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> Mooooving on!!!!!
glassk
post Jul 23 2007, 03:36 PM
Post #961


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 213
From: vancouver, canada


((jami))

you're doing good; it's encouraging the strength you're showing through all of this. take care smile.gif


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nickclick
post Jul 23 2007, 10:10 AM
Post #962


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


jami, you've made the right decisions all along, as far as i can tell. you are doing a terrific job of keeping yourself and your son sane. no need to defend your decisions. this will all be over soon, your son will grow up to be a good man (not like his father) thanks to you, and you'll be in a happy place, both mentally and physically.

ick, and that nonsense with his girlfriend? whatev. he's someone else's problem now.
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jami
post Jul 22 2007, 12:24 PM
Post #963


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


hey all. I guess I wasn't quite clear with my last post.
my son is calling his dad a 'dick'. he used that word. I don't. I did at one time I called him a 'lying, cheating sack of scum', (and then apologized for my outburst) but technically, he is lying, he is cheating, and, well: scum. but mostly I don't refer to him at all. I ask if dad's been around, or if dad has talked to him. mostly we do not refer to him at all.
I am under orders from court, if there are bad things said by me to my son about his father, he will be taken away from me. I will not jeapordize that. I am just trying to keep my son safe. psyically and mentally.
I even bring up things to my son... like when dad tried to play the harmonica, when we did things together, when things were good. I want him to remember that there were good times.
it is up to the court to decide where son goes. ex-to-be made son testify in court. ex-to-be had son sign a document saying son wanted to be with dad. now son wants to change the document and live with me. I have not said anything to influence him. he sees things now that he did not want to see. things cannot stay the same. his dad is starting a new life without us.
drturl - I don't know if you have read my older posts. my husband moved us away from family, friends and home to live here, I never really wanted this, I did as my husband wanted. we were going to spend more time together. I tried. but when we moved here, he already had a girlfriend. they broke up, but there was damage to us. now that there has been time apart, since the separation, I see that the way he treated us is not how a family is to be. or a husband and wife: the shouting, the degrading, the intimidation, the violence. we accepted our life as we had nothing else to base it upon.
and as for boys needing fathers. yes, I agree. but his father has not contacted him in two months, and he lives 200 ft away. the last time his dad came to the house, it was because he wanted ammuntion. not to see his son. there were 8 court ordered visitation weekends, his father showed up for two. never cancelled the other dates; just did not show up.
my husband had an affair, he told me he wanted a divorce. he is starting his new life, he is done with us. although we are not divorced yet, he is bringing her here, her father here, having her family here. but he does not see his son. this is his choice.
his father is gone from our lives, and now that he is gone, there is no reason for us to stay here. would you?
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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snarky7
post Jul 22 2007, 12:45 AM
Post #964


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 371
From: If I'm posting, I'm not at Zumba!


omg, jami....your post from 17 july... YOUR husband?!?!?!? what a total ass...... i'm glad your son has seen the light and wants to be with you and get his life on track.... he sounds like a great kid. you are lucky. he'll make your life easier as you move on. hooray! he's your life now. and just don't forget this is not the end of your life....only the beginning....

thinking good thoughts for you...
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snarky7
post Jul 22 2007, 12:45 AM
Post #965


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 371
From: If I'm posting, I'm not at Zumba!


omg, jami....your post from 17 july... YOUR husband?!?!?!? what a total ass...... i'm glad your son has seen the light and wants to be with you and get his life on track.... he sounds like a great kid. you are lucky. he'll make your life easier as you move on. hooray! he's your life now. and just don't forget this is not the end of your life....only the beginning....

thinking good thoughts for you...
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jami
post Jul 20 2007, 11:31 AM
Post #966


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


news from my side. good news. great news. my son came in and told me that he wants to change his statement. he wants to live with me. he knows what he wants from where we want to live, to what kind of house, to what classes to take at school, to where he may want to go to college.
like I said, this is good.
send me good vibes, we are trying to sell the ranch now, towards the settlement. today the buyer said it wasn't the right place. another buyer coming next week.
ex-to-be is still being a "dick". (to quote his son)
hugs to you all
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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jami
post Jul 17 2007, 10:31 AM
Post #967


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


today there was a fellow from the power company talking to me in the backyard. they are testing power poles to make sure they are not rotten.
we hear ooooh, ooooh, yes, oooooh baby, oooooh
coming from the trailer next door to me where he lives.
husband and girlfriend don't have the bedroom window closed.
fellow says to me - now that's just not right
I'm just glad that my son was not outside with me.
so she's here on the ranch, but he has her in hiding the whole time.


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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snarky7
post Jul 16 2007, 11:01 PM
Post #968


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 371
From: If I'm posting, I'm not at Zumba!


can we please just castrate those men that have to be such asses in our lives? biggrin.gif

hoping things are staying manageable, jami.....
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jami
post Jul 15 2007, 03:37 PM
Post #969


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


true, that. I have my son. but judge has threatened to take him. and ex-to-be is trying for 'disproportionate amount' of property - or more than his half. and he keeps delaying court by not disclosing information. this should have been done with three months ago. it may be another 6 months yet. he is breaking the law, but the judge lets him get away with it.
and it's getting worse. he has threatened to sic the sheriff on me if I don't come up with stuff that court has not awarded him.


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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snarky7
post Jul 15 2007, 11:48 AM
Post #970


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 371
From: If I'm posting, I'm not at Zumba!


jami, take heart - it only gets easier. listen to missjuliet. i'd give you the same advice. besides, the stuff he wants is just stuff, you have yourself and your son - you two are what is important. you can always get more stuff another time.
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jami
post Jul 14 2007, 12:28 PM
Post #971


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


I loved the pinkie swear, thank you. this is what my son and I do together. it means more than 'I promise'. It is our bond.
I am furiously preparing paperwork for my lawyer against my husband. Next court date is early next month. He has threatened to sic the sheriff on me if I don't havd over the tv set and dishes. He has a tv and dishes, he even stole from my front yard. He is intensifying on the small petty stuff, which I beleive to be a smoke screen for bigger stuff he doesn't want me aware of. I still live in fear.
I am very greatful to the Bustie Ladies for their suggestions and moral support. I have leaned on you greatly and I have never been dissapointed in you
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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missjuliet
post Jul 12 2007, 05:24 PM
Post #972


BUSTie
**
Posts: 19
From: NJ


Awh Jami you sound like such a sweetie.
I recently just broke up with someone I had been with for 3 years, and the only advice I can give, which has probably already been mentioned in this thread, is that you can't move on through others. It has to be a personal journey.
It seems easiest at first to indulge in new relationships, but they usually end up being unfulfilling.
In order to move on and find someone who you can relate to and share a meaningful relationship with, you have to try and be somewhat comfortable/happy with being by yourself.
This is your time to do anything and everything you want.
Pick up a hobby, pick up several hobbies. It will help take your mind off of the need to find someone new and will give you a sense of strength.
Relationships don't make the person, you make who you are.
So find happiness for yourself, and more happiness will come to you...
Pinky swear <3.
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jami
post Jul 2 2007, 11:27 AM
Post #973


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


thought I'd update on the personal side... 'new guy' is gone. just wanted sex, didn't get it from me, he's gone. that's sad, doesn't know what he's missing in me. he was a good distraction for me, though. hurt me when I realized what was going on. one thing I did gain, though - his mom loves me! all my boyfriends' moms love me! how strange is this????
'backhomeguy' used to call everyday, for an hour at a time. (got to see him. sheesh, he's still gorgeous) has called three times since. that sucks. don't know what the problem is. lawyer says not to call him, he may be working for the other side. I do hope that's not true.
but since going back home, my old HS boyfriend is emailing me (innocent, he's married) and he's reminding me of good things that have happened in our lives. this is good.
I find myself crying at a moment's notice. some fear. but mostly I think it's missing what *should* have been my life. actually, I'm glad, truly, to be away from the terrifying times, the fear, apprensive feelings, the lies. oh, the lies.
but I miss things. talking. being with someone. companionship.
I'm not meant to be alone.
I can't yet appreciate this time alone. time to be with myself. time to plan on the future that I have yet to cellebrate. I have been told that it will happen.
I'm just not there yet.
can you help me get there?
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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jami
post Jul 2 2007, 10:35 AM
Post #974


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


as for the weed-eating, he cut down all my irises. my grandmothers' irises. I've had these for over 17 years, now destroyed.
so guess there was more to it than it seemed.
son still will not go outside, but we plan on weekend stuff to do.
(he's usually gone on the weekend with g/f)
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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glassk
post Jun 27 2007, 10:44 PM
Post #975


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 213
From: vancouver, canada


aw, jami! you're doing good- I'm glad you enjoyed your trip.

Perserverance!


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jami
post Jun 25 2007, 10:29 AM
Post #976


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


hey all. the only retalliation so far is him weed-eating at 7am outside my bedroom window. I finnished the sheriff document at 2am. he's weed-eating with the weed-eater that he says we do not own. betcha he tries to get court to pay him for his time.
Lawyer is in court, will call me after lunch.
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
Go to the top of the page
 
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nickclick
post Jun 25 2007, 07:39 AM
Post #977


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


good job documenting everything. get as much evidence as you can gather. ex-to-be may have some of his good ol' boys on his side, but soon enough he'll do something too stupid or his luck will just plain run out. all your evidence will prepare you for that day.
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jami
post Jun 25 2007, 01:01 AM
Post #978


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


you guys aren't gonna believe this one... son and I arrived back a day early. (drove 11 hours) someone has been in our house! the computer battery backup was plugged in and the modem was powered up. ok - thought maybe I had forgotten to unplug... NO~ I had made a video diary of the house just before we left. everything was unplugged. then I checked the gunsafe. I had put a bit of wax in the lower corner of the safe. it had been tampered with. I called the sheriff at 10am, he arrived 8:30PM! listened to me, gave me a piece of paper that says 'statement', and told me to fill it out and get it back to him. OHMYGOSH.
now more legal stuff to deal with.
I insisting on a CRIMINAL investigation to have the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives investigate stolen guns. sheriff agreed.
ex-to-be arrived when deputy was here. ex was asked if he was in the house. he said no. privately, the sheriff told me that ex *knew* that he wasn't supposed to be in the home. as if he did not believe ex.
now ex is pissed that I had law enforcement here.
not fun, people. deputy asked if I could get the protection/restraining order re-instated. (gee, someone else thinks he's dangerous, too) nice to know. I'll keep you updated.
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
Go to the top of the page
 
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jami
post Jun 22 2007, 11:48 PM
Post #979


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


you all are fantastic. a great support group as well
son and I are on our way back, having a wonderful time visiting. mom is weak, not well, and I did the cooking and cleaning and running around chores for her. at my dad's though, we went to the movies and dinner. quite the difference. son visited friends and did hid sports - a great time.
I tried in the car to prepare him for what will be coming from his father. says he does not want to talk about it. understood, but it's gonna happen. (ultimatums) trying to figure out how to say 'leave the child alone' without having it look like I'm keeping son away from father in court. next week's gonna be a doozy.
hugs to all
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
Go to the top of the page
 
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nickclick
post Jun 18 2007, 07:52 AM
Post #980


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


told you so!!!!
(j/k)
you have a good friend.

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