[ginger_kitty]

(((gardnerella)))
(((missjane))) don't feel wierd about that. When my parrot died unexpectedly I held her for about an hour. And I pet her and told her how sorry I was. I also took special care in wrapping her and burried w/ a few of her favorite things and a photo of my husband and I. We were closer to her than we are most people. Pet deaths are very tramatic!

must leave before I get teary....

[culturehandy]

((Gardnerella)) I hope you feel okay!

((Miss_Jane)) I am sorry for your loss, when my dog dies I was a mess, particularly when we got him cremated and we got the ashes. Ugh.

[mornington]

I don't care whether or not it's ok to reply.

(((miss jane)))
when my guinea pig, soda, died, I spent a while talking to her. And wrapped her up myself - before crying with my remaining 'pig in my lap. A pet is definitely family, you have every right to cry and mourn.

I want two dogs, not one. They will be my subsitute children.

[crazyoldcatlady]

((miss jane))
i'm sorry to hear about your rat, a pet is still a family member and it still hurts; made me think of my poor kitty... can't cry... have... fake... eyelashes on...

(and i suppose it's ok to reply?)

[alligator]

I, uh, know all the words to all the songs in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

[miss_jane]

(((gardnerella))) My SO had an abusive stepfather as well, so while obv. I have no idea what you went through, I see what effect it has had on him.

Are we supposed to reply to other peoples posts? I don't know.

When I was little my mum told me it was ok to pee in the bath because it is good for your skin

My pet rat died today. I spent half an hour stroking and hugging her body. Nobody knows because my mum - the only person who understands how upset i was - would think I was weird. It made me feel a lot better. I spent a long time wrapping the body. Just so she would feel comfortable in the box.

[gardnerella]

This isn't something I'm necessarily ashamed of but I've never told anyone this (by the way I'm surprised so many people list peeing in the shower as a secret confession. I do it when the mood strikes and I've even peed while taking a bath. Hah!)

My mother and my stepfather divorced when I was 8. He used to physically and verbally/emotionally abuse me. Which is interesting, on a side note, what preceded their divorce was when I was caught shoplifting with my friends at the mall (if I had just turned around and went home I never would have been caught!). The security people had to call our parents and I didn't want them to call my step-father who was home at the time so I told them no one was available to call. When they said I'd have to go with child services until my parents came, that's when I broke down and said, "You can't call my dad or he'll hurt me." So, naturally they called protective services or whoever as well as my step-father and my mom. Anyway, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Later on after custody battles, I know longer saw him. This is when he began to stalk us up until the time I helped my mother move out of town when I was 19 and I later moved out of town as well. He would drive by our house 30 times a night and look in our windows. When we were living in our old house, I guess he still had a key because once we came home and he had been on the computer playing mah jong and ran out the back door. He never did anything violent. He was just annoying, embarassing and harassive. Mainly he just drove by our house and occasionally sent us stupid letters saying, "I hope you're okay, Happy Birthday" or something like that. Of course, my mom had an order of protection and a restraining order and we went to the police whenever he sent us letters or drove by our house a lot. But the police would never do anything about it because they said they couldn't prove it. He would also stalk my mom's friends and boyfriends and that would really set off her bi-polar-ness even more. My mom also took it out on me when we went to the police. I really didn't want to go and give statements (I was 9,10,or 11 at the time) - sometimes I did but even then she would say I wasn't telling the police everything I knew like I was trying to downplay it or, "what the hell is the matter with you! Do you want them to put me in the ground! That's what you want, don't you?! He said he was going to ruin me financially and you're going to let him!" That's also something I'll always resent my mother for - not just her emotional abuse but how she can create scenarios where we are arguing about literally nothing and we're screaming at each other and she just won't leave me alone know matter what so the only thing I was able to do to get away was to hurt her or hurt myself. Ended the argument everytime. Back to my step-father for a minute. When I was in 11th grade, I was walking down the busy hallways to go to lunch and this teacher-guy is to my right and says, "Hi." I gave a shallow hi back and kept walking. I was stunned. It was my step-father. He got a job as a substitute teacher at my fucking high school. It took me a few minutes to accept that it was him. I hadn't really seen him in a long time. Sometimes I saw his car drive by and I knew it was him but I was very good at ignoring it. He looked a lot older and greyer and smaller than when I was a kid (of course). I cried when I came home for lunch and called my mom and I couldn't even speak so she came over and found out what happened and called the school and threatened to sue. When I was a kid, I was really embarassed by all the stalking but now that I'm older I don't necessarily feel embarassed by it. I just wish I had had different parents (surprise, surprise). I really can't relate to my mom at all and if we didn't look so much alike I would think I was adopted or something. And I really resent her for putting me in bad situations with her ex-husband and boyfriends when I was a kid. That I could have done without. I really don't and haven't told anyone about my mom or my past.


Hmm, what else... I think I might have been molested when I was two. I don't have any memory of it but when I was that age my mother noticed I was acting different and I think she might have said I was sucking my fingers or sucking at things a lot. I'm not sure exactly what she said. My mom took me to a person she knew who was getting their masters in psychology and had me draw good touch, bad touch on a stick figure. Green crayons were for good touch, red were for bad touch. I drew the mouth red. Honestly, I have no idea whether I was just drawing red lips or whether I was molested. My mom told me that her friend said it was possible that I might have been molested but it would be hard to prove. After that, my mom asked my babysitter about it and the babysitter became upset and I think she left me with some teenage boys who were relatives of her's. I'm not sure. I can't really remember the story accurately. So I guess those teenage boys made me perform oral sex on them when I was two. I guess that's what the good touch/bad touch drawing implied. I'm not sure. And I'm assuming my mom at least fired the babysitter. Looks like I'll have to ask her about it again someday.


Well, that's all for today! This feels strangely therapeutic and I feel, like... good.

[freckleface2727]

I still cyber stalk ( that sounds so harsh bc I really only still read in the threads I know she used to post at, but I don't harrass or post back) my ex best friend who I "broke up with" like 2 year ago now.
I don't know why I do it. I know she is crazy & toxic and lied to me about pretty much Everything in our friendship, but sometimes I still miss the good times and her.
and I know (from her posts) that she has more kids now, and that worries me bc I honestly feel I'm probably the only-one who knows how deeply disturbed she really is, including her own husband.
I feel like maybe I can catch her craziness in time to intervene and save them all?

[llamas]

I (married girl) am ass-over-teakettle sloppy in lust with an also-married guy of my acquaintance. It's not a big deal, as I would probably never do anything about it, but I can't help feeling rather guilty.

[mandolyn]

i laugh at offensive jokes & racial slurs because i'm afraid of offending the people telling the jokes. i am polite at the expense of my soul.

i go out of my way to avoid confrontation of all kinds. as a result, i'm passive-aggressive to a fault.

i have far too many regrets.

[funnybird]

Yeah, still scared of the dark.
Yeah, liked cocaine far too much.
Yeah, would like to be thinner (despite being already 20 pounds underweight according to my doctor).
Also, I think I may be clinically depressed, and I want to have a baby.

Phew! Glad this is 'anonymous'!

[edie52]

Hmm, speaking of karma, it's the reason why I no longer shoplift or get with guys that my friends like. There was a period when I did both a lot but I felt horrible and bad things happened, so now the promise of good karma drives me to be a half-decent human.

I got caught shoplifting twice- some cookie dough when I was really stoned (they took my picture and banned me from the store), and for eating some candy from an opened package at Zellers (okay, I opened the package the day before but they couldn't prove that). They tried to give me a fine, I never paid it.

[culturehandy]

La_sirena, we won't judge you.

Erinjane I also love to take my clothes off in front of a camera.

I think that without money I am nothing.

I am scared I'll be a failure in my career.

I am am exibitionist.

I come here to purge, sometimes a few times daily. It makes me feel better to get ot off my chest, and i feel like I am somehow improving my karma and am no longer rotting on the inside.

There is a man who I want, and I desperately want to know wha he thinks of me, but I know I will be devastated because I don't think he feels the same about me. I can't walk away from him, though, because it seems like something is right and we were meant to be together. I think it is destiny.

Yup, I also pick my nose in my car.

[smurfin]

I lost 15 pounds. I am not happier.


btw: thanks, venetia

[zoya]

When I am in a relationship (or just starting one) when things start to change a little (ie: he pulls back a litle which is normal) I think that it's signaling the end and my head starts to spin inside and I start creating chaos and I sabotage things. And then I'm devastated when he gets freaked out and ends it. I've done this numerous times. I hate it.

I have not washed my hair for a week. I work from home and I am too lazy and no one sees me anyway

I struggle with depression and anxiety and no one but a couple of my really close friends know. Everyone else describes me as happy and lighthearted all the time.

[pollystyrene]

((la sirena)) Get help- it sounds like it's really affecting you.

[la_sirena]

I've been absolutely traumatized by something that happened 5 years ago to someone I knew. I don't even feel right about going into detail. This still effects me every single day-my sleep, my concentration, my mental/emotional state. Some days are better than others, but I don't know if it will ever end. I've never sought help or talked to anyone about it.

[amazonprincess]

I like it here a lot and lurk every day yet I don't feel creative, witty, or smart enough(to borrow from others' posts)to post much here. I've only managed a few and mostly in the american idol thread (not sure why)

[beansalad]

When I'm feeling low I go to the supermarket and buy all of my favourite foods for a massive binge. I have expensive taste. It's all so beautiful and far too much but I have to eat all of it. Then I feel worse.

I rate my happiness on how far my hip bones stick out.

Despite the above, I am 100 times more confident naked than clothed and I use my sensuality to get what I want.

I know how to play with a girl's mind and make her become infatuated with me. I see new sexual partners as a challenge. I want to make them submit to me emotionally, especially if they are hard to break. I do this to feel safe. I hate that about myself and it scares me that I will never let anyone get close to me.

I am in the process of doing something absolutely terrifying. I know that I will be judged and made extremely vulnerable, but if I pull it off the opportunities are immense. I feel like I'm on a rollarcoaster and screaming *stop* but it's too loud for anyone to hear me.

[pollystyrene]

A man-eating bear...