[karategrrl]

DeeRayy, I keep forgetting to respond to something. You mentioned a few posts back about your "hook" nose. Well, I have to say that is like one of my FAVE kinds of noses, and I was so totally POed when Ashlee Simpson got hers "fixed." Seriously, there have been times I wanted a nose like that, b/c I think they look so cool. So there. NyAH!

And how does this relate to breasties? Well, maybe people look at us and think the same thing about our breasts.

[KeraBear]

LMAO at Karategrrls comment! omigosh that was so awesome!

Right on karategrrl! ...now I'm trying to picture this asshole, wondering what we could single out and make him feel bad for, "just for fun." Har. Har. Har. Besides his juvenile personality.

Well shoot, when the topic of small penises came out and when he denies being the obvious pick, shoulda asked him to drop his pants (prove it!!!). And then say, "....MEH." Normally i do not advocate drooping to someone else's low level. Buuuuut.... feels appropriate ha ha

People probably see us together and think "why is HE with HER??" : (

Oooh, ooh... i know! *KeraBear squirms in her seat and stretches her hand to the sky all Hermione-like* Because you are beautiful, smart, and a total sweetheart!! It's not like its a secret. We've known about this for months now!!

[anarch]

my bf didn't say too much besides telling everyone that the game needed to stop (which they didn't listen to) because he didn't want people to know that that was an area of insecurity for me. I guess looking back I would have been more embarrassed if he had made it a big deal

Glad he tried. I was also thinking along the lines of him saying something in private, generally speaking, since IIRC he has asshole friends who have made denigrating comments before. (Sometimes people handle racist friends this way. Of course, this tactic ends in either the friend respecting the request, or disrespecting it, and if disrespect is their choice, then personally I drop them. For me, it's worth it. Others' mileage may vary.)

Right on karategrrl! ...now I'm trying to picture this asshole, wondering what we could single out and make him feel bad for, "just for fun." Har. Har. Har. Besides his juvenile personality.

[karategrrl]

The only question it leaves me wondering is do people ever stop pointing out things like this? Will anyone ever see me as more than a flat chest?? How do you get away from all these asshat shit-stirrers???

Well, it does get better, but there were always be some asshole. When we're all old enough to be in nursing homes it'll no doubt be the same game, but instead, "Who's wearin' a diaper?" or "Who's still got their prostate?" Buttercups, sounds like your guy tried. And delibeelly, I agree--the walking away thing is very good, though not always do-able. I am finding that active avoidance does neutralize a lot of these things, as do good verbal tactics when you simply can't escape. There are some good books on this topic I've discovered.

And yes, honey, people will see you as "more than a flat chest." We do, for starters. And one parting thought: it's people like that that will never be seen as more than shitheads. And people who MATTER can recognize that a mile away--no need to defend yourself.

And I'm sure he only asked questions that diverted attention away from HIM, yes? Another common asshat tactic.

[buttercups]

Hahahahahahha! You ladies are the best!! Delibelly I completely agree with Karategrrl, please post more- that post made me feel a lot better and made me laugh at the same time-thank you soo much! To answer everyone's question, my bf didn't say too much besides telling everyone that the game needed to stop (which they didn't listen to) because he didn't want people to know that that was an area of insecurity for me. I guess looking back I would have been more embarrassed if he had made it a big deal because then it would have been obvious that I feel bad about my boobs, which no one else really knows about. I just wish I had come up with some witty remark myself!

The only question it leaves me wondering is do people ever stop pointing out things like this? Will anyone ever see me as more than a flat chest?? How do you get away from all these asshat shit-stirrers???

[strongirl]

ROFL, there's no way I could top that last one!!!

[karategrrl]

PS: What I would have given to have been there and say (pick your favorite), as I pointed to him:

"Who's got the smallest dick?"
"Who's the biggest shit-stirrer?"
"Who's the most insecure?"
"Who's never gotten laid?"
"Who's the biggest fucking dipwad shit-stirrin' asshat?"
"Who finger-fucks himself in the ass on plastic sheets whilst lubed up with chocolate sauce and watching Oprah?"

You get the idea. Additions to this list cheerfully accepted.

[karategrrl]

Holy shit. I feel pressed to de-lurk here just to express my outrage at that guy, Buttercups! You know, I've been in similar situations in my early twenties and if I had had my mid-thirties brain, I would have just stood up and walked away the minute this "Whojadoo" game was introduced. You know why? Because I've learned to recognise a shit stirrer when I see one. There was never anything that game could do but play on people's insecurities. It could well have been me as the "biggest tits" girl in a game like that and yaknowwhut? I would have been fucking mortified. No one wants to be singled out as freak-show tits, big or small.

That guy is a tool. He is an insecure asshole who likes drama, so he invents seemingly harmless ways of injecting situations with comments and jokes and games designed to cause friction. "Whaaaat? We're just having fun!!!" Shit. Stirrer. I was with my husband (who is ridiculously handsome) at a work event (his work) - I've had two kids, so let's just say I've been in better shape - and my husband has a beautiful personal assistant. All night some guy I don't fucking know kept pointedly referring to her as my husband's "work wife". Shit. Stirrer.

And maybe shit stirrers do look at us and wonder what we're doing with our men. But they're weird shallow assholes with low self esteem who want to make perfect strangers feel as low as they feel every single minute of their life; so who gives a shit about their opinion? Anyway, they don't know my Greek God husband has farts that smell like an unclean turtle tank. You know, we all have our imperfections. At least yours aren't as manifestly depressing as Mr Shitstir, who is a) immature insecure c) obnoxious d)unhappy and e) jealous of you.

Fuck that guy and anyone who was enjoying that game. Any sane human being would have found it embarrassing and uncomfortable.

Grrl, you PEGGED this asshat totally--nothing new I can add here!! Yep, the "only kidding" shit stirrer variety of asshole man, with which I am only too familiar. Ech.

Anyway, they don't know my Greek God husband has farts that smell like an unclean turtle tank.
I am DYING laughing!!!!!!!! THANK YOU for a much-needed inner ab workout on what has so far been a pretty shitty night and day for me!!!!! POST MORE, LURK LESS!!

[anarch]

What an unmitigated ass that guy is. Jesus. His mental age must be, like, twelve.

And I wish your bf would tell his friends, "Hey, cut that shit out. I don't want to hear it."

[DeeRayy]

oh wow, buttercups. you have noo idea how angry that story made me! i'm going to agree with strongirl and delibelly on this one. you do NOT need to be around those kind of people. i'm only nineteen and my friends don't even do that kind of crap! did your boyfriend have anything to say about what happened?

i've been singled out before because of my small boobs too, so i know how much it hurts. i've told this story before, but i had a close friend in high school who used to always point out how small my boobs were. once when we were with a couple of other girls one of them started to complain about her small chest and my "friend" said out loud to everyone, "at least you're not like DeeRayy! Just look at them, they're like the smallest things ever." and believe me, that stung. i was completely embarrassed and felt down about my body for a long time after that. but you what happened not too long after that? one time she was bending down to get a pencil she had dropped and stuffing slipped out of the left cup of her bra. i did a double take and realized that one of her breasts was an entire cup size bigger than the other and she had been hiding it the whole time i'd known her. soooo, when she was making fun of my boobs she was really trying to make herself feel better about her own boobs, and was probably jealous that mine are symmetrical. my point is that people who try to point out your flaws are immature and are trying to compensate for their own insecurities, just like strongirl and delibelly said before.

he's probably just jealous that he can't get a girl like you to be his girlfriend!

[strongirl]

Well said, Delibelly, and thanks for de-lurking to say it! "Shit stirrer" - I'm gonna keep that one in mind, they're everywhere and it helps to have a name for them.

Buttercups, you say "I know, the maturity factor is high here", like it's a side issue...but it's not. That's a ridiculous game - not just immature but mean and guaranteed to make everyone insecure and uncomfortable. Quite possibly the girl with the biggest boobs is worrying now what's wrong with her hair, if she didn't get best hair, too. That guy is a total dick. You shouldn't be hanging out with people who do that. No one should.

[delibelly]

Holy shit. I feel pressed to de-lurk here just to express my outrage at that guy, Buttercups! You know, I've been in similar situations in my early twenties and if I had had my mid-thirties brain, I would have just stood up and walked away the minute this "Whojadoo" game was introduced. You know why? Because I've learned to recognise a shit stirrer when I see one. There was never anything that game could do but play on people's insecurities. It could well have been me as the "biggest tits" girl in a game like that and yaknowwhut? I would have been fucking mortified. No one wants to be singled out as freak-show tits, big or small.

That guy is a tool. He is an insecure asshole who likes drama, so he invents seemingly harmless ways of injecting situations with comments and jokes and games designed to cause friction. "Whaaaat? We're just having fun!!!" Shit. Stirrer. I was with my husband (who is ridiculously handsome) at a work event (his work) - I've had two kids, so let's just say I've been in better shape - and my husband has a beautiful personal assistant. All night some guy I don't fucking know kept pointedly referring to her as my husband's "work wife". Shit. Stirrer.

And maybe shit stirrers do look at us and wonder what we're doing with our men. But they're weird shallow assholes with low self esteem who want to make perfect strangers feel as low as they feel every single minute of their life; so who gives a shit about their opinion? Anyway, they don't know my Greek God husband has farts that smell like an unclean turtle tank. You know, we all have our imperfections. At least yours aren't as manifestly depressing as Mr Shitstir, who is a) immature insecure c) obnoxious d)unhappy and e) jealous of you.

Fuck that guy and anyone who was enjoying that game. Any sane human being would have found it embarrassing and uncomfortable.

[buttercups]

Hey ladies,

Sorry I've been MIA lately, I've had a lot going on in my life since I just graduated from my master's program and now I'm in the job hunt and I need to pass some big exams, and move into a new place too! Congrats KeraBear on graduating-I'm so excited to hear all about your new college experiences, that is really an accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself!

Well I have been lurking in here a bit, just haven't quite had the time to respond, but all the positivity going on around here has been really helpful to me cause I have been having a bit of a hard time with all the boobie-stuff lately. I think part of that is because it's summer and part of that is because I've been a bit more stressed out lately, so its just a combo of factors. But anyways, you all have made me feel better about myself and I was feeling pretty good until last night...

Everytime I think I've grown out of people talking about or mentioning my chest or something like that it just comes right back to me. We were at my boyfriends' house last night and he was having a party and we were all sitting around outside talking. It was me, a bunch of guys, and 4 other girls (all of whom are VERY well-endowed). The girls are all good friends with my bf and sometimes that has made me insecure in the past because their boobs are SO big -not just on the larger side, but we're talkin extreme- voluptuousness- that I know there is no possible way he does not notice them, and possibly compare me to that but who knows that's probably all just in my head. It has taken a lot of work on my part to get past that whole aspect and try not to feel insecure about it, because as we've talked about before they can't help having big nice racks anymore than I can help having my non-existent one, but back to the story. So we were all sitting around talking and one of the guys started taking "polls" of who was this and who was that out of the people at the party. He would say something like "who here has the best hair" etc., etc., and everyone would vote on it. Well inevitably it came down to boobs, as it always does, and it was mainly all guys with just the 4 girls that I mentioned before. So he says "who here has the biggest boobs" and of course they all voted on that happily and naturally the girl was proud. Now he says "I know some of you might not like this question, but who here has the smallest boobs?"- well if you know SOME OF US might NOT LIKE the question then why the hell are you asking it??? And pretty much everyone at the party pointed to me. I felt my face getting red and tried to hide the embarrassment, but I don't think I did too good of a job. I mean why point out something so obvious like that?? It is obvious that yes, I have the smallest boobs out of everyone I've ever met ever- but thank you very much for feeling the need to bring that to everyone's attention more so than I already do in my head. I mean earlier they had asked who had the smallest penis size (I know, the maturity factor is high here) and the thing about that was it was all speculation. But I can't hide the fact that I have the smallest boobs, and I think the sadder thing here is that I was wearing one of my extra-padded bras, and I still got pegged for being tiny, so maybe they're not working as well as I thought. I just don't see why he felt the need to ask such an obvious question, unless it was for the sole purpose of humiliating me. I tried to bounce back with humor but I felt shaken the whole rest of the night. I just hate when everyone points out my flaw in a crowd, especially a crowd of men. Why do I always have to be embarrassed like this? Does this happen to anyone else? i was starting to feel a little better about myself, like who the hell cares, but now I'm back feeling bad again.

It also didn't help that the conversation somehow shifted to how my boyfriend was the best looking guy there and they talked about how all these women come into his work and hit on him all the time. I mean I of course find him attractive but I really don't want to hear about how he gets hit on all the time, especially not after my chest size was put on display in front of everyone in a pretty negative way. It just makes me feel more inadequate and undeserving of him, not to mention worried that all these women are putting their boobs (which no contest are going to be way bigger than mine) in his face. I just feel like hiding my body all over again. I have been working out so much, trying to take pride in other parts of myself, and I feel like no one even notices that. They don't notice that my stomach is now a lot flatter (moreso than my chest at least) or that my arms are getting defined muscles or anything. All they see are my tiny boobs. And I also don't know what people expect of me- I am a tiny girl. Chances are that any part of my body that they pointed out would be smaller than anyone elses' there, so why go there with the boobs? Everyone there already knew that my boobs were smaller than anyone else there without the need to verbally point it out.

*sigh * sorry for the negativity on my first post in awhile, i just feel so sad now. I don't even want to see my bf today because I feel so inadequate around him. People probably see us together and think "why is HE with HER??" : (

[DeeRayy]

I've been thinking about getting surgery and even got to a consultation... the more it becomes real the more it terrifies me. For everything around it, the surgery itself, and.. I'm afraid I might regret it. I'm afraid that I can't forgive myself for not staying strong and giving in to it. I've been going crazy making this decision.
Everytime I go out I end up staring at every girl's chest and hating myself for doing it. I hate the fact that I became to be like this, that I constantly compare myself to others and am jealous that they have' em and I don't.
I don't hate myself or my boobs at all (I hate my adult acne more) but I don't feel feminine and powerful.

Hardest decision ever.

Vendetta, I understand why this is such a hard decision for you. but there's also no need to beat yourself up over how you feel. we all have insecurities, and every woman wants to feel feminine and beautiful. it seems to me like you're thinking a lot into this (which you should be). i'm rather young so i'm not exactly the wisest person here, but i think that listening to your intuition usually works best in situations like this. what FEELS like the right thing to do? if you end up getting implants that doesn't make you a bad person or a "fake" person. it's your body and you have every right to do what you want with it; YOU and only you are in control of what you do with it. with that said, i think you should remember that you don't need large breasts to be feminine and powerful. there are plenty of women out there with small breasts and loads of confidence. just look at celebrities like olivia wylde, lea michele, natalie portman, the list goes on. they're all stunning and feminine and all those great things.

i also noticed that you said you "don't have" breasts, which is not true! you're a woman, you have breasts. i hate hate haaaaate when women describe themselves as having "no tits" or "no boobs". yeah, i'm small but i clearly have breasts when you look at my chest. they're just not the biggest things on the planet.

i think you just need to calm down and really listen to your own feelings on this issue. distract yourself for a little bit and see how you feel once you're more relaxed.

[Allison-Shine]

One thing that took my mind off of my body issues was the hyper-busy first five months that I had in my job and in my personal life. With so many things to do, goals to accomplish and things that just came up out of the blue, I hardly thought about my breasts, body or of others. I know I neglected poor KeraBear in private messages during that time, so sorry about that ! Shoot I even neglected my own sex life with my boyfriend. Well he was busy too and even ill off and on during that time so not like we were avoiding each other. Busyness is the best antidote? Maybe...

Time has been healing wounds too, the competition, comments and comparisons between be and my busty and taller younger sister have gone way down. She just graduated HS and is working two summer jobs and will be starting college soon. Reality is coming into her world fast now. It's about time something other than her body matures and grows up.

But I'm sure she will find time this summer to again flaunt whats shes got...

[_Vendetta]

I've been thinking about getting surgery and even got to a consultation... the more it becomes real the more it terrifies me. For everything around it, the surgery itself, and.. I'm afraid I might regret it. I'm afraid that I can't forgive myself for not staying strong and giving in to it. I've been going crazy making this decision.
Everytime I go out I end up staring at every girl's chest and hating myself for doing it. I hate the fact that I became to be like this, that I constantly compare myself to others and am jealous that they have' em and I don't.
I don't hate myself or my boobs at all (I hate my adult acne more) but I don't feel feminine and powerful.

Hardest decision ever.

[KeraBear]

Yeah whatever happened to "Adult Swim" hours, so we wouldn't have to tolerate such nonsense by having to see curvy & chesty 14 year olds and their "genetic lottery winnings"?

ha ha.... no doubt! But the problem is the life guards would probably ask me to get out. I would have to bring my ID. Where would I keep it? In my top? LOL!

[Allison-Shine]

I also really needed this today, strongirl! I am having a bad boobie day. I was went to the lake for the first time of the summer. And of course, i fell into old (BAD) habits of totally comparing myself to a lot of the girls there, and feeling woefully inadequate over my lack of curves and being outboobed by half the junior highers. I really need to adjust my attitude here! Maybe i should instead be looking to CELEBRATE the DIVERSITY of bodies that are there, INCLUDING lil ol' meeeeeeee.


So much good stuff today. All my bad boobie feelings have instantly melted away! Thanks everyone!!!

Yeah whatever happened to "Adult Swim" hours, so we wouldn't have to tolerate such nonsense by having to see curvy & chesty 14 year olds and their "genetic lottery winnings"?

[strongirl]

Hey, DeeRayy, no clarification needed from my perspective - that's how I interpreted your post to begin with. My own post was more to highlight my positive reaction to the photo of her boobs compared to her own negative reactions, and to explain why I found them appealing. I totally got that you were empathizing with her feelings, not feeling sorry for her.

That's funny, in the previous sentence I originally typed "titally" instead of "totally".

[DeeRayy]

DeeRayy, I looked at that post in the link that almost made you cry. I have to say, I thought that chick's boobs were really attractive. Yes, they are two different sizes - but that gives them personality! The fact that they are not the standard, round, bolt-ons makes them much more appealing to me. And her nipples were especially lovely. Obviously she won't be reading this, so I'm not saying it to make her feel good.

yeah, i kinda wanna clarify something about that post. i didn't tear up reading the post because i felt sorry for her (i see now that that's what it kind of sounded like in my original post). I agree that there's nothing wrong with her boobs at all. i just really related to the content that she wrote about her feelings of shame, embarrassment, etc. i have had those exact same feelings in the past and so i empathize with anyone else who feels or has felt that way about their breasts. just clearing that up, i didn't pity her, i just really related to her struggles.