[opheliathemuse]

plaidmoosetoes, from my experience, you only have to believe the person. Are they naturally a dominant person? A submissive? If you have a sub domming, it will seem off, of course. If you are naturally a dom, then it will feel strange to sub. For example, I only really like a few generalized roles, and not talking during coitus. It makes it more believable for me. It takes practice. If he can carry off verbal play, then fine.
It's all what feels right to you. Don't be afraid of your own fantasies, is what I suppose I'm saying. That way you can access what makes you feel good more quickly and build on it. Maybe you're expecting too much of yourself. Start smaller? Just with a spanking, or a bite?

[greenbean]

Pugs!! I'm so glad you and your Mr. are enjoying the other site! (has it been offline for you too, though? pretty frustrating)....As for my dinner, I like Italian (hee hee, just kidding).

I have to second what Pepper says about your friends. You shouldnt expect them to get it. When I started to tell my friends what, to me, were extremely romantic tidbits of what goes on in my bedroom, I recieved looks of horror. They said things like, "I would NEVER let a guy say that to me" and "the guy should be the one to worship and obey YOU, you are a queen!". I did feel like a bad feminist, and it took me a long time to even talk about my desires here on Bust. After I finally "came out" (in the porn thread, here, scroll down) I felt great relief.

I know its disappointing to feel like you cant share something that makes you so happy with your friends, but understand that it is quite radical, and hard for people to wrap their heads around.
I also agree with Pepper that the more people you tell, the more negative opinions you are going to hear about it and that will ruin your fun. Keep it your little secret with the Mr. (of course tell US everything though!)

This behavior is shocking for people who believe strongly in egaltarian relationships, and its not just if you are caught serving your man, but even if he is serving you... For instance, one poster on the takeninhand site shared that her husband is not only dominant but an old-fashioned gentleman. A daily routine of theirs is that they always go together to pick up their child from school. He feels like its the man's job to drive, and not only does he open and close the door for her, but he buckles/unbuckles her safety belt. When other moms saw this they were quick to tell this women how degrading and sexist that was, as if she couldnt do those things for herself. The woman didnt let that stop the behavior though, because she knew her husband and her had a beautiful relationship and thats what mattered. She didnt feel degrated, she felt cherished.

Also Pugs, I relate so much to your story about your former dwindling sex life. I was in a long term relationship that suffered greatly because K always nagged me for sex. The more he whined and complained the less I wanted to do it. I felt we had plently sex but it was never enough for him. Even if we went awhile where I always did it if he wanted, he still wasnt happy because then it turned into him crying that I didnt INITIATE it enough. I felt beaten down, like I was a disappointment, and became completly uninterested in sex. When I tried to talk to K about this he said that it should be the opposite, that I should feel FLATTERED that he wanted to have sex with me so much. I felt anything but flattery, I just felt like I was just there to fuck. We finally broke up.
...Then I met someone completly different. He made me feel like I was the one who wanted sex all the time. He often withheld from me and made me beg, then teased me for being such a horndog. The more he told me that I was a sex fiend, the more I WAS a sex fiend. The more he told me I was a dirty girl, the dirtier I wanted to be. Contrast that with my ex who would tell me I was too sexually conservative, which gave me zero desire to be wild. Isnt that interesting? Theres definatly some powerful psychology going on there!

Last thing, great post notwearingwords! And Ireie, care to share some of the themes in the emails? I can give some advice if you can give more info...