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> Growing Up Girl, Things You Wish You Had Known Way Back When
hellowren
post Apr 19 2009, 07:43 PM
Post #21


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wow people actually responded to me. haha.
to reply, I know that forcing it upon her will not work, I'm just trying to ease it in. I don't want to overwhelm her with a bunch of radical feminist bullcrap, I just want her to know about it. I've been looking for like, a women's rights documentary of some sort. Kind of like a feminist history type movie. I can't seem to find anything that's sort of all-encompassing of the history of it.
I got her this book on amazon called The Looks Book. it's about developing a positive self-image for young girls. My aunt said she liked it but isn't really much of a reader at this point, so I thought maybe a movie would be good. I'm also gonna make her a PG rated riot grrl-esque mix cd. however that will work lol.

anyway, any feedback/comments are totally welcome. smile.gif
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zoya
post Apr 19 2009, 01:27 PM
Post #22


uh huh.
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wow. I understand what you're driving at, number1, but I would probably have put it "you should keep biology in mind" rather than "biology should take precedence." I think that it would be a pretty bad call to have a kid just because my biology was capable, even though my body and mind weren't ready. Then again, my priority if I have a kid is to be in a healthy, committed relationship where we decide we both want a kid, not to just HAVE a kid to have a kid.

so I suppose that's my growing up girl thing - That its ok if, for whatever reason, you don't end up having kids.

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number1
post Apr 19 2009, 12:53 PM
Post #23


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That you have to plan where you will be in the next 5 years. That your biology and your mind may not be ready for you to have kids but biology should take precedence because your eggs just won't be as healthy as you age.
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lanyo
post Apr 1 2009, 10:47 PM
Post #24


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quitting doesn't make it a failure

i can't MAKE anyone else happy

relax, no one else gives a shit what i'm doing, they're worried about being fools themselves
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candycane_girl
post Mar 25 2009, 12:59 AM
Post #25


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It's definitely about choices. It's kind of funny how things turn out though. My brother actually used to make me listen to Nirvana and Guns N Roses. I didn't like it much to begin with but then Nirvana grew on me a lot and let's face it, there are some decent G N R songs. And Nirvana led me to Hole which led me to the whole riot grrrl concept. Keep in mind that during all this I also read Seventeen magazine and felt like I was really into fashion (it still interests me). But I think that by 8th grade or so I ripped up a bunch of my old issues of Seventeen as a statement.

I guess what I'm saying is that most people are a mish mash of different things. As long as the little cousin at least has access to a different point of view then maybe she'll get into it. Or maybe not.

Oh and also, I love the Ramones.
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angie_21
post Mar 23 2009, 09:53 AM
Post #26


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Aww the Ramones... Kittenb has a good point tho. There is a big difference between making sure she has all the information and has the chance to at least listen to different music and read different books or magazines, and trying to convince her that her favorite stuff isn't cool. You do have a good opportunity here though - I had a favorite auntie who I looked up to and I did change my ideas about what was cool or not just based on her opinion. And I still think she is the coolest. I would think movies and books are probably the simplest and least intrusive thing. My aunt used to bring me to events and fundraisers for the feminist groups and charities she worked for, they do things like fun but informative documentary movie nights, charity music shows, etc. maybe they have things like this where you live?
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kittenb
post Mar 23 2009, 07:41 AM
Post #27


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QUOTE(hellowren @ Feb 4 2009, 03:24 PM) *
I'm not sure where to post this, so I'm going to put it here. I have an 11 year old cousin, and she is into all this new crap for young girls that makes them totally self-conscious and has no idea about even the mildest of feminism. I don't want to just throw her into it head first by giving her an issue of bitch or BUST or something, so I thought I'd ask you guys. She kind of looks up to me, so I think I have an opportunity here.
What are some things I could give her, like light reading material or a movie or documentary or something, that would kind of open her mind to the idea? I'm going to start hanging out with her more soon and talk to her and things and try to get her into some new music that isn't like, Hannah Montana or the Jonas Brothers and all that crap. I just want her to know that she doesn't have to be like everyone else and I want her to grow up feeling empowered and intelligent.
What are some things that helped you guys when you were younger?


I just want to say that when I was young I was into Barbie dolls and Duran Duran and New Kids on the Block and Seventeen magazine and V.C. Andrews books and all of that stuff and I still turned into a pretty good feminist because people respected my choices and no one told me what to like. To this day I hate being told what to read or listen to and I get tired of feeling like the music I listen to isn't cool (it isn't. I would rather stick a fork in my eye than listen to the Ramones for more than 5 minutes.)
Just respect who your neice is and try to understand why she likes what she likes and be a good role model w/o enforcing your own ideas of what she should be/like and you will be doing the best job that you can.


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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zoya
post Mar 23 2009, 12:46 AM
Post #28


uh huh.
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be yourself and stay in the moment.
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angie_21
post Mar 22 2009, 10:58 PM
Post #29


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Stop second guessing yourself. You can do it. People will laugh, but it doesn't matter.
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sybarite
post Mar 20 2009, 06:34 PM
Post #30


it's cards on the table time
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Things to know as a growing up girl:
Trust yourself and your instincts and give them credit.

Don't lie to yourself. If something makes you feel shame or guilt, not generically from societal or social pressures, but from something you did, pay attention. Be honest with yourself and know where you stand with yourself.
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prophecy_grrl
post Feb 6 2009, 05:46 PM
Post #31


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I believe my sister was 12 or 13 when I started her on Buffy and we definitely did an abbreviated viewing, but I think seasons 1-4 are fine for adolescents. Yes, there's some sex stuff, but nothing that they don't already know. I think Buffy's sexual exploration in the later seasons is just a little too complicated for a pre/early teen to comprehend (hell, sometimes I don't know if I comprehend it). She loved it - still does. I think Buffy works because the way it addresses gender is subtle enough to not seem corny and girl-powery, but it's still very powerful.

I think those Rock n' Roll camps for girls are the awesomest thing ever, I so wish they had 'em when I was young (I did just read they're starting Ladies Rock Camp for adults, but it doesn't seem as fun). There's a documentary that was just released on DVD about the original camp in Portland, OR (where Carrie Brownstein and Beth Ditto are among the instructors): Girls Rock!

When she was 15 and started asking me about sex, I got her this book , written by the woman who runs scarleteen.com. I read through it before I gave it to her and I was surprised at the comprehensiveness (it even addresses fisting) and the sex-positive and girl-positive tone. I really wish this was my teenage sex ed.

Unfortunately, there is no mainstream mag that even resembles Sassy these days.

As corny as it sounds, I think the best way to have a positive impact is to lead by example; be the adult female that your cousin looks up to. Kids at that age are way smarter and more savvy than most people give them credit for and they know when they're being force fed feminism or anything else and their naturally rebellious tendencies will cause your best efforts to backfire. wink.gif If music is what she's already into (even if it's crappy), try that route first - just give her something that's in the poppy-genre, just a little less vapid, maybe Pink or someone similar? Don't try to totally convert her taste. Also, never underestimate the power of angst when the hormones kick in full force; my sister went from Brittney to the Ramones almost overnight. rolleyes.gif
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candycane_girl
post Feb 5 2009, 07:19 PM
Post #32


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To be honest, what I remember about being young is being really into awesome music (Nirvana, Hole, Smashing Pumpkins, Silverchair, etc) and absolutely loving Buffy. I think I was 12 when it first came on.

hellowren, what kind of stuff is this little cousin actually into? Despite not being into all the boy bands and girly crap, I still had a totally distorted image of myself (although, come to think of it I was an avid reader of Seventeen magazine). In fact, I came in here to say that I wish I could go back in time and slap myself in the face and yell, "YOU ARE NOT FAT!!" to my 12 year old self. I am fat now and I hate it but I look at old pictures of myself and I can't believe how self conscious I was. Of course there were always girls that were skinnier than me who felt the need to harass me but I was a totally normal size and I wish that I had listened to my mom when she told me that I was just fine. Argh!
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Persiflager
post Feb 5 2009, 12:42 PM
Post #33


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Oh, I've just remembered an author I really liked when I was 12/13ish. Tamora Pierce wrote some nice fantasy books, and my favourite was the 'Song of the Lioness' series - it's about a teenage girl who disguises herself as a boy to become a warrior and (natch) becomes the best.


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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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zoya
post Feb 5 2009, 11:48 AM
Post #34


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polly - that camp looks really cool. Since I read hellowren's post, I've been racking my brain, trying to think of what or who helped me when I was younger, and I cannot think of any female role models that I had. Seriously. I work in a very male-dominated field, (a field I always wanted to be in) and all my role models were always male. The three things that I can remember that had an effect on me were 1) my parents. we had a tenuous relationship, but I will say that not once in my life was I told that I couldn't do something because I was a girl, or should do something because I was a girl. The point was always driven home to me that if I wanted to do something, then just get on with it and do it. and do it well. So I do believe that thanks to them just bringing me up that way, I never felt like I couldn't do something. 2) I had a teacher in HS who had worked in a segment of the industry I work in, for a little while. She was super cool and I always wanted to be just like her. ha 3) Reading Maya Angelou's autobiographical series of books. Now, I'm about as white as white gets, and have not even remotely anything in common with her upbringing. But the fact that she came from nothing and is what she is now, and got herself there, is so inspirational to me. She has gone through all sorts of stuff, had a glamourous stage career, etc. before she started writing. But what her books impart is that she did all of that because of not being afraid to take chances and do just what was in front of her, not over thinking it, or talking herself out of it.. not saying no to anything that came her way and just doing it. She followed what she felt was her calling, and never denied that. Following it took her all over the world and brought her back again. Her writing (and life) shows me that anyone can have an exceptional life, it's all in listening to what your passion is, not denying it, and doing what just falls in your lap, because it's not an accident. (Paolo Cohelo's "The Alchemist" is an amazing allegory for how that all works - not a kid book tho)
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pollystyrene
post Feb 5 2009, 10:37 AM
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QUOTE(Persiflager @ Feb 5 2009, 05:23 AM) *
Buffy worked for me!


Prophecy did the same thing with her younger sisters....don't know exactly what age she started at, and I'm pretty sure she was only showing them select episodes (season 6 isn't exactly 11-year-old-friendly!). Maybe she'll have some advice if you want to go that route.

There's also a magazine called New Moon that I've heard good things about. It's geared towards girls 8-12, so she's towards the end of the spectrum. I don't know where to go after that. In my day (oh, I'm old!) I started reading Sassy at age 12 (my mom got me the subscription). Made me who I am today. I'm not sure if there's anything comparable these days.

A couple months ago, prophecy posted a link to this organization: Girls Rock! Chicago. Don't know where you or your cousin is located, but it looks like there's similar programs all over the country (here's their main website.)

There's also Girls, Inc.- they have chapters all over the place.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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Persiflager
post Feb 5 2009, 06:23 AM
Post #36


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Buffy worked for me!


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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hellowren
post Feb 4 2009, 03:24 PM
Post #37


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I'm not sure where to post this, so I'm going to put it here. I have an 11 year old cousin, and she is into all this new crap for young girls that makes them totally self-conscious and has no idea about even the mildest of feminism. I don't want to just throw her into it head first by giving her an issue of bitch or BUST or something, so I thought I'd ask you guys. She kind of looks up to me, so I think I have an opportunity here.
What are some things I could give her, like light reading material or a movie or documentary or something, that would kind of open her mind to the idea? I'm going to start hanging out with her more soon and talk to her and things and try to get her into some new music that isn't like, Hannah Montana or the Jonas Brothers and all that crap. I just want her to know that she doesn't have to be like everyone else and I want her to grow up feeling empowered and intelligent.
What are some things that helped you guys when you were younger?
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purplestain
post Jan 24 2009, 04:14 AM
Post #38


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Wow, I love it. "I'm in 5th grade now, dammit!!!"
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zoya
post Jan 23 2009, 10:31 PM
Post #39


uh huh.
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that is hilarious. I wrote a note to my dad kinda like that, but it was about getting a speeding ticket in his car and being too afraid to come to him in person to tell him. heh.
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pollystyrene
post Jan 23 2009, 08:10 PM
Post #40


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Not sure where else to post this, but this was on foundmagazine.com today and I thought it was so cute and funny. I think I had to write the same letter at the same age. I think I had to write one about getting pantiliners, too.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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