[bklynhermit]

on the Q train headed to brooklyn just now:

middle aged couple. the husband is clearly drunk, or perhaps just extremely exhausted and is DROOLING AWAY on his wife's chest. He's, shall we say, rather tubby, and wearing a tight grey man-tank with black cargo pants or construction jeans or somesuch, which are giving him SERIOUS plumber ass as he nosedives into his wife's cleavage. I believe he had some godawful sneakers on, as well, but to be honest the plumber ass was kind of distracting and I didn't get a good look. The wife is also middle aged, but thinner, and has bad extremely fake highlights, a Jennifer Aniston haircut circa 1996, and is wearing this tank top that manages to be both frumpy and slutty all at once, and which is now covered in her husband's drool. Over the tank top she has some kind of cheapo fake suede jacket, caramel colored. I didn't get a good look at the pants, but I'd bet you a dollar they were mom jeans. She is reading what appears to be an in-flight magazine while trying her best to ignore the huge middle aged man who has attached himself to her upper abdomen.

[epinephrine]

i saw a woman who apparently forgot to wear pants for her stroll around the neighbourhood the other day. she was wearing spandex "shorts" that were about the same size as the underwear i'm wearing right now. they ended at the crotch. the shirt she was wearing was just long enough to cover them, too. she looked like she'd just decided to leave the house without even putting all her clothes on. and this wasn't any skinny little 14-year-old poptart who didn't know any better, either. this was a mature - and rather voluptuous - woman. i don't understand. why would you want to show the entire world your jiggling, fleshy white thighs? isn't that exactly how you don't want to look?

[maimy]

Lorewolf, with posts like that, we don't get NEARLY enough of you around here ...

No crimes to report at the mo'.

[amilita]

Yay! Epi and lorewolf! You both contributed to cracking me up.

[hellotampon]

Oh and while I'm in here, I wanted to make a comment about porn clothes. I was looking at one of my boyfriend's magazines and they had the models wearing the most hideous things. They must have a rack of clothes or something and the girls have to pick out what they want to wear. I can picture someone going, "Um, I GUESS I could wear these high-waisted jeans with no pockets and an elastic waist..." Everything was so ugly, I'd want to take my clothes off too!

[hellotampon]

Thanks, that's what I was thinking too. I have a snug white camisole that I think looks okay with it.

[sybarite]

Hellot, I'd probably go for a very plain sleeveless top under it, in a colour that either complements it or doesn't clash (like white).

[lorewolf]

Someone's got to work that into a poem.

Luminous beacon of thong,
How wrong! How wrong!
Why must you draw attention
to his ass and dong?

[epinephrine]

just remembered one of the worst COFs i've ever seen, observed on a young gentleman at the gay bar last week: thin, white pants of a frumpy cut, belted at the waist, worn over a white thong. he was standing in front of a blacklight, and his thong was glowing through the pants, like a luminous beacon of thong. holy shit.

[bklynhermit]

quietmadness -- wtf???

the top half of her ensemble could have been understandable with a pair of jeans or some sort of hippie skirt or something.

the bottom half of her ensemble, while generally inexcusable, could have been at least understandable with some sort of lingerie top or beaded tank or something, big sunglasses, and other total hipster accessories, if AND ONLY IF she was under 30.

but together? madness.

[hellotampon]

Am I a CoF now? I just bought a shrug (or something, I'm not sure) It's a very thin, soft material and the grain of the cloth looks lacy (I know that makes no sense). It fastens with little buttons and has a high lacy collar and ribbon trim. The whole thing is raspberry-colored, and it ends a good 5' below my bustline. I guess it's more of a cropped shirt that a shrug, but it's still too short to wear without something longer underneath. I don't know WHAT to wear underneath though. I have big boobs, so it's hard to find any shirt that fits in the chest and doesn't look like a tent over the rest of me. This actually makes me look more proportional, though. Do I wear a camisole under it or a small button-down, or what?

[quietmadness]

At the closest Wal-Mart earlier today:

==Lacy, billowy type "hippie" top. Tie dyed purple.
==HUGE sterling silver/turquoise bangle bracelets.
==HUGE necklace/earrings to match
==Cream colored "knicker" pants--with the bows at the knees!

=======>oh.my.god...GOLD HIGH HEELS (stilletos) with the cross-up straps. Up the calves. White pasty legs.

U-N-S-H-A-V-E-N!!!!!!!!!

[mornington]

yesterday... leggings. with this huge t-shirt thing. I don't think it was a dress, I think it actually was a t-shirt. Garish eighties pattern on it. Face like a smacked bottom too. The worst bit was she had fairly skinny legs (but not skinny enough for leggings) but had one of those enormous upper bodies that made her look like she was carrying a cushion up there.

oh, and I'm going to have to have words with my friend's gf. pretty (but childishly naff) patterned skirt, strappy vest-top (bra showing, logo'd, natch). I could have coped, it was hot today. But she finished the look with socks and trainers. Black trainers.

Syb... I was out today & they don't need the world cup. Oxford Street and shirtless. At least two of them.

[plynn]

Walking down the steet with her punk boyfriend, shooting death glares of superiority at everyone:

-huge black floppy hat
-straggly blond hair
-cropped shirt
-long, wide black pants flapping in the wind and draggin' on the sidewalk
-cut superlow and very tight in the waist, giving her a totally unnecessary muffin top
-combination of cropped shirt and low pants exposed way too much white white white Canadian winter belly. Like a floating trout.
-low pants apparently required some shaving, which left her with a nasty rash that was totally visible above her pants. Seriously, it looked she was airing it out 'cause it was itchy.

And did I mention that she was really snotty-looking. Like she was daring me to judge her by my fascist pubic-rash-free beauty standards.

[miss_jane]

I never think that not wearing pantyhose is a CoF. Liberate the legs!

[freckleface2727]

never mind. we're not going after all.

[freckleface2727]

would I be committing a Crime of Fashion if I didn't wear pantyhose w/a shin-legnth semi-formal thin strapped dress to a formal event?
my legs are pale, but, so is the rest of me

[sybarite]

Pepper, you've reminded me that the World Cup will be on in a matter of weeks. Cue lots of previously pale men, sunburned from drinking beer outdoors, wearing deeply unflattering football tops over shorts finished by ancient loafers or trainers with socks.

Oh, to live in a country where the men are used to dressing for warm weather...

[pepper]

but but but, i LOVE the ratty t-shirt look, it's so Cute! especially on an absent minded professor-type. yum.

ok, i'm so over the brasilian sports jersey phase. give it a rest already, it is so out!

[anotherkat]

I have a skinny male professor who shows up wearing too-big baggy khaki shorts, sneakers over socks pulled up, and ratty t-shirts layered under baggy sweater vests. Often he'll even show up wearing t-shirts with several holes throughout. It makes him kind of charming, but very obvious that he doesn't have a wife throwing away his old t-shirts at home. Cause my boyfriend sure as hell wouldn't leave the house like that.