The Lounge Guidelines Help Search Members Calendar Blogs

Welcome Guest [ Log In | Register ] ]

144 Pages V  « < 3 4 5 6 7 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> is it called a crush because that's what it does to you?
odysseylily
post Dec 14 2009, 06:42 PM
Post #81


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61


sad.gif that's too bad, epi.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
epinephrine
post Dec 14 2009, 01:26 AM
Post #82


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Glad to hear it, Odyssey.

Well, looks like I kinda missed the boat with R. He's met someone. Oh well. He'll always be there.


--------------------
To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
odysseylily
post Dec 13 2009, 11:17 PM
Post #83


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61


I actually spoke too soon. We hung out almost all weekend. He's had to work a lot lately, and I've been stressed out and depressed about financial issues, hence the oversensitivity. So we'll see how things go smile.gif I'm just enjoying taking it slow and having fun at this point.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
epinephrine
post Dec 12 2009, 05:20 PM
Post #84


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Aw, that sucks, dude. You're clearly too good for him, anyway.

Well, I haven't made any kind of move on R yet, but there's definitely heat between us. He came over for dinner last night and was very touchy-feely. He kept grabbing my shoulders or arms for emphasis while he was talking to me, even when he had to reach across a good-sized gap to do it, and when I was washing up after dinner he gave my shoulders a quick massage (he's actually a registered massage therapist, although he never pursued it as a career). I wonder if he's noticed anything different in the vibe he gets from me lately.

For a lot of different reasons, I have a really hard time feeling safe with guys. Although I am attracted to them, things get really complicated when it comes to sex. R is as harmless as they come, which is part of the reason why I was able to sleep with him before and why I'm able to be as attracted to him as I am now. But with guys I really can't enjoy myself unless I'm able to take my time and get comfortable, and I'm always worried that they won't understand and will think I'm being demanding or puritannical. Of course, I know that I have every right to take my time and hold off on sex until I'm ready, and that I shouldn't feel bad about my needs, but I always feel like they'll just confuse and frustrate the guy and cause anxiety for me, and if it's going to be like that there's really no point in having sex with them at all, so I just don't bother. I just always anticipate pressure, and I don't deal well with pressure. I tend to doubt myself, cave in, and do things I'm not comfortable with, and then I hate myself and the person I did them with. I'm laddressing that issue in my counselling sessions and am starting to deal with it, but I'm still hesitant to put myself in that situation. As harmless as R is, he can also be kind of clueless. I'm still worried about opening this door.


--------------------
To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
odysseylily
post Dec 9 2009, 11:24 PM
Post #85


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61


My fling with M has fizzled out. I'm catching the non-interested vibes from him. I'm really disappointed. I like him a lot, still.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
epinephrine
post Dec 2 2009, 10:51 PM
Post #86


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Yay Odyssey! So happy for you. And I've always been a fan of odd couples. Goth-goth? Meh, nothing interesting there. Goth-prep? Hot!

God - now that I've let myself feel what I'm feeling, I'm crushing so, so hard on this guy. I'm waiting for the opportunity to come and kick me in the ass. I have a feeling this is one of those things I can't force. But when the opportunity comes, I'll have to take it, because I know he won't. People know, though. There's apparently a sexual tension between us that's clearly visible to our friends. In the past two weeks, two people I've barely hung out with have commented on it. One said we were perfect for each other and we should get together, and another thought we actually were together and was amazed when I said we weren't. I have no intention of getting together with him, but he's more than welcome in my bed.

And, in other news, someone has a crush on me, and I need to know how to let him down easy, 'cause he seems like a really nice guy but he's totally not my type and I'm not interested. I should have told him I was gay when he asked me, but in my habit of bumbling honesty I told him I wasn't completely gay, and I think I may have given him the impression that he had a chance, which he doesn't. Now he wants to hang out, and I don't really want to because I think it'll be date-y. I suck at this. I hate letting people down. I was in a relationship for 3 months once because I was so scared to turn the girl down. I'm so clueless when it comes to people. I feel like I'm constantly learning everything the hard way.

This post has been edited by epinephrine: Dec 2 2009, 10:57 PM


--------------------
To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
odysseylily
post Dec 2 2009, 06:24 PM
Post #87


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61


Thanks Flanker! Hmm, neither of us have specifically said whether we're looking for a relationship. I am, but I guess if a guy doesn't tell me that he isn't looking for a relationship, I kind of assume he is . . .

Nevertheless, I'm excited!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
flanker_ji
post Dec 1 2009, 10:46 PM
Post #88


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 529
From: Santa Rosa, CA


Odyssey, this is where the exclusivity conversation comes in - if you're both having fun and want to keep seeing one another (and have already discussed that you're looking for a relationship), it will get to the point where one of you just has to know if the other is interested in making things exclusive, and then you'll have your answer.

Never have had an FWB, so no comment there!


--------------------
"Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time..."
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
odysseylily
post Dec 1 2009, 12:05 AM
Post #89


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61


Hello Busties! I am often in the Moooving on thread, but recently I have met someone and all I can say is, wow, am I crushing out. So I just had to post on here.

My crush (we'll call him M) is super different from all the guys I've dated or liked. To fall back on high school cliches, I'm a goth (who tends to go for other goths) and he's a prep. Things are going really nicely. We've had a few dates, all of which went spectacularly. The thing I'm freaking out about is that every single one of my past relationships has developed between a friend and I where there was a big dramatic "I love you" moment (I'm exaggerating a bit) but point is, it was all very obvious. It's only been in the past couple months that I've been doing the "going on dates" thing. And I am at a complete loss at telling when, how, and if these dates progress to a relationship. So confused. Any feedback?

((((((Epi))))))
I suck at the FWB thing, but it looks like you are in a good spot for it! Congrats lady!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
epinephrine
post Nov 28 2009, 09:10 PM
Post #90


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


I know, a lot of things in this situation line up for a pretty good FWB arrangement. I dunno. I still have some reservations. My only previous FWB experience was that time with him 3 years ago, and it wasn't healthy. I remember being confused and feeling icky about the whole thing, but there was something about him that kept bringing me back. There was zero communication. Of course, too much communication would lead to a level of emotional engagement that I'm not interested in with him. It's a tricky balance and I'm scared of fucking it up. And I know he's not going to make the first move and I'd have to, which I generally do not do. My (admittedly questionable) attitude toward relationships is that they're risky and troublesome and if the other person doesn't make the first move, I'm certainly not going to trouble myself to get into a situation that probably won't work out anyway. But maybe, just maybe, if they're interested enough to make the first move, things might be ok.

Wow. That's fucked up, isn't it? And that's pretty much what he's like, too.

I don't know. I don't plan on being in a relationship again for a while, or even dating. I'm just not emotionally available right now. But I don't see that as a reason to starve myself of sex and affection. And I absolutely do not do casual sex. The thought of having sex with strangers makes my skin crawl. Ugh. A good friend with benefits would be ideal, and this guy (who we'll call R from now on) is as good a candidate as I have at the moment. He possesses some traits that aren't particularly favourable in a FWB (he can be negative and immature, and he has a drinking problem - I like to say that his heart's in the right place, but his head's up his ass), but I suppose if he's good enough to be my friend he's good enough to be a friend with benefits. In spite of his flaws, he is a very good friend, and I guess it's better that he's someone I'm not likely to fall in love with. He's as emotionally unavailable as I am, actually, which is...encouraging. Is there a friend with benefits thread where I can explore this a little more without further derailing this thread? I sense some doors opening here...

Well, whether I end up pursuing this or not, it's definitely given me lots to think about. I may check in with my counsellor about it, make sure I'm not just looking for a distraction. But I'm definitely feeling a lot better about this whole situation now.

Oh, and I have another crush! There's this gorgeous girl in my self-defence class who I've always had eyes for, and she's a total sweetheart, too. We went to the same school up until a couple of months ago, and we'd see each other there occasionally as well. We've exchanged numbers and promises to hang out, but we haven't done it yet. But I found her on Tracebook tonight and she added me, so we'll be able to keep in touch better and hopefully we'll hang out eventually. She's pagan and bi (if that's what the "interested in: women and men" on FB means, anyway) and she lives on a boat and she's a blue belt in kenpo which means she could probably kick my ass, which is hot. She's got beautiful smooth latte-coloured skin and brown eyes and the kind of curves that make me melt and she's just ohmygod hot...and she has a boyfriend. Stupid epi, lusting after the girls with boyfriends. Oh well. I don't mind. As long as she doesn't mind me perving at her occasionally. She's just too hot to ignore.


--------------------
To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Persiflager
post Nov 28 2009, 07:34 AM
Post #91


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Epi: That honestly sounds like a pretty good FWB set-up to me! Just skip the sex and stick to fooling around wink.gif

I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy to not discuss your friendship - some relationships naturally have fuzzy boundaries. The important thing is that you were able to change the relationship when it made you uncomfortable without any difficulty. Trust your instincts, and have your wicked way with him if it feels right.


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
zoya
post Nov 28 2009, 05:24 AM
Post #92


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


epi - why don't you tell him exactly what you said here? - just share how you're feeling and that it's distracting and disturbing to you and you don't know what to do with it. And leave it at that and see what he says. The key is to be able to just share what you're feeling with no expectations or trying to direct an outcome, and to be able to just sit back and accept whatever he has to say.

I find in my experience that its really fucking scary to get it out there, because you don't know what the response will be - but it feels so much better to just name that pink elephant in the middle of the room. seriously, what's the worst thing that could happen? He tells you that he never wants to see you again and not even be friends? I seriously doubt that would happen and even if it did, at least you'd feel the relief of getting it off your chest and not having that untethered vibe be there anymore. It's not like just sharing what you're feeling would change anything - the feeling / answer is already there on both ends, it's just not out in the open.

anyway, just my .02 cents worth...

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
anna k
post Nov 27 2009, 11:05 PM
Post #93


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


awww epi. I don't think you're being stupid. If you can have a FWB thing with this guy, and no other expectations, then it could be a lot of fun. Do you feel that you would become emotionally attracted to him and risk your heart? I think you have your mind in the right place of having sex as a release, and not as the means to an end.

I miss having sex with my FWB, but the last time we did it, it was so-so, and I don't feel the same lust for him anymore, but my mind often goes to the good times we had as a comforting feel.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
epinephrine
post Nov 26 2009, 10:55 PM
Post #94


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


I have a crush that I absolutely shouldn't have. I've got this friend who, back when we first met three years ago, I had a brief and very strange kind of fling with. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and he's way older than me, not a particularly functional person, and totally not boyfriend material, but there was still an attraction there. He's very petite (i.e. harmless and therefore safe to have a stupid fling with), affectionate, well-read, and covered in tattoos. I'd been single for a couple of years and just couldn't figure out the deal with this guy and how I felt about him, and before long we started crossing lines that had been blurry to begin with. The weirdest (and unhealthiest) part was our unspoken code of silence; we never, ever talked about our relationship, set any boundaries, discussed what we wanted, or told our friends. Well, I didn't tell mine (until they started to figure it out on their own, anyway). I don't know if he told his. We were strictly "just friends" until the doors were closed. Deep down, I felt like what we were doing was wrong and I was ashamed. We had sex twice and it was beyond awful - I just gave up, rolled over and went to sleep after listening to the bedsprings squeak for a couple of minutes - but he was fun to fool around with. A lot of fun, actually. He was very passionate, had an exciting bit of kink, and gave the best oral I've ever had (that's right, J - better than you! And you, too, T). And lately I just can't stop thinking about it.

Anyway, long story short, I was never totally comfortable with the situation (and I doubt he was, either), and it stopped as silently and mysteriously as it started. No conversation, no "we shouldn't do this anymore," nothing. We kept hanging out, same as before - we just stopped fooling around when I crashed in his bed. And then I stopped crashing in his bed. And a couple months later I found myself in a relationship with someone else.

So, here I am, three years later, with that relationship come and gone, but this friend is still here. He and I still hang out all the time and my attraction still seems to be there. Sometimes it's overwhelming. This guy is just so wrong for me, and I'd never even consider having a real relationship with him, but...he makes me hot. I can't help it. It's been eight months since I got laid. My hormones are getting backed up, starting to outnumber my brain cells. Every time we hang out I think about it: we've known each other for years, and we know and trust each other more now than we did the first time; we've slept together before and managed to maintain a good friendship; neither of us would have any expectations; I know he still wants me. It's starting to become distracting. We talked on the phone last night and I kept gapping out of the conversation because of these thoughts.

Oh, Busties...I need somebody to come over here and slap me - or fuck me - before I do something stupid...


--------------------
To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
treehugger
post Nov 24 2009, 06:46 PM
Post #95


cryostat bitch
***
Posts: 1,717


((((GT)))))

yeah, more text message flirting going on here between me and my crush. It is so WRONG. It can never happen, but I am enjoying the ride while it lasts.

History: I've had horrible insomnia lately-every night I wake up around midnight and stay awake until about an hour before I have to get up.

He: Sleep Tight!

Me: Hope I do sleep tight. Maybe I need toys to put me to sleep? wink.gif

He: Not only did I blush, but you can call me a "toy" any time you want! smile.gif


--------------------
To block Steve's latest incarnation, Click Here.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
girltrouble
post Nov 22 2009, 07:31 AM
Post #96


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


so yeah, bullshit, bullshit bullshit, same old shit. etc. etc.



--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
mumblestutter
post Nov 21 2009, 10:30 PM
Post #97


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 103
From: michigan


i hate this waiting game. i couldn't hang out last night b/c i was sick. tonight we talked briefly. he said he would call me back if there was anything at all. and i haven't heard anything from him. i want that one a lot. i've never communicated with anyone so well and i really enjoy his company. but at this rate I'M NEVER GOING TO GET THE CHANCE TO TELL HIM THAT.

now i just have to wait patiently for the next chance to meet up or hang out. i need to get better at creating excuses to see each other.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
girltrouble
post Nov 21 2009, 07:12 AM
Post #98


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


hee hee! that is so cute, tree!


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
treehugger
post Nov 20 2009, 07:02 PM
Post #99


cryostat bitch
***
Posts: 1,717


yeah, I think I need to start posting in here. Wanted to share this text exchange between me and my crush, he is one of my co-workers:

(at work, we have to undergo tuberculosis testing which involves needles-this is a text after I went for the testing, after having been badgered by him for an hour to go)

Me: I bled like a stuck pig!

(and he must have not heard the phone or something, because no response that day)

- - - -
(The next day, after work, at the tavern, drinking with my senior partner...)

G: I just got your text from yesterday. If I had known I could have kissed it and made it all better! :-)

Me: Hehe you are such a flirt.

G: Only with you sweetheart!!

Me: Awww I feel all glowy now!

G: :-) !


~and at this point, my senior partner sends him a text: "quit messing with my girlfriend, you are cutting into our drinking time"

Me: H is fucking with you now

G: Tell him to shut up and get drinkin, I want to smooze you.

Me: Awww I like it when you innuendo me smile.gif

G: Ditto :-)


--------------------
To block Steve's latest incarnation, Click Here.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
girltrouble
post Nov 19 2009, 02:19 AM
Post #100


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


i'm mailing out your check tonight, seven.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

144 Pages V  « < 3 4 5 6 7 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: September 19, 2014 - 07:37 PM