[ketto]

(((LMP)))

I've been sick and missed the last few posts, but you always amaze me with how brave and strong you are, even if you're having trouble seeing it right now.

[sexysandee]

I'm sorry you are going through all this Pugs

[hiddenpoet]

LoveMyPugs - first of all don't be sorry you don't know how to answer a question! i think it crucial at a time like this you don't just make a snap response or decision. second of all it's kind of late for me and i have had a few so please forgive me if i am overstepping my bounds as i have other questions / speculations for you about prior posts.
like why is this rationalization / admission to your mum about the relationship all about keeping him happy instead of both of you? (the one where you let him escape while you play servant)
i think that perhaps every bone is telling you to stay is because you truly have faith that the old him you fell in love with is still there and things worked out back then fine. as people age they either mature, change or stay the same. so the question is is it he who has changed or you who has matured and outgrown this relationship? to be fair with the descriptions you give and the words you choose even in the height of emotion on here i think it's you who has matured. i think you have outgrown him. lastly, don't feel like an idiot! everyone has ignored things that were plain to someone else at one time or another.

[thirtiesgirl]

The list is a good idea and a great first step. I hope you find a situation from the list that works for you on a temporary basis. Keep reminding yourself of that: it's only temporary. And also, it's an additional support system to help you through this crisis. You do not need to go through this alone.

This is hard and every cell of your being is rebelling against it because it's CHANGE, and drastic change at that. When you've been in a pattern for so long, making a change to break that pattern is damn hard. But it's the thing that will help build the most strength and confidence in yourself as you go through it and come out the other side. Once the thought that you have survived this drastic change has really worked it's way into your psyche, has become one of the things you know and accept about yourself, you'll realize that you're invincible, that you have the strength to survive nightmares. And that's a powerful thought. It can help you in your worst moments in the future, your moments of self doubt, fear and loss. You'll remind yourself that you've been through the worst and it didn't take you down. You came out the other side.

And you will. There *is* an end to this. But before you get to the end of the road, you have to take a few more steps. There are so many wonderful discoveries to be made, more opportunities to be had. They're waiting for you to get to the end of this road and come find them.

[girltrouble]

remember pugs, we love you, and we're all rootin' for ya. but we've got an ulterior motive, personally, and i've said this before, you are sooo a part of this place, like star, rosie, polly, mandy, mouse, (where is mouse?) culture, aural kitten, bunny or so many others. and i know, i feel better when that bright, sweet, wonderful pugs knows how wunnerful she is. so take care of yourself, but more importantly, take care of your heart most of all, k?

[starship]

When my parents divorced about 5years ago my mother took me and my brother and we all moved in with her mum- into a tiny two bedroom house, with two adults and a newborn baby already living there. We had to stay like that for two years- six people. yeah, it was anything but ideal yet we were all much happier there than we had been living in a large comfortable house where my parents had been separated for a long time.
Everyone is right when they say it will be the best for you & you're making the right choice pugs, good luck x

[pollystyrene]

Pugs, what about you and Mr. Pugs agreeing to both move out of the house, each go somewhere else, but sublet (is that the same thing as renting out?) the house, splitting that income?

Good luck. I agree with what everyone else has said- you need to get out of there and get some distance from this situation, so you can make some real decisions. Easier said than done, I'm sure.

[roseviolet]

Bravo! Good for you, LMP! Keep pursuing this & let us know what happens.

(((((((((((((((((((LMP))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[LoveMyPugs]

okay ladies

be proud of me. i wrote down about four places i could stay.

1. My Aunt Linda's house. She has a three bedroom and a big couch and lives by herself.
2. My Aunt Mary's house. She has a finished basement with it's own bathroom.
3. My friend Stephanie and her husband Shad's house. They have a big couch and I could help with their little boy sweetin the deal.
4. My Mom and Dad's although they really don't have the room.

i called my mom and talked to her about it. She said it's a brave move for me. She knows I'm really suffering in this. I admitted to her that sometimes I tell myself that if I keep the house clean enough, make him dinner, let him play his video game without complaining and give in on sex that he'll love me more and change his mind about us splitting up eventually. It's very unhealthy. I talked to my friend Luke about it and he said he'd nonchalantly talk to Shad about, "Hey, Sheena needs a couch to crash on for a few weeks. You have any ideas of a place she could stay?" to see if Shad and Stephanie are up for it. I know they would take me in. They really love me and I love them and their little boy. My mom wants to talk to my Dad about what they can do to possibly let me move home for a bit. She also said that either of my Aunt's houses are not a bad suggestion. I never really sat down and thought about it. I'm at work and I just went down the contacts list in my cell phone and made a list. I didn't think I had any options but I kinda do. Ryan has options too and he could absolutely stay at his cousin Davids, Joes or his Aunt Debbie's. However, I don't really want to be at the house alone. GT is right when she said it would be nice to stay somewhere surrounded by family and friends. My mom said she would let me know as soon as her and my dad have a chance to talk.

This is just such a sucky situation. People really are being great to me. All of you are being really great. I need your no nonsense talk ladies. Give it to me straight. I shouldn't have stuck around as long as I did. I've been so blind. I feel like an idiot sometimes.

Well, I gotta get back to work.

Thanks,

Pugs

[girltrouble]

plus i think to be surrounded by your fam, who is super supportive instead of the recently turd-like pugs. as my friend would say about that environment, "you're bathing in your own filth." even if it's uncomfortable, it will be so much better for your heart, head, and soul. right now you feel like you're th one getting the short end of the stick, but you are not. you have a great job, and are making good $$$, a a bright future and more. i'll bet you're still doing things for him, his laundry, keeping the place clean, etc. a week after you've gone he will realize how good he had it,and you won't want to put up with his shit anymore.

you need clarity, pugs, and you aren't gonna get it in that house.

[girlygirlgag]

I know this is hard, it is like breaking a bad habit, but I don't think whether Mr. Pugs has a comfortable place to go, should be one of your priorities. This is a man carrying on with another woman, with no regard for your feelings. He has backed out of all the promises that he has made to you and in turn is making you out to be the bad guy and making you feel like shit all of the time. All the while still trying to guilt you for sex.

He's behaving like a turd. He does not deserve your concern.

Broken hearts can give off wrong gut signals. If anything, you need to get away from him for a few weeks. You need to crash on your parents couch, which I am sure they will not mind. Pugs, I am going to give you some tough love, but it seems to me that you are terrified of what may happen on his end if you remove yourself from the situation, so you are making every excuse to yourself as to why you cannot leave that house for awhile.

Leaving for a while, not even breaking up all the way, is the best thing you can do right now. If this drives him into the arms of another woman, or the absence does not make the heart grow fonder, than that is what was meant to be. If your gut is correct, some time apart could be great for both of you to gain some perspective to work through this hard time....... but that won't happen with you being a needy mess, all up in each others shit... You're too good for this... I know how hard leaving is, even when it is not permanent, I was just there a few months ago.....

But you need to do it.

[LoveMyPugs]

My parents have a three bedroom house. My sister is in one. My parents in another. The third they just finally finished and is a family office. Their basement is FULL and their couches are tiny and uncomfortable. I can't move home.

Mr. Pug's house is a two bedroom. His parents in one, his sister in the other. When he lived at home his sister was in the attic. When he moved back home the first time they moved her back to the attic and him back into his bedroom. He doesn't want to do that to his sister again. Plus, his dad uses the attic now as a retreat. Also, his grandmother is now living there on the couch while she recovers from open heart surgery.

Neither of us can move back home. It just isn't an option.

Why is my gut telling me that splitting up from him permanently is just wrong? I mean every bone in my body is telling me that if I walk out on this relationship that I'm going to regret it. I don't think he's feeling this but I absolutely am.

[roseviolet]

((((((LMP)))))))

You are the angel, sweetheart.

Your story sounds familiar to me because I've experienced something similar, but unfortunately in my case, I was the one in Mr. Pugs position. That's why I wish I could talk to him. I am so horribly ashamed for the way I treated the ex-Mr.-Violet during our long, drawn out, horrendous break-up. No matter what he may have done to me, he didn't deserve the emotional turmoil I put him through ... just as you don't deserve what Mr. Pugs is doing to you.

Anyway. About the house. I don't know anything about real estate trends in Delaware, so take this with a grain of salt. I know that in my area, activity really picks up in Spring and Summer. That's when people like to move because it's less likely to affect school schedules. This is not just limited to kids. Adult graduate students are big buyers in my market. The people who graduate in May put their houses on the market in Spring so they can take off for their new jobs in other states right after the semester ends. Conversely, the new grad school students take advantage of this & move here during late Spring & Summer. The market is lousy for certain price points (especially anything with 4 bedrooms or more), but if you're trying to sell a starter home, you may be in luck. For first-time buyers there are TONS of great reasons to buy a house this Spring. Interest rates are unbelievably low, the federal government has excellent incentives available to first time buyers, and the days of crazy price bubbles are over.

Do you have a friend who is a realtor? Maybe a friend of a friend? If so, ask them about the market in your specific area. See if they have any advice. You may not make a profit on the house, but getting that monkey off your back will go a long long way towards healing your soul & making you stronger.

[girlygirlgag]

LMP, what you need to do is leave and sue his controlling, emotionally abusive ass for half of the equity of the home.

Or sell it.


He's controlling you. He's cheating on you.

And you are too good for that. Things are going to be hard, but you need to go. You need to gather the strength adn get out of there.

Crash with friends, look for a roommate on Craigslist, but get the hell out of there and away from him.

(((((lmp))))))

[thirtiesgirl]

I'd back up others' suggestions to get out of the unhealthy situation. One of you should leave, whether it's you or him. I might recommend living with your parents while you pay house expenses, and work on getting the place sold. Then your ex can take his money from the house sale and do what he wants with it, and you can take your money, set yourself up in a nice apartment or buy yourself a condo and spend some time with yourself and working on finding what you want for your life.

[starship]

LoveMyPugs,
i'm not a very emotional person so there is something i don't understand. i'm not trying to pick a fight or insult you i just can't wrap my noggin around it. why do you love a stubborn hurtful cold monster?

bleh, most of us have loved a shitbag at some point.
i feel too young to give relationship advice &every relationship is so unique, but i went through a phase of not wanting to let go too- no matter how badly i was treated. i was scared and still in love and let my emotions completely overwhelm any common-sense or dignity i owned. i got into an awful state until the point came when i decided- consciously- to turn it all into anger. i also decided to make myself happy again- just so i could show him- until eventually i was happy, and it was for myself. and thats what got me over him. He wants me back now so im glad im over it and able to say noo. the line 'i always intended to come back to you' confirmed everything.
anyway, i digress, id still insist on at least splitting the bed situation- i dont get why his discomfort be prioritised over yours:/
it sounds awful how trapped you seem to be right now, i really hope things resolve themselves for you soon:) (&im sure they will). youll be so much stronger when all this is through

[LoveMyPugs]

this is probably a dumb and unhelpful question, but why the hell isnt he the one in the spare room:/

that i can answer

OUR bed is a king

THE GUEST BED is a full

I am 5'3" and Mr. Pugs is 6'4"

Logically it makes more sense that the smaller person takes the smaller bed. Although, deep down I want him to loose some sleep at night like I am but I guess I'm just too nice.

hiddenpoet - i don't know how to answer your question...i'm sorry

roseviolet - you are an angel right now to me. thank you

[hiddenpoet]

LoveMyPugs,
i'm not a very emotional person so there is something i don't understand. i'm not trying to pick a fight or insult you i just can't wrap my noggin around it. why do you love a stubborn hurtful cold monster?

[roseviolet]

I'm sorry, LMP. I didn't mean to make things worse. I was just worried about you.

I'm sorry you can't stay with your family. I'm sorry no one has offered you a place to live (I know it must be extremely difficult for you to ask this from friends, no matter how close they are to you). I'm sorry no one has talked to Mr. P (I know a number of Busties would be interested in having a word with him). I'm sorry your therapist has been out of town. I'm sorry this hurts so much. I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

If you ever feel an urge to take a road trip to North Carolina, I've got plenty of free time & a comfy guest room ready & waiting.

[starship]

this is probably a dumb and unhelpful question, but why the hell isnt he the one in the spare room:/