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> AAAAAAGGGHHHH! (the anxiety thread)
genghis cunt
post Dec 12 2010, 03:28 PM
Post #1


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From: Florida


I had a pretty hilarious panic attack Friday when I thought I was peeing blood. The doctor was admonishing me for having high blood pressure and a high heart rate. I'm like DUDE I'M A HYPOCHONDRIAC GOING INTO KIDNEY FAILURE. And btw I think it was just me starting my period randomly, but I'm still gonna take all this Cipro.
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ketto
post Dec 12 2010, 01:05 PM
Post #2


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Posts: 695
From: Winter Land


How are folks doing? I'm still on my meds but actually feeling like I'll probably get off them in the next month or two. I recently started meditating every day and that's made a big difference in my anxious feelings.


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auralpoison
post Dec 12 2010, 12:32 PM
Post #3


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*bump*


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ketto
post Sep 13 2010, 09:32 AM
Post #4


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From: Winter Land


Glad you're getting some relief. (((sagey)))


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sageykins
post Sep 10 2010, 02:27 PM
Post #5


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From: West Texas


I love my doctor. Ohmygosh what the hell was I waiting for? I moved to this area about 2 years ago and have only needed a doctor for the respiratory issues I've picked up from work. So I didn't have a GP of any sort and haven't bothered to really look. I was seeing a counselor at the end of July and she suggested, weeks ago, to call this health alliance number and be referred to a doctor. I wish I had done it sooner.
This doctor spent an hour with me, talking and really listening, offering ideas about which meds might work and suggestions. I'm so glad i went.
Thank you buttercups for your positive thoughts- I have never been so glad to go to the doctors. smile.gif
And thank you ketto for your kind words. I think this is such a good thing. I'm taking lexapro, starting slow. I will say the 2 things I am able to do, is sleep and eat. Which may not be great- because I sleep to escape and I eat way way too much.
I know it'll take a little time to kick in, but there's a light now.
Thanks busties!
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buttercups
post Sep 9 2010, 04:12 PM
Post #6


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Oh sageykins *big bear hug* and you too ketto!

I'm glad you got the appt sagey, even though the meds will take awhile to build-up in your system and become effective, you are taking action to make yourself feel better and just that alone can help pull you up. You have been having a rough year and I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through all that you did, but I know that you'll come out on top. I hope your appointment went well and I'll be thinking of you and sending "feel good" vibes your way.

ketto I'm sorry to hear about your friend leaving, I know that feeling all too well cause my best friend in the world moved away to the other side of the country and I know I'll pretty much never see him like we were used to. It is a hard thing to deal with because if you're anything like me, friends are family. But because they are family you will never lose them, and that is something that has helped me whenever I get down. I'm glad the meds have helped you with sleep, that is something I am always lacking. Maybe its worth a shot to get on them for that alone? Do you feel exhausted still when you wake up? Sending good vibes your way too!
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ketto
post Sep 9 2010, 02:36 PM
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From: Winter Land


(((sagey)))

I'd say I felt pretty similar 3 or 4 weeks ago. The doctor I saw said a few things that really made me feel like I was going to be okay. He just said to me that he was glad I came in when I did and when I told him that a lot of my anxiety had to do with my best friend of 20 years was leaving he didn't tell me to get over it (like I think i was afraid he would). He told me that it was a really hard thing to deal with and basically said it was okay to ask for help.

I was really apprehensive to go back on meds but I'm so glad I did now. I really didn't realize how awful I was sleeping but even just having the sleeping pills has made me feel a lot better. I'm on week 4 of trazadone and celexa now and feeling pretty good but totally exhausted from the celexa.

I hope you get some relief soon.
The thread isn't too active but I'm always checking in.


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sageykins
post Sep 9 2010, 09:10 AM
Post #8


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From: West Texas


My anxiety and depression has been winning lately. And it's taken over. I have a doctor's appointment today and I know if I start meds or anything it will take a while to really work and until I feel better. But I cannot say how relieved I am to just have that appointment scheduled. To know that something is going to save me from myself... Because lately I am ..not doing well.
I'm grateful it is September, because it's my favorite month. But I almost can't enjoy it because I just can't wait for this year to be over. Horrible, awful, run me into the ground year. God I can't wait.
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ketto
post Aug 12 2010, 04:38 PM
Post #9


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QUOTE(Persiflager @ Jul 14 2010, 04:19 AM) *
I'm sure you'll feel much less anxious in August, once they've actually gone. More sad, but less anxious.... um, sorry, that's not any better!


So they took off on Saturday. True enough, I do feel less anxious now. A few weeks ago my other best friends dad was in a car accident and he passed away while we were on vacation. That was hard to deal with because I knew her dad decently well and grew up with him around. Because of that, the sister we had driven home ended up coming back last week so there was a lot of support. We hung out every night and went to the airport to say goodbye. There were surprisingly no tears, probably because it was all a bit chaotic and so quick. All I can say is thank goodness for the internet and so much ease when it comes to staying in touch. Plus we're watching their cat for a month until she can be flown over and it's comforting being home alone with another living thing when my boyfriend isn't around.

Since getting back from vacation the anxiety attacks have subsided a fair bit but I've been sleeping really badly for a couple of months and have had more generalized anxiety (instead of full blown attacks). I saw a great dr at my clinic on Tuesday though. He seemed to have more experience with mental health issues and asked what was going on in my life, how I was sleeping, if I'd lost weight recently or had loss of appetite, family history, and then did a bunch of bloodwork. I get really anxious talking to doctors about my anxiety issues. I always feel like they're suspecting I'm there to get meds but he made me feel so much better about it and when I told him everything that was happening in my life he really put it into perspective that it's a lot to deal with.

He was really understanding and suggested I go back on Trazodone and try Celexa to even things out for a bit. I'm on a very very low dose for both and I wasn't actually expecting to get new medication but I felt instantly relieved when I left the office. I'm going back in 3 weeks for a check up and I'm hoping I won't have to take the stuff for too long. Last time I took Trazodone I was on a high dose and really did not like the way it made me feel. And I've slept through the night the last two nights. Yay!

A favourable, less stressful work opportunity looks like it may have presented itself too. I finally feel like things are starting to normalize for me again.


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ketto
post Jul 15 2010, 08:56 AM
Post #10


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We live in Canada and they're moving to the UK. I was thinking of that of sending something. Since they're leaving so much earlier I don't know if I'll be able to get them the kind of farewell gift I wanted to so I thought I'd get their new address right before they leave and post it ASAP so they'd get it not too long after they arrive. I want to put together some special things.

Part of the anxiety is that they're really the only friends I hang out with save for two other folks - one of which I always hang out with 1-on-1 and the other who I always hang out with the moving friends (but I'm going to change that). Every 2nd or third weekend they (and another friend) would either come over here or we'd go to their place. We don't have any other "couple friends" that we're close with and I'm really going to miss those Saturday night hang outs. It's hard because I've never had many friends and the ones I do have I'm really close with. If paperboy and I were getting married I can count 6 friends that I would want to be there.

But they're coming back in a year - they'll probably be going to school in another province though, but being in the same country is a lot more manageable (and cheaper to visit!). Paperboy and I are planning to visit them in April. The other aspect that makes it hard is that one of my other best friends is the moving-friends twin sister who already lives in another province. She usually comes home 3 or 4 times in 10 months but this year she won't be because she'll be visiting her sister at Christmas and there's less reason to come home. I can't afford a trip to see her and the trip to the UK so I'm thinking I really need to work on my social life.

I AM feeling better about it though. The winter goes by fast here and I'm always really busy so I know I'll be occupied. I've never been very good about meeting people and I've known my 3 best friends for 20 years - it's daunting to think that the three people I'm closest with have known me all my life - how do you get that kind of closeness at this age?

Anywho, I think this is starting to be more appropriate for the socially inept thread so I'm going to move it there.


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Persiflager
post Jul 14 2010, 04:19 AM
Post #11


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Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Ocean, please introduce yourself in the newbies thread; I'll bump it for you.

Ketto, have you planned anything for after they leave? I was thinking you could send them a welcome parcel of nice things from home, or set up a Skype date to chat. I don't see my best friend from college very often, but every few months one of us send a letter with a chocolate bar or bar of fancy soap, or something else fun that's light to post.

I'm sure you'll feel much less anxious in August, once they've actually gone. More sad, but less anxious.... um, sorry, that's not any better!

How far awat are your friends moving? Would you ever be able to visit?


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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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ocean
post Jul 13 2010, 09:43 PM
Post #12


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Posts: 3
From: san francisco, ca


[no idea how to get on this forum--bust can't help me--can you?quote name='ketto' date='Jul 13 2010, 12:04 PM' post='261866']
...No idea what ocean is talking about...

I'm doing a bit better this week. I'm still really overtired. The music festival was good - I went out on Thursday but came home on Friday to get a good sleep and then stayed over Saturday. Unfortunately Friday was the last okay sleep I had. The lack of sleep really exasperates things for me.

Things with the trip turned out a lot better so that's not a stress anymore - we're going on vacation with my friends on the 20th. We'll do half the trip with them and then do another week by ourselves. The one friend is going home on this trip and the other is planning to leave around Aug 9 so we'll still have over a week to see each other when I get home. I don't have to do much planning because my friend booked the hotels, we'll be staying with one friend for one night, and another friend in Toronto and then camping most of the way back. Not having the stress of doing all that major planning was great.

So now I'm just trying to get through the next week. I feel like I've taken away all the stressful things that I can and now it's really just the fact that the friends are leaving. Nights are the worst - I just get overwhelmed with anxious thoughts. But I DO feel like I'll have to start putting myself out there more. I'm worried about how I'll be in early August when the friends are gone. If they were moving to another place in the country it would be fine but I think but they're going across the pond so it's not like we can take trips back and forth to visit each other.

Blah. I'm just trying to organize my thoughts. This summer is turning out a lot more stressful than I expected.
[/quote]
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ketto
post Jul 13 2010, 02:04 PM
Post #13


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 695
From: Winter Land


...No idea what ocean is talking about...

I'm doing a bit better this week. I'm still really overtired. The music festival was good - I went out on Thursday but came home on Friday to get a good sleep and then stayed over Saturday. Unfortunately Friday was the last okay sleep I had. The lack of sleep really exasperates things for me.

Things with the trip turned out a lot better so that's not a stress anymore - we're going on vacation with my friends on the 20th. We'll do half the trip with them and then do another week by ourselves. The one friend is going home on this trip and the other is planning to leave around Aug 9 so we'll still have over a week to see each other when I get home. I don't have to do much planning because my friend booked the hotels, we'll be staying with one friend for one night, and another friend in Toronto and then camping most of the way back. Not having the stress of doing all that major planning was great.

So now I'm just trying to get through the next week. I feel like I've taken away all the stressful things that I can and now it's really just the fact that the friends are leaving. Nights are the worst - I just get overwhelmed with anxious thoughts. But I DO feel like I'll have to start putting myself out there more. I'm worried about how I'll be in early August when the friends are gone. If they were moving to another place in the country it would be fine but I think but they're going across the pond so it's not like we can take trips back and forth to visit each other.

Blah. I'm just trying to organize my thoughts. This summer is turning out a lot more stressful than I expected.


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ocean
post Jul 11 2010, 12:14 AM
Post #14


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From: san francisco, ca


QUOTE(buttercups @ Jul 7 2010, 07:16 PM) *
Just quickly read your last posts Ketto and foryoursplendor, and i know exactly how you feel. i'm in that same boat too and get very depressed over my lack of a social life since college ended. I'll read the rest tomorrow cause I'm off to bed, but just wanted you to know that i completely understand. * hugs *
What do you say to people who come up to you and ask you what is wrong with your body? Why is it assumed it's "okay" and not presumptuous of them to point something out because they are 'just curious'? And does it become your problem because you don't like the question?
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buttercups
post Jul 7 2010, 09:16 PM
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Just quickly read your last posts Ketto and foryoursplendor, and i know exactly how you feel. i'm in that same boat too and get very depressed over my lack of a social life since college ended. I'll read the rest tomorrow cause I'm off to bed, but just wanted you to know that i completely understand. * hugs *
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ketto
post Jul 6 2010, 08:14 AM
Post #16


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From: Winter Land


Thanks, fys. I feel the same way in terms of an awkward age where it's hard to make friends. I'm not in uni anymore, most of my friends I've known for 20 years, I've got a full time job with only ten other staff - I feel like I have to be creative in who I hang out with. We should really hang out sometime when things have settled a bit since we do live so close. I can't let myself think about the friends leaving too much because it gets my anxiety going but I know I'll have to deal with it soon.

Last night I almost had another attack because I found out friend/other friend (who are sisters) are going to be away from the 20th-25th so that kind of sucks because it's even less time to see them but I managed to hold it together. Right now I'm feeling a bit shaky and am so not in the mood to work, but I'm only doing a half day so I just have to get through that.

Paperboy has been really great but I know he's never felt the kind of anxiety I get so it can be hard for him to understand how it feels. It's always nice to know others have been through the same feelings.


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foryoursplendor
post Jul 5 2010, 09:13 PM
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Ketto,

I'm definitely in the same boat. I've been working a full time and a part time job for just over 2 months now. It is really killing my summer. I haven't been too bad with the stress surprisingly this time around, but I've been there in the past where a clonazepam saved the day after having to lock myself in a bathroom and hyperventilating for a moment. Geez, that is scary.

Also, my main group of friends is very busy. One moved to London, one is starting her career as a nurse, one is starting full time at uni for social work, etc. My social life is nearly nil and it is very depressing. I feel like I'm at an age where it can sometimes be awkward to make new friends at times, and a lot of people are set in their groups. I have made a few new friends from livejournal in the last few months though that don't have such crazy schedules, so that has helped a lot. Its great to meet up with someone for a chat and some yummy food, it really does wonders on the stress levels. I think I live pretty close to you, so lemme know if you're ever in the mood.

I'm also going on a trip in August, and if it weren't for that to look forward to, I'd go nuts. When I feel I can't bring myself to go into work, I think about my trip and it totally helps. Can't wait.

Hope you feel better and get to take advantage of the summer!
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ketto
post Jul 4 2010, 08:12 PM
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Yesterday and today went well but paperboy went out around 5:30 and pretty much as soon as he left anxious feelings started creeping in. We don't have cable in the summer and I'm wishing so badly that we did. I find the distraction of flipping through shitty TV really helpful sometimes. Right now I've got the radio on and I'm trying to find something light and entertaining to watch streaming. Paperboy is at a concert and won't be home for a couple of hours but I'm texting him a bit.

I got my self too stressed out in the last few weeks because I started a new job, working full time for the first time in a long time and I was doing a stressful volunteer position. I was also planning a big road trip that we were going to take with my best friends, one of which moved away to another city already and the other and her husband are moving overseas. They were supposed to leave at then beginning of September but things have changed and now they're leaving at the beginning of August so I just found out today that the road trip is cancelled - I knew that was a possibility so it's not even that that's really getting to me, but I guess I felt like I would have two more months to hang out and say goodbye. I've always had a very close group of friends and I feel like there's hardly anyone here that I'm really close with. I guess it really just dawned on me the fact that my best friend is going to be gone. I know it's not that bad because the other friend has been away for two years and we're all busy so we make the most of our visits and the friend moving overseas is coming back in a year or so but I feel so isolated and alone right now. I know it's mostly the anxiety, because I've been so tired that I haven't been as social - I have other friends I could call but I seclude myself.

I know that I have to put myself out there more but I'm scared for what the next year will look like. I keep myself busy enough and I know I'll be playing soccer in the winter with my other best friend, and another friend just recently became single again and moved closer so I'm hoping we can re-kindle our friendship - which has gotten a bit distance in the last year and a half. I guess I'm having twenties anxiety too. Paperboy hates his job and wants to do something different but he doesn't know what. We both want to travel but I'm planning to work at my job for at least two years. But now I feel like I went through gradeschool and university all at once and now I have this great job, a great partner who I feel is my life partner, a fantastic apartment, car, hobbies and all that but my personal relationships are slipping away.

I know I can change things though and I know everything also feels amplified right now because I'm right in this stressful anxious time. Now I'm thinking that maybe we can travel when our lease ends next year - or wait the two years like we planned. There's coffee shop meet ups every couple of months for folks who have the same disease I do and I haven't gone in ages - I'd like to start that again. I want to start making sure I make individual time with friends and family, even if it's just a lunch out once every few weeks. I think we're going to postpone our vacation until August after our friends leave. I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with them before they go. I need to start doing things again - three months ago I was running 7km, baking, cooking, and keeping a food blog, reading up on current events and feminist sites, seeing friends most weekends, and putting myself out there more. Right now I feel trapped in my own apartment and I realize that I need to snap out of it already.

Wow, that was a big purge of everything. I took 2 lorazepam 45 minutes ago and I finally feel calm. I paced all over my apartment for 20 minutes before I sat down to write this and this is what finally calmed me. I know the lounge is a bit deserted right now but I'm so glad this place exists so that I can at least purge when I need to and read back on other folks who have gone through the same horrible feelings.

I'm taking tomorrow off work and spending the day with paperboy. There's a big music festival this week and he's going out to it on Wednesday morning but I wasn't going until Friday. Now that I think we'll wait before our vacation, I think I'll just take the time off and go up with him - take the week to relax, go back and work three weeks, and then take a couple more off. Not going on vacation feels okay because I think the friends will take every opportunity to hang out before they go.

That all looks a bit rambly and incoherent but getting it down feels so much better.


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ketto
post Jul 3 2010, 08:13 AM
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Feeling a bit better today. I take lorazopam but I find it doesn't help as much when I'm just having anxiety and not an attack. There's been a lot of craziness going on but I think if I can make it through to my vacation and taking 3 weeks off I'll have time to let my mental health recover. I'm seeing my doctor on Monday too though so I'll see what she's thinking. Trying to keep myself occupied with lots of things until then.


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aphelendra
post Jul 2 2010, 08:39 PM
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From: Chicago, IL


Ketto -

I went through something similar a year or two ago over some medical/life issues. Best thing I ever did was go on Klonopin/Ativan for a few months. I didn't want to commit to an antidepressant (build up period, side effects, weaning off, yuck), but the benzodiazepines I did take enabled me to get through the day, and eventually to get the shit in order that I needed to. Then I was able to go off them and moooooovvee on.

Get some meds!!!!! You don't deserve to feel like this.

Sorry you're havin' a time.

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