and/or midwife? please forgive me if i didn't read back far enough to find an answer. i have one friend who did a water birth and she's an emergency room doctor in Brooklyn who spent a few years in Kenya in the Peace Corps. she's mentally and physically a million times tougher than I am!

aphelendra, as much as i want to raise a baby as neutrally gender specific as possible, i can't wait to know either! and can't wait for you to share your news with us! friends of ours found out before birth, but had their doctor write down the results of the ultrasound and put the paper in an envelope. they went out to their favorite restaurant and opened the envelope then. they said it made for a more private and "drum roll" moment. anyway, they had a girl and she's a sweetie.

[aphelendra]

I definitely will be happy with either boy or girl, just anxious to find out and be excited about either one! But because we aren't absolutely sure we'll be able to conceive again by the time I have graduated (which is a good few years off), it somehow seems like its an even bigger deal. Strange, even though we would both gladly gladly gladly accept a babe of either persuasion . . . .

I did enjoy What to Expect because it gives a nice month to month/week to week description of what's going on. I especially liked that they kept comparing the developing embryo to various fruit items (today my baby is the size of a raspberry!), and it also alerts you to when various things develop. But I think I liked the Mayo Clinic Guide a bit better, it's a little more technical. It seemed to be more about the medical side of things and less about the emotional, but that was just my preference at the time.

I also really enjoyed LLL's The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I read it pretty early on, once we were nearing the end of the first trimester. It made me feel a bit more prepared for the actual parenting part. It deals not only with breastfeeding but things like infant attachment, sleep patterns, nutrition in the first year, and even touches on disciplining the very young child.

Hoping all remains well, and that your wait to get to the doc passes quickly . . . .

[zelda]

Overall I'd say avoid the Internet (other than us). It's crazymaking.

The bible is "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Some don't like it, but I think it's excellent. I've referred to it many, many times during this pregnancy. "The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy" is also very good.

Some like "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" but I found it pandering and also seemed to be targeted to women who thought they deserved jewelry for giving birth...weird. Sort of like the anti-BUST lady would like that book.

I'd say pick one or two resources and go there only. The two I've mentioned have been my guides throughout the pregnancy. If you go to too many sites and refer to too many books, it can overwhelm you. I'd say the same is probably true for baby raising books! :-)

[nickclick]

my doc wants to wait until at least 6 weeks so my appt is not for another couple of weeks. i dunno if i can stand the wait.

what should i be reading right now? any book/website suggestions?

aphelendra, are you favoring either result of the ultrasound?

~~~ + vibes for laurenzorro ~~~

[nickclick]

many thanks everyone! so weird talking to both of our moms today and not mentioning anything.

yes zelda, if period does come i will surely be disappointed but happy to know conception is possible. btw, is there more apt but concise terminology for carrying to term than 'stick'? as in - if this thing sticks, we have to think of great halloween costumes!

i can wait for a couple of weeks if that means a better doc visit. i'll see what she says tomorrow.

[zelda]

PS Laurenzorro, the month BEFORE I tested positive I had a very strange cycle where I was several days late but it was still negative...it can be frustrating. False negatives can and do happen...hang in there through this testing and know that your positive month will come soon if it isn't just around the corner already.

[zelda]

Nickclick, OMG!!! Craziness! I am so happy for you.

I was so worried in the beginning too, always checking for blood...just try to stay calm and know there is really nothing you can or cannot do at this stage that will affect any outcome. The best thing I kept telling myself was that I knew Mr. Z and I could conceive...that was huge for me after 9 months of trying. Try to focus on that positive news for now.

Also, don't be surprised if your doctor doesn't want to see you for about two weeks - pretty standard in very early pregnancy. I actually didn't have my pregnancy confirmation appt. until I was 9 weeks. They may take you sooner if you request it and you're really nervous.

Delibelly and Pepper, thanks for the weight gain advice. I figure if I keep gaining at this rate, I'll probably gain around 35 pounds...I can handle that, I think. :-) And I do plan to nurse, so hopefully that will help, too.

Mr. Z and I went on a weekend getaway this past weekend to the TX Gulf Coast and it was so nice...but man, I'm beat. I just don't have the energy I once had. I get sleepy and tired so much more frequently! Makes sense, I know...I just wish I had tomorrow off, too...I need a day to recover from the getaway!

Ponyo/Elliott was out of control moving yesterday, kicking so hard Mr. Z and I could see my belly move. He's more mellow today. I've noticed he has crazy days followed by more mellow days....makes sense, I guess! :-)

More later...thinking of you all and so pleased to read all these new voices and stay in touch with all the familiar ones on this thread.

[Laurenzorro]

Day 35 and 15DPO..... another negative! I bought a 3 pack of tests yesterday when I realized I wasn't getting my period. Then I became obsessed with reading about false negatives...aarrrghh! I think I'm going to skip a test tomorrow and do another one on wednesday.

Congratulations nickclick!! That is awesome news! I'm glad at least one of us is getting results around here!

[aphelendra]

Yay nickclick!!!!!!
Hope your appointment goes well and try not to stress while you're waiting, surely everything will be fine. I know where you're coming from though, I'm 18 weeks along today and I still periodically leap up and run to the bathroom, convinced I am bleeding, which thankfully I never am.

Pepper and delibelly - thanks for the input on weight gain, I'm very very glad to hear you guys didn't have much trouble losing the extra after baby. I'm definitely planning on nursing (by hook or by crook!) so hopefully that will help. I don't mind waiting a few months, as long as it comes off eventually . . . .

I have two more weeks till the big ultrasound and every day seems to be passing more and more slowly . . . . aaaarrrrrgggghhhh. Can't wait to find out if we are having a boy buggo or a girl buggo.

On a funny (but slightly gross) note. . . . I finally get a break from my period and my stupid dog gets hers. She's not scheduled to be spayed until mid march, so now I've got a sixty pound german shepherd running around my house in an adult diaper with a tail hole cut into it. ha.

Luck to the TTC ladies and health and rest to all.

p.s. "baby dust" is a term used on lots of TTC/mommy forums, mostly the type where people have obnoxious signatures where babies born are depicted as bouncing smiley icons and little angel icons for babies lost. There's also lots of abbreviations I can hardly understand and may I just say again I am so happy to have found this thread . . . .

[Michelina]

Nickclick, congratulations!!! I had a very strong feeling I would be seeing this news from you this morning, actually.

Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!

[nickclick]

holy fuck (no pun intended)....

HPT = +

!

i'm calling my gyno tomorrow for an appointment and hoping i don't see blood before i see her.

[pepper]

I am thin and did not gain much the first time 'round, less than 30lbs. More with the 2nd though, around 50 or 60 I think. The first time it was totally gone in 4 weeks, the second time more like 3-4 months but nursing is what takes it off. You lay down a layer of fat to feed that baby with and if you don't use it for that purpose you're most likely gonna have to work to get it off. So there you go, nursing's not only great for the baby, it's good for you too (plus it reduces chances of cancers associated with female reproductive organs, etc). I say don't worry about any weight you put on until afterwards if it's an issue for you, then you can do something about but in the meantime it's hardly worth stressing over. You just never know how you're going to be until after the baby comes anyhow. Just take care if you're Really putting it on and are at risk for gestational diabetes! That needs to be addressed.

I think that nausea and vomitting are the body's way of protecting the baby from toxins in the mama's system so, as uncomfortable as it is, welcome it if you can. It's your body's way of building a healthier baby and I gotta say, even though it sucks right now it really is the kind of thing you don't give a second thought to once that phase is past. It's over when it's over so ride it out as best you can, dry crackers and all that, and focus on that light at the end of the tunnel! "This too shall pass" has been a mama mantra for me for years.

As for skin tags, maybe this is a terrible thing to do but as soon as I notice one I snip it off with the nail clippers before it gets too big. Doesn't hurt but even if it did, I'd still do it myself. Those things are too weird for me to leave hanging around my dermis. Oogy!

[nickclick]

welcome delibelly! ~~~sending anti-barf vibes~~~

sorry, lauren........ when will you test again?

i am due for period today and i'm usually quite prompt. i've been feeling the PMS - bloated boobs, cranky, constipation - all the usual fun stuff. i think i'll test tomorrow. i don't think so and it's only been our first month ttc......

ps what's baby dust?

[delibelly]

I had nausea with my son, and I also made my mother very sick during her pregnancy. My son and I are both very prone to motion sickness, so I think I'm just a genetically barfy sort. I do recall it stopping with my first at about 14 weeks. I'm finding staying away from sugar helps, which is nice 'cause...wait for it....

I gained 45 lbs with my first pregnancy!

But, you know, it all came off without much effort, and within about 3-4 months. I'm pretty relaxed about weight gain because I think some people just gain a lot. Especially, it seems, if you are very thin to begin with (though I am not). And then you are so busy those first three months after birth, you just don't have time to (I hope, for your sake) give a shit. Then I stepped on a scale one day and - hey- it was gone. Not a true story for everyone, but maybe it'll give hope to any of you that are gaining a lot.

[Laurenzorro]

Negative!

13DPO and still no period! Very unusual/annoying!

More waiting, waiting........