[KeraBear]

Dancing Queen - Yeah, isn't it crazy how people giving us crap about small breasts are for often than not fellow girls?!? You would think we gals would support one another, but no. I usually try not to play the "fat card" because i dunno, i guess i sort of feel like i am going down to their level you know? I have pretty much accepted that I will not be like my sister. We both have totally different body types. She is taller and curvey like my mom, whereas i get more from my dad, who has a lot of short petite types on his side. It could be worse. I could have inherited his back hair. LOL! And yes, i feel ya on the comments from family and friends. It seems from age 13 on, EVERY YEAR it was the same thing. "Don't worry, your breasts will grow, Kera. You still have time. You are probably just a late bloomer" (i am actually. started my periods at 15) Yeah? Well what if they don't?!? They talk as if it is legitamite problem. THEY are the problem for making me feed into this idea. Am i right?

Strong girl - I appreciate your comments. But I would argue against your idea that we need to "reject the idea that we're competing in the first place - it's totally bogus." Unfortunately that is the reality. At least in high school. My high school at least. Other girls seem to make it a compeition. They make me feel inferior because i am short, small breasted with narrow hips. Some of it might be jealousy because i am a skilly little thing, i dunno. Maybe it gets better after high school, i sure hope so. But one thing you are right about is that the more of us who stand up and refuse to play that game. I think part of the reason we feel like we are losing based on boob size is that for many of us breasts = being a woman. And when younger girls seem to be "winning" on that front, it says what? That they are more woman than we are? Heck no! It is not what is below the collarbone that determines that, but what's above. Amen to that, Stronggirl!

Oh geeeez, I think I was ranting again. Ooops. Ha ha

[just_a_guy]

Hi sybarite!

First of all, thank you for your input and especially for the civil manner in which it was presented. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do.

I wish that I could go into a job interview dressed in ripped jeans and a t-shirt, unshaven, with unkempt hair, and be judged solely based on my merits. Unfortunately, that just isn't reality.

As human beings we are constantly subjected to sensory input, and we filter that input through mental templates (to use your phrasing. I use "model" because of my background in math and science) that we have developed over the course of our life experience in order to process new data more efficiently. Burying our proverbial heads in the sand with regard to the de-facto workings of the human mind will not change that fact.

I do take issue with the assumption that I apply templates only to women, and am therefore anti-feminist.

In fact, I am an ardent feminist who believes that, while there is equivalency between men and women (which is to say one is not, nor should be, greater than the other), it is ridiculous to pretend that men and women are exactly the same in all respects. That said, I find it both offensive and unfounded for anyone to assume I apply templates any more frequently or egregiously to women than I do to men. I can only assume that such an assumption grows out of the knowledge that I am a man, and the templates that people hold with regard to the probabilities of a man's intentions.

Out of curiosity, to you read my reply to auralpoison before you made this assumption?

With regard to the 95 pounds statement, it was specifically made in the context of a response to the expressed desires of women, who have described themselves as such, to grow into something else. It was certainly not a commentary on all women, and I don't believe it reads that way unless taken out of context. Similarly, the templates I presented are specific to women because this thread is about women, in that context I think it's pretty clear why I've presented more information particular to the female gender.

Can you see how the very assumption that I am prejudiced against women or feminism (supported by active ignorance of the context in which my comments were made) demonstrates the very point I was trying to make about templates?

Just a guy, I have to say your model, or template, based around women's choice of bags/shoes or underwear left a bad taste in my mouth too. While I get what you're trying to express, for me it is always problematic to reduce a person to the things she or he buys. Further, any template (I prefer the term to 'model') based on any aspect of a woman's appearance is to me reductive and counter to the feminism inherent to this site. I love bags, shoes and underwear but I wouldn't like to be assessed by my collection of same. Ditto your description of any woman as a package; however complementary you mean to be, again you are reducing a woman to aspects of her appearance (and what about anyone who isn't 95 pounds?).

Saying all that, I am not a regular on this thread; most people here seem happy with your contribution so far. The above is my 2 cents, offering one explanation for why what you said can come across as potentially offensive.

[auralpoison]

Thank you for saying that so well, Syb.

[sybarite]

Just a guy, I have to say your model, or template, based around women's choice of bags/shoes or underwear left a bad taste in my mouth too. While I get what you're trying to express, for me it is always problematic to reduce a person to the things she or he buys. Further, any template (I prefer the term to 'model') based on any aspect of a woman's appearance is to me reductive and counter to the feminism inherent to this site. I love bags, shoes and underwear but I wouldn't like to be assessed by my collection of same. Ditto your description of any woman as a package; however complementary you mean to be, again you are reducing a woman to aspects of her appearance (and what about anyone who isn't 95 pounds?).

Saying all that, I am not a regular on this thread; most people here seem happy with your contribution so far. The above is my 2 cents, offering one explanation for why what you said can come across as potentially offensive.

[just_a_guy]

I'm really glad that I found this place, and I hope that I am contributing something positive to the group.

If I can help even one woman shift her perspective from "I'm going to accept who I am, small breasts and all" to "Wow, I'm really lucky to have small breasts because they enhance my beauty while larger breasts would make me look/feel awkward" it will bring me tremendous pleasure.

It's kind of like cars: some guys love big american muscle, I like small and sporty with beautiful lines. I'll take a lotus elise, or a porche, or even a supercharged mini over a camaro, or a charger, or a corvette any day of the week. I love motorcycles. They are fast and nimble and thrilling. It's not that I don't appreciate the beauty of a big old v8 sports cars. I do. But they don't make my heart race, and my stomach fill with butterflies.

I love a lithe little package 5'2" with a cups and 95 pounds soaking wet. I don't want you to grow into anything, I just want you to realize how beautiful you already are, and that that there are good, strong, educated, intelligent, fun, witty, attractive men (and women if that's your preference) with jobs and cars who don't live in their mother's basement and who find you much more physically appealing than your curvier counterparts.

I hooked up with an ex about a year ago whom I hadn't seen in nearly seven years, and she was worried that I would find her less attractive because she'd lost some weight and gone from a a 36c to a 34b. In reality it was the exact opposite. There have been times in my life when I've see a girl who has been blessed with some serious assets and I've actually thought to myself "she's not the right girl for me. even though I think she is a great girl and I know she is attractive, she deserves someone who is going to appreciate her body in a way that I never will."

I don't know any of you personally, but if I can give you one message it is that you haven't been cursed with small breasts. you have been blessed by nature with figures that make men's hearts soar.

[dancingqueen]

Hi all!

Thank you for all the great comments. I sure do appreciate them all! ha ha ha. I work at a jewelry store and decided that since I wasn't going to get an engagement ring any time soon, I should buy myself something. I got a gorgeous Amethyst ring. It is huge!

Guy: I like your analogy. It made me laugh!

KeraBear: Stay strong! I had more problems with other girls commenting me on my boobs in High School than boyfriends. I got pissed at a few friends and had to tell them to back off. Ha ha ha. I was mean!! I told one girl that at least I wasn't fat like she was. Keep going! I wish I could tell you that if your sister is big, you could be too, but that just sucks to hear. My sister was bigger than me too and I just started resenting people saying "Oh wait until you're 16...18...21.....23....." It is what it is. Hard to accept tho.

[just_a_guy]

To answer your question discowombat, yes I have certainly come across people who collect neither (although it has been a rare occasion when a girl did not have a preference. On those occasions I ask other questions. After all, it's hard to draw conclusions based on the absence of data, and I look at it more as a fun interesting way to learn about a person than "what's your major?" or "what's your sign?"

Auralpoison: I can't say that I haven't run into your point of view before. That said, I'm not sire why you take such personal offense to the inner workings of someone else's mind, nor do I understand how you drew the conclusions that I determine a person's inter-personal relationships based on Their clothes. What I actually described is a generalization based on an individuals interests (interest in accessories versus interest in comfort garments).

Somehow I doubt that you would be as averse to making a snap judgement that someone is an audiophile based on the fact that Thor house was full of LPs and expensive stereo equipment, or that a guy who wears a lot of sports jersey is likely a sports fan, or that a person who uses the words specious and fallacious is most likely of middle to upper class socioeconomic status, college educated, most likely with or pursuing at least a graduate degree (which I would not be surprised to learn was in law).

If you walked into a courthouse saw one man in a suit, one in a jumpsuit, one in a uniform, and one in a robe, I don't believe for a second that you wouldn't make snap judgements about the people behind the clothes. We use models to make it easier to process all the data around us on a daily basis, I just don't understand why mine evoked such a powerful emotional reaction from you. Especially since it was never applied to you personally, despite your post reading as if that were the case.

Perhaps you can give me some perspective on the matter.

[auralpoison]

In my experience a girl who has a closet full of trendy shoes and handbags cares more about the criticism of other women, whereas a girl who is more likely to spend her free shopping time picking out underwear tends to put more weight on the opinions of her inner circle of friends and family.

I know that it is a serious over-simplification (especially in the condensed form in which I've presented it here), but it boils down to a quick acid test of how a potential date derives her sense of self-esteem with respect to the opinions of the outside world, and For the ten odd years I've been using it, it hasn't led me wrong.

Okay. So this? Irritates me to no end, admittedly oversimplified or not. I mean, until a dude walks in my cups & favorite shoes he has no room to make assumptions about me based solely on my choice of accessories or foundation garmentry.

The goods I buy sartorially say nothing about my relations with other women or my friends/family any more than what I buy at the market or hardware store. And who the fuck is anybody to draw such a negative conclusion about my self-esteem at a glance? (They can see my shoes/handbag, but they can't see my drawers unless I let them!) I buy quality things that I like that are comfortable & that I like the look/touch of. I'm happy for you that your odd litmus test has worked for you, JAG, but for me it is specious, fallacious bullshit.

[discowombat]

In my experience a girl who has a closet full of trendy shoes and handbags cares more about the criticism of other women, whereas a girl who is more likely to spend her free shopping time picking out underwear tends to put more weight on the opinions of her inner circle of friends and family.

What does it mean if you don't collect either? Lol. I"m not making fun of you. I just kind of want to know if you've ever run into that.

[just_a_guy]

First off, thank you. I'm very flattered. I tried to find a blushing smiley but, alas I failed.

I think that communicating your appreciation to your partner is so important. Personally, only two of my partners have been able to compliment the parts of my anatomy about which I am insecure in a fashion that felt genuine enough for me to accept, but they made all the difference in the world.

My sexual prowess is a significant component of my identity as a man, and the type of confidence (and more importantly comfort) instilled by that type of communication made me feel safe enough to express my masculinity without having to hide behind false machismo.

Along the lines of women competing with each other: I often talk about using a model to categorize potential dates as either shoe collectors or underwear collectors. There have been times when it puts people off (with the immediate reaction of not wanting to be pigeonholed), but the truth is that the model has grown out of anecdotal trends that I have noticed that communicate how competitive a girl is with her peers.

In my experience a girl who has a closet full of trendy shoes and handbags cares more about the criticism of other women, whereas a girl who is more likely to spend her free shopping time picking out underwear tends to put more weight on the opinions of her inner circle of friends and family.

I know that it is a serious over-simplification (especially in the condensed form in which I've presented it here), but it boils down to a quick acid test of how a potential date derives her sense of self-esteem with respect to the opinions of the outside world, and For the ten odd years I've been using it, it hasn't led me wrong.

To finally get to my point: I think that women are much more critical of each other and of themselves, then men ever could be, and I agree with strongirl that some serious changes in that department could provide some real benefit, even if it's just within your core group of friends.

Starship: I also want to whole-heartedly agree with your entire post.

I've been tres busy but a few quick comments here:

guy - I've enjoyed your comments so far and find them insightful and respectful. Maintain the tone, dude, and you'll continue to be accepted here. Plus you're cute! (busties, note the use of the word "cute" to denote sexual attractiveness)

starship - awesome post of that other guy's comments re his love of smallies. I especially liked his remark about how they "hang pointy when in doggy", LOL! I used to think that was a negative and felt very self-conscious about it until my bf finally got it through to me that he loved it (including precariously balancing on one hand so the other could keep feeling my titties).

kera - I am with you 100% about not letting anyone else's opinions of my body define me. I also agree with you about appreciating the comments! Sex is a form of communication and if someone is communicating (nicely) that they like what I got, I'm gonna communicate that I like hearing it.

Here's what I dislike about the "being out-boobed by teenage girls" comments: y'all are buying into the whole idea that all of us women are in some kind of competition...and worse, you think you're losing based on boob size! Reject the idea that we're competing in the first place - it's totally bogus. View your own body and the bodies of other women of all ages and sizes with generosity, appreciation, and respect and stop constantly "rating" yourself and others. I don't mean to diss your feelings and I do understand them. But it's not what's below your collarbone that's making you unhappy, it's what's above it.

[strongirl]

I've been tres busy but a few quick comments here:

guy - I've enjoyed your comments so far and find them insightful and respectful. Maintain the tone, dude, and you'll continue to be accepted here. Plus you're cute! (busties, note the use of the word "cute" to denote sexual attractiveness)

starship - awesome post of that other guy's comments re his love of smallies. I especially liked his remark about how they "hang pointy when in doggy", LOL! I used to think that was a negative and felt very self-conscious about it until my bf finally got it through to me that he loved it (including precariously balancing on one hand so the other could keep feeling my titties).

kera - I am with you 100% about not letting anyone else's opinions of my body define me. I also agree with you about appreciating the comments! Sex is a form of communication and if someone is communicating (nicely) that they like what I got, I'm gonna communicate that I like hearing it.

Here's what I dislike about the "being out-boobed by teenage girls" comments: y'all are buying into the whole idea that all of us women are in some kind of competition...and worse, you think you're losing based on boob size! Reject the idea that we're competing in the first place - it's totally bogus. View your own body and the bodies of other women of all ages and sizes with generosity, appreciation, and respect and stop constantly "rating" yourself and others. I don't mean to diss your feelings and I do understand them. But it's not what's below your collarbone that's making you unhappy, it's what's above it.

[just_a_guy]

Done and Done

Hey! Just A Guy, don't forget to stop by the Newbies thread to introduce yourself!

Dancingqueen, hold my jacket & earrings because I am about to bust out the razor blades & Vaseline on your ex's ass. I won't kill 'im, but I sure will mess 'im up some! What a shitty little insecure punk!

[KeraBear]

Oh yeah... and weighing in late on the teens with bigger breasts discussion... since i am a teen (17), they would actually be my peers, but yes, still totally sucks. And for the first half of high school, TWEENS also! Geeez. My biggest hangup though is my 15-year-old sister, who is a C cup (i am a small A *sigh*) and three inches taller than I am, too! It's like some sort of cosmic joke or something, her developing so much more and much earlier than me her "big" sister. She is 135 pounds and I am 110. It's amazing, it's like we aren't even related. The worst part of it is that she doesn't let me forget about it. Immature boys (pretty much most of the guys) tease me about this at school a lot. One of them actually approached me the other day and said, "your sister is hot." Really.

End of rant!

But it doesn't bother me as much as i used to. I credit a lot of that to this forum, so big shout out to all you awesome gals! And my BF is always loving up my tiny booblets, which is also a super bonus.

[KeraBear]

Can I help DiscoWombat open up a can of whuppass on DancingQueen's ex? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? What a jerkface! DQ, that man is far from worthy of being with beautiful you... you'll bounce back!

Starship - thanks for posting those comments. Of course, i will not let any man's opinions define me, but I won't lie - i appreciate those pick-me ups.

[auralpoison]

Hey! Just A Guy, don't forget to stop by the Newbies thread to introduce yourself!

Dancingqueen, hold my jacket & earrings because I am about to bust out the razor blades & Vaseline on your ex's ass. I won't kill 'im, but I sure will mess 'im up some! What a shitty little insecure punk!

[starship]

Guy's right, they only say things like that because they know it will play on our insecurities and 'hit us where it hurts'. It's common in heated arguments to say something that you know will get to that person, even if you don't necessarily mean it.

Anyway, I was on another website (looking for some sexy lingerie) and noticed a post on their forum about small breasts which I liked & wanted to share with you ladies. Hope the man who posted it wouldn't mind me pasting it here :

"There are theories that small boobs are attractive because they look younger and hence more fertile. Don't argue with science!

Anyway, For small boobs. Some of my opinions below which don't mean I don't like big boobs!

I love how smaller boobs hold their 'shape' and look more rounded.

I love how smaller boobs look perter without support.

I love how smaller boobs (that I've seen) tend to have defined nipples.

I love how smaller boobs just fit in your hand easily. (Isn't it annoying when you want all of something and can't?)

I love how smaller boobs stay perter for longer!

I love how smaller boobs 'mould' to the chest.

I love how smaller boobs 'hang' 'pointy' when in doggy.

I love how smaller boobs make a body look petite and ladylike

etc... There are many many reasons why I prefer smaller boobs! I just find them so feminine.

Pay attention to the advice of people here, especially those who have felt the same. [member1] and [member2] have both felt the same and realised that that those lovely smaller boobs still leave us men as drooling idiots and its what you do with them that counts. Corsets and other lingerie on smaller boobed ladies drive me bloody wild!

Sex is in the head but not just your head, confidence spreads and says to your partner I feel good and because of that so will you! Imperfections (which smaller boobs are NOT!) don't matter if you get over them, getting over them says "I'm uninhibited and ready for a good time and some fun!" and that is very sexy.

We have preferences but I also believe that the more you love someone the more your preferences change to fit the person you love so if your OH loves you, you need not worry. I love [member2] to the core and when I think of any random part she has, it either was or has become the most attractive specimen of its kind! Loving her means any part of her represents much more than a desirable fat deposit in the right place! I'm sure your OH feels the same.

Now I will not repeat much more what these sexy and intelligent ladies have said. I just thought another male who loves small boobs might help a little!"

[lux]

I'm sorry to hear that, DQ. Hope you're feeling a bit better now. I've had a partner say similar things to me in the past. And it hurts so much (kind of still does after 4 years). Even when you know it is not true. I'm glad to read the response here, it reminds me that she was only saying it to hurt me and my size (or anything about me, for that matter) had nothing to do with what happened.

Try not to take it in you, and try to let go of the hurtful comments, DQ. They are not about you. (and listen to the busties )

[just_a_guy]

Seriously? What a jack-ass.

I'm know that it might offer little comfort, DQ, but I hope you realize that usually someone only lashes out so cruelly at a known insecurity in utter desperation. It was the only weapon left in his arsenal to try and take control back of a situation where you had the upper hand.

He said it, not because it accurately reflects you, nor because it reflects his true feelings, but because he knew that it would hurt the way that only someone close to you can. The only thing a statement like that can accurately reflect is the weakness of character in the one who spoke it.

If he really held you in such low esteem, he wouldn't care about hurting you. The very fact that he felt he needed to do so betrays his true feelings as well as his own insecurities.

[discowombat]

Dancingqueen,
I'm sorry he hurt you. It makes me want to go open a can of whoopass quite honestly.

[dancingqueen]

Thanks for your great post buttercups! It was really helpful. I can't figure out how to handle it either. I told one guy that when he is forty and having to go to strip clubs I'll still have perky tits and a great sex life.

The BF and I broke up Saturday. He got physical with me and told me to "take my tiny tits and fuck someone else". wow. All I have managed to do with those who say hurtful things about our "tiny tits" is to distance myself from them because a true friend would not say those things.

Hey dancingqueen, I know exactly how you feel and so do so many of the other great ladies in here. It is a total roller coaster and just when you start to feel ok with yourself it seems like someone is there to make a rude comment about your body. I'll tell you I've heard every flat-chested comment imaginable from assholes all over and haven't quite figured out the best way to handle that yet. It does send you right back down and I have no idea why some people feel its ok to comment about another person's body like that! I would never go up to some girl and be like "wow your ass is big!" so why do others come up to me and say "wow you have no boobs!" The problem is too that we remember the negative comments over all of the positive ones. I'm sure so many people in your life (your boy included of course) have told you how absolutely beautiful you are, but all it takes is one asshole pointing out your small chest to make you forget that. I'm not the best one to give advice on here, because as you may have noticed I'm still struggling myself, but I am here for commiseration and I can tell you that after talking to the ladies in here you will start to feel better about yourself. Of course you are going to have moments where you feel so down, and I wish that there was some way to take that away, but you will definitely have days where you feel really good and don't care what the world thinks- and that is what we can help each other feel like.

Keep us posted about your engagement, you're going to make a beautiful bride!! Tyra Banks even did a show recently about wedding dresses for smaller chested ladies, so I'll try to find out if there is a link to that somewhere. Hope you're feeling better today!

<3 buttercups