[i_am_jan]

Maybe once they start feeling comfortable with you, you could bring up the subject that you're a little freaked to walk back to your car by yourself after the show and would one of them be willing to walk you to your car.

Just wanted to say this is a great idea...one I will be using myself. I have the luxury of feeling pretty safe where I live, so I haven't thought as much as I probably should have about keeping safe, but this is one I'll keep in mind if I ever drive out someplace alone. (Of course, I have the usual mace, of course, and stabbing car-key in between two fingers just in case I need to put an eye out, which I've just been doing automatically since way back.)

Grokthis: You say the events are (flat out) "not safe for a solo person." perhaps you should think about not going after all in such a location. I don't think I would...I have to admit I do only attend shows in my locale here within about a 15 minute radius, places I can and have walked to for years and know faces, etc. Perhaps you could work out some way to either go with someone else after all, or just wait until there's a show at a better venue. Hate to tell you to consider that, but...

hope everyone is doing well

[thirtiesgirl]

I'm new and also a big, old, socially inept dork (as you can no doubt tell by my goofy intro). Most people think I'm "weird" and steer clear of me, so I don't have much opportunity to socialize which is why I end up doing the majority of my outings alone. Plus, I'm very introverted so I tend to enjoy going it solo most of the time. I've recently been hankering to attend some concerts in my area but the venues I'm looking at are not safe for a solo person. So I was wondering if any other solo fliers have any advice about attending concerts alone in a not so safe venue? I'm at the point where I'm tired of passing up some great shows due to safety concerns, I wanna rock damn it!

Sorry, I just read this. I go out to shows all the time in L.A. by myself. I don't do it as much as I used to because my job prevents me from going out during the week, but if there's a band playing that I want to see on the weekend, I definitely go. I like courtiegirl's suggestion of talking with others at the show. While I'm usually an introverted person, I'll often push myself to talk with people around me while I'm hanging out before the show. Usually all I need to ask is "what do you think of the band?" or "how do you like their new album?" and the conversation kind of takes off on its own. Maybe once they start feeling comfortable with you, you could bring up the subject that you're a little freaked to walk back to your car by yourself after the show and would one of them be willing to walk you to your car. If you don't like the idea of extroverting yourself a little with strangers, I'd recommend finding a place near the venue, or perhaps the venue itself, that has valet parking (a lot of music venues in LA have valet parking). Or find a well lit parking structure or pay parking lot near the venue to use. It might cost a little more money, but it's worth it when it comes to your safety. When I go see bands at the Knitting Factory in LA, there's a pay parking lot directly underneath the structure where a lot of people who go to the Knitting Factory park. When I go back to my car after the show, I'm going down with other people from the KF, so I'm not completely on my own and I feel a little safer.

[grokthis]

So I don't know if this is the wrong thread or not, but I'll do my best to answer your question anyway... I've been in the same situation minus the dangerous part. It was more of a " might be bored if I go alone" kinda thing. But like you said, you're tired of missing out on things- I would go for it. I love rock shows, and more often than not people at the show are more interested in getting into the music than they are in raping you or whatever... Most of the time. I don't want to scare you out of it, and I don't want to encourage a potentially very bad situation. I would go, but that's just me. If you suspect something bad might happen, find a group close to you, explain your situation discreetly, and act as if you came with them.

Going to shows alone, I find, is an excellent way to find yourself, unwind and relax without any social pressure. Get out there, mosh, and rock your heart out! Do stupid things, you only live once.

Thanks for the reply. I like your idea about finding a group and acting as if I came with them. I think that just might work in getting me to and from the venue, walking near a larger group of people.

I've never gone to a show alone, this will be a new experience for me, so I thought I would ask people who have been there before.

[grokthis]

I wouldn't say this is the wrong place. Do you mean the venue isn't safe, or it isn't in a safe neighborhood? I've gone to lots of shows alone, and my experience is the same as jan's--most people are more interested in the music than anything else, and her advice is pretty sound. If I were you, I'd go see the bands and have a good time.

The venue itself is safe but the neighborhood and transportation are not. I would feel safe at the venue with other fans but getting there and back I wouldn't feel safe. I was wondering how other people deal with same situations. Thanks for your reply.

[anna k]

I spent Friday evening hanging out with some commenters and writers from Jezebel.com, meeting at a bar in midtown Manhattan. It was nice meeting new women and talking to them about the blog and the Olympics and our personal lives, but I hated the noise of the bar. I would keep having to lean in to hear people, and felt like if I couldn't hear anyone, that I would be bored and staring into space. I like doing these meetups with people I meet from online communities, but hate it when they pick loud bars/pubs to meet in. I don't drink much alcohol and can't stand the noise and not being able to hear anyone.

[lilacwine13]

I wouldn't say this is the wrong place. Do you mean the venue isn't safe, or it isn't in a safe neighborhood? I've gone to lots of shows alone, and my experience is the same as jan's--most people are more interested in the music than anything else, and her advice is pretty sound. If I were you, I'd go see the bands and have a good time.

[knorl05]

pm'ed

[courtiegirl]

Hmm, no responses so far to my question. Is this the wrong thread for this type of question? I'm just wondering if perhaps I asked in the wrong thread. No snark, just honestly wondering.

So I don't know if this is the wrong thread or not, but I'll do my best to answer your question anyway... I've been in the same situation minus the dangerous part. It was more of a " might be bored if I go alone" kinda thing. But like you said, you're tired of missing out on things- I would go for it. I love rock shows, and more often than not people at the show are more interested in getting into the music than they are in raping you or whatever... Most of the time. I don't want to scare you out of it, and I don't want to encourage a potentially very bad situation. I would go, but that's just me. If you suspect something bad might happen, find a group close to you, explain your situation discreetly, and act as if you came with them.

Going to shows alone, I find, is an excellent way to find yourself, unwind and relax without any social pressure. Get out there, mosh, and rock your heart out! Do stupid things, you only live once.

[grokthis]

Hmm, no responses so far to my question. Is this the wrong thread for this type of question? I'm just wondering if perhaps I asked in the wrong thread. No snark, just honestly wondering.

[persimmon_grrrl]

crisp, room temperature or cold water all around:

hi all.
i went to a friend's bbq today, and walked to her apartment. it was good to see her, but everybody seemed a little off. and the cigarette smoke gave me a headache and bellyache, tho the friend smoked a few paces away.

air is gaseous, travels, and we all breathe it. so, i still inhaled some of its toxic fumes.

otherwise, it was good to see my friends.

i need to meet some fellow asthmatic peoples who don't smoke and who care about their health a little more.

loving tori amos these days,
pg

[rubberdollz]

Whew hoo, hardy laughs at these outrageous bloopers. Rubberdollz...that night sounds hiLARious! Way to lose complete control over all bodily function I love the part where you're down, still inside the bar, and your dude is jus' walking out, completely clueless (how was he to know you were so full of surprises? how were YOU to know, LOL)

Yes I think for him it is still worth the chuckle but I don't get mad about the fact that he walked right past me. I think it's the joking around and kidding about it.... and the "re-enactment" that was done. I think that is where the line was finally jumped over! I was really more disturbed by the whole thing because I'm not one to lose complete control over myself and that night was very scary when I realized that shit went down that I couldn't help. I never even considered that those sleeping pills would stay in my system for that long?!?!?!

Holy shit! You sound like you are the commercial for static cling. That is horrible. The nervous laughter you erupted with must have really thrown people off where they suddenly realized that it maybe wasn't that funny?

Ugh... these stories are very scary to think about. I told you, I feel bad when I know someone is in an awkward uncomfortable moment. It's like when you see someone has something in their teeth or maybe in their nose and I feel bad for them but I know I have to tell them so they don't walk around like that all day. Yes I am that friend or stranger who lets you know when something is in your teeth and I would expect the same! It is embarrassing to tell someone but I think it's more embarrassing to find out for yourself HOURS later!

[i_am_jan]

Whew hoo, hardy laughs at these outrageous bloopers. Rubberdollz...that night sounds hiLARious! Way to lose complete control over all bodily function I love the part where you're down, still inside the bar, and your dude is jus' walking out, completely clueless (how was he to know you were so full of surprises? how were YOU to know, LOL)

This one time a couple years ago, I was singled out by a co-worker who passed on to me the knowledge that I had a big, wrinkled-up, dryer sheet stuck to the back, velcro, cargo pocket of my pants. This was about noon, and I'd been walking around all day, all morning, with it perfectly visible?! When they told me, I found it funny as soon as I saw it, so did they, we all started laughing. It would have been okay then, but once I started laughing, (I have a very loud, nervous (= weird) laugh), it brought the moment back to awkward again, everybody got kind of quiet after I burst out. I have learned to really watch my laughter volume, as it does sound funny, and I hate it.

Anyway, a similar situation ensued as I was sitting in an insurance salesperson's office after work one day and noticed a pair of crumpled-up *panties* coming out of my pant leg, sticking out by my foot. Must have got stuck there in the laundry. Thank gawd I caught it before they dropped out in the middle of the office, but Yikes...that was a close one. (I decided to be a little more alert when I got dressed in the morning after these two items occurred.)

[faerietails]

i totally just pulled a classic faerie move and fell off a PARKED bike in front of my brother and his friend. it wasn't even that bad a fall, yet i managed to scrape the shit off my elbow, knee, and top of my foot. i'm poking at my keyboard with 1 finger because my left side just hurts too damn much! sooooo pathetic (but still not as bad as last january, when i managed to break my arm while MAKING TEA. god hates me.)

i'll admit this is all pretty funny, though. lol

30sgirl, i've totally farted in public before. but farts amuse me, so i kinda just go "tee hee" and play it off. then again, everything on this planet gives me gas like no one's business (hel-lo, PICKLES?!), so i've been forced to learn to laugh it off. actually, one time my car broke down, so i had to take a bus out to visit a friend. it was a red eye bus ride, and somewhere in the middle of it i'm pretty damn sure i let a loud one rip while i was asleep. i don't know if it was the fart or the subsequent giggling that woke me up (or if it was all a dream, which i suspect it wasn't), but i took comfort in the fact that it was really dark and i had my own row to myself, so i just didn't move and pretended it never happened!

[grokthis]

I'm new and also a big, old, socially inept dork (as you can no doubt tell by my goofy intro). Most people think I'm "weird" and steer clear of me, so I don't have much opportunity to socialize which is why I end up doing the majority of my outings alone. Plus, I'm very introverted so I tend to enjoy going it solo most of the time. I've recently been hankering to attend some concerts in my area but the venues I'm looking at are not safe for a solo person. So I was wondering if any other solo fliers have any advice about attending concerts alone in a not so safe venue? I'm at the point where I'm tired of passing up some great shows due to safety concerns, I wanna rock damn it!

[thirtiesgirl]

Well I feel a whole lot better now ... at least the worst hasn't happened to me yet Thirtiesgirl, I'm sorry to hear this...but at same time, I'm glad no one said anything...I'm sure someone could just have easily started laughing and busted you out...

Like someone else said earlier, I'm deathly afraid of being laughed at, too. I actually have a very healthy sense of humor, and I do laugh at myself...but this fear stems from a time when I did take myself seriously (in school as a little kid) and was used as a laughing stock. To this day, I don't like being center of attention because I fear the negative attention. I guess I'm wound up pretty tightly, as some would say, and certain things can really bother me, even when I know they don't really matter.

It's awful, because I try my damndest not to crack up when I hear someone fart around me, but when it comes to myself, nobody better even crack a smile. Or if they just have to laugh, at least have the decency to cover it up or leave the room.

A few years ago, I was shopping at Ross, doing some serious searching through the womens' clothing. Right next to me was possibly the world's oldest Korean woman, searching the racks just as seriously as I was in her pistachio green pantsuit. All of a sudden, the little Korean lady let loose a short, sharp stinky one, loud enough for me to hear. It struck me as so funny that I had to leave the aisle (not to mention, I needed to get away from the smell) to control my laughter. I don't even think she was aware of it, though.

[rubberdollz]

I am jan... I hear ya! I have a pretty decent sense of humor, I'm very sarcastic and some people just don't get it but the ones that do laugh. But when it comes to laughing AT me, I can't take it!

I feel bad for people when they say someone laughed AT them or something bad happened where they were totally embarrassed. Reading your story thirtiesgirl I think you handled yourself very well. I would have died... probably been beet red and tried to leave and never come back Fear of things like that happening are mortifying!!

A few New Years ago I had this horrible incident happen at the bar and my friend still won't let me live it down and the worst is she wasn't even there! My husband called her that night to tell her what happened to me, I get pissed off now when it's brought up because I think the story has been beaten to death.

So here is goes.... the night before New Years Eve I took a sleeping pill (I used to have trouble sleeping). No big deal. The night of New Years Eve we went to the bar and I had maybe 1 1/2 drinks... no more than that, of 7 & 7. I started to not feel well... like woozy... I told my husband I needed to go but he kind of sat there for a minute unsure. I stood up and said I need to leave! I went to move my drink and I ended up hitting the glass over and breaking it. Seriously I felt like I was plowed but I wasn't!!! I started to walk and made it halfway down the bar when I woke up and was laying on the floor and some guy was standing over me asking me if I needed help? As he grabbed my hand to pull me up I see my husband literally walking out the door! He didn't see me! So I rushed out the door after him and he asked what happened?? I told him I don't know and I started to walk a few feet when suddenly I woke up again laying over this 3 foot brick wall. Then I landed on the ground and my husband was holding me trying to figure out what was wrong. I actually told him to leave me there! I was so tired and just wanted to sleep... he had me by my waist and was kind of holding me and I turned and threw up. Then some guy (now this part is actually funny) comes up and asks if we need some gum??? Ok get the fuck out of here dude!!!! My husband tells him NO and he leaves. Once I threw up I slowly started coming back to some kind of reality and my husband basically carried me back to the car. Luckily he's a big guy so he could do that. I was in and out of sleep the whole car ride home and couldn't wait to get home. Finally we did and I passed out in the bedroom for a bit...I was OUT! I chipped my tooth on the brick wall and really have slight recollection of the whole night. While I was passed out my husband called my friend to tell her and everyone just thinks I got hammered that night and had this whole thing happen because I drank too much. I think that the pill I took stayed in my system and somehow had some kind of reaction with the alcohol.

My friend came out here for a vacation and we took her to the bar where this all went down and of course this scenario was played out for her (not by me). It was embarrassing and honestly I didn't want to go back to that bar for a long time! I was afraid someone might recognize me as that girl. One of the bartenders actually remembered what happened and asked my husband if I was ok that night and he told him I was fine but don't talk about it to me because I was embarrassed and the bartender never did. Which was cool.

Ok... that is my mortifying story of more embarrassing moments. Ugh.. to be laughed at is a difficult thing. I don't know why we just can't learn to laugh at ourselves and not take things so seriously?

[i_am_jan]

Well I feel a whole lot better now ... at least the worst hasn't happened to me yet Thirtiesgirl, I'm sorry to hear this...but at same time, I'm glad no one said anything...I'm sure someone could just have easily started laughing and busted you out...

Like someone else said earlier, I'm deathly afraid of being laughed at, too. I actually have a very healthy sense of humor, and I do laugh at myself...but this fear stems from a time when I did take myself seriously (in school as a little kid) and was used as a laughing stock. To this day, I don't like being center of attention because I fear the negative attention. I guess I'm wound up pretty tightly, as some would say, and certain things can really bother me, even when I know they don't really matter.

[thirtiesgirl]

Oh gawd. I didn't know where to post this, so here it is. I cut the cheese, audibly, today in class.
eeeep.
I'd been drinking all this apple juice and was feeling rather gassy. I was shifting around in my seat and thought I could control it until the next break when I'd make a bathroom run. But my teacher would not stop lecturing, and then all of a sudden, there it was, out and in the open. It was fortunately brief and the resonance was low enough that I thought it could pass for a chair squeaking. I tried to cover it with a cough, too, but it was over before it began, so it was too late to disguise it in any other way.

Fortunately, the class is small and hardly anyone was paying attention, but boy, did my face turn red! Seriously. And I don't know what it says about me now that I can't make it through a three hour class without becoming as flatulent as an 80 year old woman after a spoonful of cabbage soup. It sucks, ladies, this aging thing. It really does. Sometimes I never know what my body's going to do next.

[persimmon_grrrl]

Hi everyone. I didn't read all of the entries, but I did finally leave the house after coming home Friday night. And that's because I had to work today. It's so weird - sometimes I'm very social, and other times I totally isolate myself. I didn't leave the house all day Saturday and Sunday.

I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but I hope to get better soon.

Tonight, I ran into a friend and remember smiling broadly when I saw them.

[rubberdollz]

I think women like to worry no matter what. I worry about the littlest stupid shit and then like what you guys have been saying the situation ends up not being as bad as I thought.... sometimes.

Are we worrying in hopes that the situation doesn't end up being as horrible as we thought? Or do we worry because it's just the anxiety of this new situation getting to us? Or any other crazy reason we can concote in our heads?!?!?!

I remember once I went to a nightclub when I was 17. I was dancing... no big deal and I got laughed at by a bunch of girls. I never danced again. Even now I won't even go to a nightclub because of my fear of being laughed at. Even at concerts I rarely get up and move around because my fear takes over. It's really saddening that it's been 13 years since that happened but I still can't get over the fact that happened. It was scary enough to be at a nightclub back then and that just put me over the edge. I think I'm tainted.