[karategrrl]

i'm gonna call and set up an intake at my school counseling center tomorrow. i just really want some advice on what might be causing this and why i can't seem to control my emotions over this. but in the mean time, i also need to try and turn a blind eye to my appearance right now so i can just power my way through this quarter at school and hopefully find a summer job this month. i just really need to take care of myself and get everything done. hopefully, i can make some real progress in loving my body over the summer without so much stress.

Sounds like you have a great plan, grrl. Pease check in with us and give us progress reports, "good" or "bad!"

[DeeRayy]

thanks karategrrl<33

i guess i just get frustrated with the fact that my feelings about my body affect me SOOOO MUCH, to the point where i don't feel like it's normal. sometimes i just ask myself why i can't just get over it and be happy already. oh, i wish it were that easy. i mean, it seems like the whole world is obsessed with boobs and sometimes i just can't help but feel physically inadequate. i struggle with feeling feminine. sometimes i don't even feel like my body looks entirely female when i take my bra off, and i shudder at the thought of a guy ever seeing me without clothes on. my mom got really upset with how sad and full of tears i was this weekend over it. she also said something that made a lot of sense to me- "it always comes back to that F^*%ING boy you dated. he put this issue in your head and he just left it there. and now YOU won't let go of how he made you feel". and i agree that i put too much weight on what happened. it sucks because it's almost been a year and i'm still left with all these feelings of disappointment towards my body. and i'm afraid that my body is going to be disappointing to every guy that i date in the future. or worse, i feel that i'm not going to even be able to attract another guy in the first place. and i know, i shouldn't worry so much about what guys think. i'm working on that. my mom and my aunt both tell me that i'm so lucky to be both pretty and intelligent, and to be thankful that i'm one of the thinner girls in the family when compared to most of my cousins. but, it's kind of hard to take compliments from them, because i feel like they have to tell me those kind of things because they're my family. and even when other people give me compliments, i for some reason never truly believe them. when my ex would say things like "you're so gorgeous, i can't stand it!" or "you look so sexy right now", i would just get uncomfortable, and i never really took those words in as truth. they would just kind of flow past me. i just couldn't comprehend why someone could find me attractive, much less be sexually attracted to me. it was just a strange idea to me. it's like i don't feel that i'm capable of being a sexual creature, or capable of attracting attention from the opposite sex.

but most of all, i'm TIRED. i'm tired of dressing strategically to hide my body. i'm tired of crying multiple times a week. i'm tired of my family worrying about me. i'm tired of wanting to be something that i'm not. i'm tired of holding myself back in social situations because i'm not confident enough in myself. i'm tired of having to force myself to go out. i'm tired of beating myself up over things i can't control. it's EXHAUSTING being this insecure about my body. and i know this isn't normal. my friends say that things will just get better with time, but they seem to be getting worse with time. i'm gonna call and set up an intake at my school counseling center tomorrow. i just really want some advice on what might be causing this and why i can't seem to control my emotions over this. but in the mean time, i also need to try and turn a blind eye to my appearance right now so i can just power my way through this quarter at school and hopefully find a summer job this month. i just really need to take care of myself and get everything done. hopefully, i can make some real progress in loving my body over the summer without so much stress.

[karategrrl]

Hugs, DeeRay! I"m so sorry you are feeling so bad. I have to echo what others are saying in that it certainly DOES sound like you are going thorough a hella lot of stuff right now--any one of which would be overwhelming. But reading between the lines, I also see an awful lot of strength in you--in the midst of this, you are reaching out to us for support, pushing yourself to get out with friends, pushing yourself to get some interview clothes together, get a job, etc. Give yourself a lot of credit for that, girl. When we are overwhelmed, it takes strength to identify what you need and make the effort to reach out to others. The point is not whether or not we feel like shit at some times in life (we all do) but its how we handle it that I believe makes a difference. Maybe you are stronger than you think right now!!

Big hugs, girl!!!!!! And come back here ANYTIME for support from us!!! You are welcome here 24/7!!!

[buttercups]

Hi DeeRayy,

I know exactly how you feel because everytime I try to find professional looking clothes for work I always end up upset too. I'm in a similar position right now cause I need to find a suit for job interviews and the idea of even going shopping is depressing because I know I'll just feel like a little girl playing dress-up.

I think it's really good you're going to see someone about this, you're braver than I am because I haven't had the guts to do it yet. Stay strong and I know you can get through this. Let us know how it goes and I'll be thinking of you!

[DeeRayy]

Thanks buttercups and strongirl for the advice, i really appreciate the support <333

unfortunately, things have been getting progressively worse this week. I have a job fair that i'm attending at my university because i NEED a summer job to help out with my school expenses for next year. and i have to dress in "corporate attire", so i went to go try on some of my aunt's clothes since i don't have the money to buy an entirely new outfit.

and when i started trying on her clothes, i just got realllly sad because i couldn't fill out anything that she gave me. she could see that i was upset and she knows how i feel about my body, so she tried to comfort me by saying things like "at least it fits you! i'm too heavy to even completely button up that shirt and you need a belt just to make it fit." but it didn't really make me feel better, because she could lose weight if she wanted to, but i can't control the part of my body that i'm insecure about. i started crying, once again, and she gave me a really long lecture. she asked what it's going to take to make me feel better, and i just replied that i honestly don't know. i feel like i'm running on empty. i didn't even want to hang out with my friends this weekend when i got an invite because i didn't want to have to go through the stress of finding something to wear, but i made myself. it's almost like i just don't want anyone to look at me or see me. i'm going to set up an appointment with the counseling center at my school, because i just can't go on feeling like this about myself, because it makes every aspect of life soooo much more difficult. i just want to be able to look in the mirror without wanting to cry. i never though i'd get to this point. it's a really painful place to be in.

[secretsights88]

Hello, hello, long time no see!! Been busy lately...

I agree that sometimes we distort our own image TOO much, especially when we're stressed, angry, sad or frustrated, even by unrelated things. I know that on good mood days I see my body and think it rocks and is hotter than I gave it credit for, on other days when I feel bad, I look at it with disgust too. But it's the same body.

I think we also distort the ideas we have of "breasts" or "butts" or "vulvas" or any other "hidden" part that we don't see often in others. We're usually presented idealized, very idealized versions of these things. See, I called them "things" which means I've been so brainwashed, I tend to objectify body parts, and myself. It happens unconsciously.

It helps to get real. When I remember all real life women's breasts look similar to mine, as in "not 'perfect'" (whatever perfect is), I realize that I'm not disgusting, I'm normal, a normal, beautiful woman. I'm more than just body parts.

And while I LOVE men, well, in general, women are more aesthetically pleasing than men. So who are they to judge? Lol.

[buttercups]

Hey DeeRayy **big hugs**

I've been so busy lately I've barely been able to check in, missed you guys!

DeeRayy, so much of what you said really resonated with me and I am so sorry that someone else in the world feels this way, because I have often had these thoughts. I just wanted to point out that what you're going through sounds a lot like what I go through when I have a BDD attack from body dysmorphic disorder. I'm not saying you have this by any means, but the panic and feelings of disgust sound so similar to what I experience when I am having a BDD episode. My BDD episodes get worse and worse as my stress level increases. I've noticed that whenever I am really overwhelmed and stressed out with everything else going on in my life I take it out on my body and my breasts and feel like I'm at my ugliest. You were doing really well before and now all of a sudden you're feeling awful about yourself and simultaneously all these other stressful things are going on in your life. I think it's likely that how you're feeling about your body right now is a way of reacting to your stress, you are taking it out on your body and your breasts in particular, which is exactly what I do. It doesn't feel like that when you're going through it of course, but that is what is happening. Notice that as your stress level goes down (which I promise it will, I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time right now but you WILL come out on the other side of it and things WILL get better) you will feel more accepting of yourself and your body. My suggestion to you right now is to take care of yourself and treat yourself right. Practice deep breathing and relaxation, take time to do some things you enjoy. I know that's hard with the end of the semester coming up and I'm going through that same stress with school, but you have to make time for yourself. Eat right, exercise, get lots of sleep, and if you feel yourself worrying or beginning to ruminate distract yourself with something-for me listening to music helps a lot. As soon as you are able to get a better handle on your stress level your feelings about yourself will improve. They may not magically go away or anything, but it is a long process towards accepting ourselves and we have to take it day by day. If you are not sure that this is what is going on, try keeping a journal where you document your feelings about your body and then rate your stress level. See if there is a correlation between how stressed you are and how bad you are feeling about yourself. I would bet good money that you would see a connection between the two.

As far as the overall shape of your boobs, I have that same shape too (what there is of my chest to make a shape haha). Little and pointy and when I bend down they are completely cone-like haha for lack of a better word. So it is completely normal to look like that and I would also bet good money that your breasts are a great deal bigger than mine, so know that someone out there (me) envies you and your beautiful body. I hope this helps and I'll have you in my thoughts, sending good body vibes your way <3

[_Vendetta]

Just a tip if anyone feels like trying: Talika Bust Serum.


http://www.talika.com/P_950_bust-serum.html

One (or maybe just half) cup size bigger.

It works! At least for some people.

I was on it and they did get bigger.
But then I decided to get them augmented and stopped using.
And then happened what happened to me 3 years ago (unbalanced hormones): they just blew, they're huge (not exactly an A-cup but quite there) but they hurt like hell. No fun.
I'm trying to find some time to go to the doctor and put an end to it.

[strongirl]

(((DeeRayy)))

You sound really overwhelmed with everything. I think the mirror thing may have just caught you off guard and with your inner resources so low, you reacted in the worst way. I felt sad reading that you looked at your own body in the mirror with "disgust".

I was also struck by your comment "if i can't look at myself without getting grossed out at my chest, how is any guy ever going to be able to look at me naked and get turned on?". Believe me, DeeRayy, in your present state of viewing yourself, there is no man (or woman) in the world who could see you as unattractively as you see yourself. That was awkwardly worded but do you know what I mean? It's like you're wearing "ugly glasses" instead of 3D glasses, and when you look at yourself they distort your image.

I've told the story in here before about when I took one of those "cardio striptease" classes and was feeling really down on myself and ugly and especially bad about my legs and thighs. During an exercise where we were on our backs with our legs in the air, I looked in the mirror and could only see pairs of legs and picked out a particularly nice pair to envy, thinking "why can't I have those toned, sexy legs instead of my fat, short, ugly ones?". Right about then the exercise ended and as I got up, I realized - the legs I was envying were my own! I was in shock about how distorted my self-view was. It took not knowing it was me to see myself clearly. Right now you are wearing a similar filter - "ugly glasses".

I've talked in here about doing "mirror work" and I think it could be immensely beneficial to you. You can look back through the threads or snag one of Susie Orbach's books to learn how.

But I also think your comment about "distraction" is valid - with so much going on, consider putting your tits on ice (figuratively speaking) and focusing on your life. They'll still be there when you have time to think about them again.

For what it is worth, the way you describe your breasts (and yes, you do have them!) matches with one of my boyfriend's favorite "breast types", that he will describe during sex talk with me. Very small, pointy, soft - he'll sometimes say "shaped like little volcanoes". We both get turned on by this. So it seems while you're hating the way your body is, we're fantasizing about it.

I hope some of this stuff was helpful and that you have a better day!

[DeeRayy]

**note to the post i just made**
i'm not just frustrated with the size of my breasts, but also the shape and overall appearance of them. they're more pointy than round, not as perky as they should be for them being so small, and overall i just feel that they're ugly to look at. i don't even think of them as "boobs", or even "booblets", as you guys like to say. i don't know what i would call them, but i don't view myself as owning a pair of breasts.

[DeeRayy]

heyy guys

i haven't asked any questions in a while but i reallly need some words of advice on what to do with myself.

I thought i had made progress in accepting myself. but today i realized just how bad my situation still is. I was changing in my room today and i caught a glimpse of myself topless in the mirror and i stood and looked at my reflection. i became so overwhelmed with disappointment [i might even go as far as saying disgust] that i literally started crying and needed to put my bra & shirt back on and step out of the room.

it really surprised me because i though i had been doing better. I was even wearing stuff that i had never worn before, like little spring dresses. and yet i still can't look at myself in the mirror without getting repulsed. and i though to myself "if i can't look at myself without getting grossed out at my chest, how is any guy ever going to be able to look at me naked and get turned on?". I know i've had sex before, but my shirt ALWAYS remained on during the act. the most he ever saw was me in a bra, and that bra was padded. and i found myself wondering if this is why i'm still completely single almost a year after my breakup.

i feel really stuck right now. and my feelings of hatred toward my body are getting to be overwhelming. i just really don't know what to do or how to help myself. it's extremely frustrating when you constantly feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin. i think i really need a good outlet or a good distraction, because not only am i struggling with my extreme body image issues, but my family is going through a financial crisis right now and i'm also feeling overwhelmed with school, as this is my busiest quarter so far. i'm so busy and stressed out all the time that i don't feel like i have time to breathe.

so, does anyone have anything to say or any suggestions that they think would help?

i'm really sorry if i sound super negative and whiny. I'm just in a really bad place right now and i'm being honest with you guys in hopes that you have anything helpful to say.

[enfermera]

hmm, that video just kind of skeezed me out. weird.
*shudders off the creepy*

but, um. go, boobs of all sizes!

[DeeRayy]

That video was very touching, and I really wish there were more men out there like that. But I do disagree with the part about pornography. It's one thing when you are forced to do something, but I feel like many (not all, but many) women participate in porn voluntarily. The past can't be undone, but I believe that if women today want respect we should all also make a conscious effort to respect our own bodies first. Of course, that last statement should be directed at the porn stars of the world, not you guys x]

[strongirl]

Wow, Karategrrl, that brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing. I've been very lucky to know a lot of good men with similar perspectives. I'm happy these guys are spreading the word.

[karategrrl]

This video is so awesome, and long overdue. I've signed up for the "conscious man" e-mailings.

Dear Woman

[karategrrl]

It was just a bit of silliness, please don't take it seriously.

No offense taken! Yeah, silliness.

[auralpoison]

Ooooops! Sorry. I certainly wasn't trying to annoy anybody or start a shame spiral or whatever by posting that goofy map. I just thought it was a silly little bit of absurdist man-culture that was vaguely amusing in light of the recent release of census bureau statistics here in the US. Like, there was a census going on all over the world where super serious census takers were going door to door asking people about the number of penises & breasts in the home & the measurements of said organs, circumsized/uncircumsized, undergarment preferences, etc. It was just a bit of silliness, please don't take it seriously.

[secretsights88]

DeeRayy, it is quite discouraging to know that a lot of guys comment stuff like that (I only read a couple comments for mental sanity). But we have to take it from where it comes... I mean that website can't be serious... and they did one on penis size prior to the one on breast size. Which means, it's a bunch of guys with the minds of 13 year olds. And I wouldn't like to be with a guy with the mind of a horny 13 year old boy trying to keep up a "macho" appearance just 'cause he's a loser who can't think for himself.

I think of men in terms of, say, diamonds or precious stones. You have to go through a lot of "non" precious stones before you find a keeper. But when you do, it's awesome. And there are some great men out there... the other busties in this forum can attest to that, since they have found lovely husbands or boyfriends.

But yeah, that website was probably made by guys (and for guys) who might even be insecure themselves, but who only know to cope by acting like 13 year olds who can't think for themselves.

[DeeRayy]

ickkkkk, its stuff like the comments on that world map of average breast size that makes me lose hope in guys.

[auralpoison]

World Map of Average Breast Size.

Where do people come up with this ridiculous shit? Seriously? I know they are intended to be humorous, but c'mon.

I found the comments section *interesting*, though. Yeesh. Our troll problems are wee.

Do note the peen map. Apparently the Sudanese & the Bolivians are packing some righteous tackle.

And on the A&F thing, my neighborhood growing was almost 100% little girls. At a certain point (Second grade, maybe?), one of the girls across the alley had been given a couple of her mom's Leggs eggs. She would tuck the bottom of her tshirt into the neck to create a low-cut crop top of sorts & then slip the Leggs eggs halves inside so she suddenly had hard plastic breasts. It wasn't long until we all had them & were tucking them into our bikini tops (the other girls across the alley had a pool!) & pretending we were Coors Light girls. I always removed mine before coming home because somehow I knew my mother would object . . .