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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
buttercups
post Feb 8 2011, 06:01 PM
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Awww thanks ladies, I wish I could actually make myself believe good things about me, I'm trying harder, but it will be awhile I think. I forgot to mention that this guy also kind of had strange taste in women, so it wasn't as flattering as it could be haha. Strongirl how did you get to be so damn strong?? Thank you for making me see things that I wouldn't normally see on my own. There is a contrast between those 2 things, I want to learn to see myself differently.

I'm also kind of upset because my bf is going away on a guys' weekend and I saw that one of his friends wrote on his other friends' facebook wall that the weekend was going to be full of "beer n' boobs". Now I don't know what to think about it and I don't want to tell him not to go, but at the same time I am extremely sensitive about things and if he goes to a strip club or something I probably won't be able to show my body to him ever again. What happens when he finally sees boobs?? I confronted him about it and he says he just won't go with an angry tone, but I don't want him to just not go at all. I'm just not secure enough to be ok with him going to things like that. Even if I know he would never cheat on me, it would hurt me just to think that maybe he is finally noticing what he's missing with me.

Wow thanks for all the brown-eyed love! One of the only memories that I have of my very crude grandfather is him telling me as a little child that my eyes were brown because I was "full of shit". Glad to hear some people find other attractive things about brown eyes hahah!

Karategrrl, any tips on how to get some of that muscle cleavage?? I'll take any cleavage I can get and I'm willing to work for it! Can you really make yourself fill out that much more? Great stuff about the 70s- anyone got a time machine??

Anarch I am definitely anything but kind to myself, and I want to fix that and first fix the feeling I have that I deserve to feel bad about myself for whatever reason. Do you ever wonder if deep down inside you are a bad person? I wonder that about myself sometimes and think maybe I just deserve to not like myself. I want to be a better person to everyone in my life, and maybe then I'll feel better about myself.

Thanks for joining us SecretSights88, I can tell already that you have so much positivity to offer! We can never get enough of that!

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strongirl
post Feb 8 2011, 11:35 AM
Post #722


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It is like we are forming a circle around Buttercups, all holding up mirrors to show her as she really is, to herself.

Sorry to repeat myself but:

"Buttercups, I am also struck by the contrast between the way you see yourself (deformity???!!!) and the way your past lover described you in that recent conversation - as a "work of art". There is a vast distance between those two points of view! And I'd love to see you scootch your butt over to his side, for I'm sure it is much more in line with reality."

Think about it. Plenty of women would weep with joy to have a lover say that about them. You gave that guy a gift by sharing your body with him, a gift he deeply appreciated obviously. Now he's given you back a gift - he is holding a metaphoric mirror up to you too. The least you can do is look into it with gratitude.

Karategrrl - too bad we can't work out together. smile.gif You don't sound full of yourself and I can relate to your frustration. I think one of the reasons women think of surgery before things they can do that are under their control is that we are conditioned to become passive and disempowered - men (surgeons) have the power to change things (our bodies) but we do not - that is the mindset. Old school feminist analysis there but I think it has some validity.


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karategrrl
post Feb 8 2011, 08:00 AM
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Secretsight88, I’m so glad you de-lurked. My my, we’re going to have a good time. laugh.gif OMG grrl, I could have written your 5-point list myself! Holy crap, you hit the nail on the head.

“Looking at implant photos, my dominant reaction is to think how much better most of the women would look if they'd lost weight, gained muscle tone, and improved their posture as opposed to getting implants. I know that too is somewhat judgmental, but since I value strength and health and many of these women do not look strong or healthy, that is how I react.”

I have to agree, strongirl. I can say from my own personal experience that I have really modified my body by doing just that, and I really like the way I look so much more than I did 20 years ago. I work out my upper body well, and I have to say it has done so much for shaping my chest. Like, I actually have cleavage—the muscle kind. wink.gif I think many women are looking to fill out or shape their upper bodies, but don’t realize they can achieve all or much of the look they want through their own effort rather than by surgery. (And it’s comparatively low-cost, risk-free, healthy and feels great!) My point is not to sound all full of myself, but that I get so frustrated hearing women talk like their only option is surgery. Gad.
…now if I could make my lower body look as toned as my upper body…working on it… wink.gif

Buttercups, have to agree with anarch about you seeing beauty more easily in others than yourself. But I think that’s a good start. Remember, those older folks are calling you beautiful. Listen to them. <hugs.>
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anarch
post Feb 8 2011, 12:14 AM
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Brown eyes here too. I've never been wild about having them. However, they probably do help a lot for making pathetic puppy dog faces (which I use regularly to torture my spouse).

Loving reading everybody's comments on aging. Especially yours, buttercups. I have to say, I find it ironic that you champion this aging issue so well, and at the same time are so very hard on your own (what you see as a complete lack of) beauty. There's that saying about being as kind to yourself as you are to your friends...

secretsights88, thanks for contributing your excellent words.
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KeraBear
post Feb 7 2011, 07:19 PM
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QUOTE(karategrrl @ Feb 7 2011, 08:38 AM) *
[b]> Not that my own feelings don’t have weight in and of themselves, but to have other women like you guys say, “Yeah, I know!” really goes a long way toward helping me feel like LESS of an alien!


Yeah, I know! wink.gif

Welcome, SecretSights88! Yeah, I think for the most part this place has got it right. I've tried teen forums in the past to deal with my feelings, but I think the problem with those places are... well, there are too many teens, ha ha. As far as small breasts go, most of the time the responses are "awwww, don't worry. You are still young. You have plenty of time to grow!" (well what if they don't? And isn't that treating it like it is a problem?) OR they would try to make you feel better by saying, "Hey, be happy you don't have big boobs. They are saggy and ugly!" (but then in effort to make someone feel better, they are making other girls feel bad about themselves. That is no good either!) Teens would seriously benefit from this place, and the thoughts of people with, actual life experience...but of course then there would be way more drama, too... I know I was pretty dramatic when I first came here! LOL

About Buttercups eyes - I am also pushing the "like" button. Remember that with great power comes great responsibility! smile.gif

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strongirl
post Feb 7 2011, 04:04 PM
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secretsights88, you sound totally cool! Welcome and I'm glad you de-lurked!

"They have brainwashed even the best of us, them fuckers." biggrin.gif LMAO - excellent line and very true!

Looking at implant photos, my dominant reaction is to think how much better most of the women would look if they'd lost weight, gained muscle tone, and improved their posture as opposed to getting implants. I know that too is somewhat judgmental, but since I value strength and health and many of these women do not look strong or healthy, that is how I react.

I'm in the big brown eyes club too - and boy, have I ever found them to be an advantage in life. When I was growing up, my mother used to have to look away when she was reprimanding me - she always found it impossible to say mean things to me when she was looking into my eyes. smile.gif
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secretsights88
post Feb 7 2011, 02:00 PM
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I know what you mean karategrrl, sometimes I've looked at pictures of implants just to make myself forget about that idea... because God knows I've thought about it... only to remember why I wouldn't do it...

1. Implants just don't look natural, 9/10 times. Just based on aesthetics, I wouldn't do it.
2. I'm a chicken when it comes to surgery.
3. I know implants have come a long way, but they're still risky.
4. I don't wanna be a clone.
5. Possible loss of nipple sensitivity. I know some say it increases nipple sensitivity, but still. And too sensitive nipples can't be good either.

I know they're a valid option for many women (like it was for spot-on), but not for me. Some women have no issues with implants the same way I do. And that's fine. But it's not for me, even though from time to time, I wonder what it'd be like to have big breasts. Ahem, "breasts".

In the end I just put things in perspective, and how my body is awesome the way it is, how healthy it is and well, that in itself is something to be grateful for. Sometimes I feel like such an ungrateful bitch when I worry so much about my breast size, or any other part that may bother me. But then, it's hard not to, with all the shit from the media. They have brainwashed even the best of us, them fuckers.

Oh and buttercups, I also have brown eyes. I live in a country where practically everyone does. So yeah, sometimes I feel they're a bit unspecial, but I guess that's just because I'm so used to them. Just like karategrrl said she's used to her blue eyes. Like her, I also prefer guys with dark eyes. So yeah, brown eyes are great too, I'm sure you have gorgeous brown eyes, which is cool too, because from what I hear, practically any eye shadow goes well with brown eyes. I'm not much of a make up junkie, but that's always good to know!
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karategrrl
post Feb 7 2011, 08:40 AM
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Wait a minute...we had PHONES in the '70s. I meant "answering machines."
...Gad, I'm not THAT fucking ancient!
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karategrrl
post Feb 7 2011, 08:38 AM
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>Karategrrl, that post was like a good book! It was LONG but so much good stuff in there.

Aw shucks, thanks, Strongirl! Um, I DO tend to be long-winded when I write. Sometimes I have to reel myself in.

I’m so glad you and others can relate to my rant—makes me feel saner. Not that my own feelings don’t have weight in and of themselves, but to have other women like you guys say, “Yeah, I know!” really goes a long way toward helping me feel like LESS of an alien! I so appreciate this place!!!! It helps me SO much!! Later at the gym that night (after I met the woman with the rocket-launcher implants) I was sitting on a machine just thinking about you guys and feeling less lonely, I swear.

“ I don't think there is any way to live in this society and escape the thought that there is something wrong with you for being "different", even if we are only different because all of a sudden everyone around us has altered themselves to look the same. “

Buttercups OMG, so well-said! I SO relate to all the rest of your post, too—the “normalcy” of repeated surgeries, ruptures, casual surgery, people’s blasé attitude about it. I could go on and on. If I actually had the surgery, I, too, would probably freak the fuck out if anything went wrong. More likely, actually, would be to wake up one morning and just say, “what the hell have I done to myself? I’m not 100% ME!” I have literally gotten NAUSEOUS looking at breast implant before and after pics on the internet. I think that alone tells me enough about my unsuitability for the procedure. wink.gif

“I wish I lived in a time before this crap existed so that maybe I could see a woman who looks like me for once and feel more normal about it.”


Buttercups, I was a kid in the ‘70s. The implant thing didn’t start really gaining momentum until I think the early- to mid-‘80s. I remember many women with small breasts wanting to be bigger, stuffing their bras with tissues and such, but I also vaguely remember lots of women with those polyester leotard-type tops with little boobies and great nippies. I love technology and modern living, but there’s something about that era I really miss—no computers, no phones, no fake tits. I feel ya totally.

buttercups, I LOVE brown eyes! See, mine are blue and I’m used to them. I looooove brown eyes of all shades—to me, they seem so dark, mysterious, endless…Always preferred guys with dark eyes. So there! See, whatever you have, someone loves it!

Welcome aboard, Secretsights88!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“A lot of other women have told me they think my body is fantastic, and I'm like "Really? well thank you, here I was thinking your body is fantastic".

OMG yes, I’ve had this experience many times too!

Alright, I’ve never had a nipple-stimulation orgasm. I’ve had, like, third-eye energy rushes following intense orgasms, but not the nip Os. Hmm… one day! wink.gif

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secretsights88
post Feb 5 2011, 02:28 PM
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Hey! I'd been lurking around these forums for a long while but finally decided to sign up. It's so strange, because even though it's an online forum, it doesn't feel like it. There's just an "atmosphere" here that I have never experienced reading any other forum. It really does feel as some of you say, as a safe place, really warm and body positive. It's amazing. Sometimes when I've felt bad about my body I come in here and the blues just go away.

That's what I love about this forum. It's very body positive and accepting. You know what has helped me with my insecurity? People watching. Of course sometimes I feel "Oh I wish I had her legs", or more often "Oh I wish I had her hair", but you know what, I've learned to really appreciate different types of beauty. And I think it's just human nature to focus so much on what we don't like about ourselves... but only we see it. A lot of other women have told me they think my body is fantastic, and I'm like "Really? well thank you, here I was thinking your body is fantastic".

Beauty is so diverse, so yeah, fuck the media. It's hard to ignore the messages they give sometimes, but the real world is just so much better.

Another thing that helped was that prior to breaking up with my ex, I discovered that I can orgasm by nipple stimulation! It was such a nice surprise, especially because the sensation is so different. I really, really loved it!

I think there's beauty in everything, really. It takes a bit of time sometimes to open our eyes to it, but once we do, it's really liberating. That's the vibe I get from this forum, and it's so great that such place exists.
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buttercups
post Feb 5 2011, 10:00 AM
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Karategrrl I can totally relate to that rant- 100%! I'm tired of it too and everytime I think this whole fake mindset might be fading I look around and it's still everywhere. I don't think there is any way to live in this society and escape the thought that there is something wrong with you for being "different", even if we are only different because all of a sudden everyone around us has altered themselves to look the same. I also hate how people talk about implants casually sometimes-like "oh you hate your breasts, get implants!" and it's like the health risks don't even matter or factor in at all. Even that article that someone posted a little while back about the woman with the implants that keep rupturing frustrated me to a point. She goes on and on about how she should love her small boobs and how the implants have caused her so much trouble health-wise, and then goes and gets them put in again and she's a new woman. The good thing about that article is that it really made me think. What the hell would I do if I woke up and one of my inflatable breasts was gone?? I know myself and I would totally freak! What if it happens in a time of financial difficulty and you just don't have the money to go out and buy yourself more surgery to get it repaired?? I just find it hard to stomach how some women around here are so carefree about the whole process and don't even think about it or any of the risks. And I think that the more people get surgery and look alike, the more strange and abnormal the natural people will seem. I wish I lived in a time before this crap existed so that maybe I could see a woman who looks like me for once and feel more normal about it. I know like Karategrrl said that the grass is always greener, and I am grateful for my healthy body, but how much more of an outsider am I going to feel as people augment themselves all over the place??

Hahaha KeraBear you are not lettin me get away with this one! Hmm if I had to pick something I liked about myself, it would probably be...I guess my eyes. They are huge and I used to hate that they were dark brown and think it was boring, but I'm more ok with it now cause it's easier to make "sad puppy dog" faces with brown puppy dog eyes than without haha. It's funny cause my eyes are actually one part of my body that have caused me a lot of health problems and that is what I can tolerate the best. Boobies, aside from emotional shame, have caused me little physical problems and yet I hate on them. Eyes have ended me up in the ER and ruined my vacation on a couple of occasions but I give them the ok.
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KeraBear
post Feb 4 2011, 08:47 PM
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Awww, thanks for the compliment, BC! You aren't so bad yourself. wink.gif Speaking of COMPLIMENTS...

QUOTE(karategrrl @ Feb 3 2011, 09:35 AM) *
So... buttercuppies...let's start turning that self-criticism around! What DO you like about yourself? Tell us!! Force yourself! There must be something! wink.gif Just one thing!! (Or two...or three...)

<More HUGS!>


I don't believe you ever answered this question. C'moooooooon! Inquiring minds want to know. smile.gif
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strongirl
post Feb 4 2011, 11:31 AM
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Karategrrl, that post was like a good book! It was LONG but so much good stuff in there.

Re. your rant - OMG, I so relate. Totally totally totally. To all of it, from your feeling like an alien for being natural, to not knowing how to relate to a woman whose implants are "bridging the physical gap between us" (that was so well put), to just wanting to escape from it all (maybe we can share a hut). I have felt all of those things and really appreciate the way you articulated them. <<<hugs>>>

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karategrrl
post Feb 4 2011, 08:42 AM
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Ladies, you all rock so mightily!!

I already feel better, reading your posts. I’ve been a little down. <Warning: rant ahead.> Long story short, it just seems like everywhere I look lately everyone’s got the fucking implants, and I am so goddamn tired of it. Seriously. I joined a new gym only 5 miles away from my old one, same chain, but somehow the clientele is completely different from the old one. At my yoga studio? Zero implants. At my old gym? A few implants. At this new place? EVERYWHERE. It’s like I’m a fucking alien just for being natural. Hubby’s been at this gym a few years and been introducing me to his friends there so I have a few acquaintances when I go. His workout partner’s GF? Implants. Awhile back, he mentioned a woman I might like to be workout partners with, she’s so nice, yada yada. Met her last night. Yep, implants again. Obvious ones. (And a sing-songy voice that was like nails on a chalkboard.) Now, I KNOW, I shouldn’t judge. Maybe she had breast cancer, and the implants are a reconstructive thing, I tell myself. I dunno. But right off the bat I’m standing there making stupid small talk while thinking, “OK, probably not much chance of any meaningful girl-friendship here…totally different mindsets…I know…don’t judge…but it’s HARD. I like genuine people, and though this woman may indeed be very nice and genuine on the inside, there she is, fake boobs pointing at me, physically bridging the physical gap between us, practically waving hello. My brain practically exploded from the effort of trying to process it all.

I’m just tired of it. There is something so fucking wrong with being different because you DON’T surgically alter yourself. Makes me want to run away and live alone in a hut on a mountaintop in Tibet or something, where people <gasp>have other things on their minds. Sorry for the rant. I’m angry. (And if I did run away, I’d take my laptop so I could stay in touch with you guys. wink.gif ) But reading your posts makes me feel better already. <Rant concluded.>
Random responses to your posts:
Strongirl:
I totally know what you mean, Karategrrl, re. the aging thing - I'm not going down without a fight. For me, it has to do with my identity. I don't want to look like some 18 year old...I want to keep looking like myself. "
Strongirl, yes! I know I bitch about wrinkles, but also I must say I find it a bit intriguing to watch the new look I’m taking on. And no, I don’t’ wan to look “younger,” really. I want to look as good as I can while simultaneously looking somewhere near my real age. And buttercups, that is wonderful what you say to the oldsters you work with. I LOVE old people. And, I see some BEAUTIFUL older folks. I smile, they smile back, and they just freaking glow. Awesome.

“It reminds me of a woman I know who got implants and said she never felt really naked again, it was like she was always "wearing" something, her fake boobs. Personally, I like being able to get naked.”
I can so relate, and this is the reason why I think I’d lose my sanity if I ever got the surgery. I’d feel fake, and I wouldn’t be able to remove them myself.

Kerabear:
“One thing I appreciate about this forum is that it doesn't tolerate self criticism. The last time I tried that, karategrrl gave me a verbal smack! ha ha... I also appreciate how the members here have proven that I will only get better with age. ”
Yes, this is our happy place. laugh.gif And I must say, I AM personally coming to realize the empowerment, confidence and fun of not giving a shit, which is something you gain as you age. I’d take the insights, knowledge and confidence I’ve earned over the last 20 years over looking “younger” any day.

Nbdx:
“I also used my chest as a storage facility. I'd place my life "failures" (for a lack of a better word) on my breasts. Be gentile on yourself because it's more than just the body part, it's the feelings and experiences that we attach to that body part which makes it so difficult.”
WOW! WOW! AND wow AGAIN! You totally hit the nail on the head. Everything that plagues us is totally about the feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc. we attach to that thing. One of my fave quotes ever is,” We see things not as they are, but as WE are.” (Anais Nin, I think.) I am finding this to be a major theme of finding happiness in life—I am finding great relief and power in changing my feelings/beliefs about something rather than changing that thing (if it’s something I can’t change). We can’t change others or, often, our circumstances—only ourselves. (And yes, I realize it's not that woman's fake breasts that bothered me--it's my own feelings about them...processing...processing...)


buttercups:
“It's like my body is incomplete with a part missing. At the same time I guess I'm glad that at least I can hide this deformity from the world so no one has to know unless I'm at the beach or something.”
Oh, I feel a virtual love-slap coming on… wink.gif
Buttercups, you are NOT deformed! Just the fact that you EXIST in your present physical form is evidence of that. I know what you mean, though. Sometimes I also wish I knew what it was like to have breasts with weight, to fill out bras. Hell, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a penis to play with, or what it would be like to live in a body of a different color, size, shape, etc. But remember that there are plenty of women out there who are disabled, old, or who have painfully large breasts who would give their left eyetooth to live in YOUR body. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with those bodies either—just that the grass is always greener, you know?

God, I’ve written a lot. Your fault--you all have inspired me. wink.gif

PS: Sorry for all the weird characters. I had to make a small edit and everything got wonky...Hope you can still understand my post.
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strongirl
post Feb 4 2011, 08:29 AM
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Sometimes a phrase that someone uses in here just resonates with me and I'm struck by it. Yesterday it was "wearing cleavage". Today it is "used my chest as a storage facility" for failures. Wow. That is really a profound insight, poignantly described.

Buttercups, I am also struck by the contrast between the way you see yourself (deformity???!!!) and the way your past lover described you in that recent conversation - as a "work of art". There is a vast distance between those two points of view! And I'd love to see you scootch your butt over to his side, for I'm sure it is much more in line with reality.

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buttercups
post Feb 4 2011, 05:39 AM
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Sorry for the double post, I missed nbdx- we mustve posted at about the same time haha!

Those are good suggestions, your bf sounds great too! I really like your thoughts on your chest being an emotional storage facility- that is definitely what I think I've done over the years. Oh man I've been a hoarder! I think I also get sad when I think about all the experiences that I miss out on by looking this way- I will never feel what it's like to truly have breasts- ones that are actually measurable and have weight to them. As a woman that is just something that I want to experience- what it's like to have some weight on my chest. I think I need to accept that that wont happen to me in order to move on from this. It feels like I have an arm that is missing a hand or something and I keep waiting for that hand to appear, but it's not going to. It's like my body is incomplete with a part missing. At the same time I guess I'm glad that at least I can hide this deformity from the world so no one has to know unless I'm at the beach or something. For the majority of my life I can keep it from everyone as my own secret. If I was missing a hand a lot more people would notice! and when I was having problems with my contacts and had to wear glasses that distort my eyes I realized there are worse things than small breasts bc at least those I can hide. So I do get some comfort from that, thank god we live in the era of the 2 cup size bra!
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buttercups
post Feb 3 2011, 08:59 PM
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Thanks guys, I love you all, you're the best! Karategrrl, for what its worth I'm in geriatrics and of course you're nowhere near that now haha, but I just wanted to say that I've seen so many beautiful women with wrinkles. I think they look so much more gorgeous naturally than all the alien women that are being created with botox and plastic surgery and facelifts. They all have that same look- like we've talked about so many times before. I especially love the smile lines because it shows me that the person has had a happy life. Those ones are the best! I hope maybe you can look at yours differently and see them as just a sign that you have enjoyed many great times and good laughs, that's what I see anytime I see them anyways. But aging can definitely be hard and I'm getting the lines to prove it too! I think I'd rather age naturally and beautifully though than become an ancient alien. I wish our culture had a more positive outlook on aging as well as everything else. We are all held to such impossibly high standards. When I see my patients they all comment about how young and beautiful I am. I tell them that beauty has no age, and surprisingly whenever I say that they all agree with me.

Strongirl I will definitely check out that book, thanks! I also love Susie, she is so inspiring! Mirror work scares me cause I really hate what I see. I don't know why I have such deep-set self-hatred, but it's something that I really need to work on. I wouldn't want any other woman to feel the way about herself that I feel and I always try and encourage others to see their beauty, I don't understand why I can't do that for myself and it makes me feel like a hypocrite. In any event, I will give it a good try. I keep hoping for some miracle fix, but I think I'm just going to have to keep trying to work through this issue and hope that with time it gets better. It already has but I still fall in those slumps. At least I'm a little more self-aware of them now thanks to all of you.

KeraBear you are so cute! And I mean that as a compliment cause I know we've all struggled with "cute" around here from time to time, but your posts just make me happy : ) I will also add that you are such an incredibly insightful young woman- I wish I had that insight at your age!
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nbdx0645
post Feb 3 2011, 08:47 PM
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Eep! There's so much good stuff going on here it's difficult to address it all.

Strongirl, I think you recommended "Fat is a feminist issue" for me a little while back. I ordered the book from Amazon and I'm flying through my queue to get to it. I'm really looking forward to it. The Fat-acceptance movement and Health At Every Size really, really, REALLY helped me through the "beauty barrier" I was experiencing, especially since it's hard to find print material that's directly related to small boobs.

Buttercups, I've done some mirror work too, but the results in the beginning weren't very good. I'd get really emotional and I'd reinforce bad feelings verbally. My boyfriend suggested that to start, I couldn't say anything negative about my breasts out loud. Also, when I started looking at myself in the mirror, I'd wear a sexy unlined bra to start with, and it felt like a nice stepping stone into full frontal nudity. I also found that looking at them in the shower is nice, because the water feels so warm, comforting and relaxing.

I also used my chest as a storage facility. I'd place my life "failures" (for a lack of a better word) on my breasts. Be gentile on yourself because it's more than just the body part, it's the feelings and experiences that we attach to that body part which makes it so difficult. <BIGHUG>

I'm also digging all of the holistic healthcare talk that's going on. Inner health radiates outward, definitely. And I love Strongirl's past experiences of positive reactions to her body and confidence. So awesome! Ladies, you all rock so hard. I agree with KeraBear; I'm hoping that I too get better with time.
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KeraBear
post Feb 3 2011, 05:16 PM
Post #739


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 265
From: USA


QUOTE(karategrrl @ Feb 2 2011, 10:49 AM) *
I wish there was something I could say that would magically, instantly make you feel confident and great, but that must come from you. All I can do is remind you that there is SSSOOOOO much more than damn fucking breasts that make up a woman--physically, there's her hair, smile, skin, eyes, how she carries herself, her voice, how she moves, etc.--and that doesn't even come close to the really important, non-physical stuff--brains, intellect, sense of humor, how she communicates, body language, interests, kindness, etc. I could go on and on. It's that unique cocktail of attributes that makes up each one of us.


I am glad you mentioned this, Karategrrl. It reminds me of when I was 15 (three looooooong years ago, ha ha) and only barely out of a training bra and waiting on my first period, and pretty down on myself. An older, wiser girlfriend told me, "being a woman is so much more than boobs and blood." So true!

One thing I appreciate about this forum is that it doesn't tolerate self criticism. The last time I tried that, karategrrl gave me a verbal smack! ha ha... I also appreciate how the members here have proven that I will only get better with age. wink.gif

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strongirl
post Feb 3 2011, 11:28 AM
Post #740


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 295


Ya know, it's funny about the mirror avoidance thing, Buttercups - when I was recovering from an eating disorder during college, I read Susie Orbach's book "Fat is a Feminist Issue" and a big part of what helped me overcome my body dysmorphic disorder was "mirror work", in which you stand in front of the mirror naked and appreciate your body, focus on various parts and just let your own love and esthetic appreciation flow, pose and preen, and bask in the positive image you project. Like Karategrrl says, focus on what you love about your body to start. At first it was really hard for me - my automatic response to looking in a mirror was a hawk-eyed critical sweep, shining a harsh spotlight on any perceived flaws - but after a while it got to be fun and very healing. I still do it. I highly recommend mirror work (read Orbach for more detail on how to do it).

I totally know what you mean, Karategrrl, re. the aging thing - I'm not going down without a fight. For me, it has to do with my identity. I don't want to look like some 18 year old...I want to keep looking like myself. Really old people and babies all look alike. I want to keep my individuality. So nutrition, exercise, good skincare, sleep, hydration, and stress management are all a big part of my strategy...and they're actually good for my health! Ya can't really say that about implants or facelifts.

Circling back on limousine's post below, I've always had a complex reaction to "modesty". In non-sexual situations like debates and office jobs and schools, I go out of my way to dress appropriately which to me means no sexual suggestiveness at all, so I probably would have made the same outfit adjustment you did, limousine. No cleavage, no nip show thru, no short skirts, etc. I wish it didn't matter but it does and if I want to be taken seriously and get my points across, sex needs to be out of the picture. On the other hand, I'm a shameless, lifelong skimpy, scanty, sexy dresser whenever I can get away with it! So at home, at bars, at parties, on the beach...I'm a terrible flaunter. And no, I don't have big boobs. But I flaunt all my assets including my little boobs, and I have many happy memories of positive responses ranging from looks to compliments to sexual adventures that I can reminisce about in my old age. In fact, I'm going to a bar tonight with the BF and another male friend, to party with the Burlesque troup that I took a class with last summer...so maybe I'll make some more memories. wink.gif

I also thought your wording about "wearing cleavage" was interesting. It reminds me of a woman I know who got implants and said she never felt really naked again, it was like she was always "wearing" something, her fake boobs. Personally, I like being able to get naked.

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