[kari]

Thirteen, I am worried about you. If you are feeling suicidal, please, please seek help.

I am so sorry you're so miserable right now. Is there anyone you can call? Friends? Other family members?

Do you have to wait to see the psychiatrist b/c of their patient load? Or another issue (ex insurance)? If it's b/c of their appointment schedule, I urge you to call & tell them it's an emergency. This qualifies.

Also, I know this may not seem like a viable solution, (and it's no solution, just something to help), but this one book REALLY helped me. It's called "Don't Panic" by Reid Wilson. If you can't buy it, go to the bookstore & read some of it there. The author discusses physical & emotional causes & responses to panic. It might give you some strategies.

But you still need to see your doc ASAP. And if you are feeling like self-harming, please PLEASE get yourself to the ER.

[thirteen]

God, my anxiety is dreadful right now... and I feel absolutely alone. I am just getting over the flu, and then my period decided to start on Wednesday night, so now my body feels twice as messed-up.

Honestly, I need anti-anxiety medication, but it will be two months until I can see a psychiatrist. Two months! It is unbearable to think of waiting that long. Oh, why won't my mind just behave?!

The anxiety is so out of control that it is harming me physically. My roommate (who is also my sister, and not a very good one) does not understand what this is like, and it is making me feel suicidal. The heart palpitations followed by upset stomach, crying, sweating, horrid fears, shaky hands....
Two years ago I was on medication and never felt this way. Never! Everything was fine-- even wonderful. Then after I stopped taking my medication, the anxiety slowly re-emerged and has become worse than ever before. A million times worse. The most annoying part is that it seems to have a life of its own. The adrenaline starts rushing and I have no idea why. The panic attacks are terrifying.

Does anyone have any suggestions to help me manage this anxiety until I can get on medication? I have no idea what to do!

[period_monster]

just wanted to pop back in to say I have calmed down considerably. The venting helps a great deal.

[period_monster]

I hope things are working out for you lowredmoon. {{{{{anxious busties}}}}}

I am completely freaking the fuck out. This week I am embarking on a simultaneously exciting and terrifying project. I have been working on a project for over five years now, and am finally meeting the human who I have been studying all this time. I am so scared. and excited. To add to this, e-man hung out with me today. I am not on facebook. He is. He was showing me some pictures, and I saw that his status is still single. This shook me. I said nothing.

I guess that so much is out of my control right now that I cannot handle myself. I haven't felt this neurotic for a month or two. I cannot stop cleaning. But so far, my physical symptoms have been manageable.

note to self-just keep breathing.

Sorry for the meme. I just needed to vent for a moment.

[auralpoison]

bump

[kari]

Lowredmoon, I think the way you've broken things down into steps is great. That sort of thing helps me. If I can organize, develop a plan, and then institute it, I feel better. It will all work out for you, I am sure of it. ~~~~~~vibes~~~~~~

[lowredmoon]

Thanks Kari. I start work (as a receptionist at a summer camp) around June 14. I start teaching June 29. Did I mention that I'm teaching a course I've never taught before? And that I have to condense a 16-week new course into a 6-week course? Making the syllabus is step one. Step two is figuring out exactly when I'm moving into my apartment. I signed the lease for July 15, but the girl whose apartment I'm taking over said something about maybe leaving early, which would be awesome, because my lease ends July 1 and I'll be homeless for two weeks otherwise (I have a friend going out of town who said I can stay at her place, but I'd much rather move once than put all my stuff in storage). Step three is crossing my fingers that my car will make it for a couple weeks until I get a paycheck and can get my car to a mechanic. If I break it into steps, maybe the anxiety will start to loosen up...

[kari]

(((((lowredmoon)))) Wow, you do have a lot going on this summer. But you're right....you will make it. Maybe once some of the stuff gets rolling it will get better. When do you move? And when do you start teaching? I hope your dad is ok. ~~~vibes~~~~

[lowredmoon]

I've been doing so well...I made it through a whole year of grad school, somehow, without completely losing my shit. And now I have time off, and apparently time off makes me anxious. Or it could be that I have $40 to live on for the next month, my father is having chest pains and has to see a cardiologist and is seven hours away from me, my car's exhaust system is shot, I don't know how I'm going to get it fixed in time to start work in a couple of weeks, I'm moving, and I have to somehow teach a summer session of freshman comp II, work a part time job, AND move. I've been having wicked bouts of insomnia, weird dreams, and waking up in the morning with my heart pounding. And I've been wondering why, because until I wrote that list up there, I don't think I'd adequately processed exactly how much shit is hitting the fan for me this summer. I know, mentally, that this is temporary, that things are going to be so much better once I get through this summer, and that I'm going to be ok. Emotionally, it's one big stomach ache.
Right now, I'm going to try to self-medicate with warm Ovaltine and Jane Austen novels.

((((all the other anxious busties)))

[kari]

Hey period monster!

Ah. I know what you mean about the body interpreting the adrenaline.

I'm really glad you had a good visit with your family.

[period_monster]

Kari, the family visit was actually quite pleasant. I am still a bit anxious, but it is due to the fluttery quality of a new friend, posted extensively about elsewhere. My body doesn't know how to interpret the adrenaline as anything other than anxiety.

{{{{my fellow anxious busties}}}}

[kari]

Hey ladies!

Sorry I haven't been in in a while.

period moster, I agree with your doc & bottleblack. If the meds can help you, it is ok to take them. I definitely understand your fear of becoming hooked though. I am glad your family visit went well. Are you feeling better now that it's passed?

((bottleblack))

[period_monster]

Hello ladies,

So the therapy continues to go well. Bottleblack, my therapist suggested the same thing to me today--that the psychiatrist prescribes the xanax for a reason. And that I should take it when I need to, I won't become addicted when I am taking such a small amount, especially when I need it so badly right now. Living on dry toast and tea. The family visit went quite well. Although the little sis had to remind me once that she was there to help me and that I needed to chill out out of respect to her and the gift she was giving me.

((((anxiety busties))))

Thanks for being around.

[bottleblack]

I am completely freaking the fuck out. I've actually been taking some xanax to cope, which I avoid except in the most dire of circumstances.

period_monster I was just wondering why it is you avoid xanax? Is it because it has the potential to be highly addictive? Xanax is pretty much my life line, but I try not to take it more than maybe once every week or so, for that reason alone. I'm mostly afraid if my doctor sees that I need frequent re-fills then he will be more hesitant to give it to me.

My anxiety is not related to hypochondria, really. Mostly just completely irrational fear of embarassing situations happening to me. I will just start to feel it creeping in and surrounding me days, weeks, or even months before something that I am dreading. Something as simple as going to the in-laws for dinner. I am getting married in July, and I am already freaking out when I think of it! My heart leaps and heat goes up from my chest into my cheeks, flushing them with blood. I feel sick and have to go to the bathroom. Often I will be late for things because I will be stuck in the bathroom, or sitting on my bed trying to practice deep breathing. Eventually I will just reach for the xanax.

It can be debilitating for a social life! And makes me feel guilty for letting others around me down when I constantly cancel things because I am so anxious about them. I can't make myself go, but then I feel awful all day for not going. Then as a result of the guilt I get depressed and lay in bed.

*sigh*

[kari]

Hey Period Monster. I hope your therapy appt. goes well today. I am sure that will help. I am with you, I feel better when I'm on a schedule. And my anxiety def goes up when I get less sleep. Is there a way for you to try to institute a schedule? I'm also sorry to hear about the eating difficulties. I get the same way. Can't eat when I am not feeling good.

I am feeling calm now. Looks like we've switched places. I also notice I get more anxious close to my period. Hormones I think. It's come & gone, so that's probably had some impact.

((((hope you are feeling better today))))

[period_monster]

Kari, I hope you're in a low anxiety state right now. My calm has been replaced with nearly constant anxiety. I've just begun seeing a boy, and that in combination with my fam invading my world has made me super nerved up.

I am keeping the strangest hours, occasionally catching a four hour nap, and that is impossible without alcohol or xanax. This weirdness of hours/sleeping schedule has buggered up several meetings this week. I must get my shit back together. I always get a bit untethered without the routine of class, so I am hopeful that I am able to overcome this and have a good summer.

I've taken to recruiting good friends to eat with me because without the distraction of a friendly face, I am having difficulty eating due to the nerves.

Sorry, just trying to get some of this out before picking up my little sis in the wee hours tomorrow morning. Luckily, I'm scheduled to see my therapist in the morning. I don't know what I'd do without our weekly sessions. Thank maude for health insurance.

[kari]

Thanks, period monster. It's been slightly better lately. I just try to ignore it, for the most part. I do have insurance. I was thinking of going for a physical this summer just to get checked. My problem is that my anxiety centers on really ambiguous symptoms...like "My fingers feel tingly." Then that jumps to "OMG! I am sure that is the first symptom of MS!" You know what I mean? I just feel like it's so stupid.

I am glad you're feeling better about your upcoming celebration! That's great. It does help to have supportive people around. I give my mister a heads up when I am feeling anxious & it usually helps.

[period_monster]

Kari, are you well-insured? If so, why not go in for a full check up? Sometimes I think our anxiety is cluing us into things we know to be true. Other times, it isn't. If your health is causing you anxiety, get it checked out.

My family is coming to my home in a couple weeks to celebrate my becoming a master of history. I was really freaking out about it, but for the most part it is manageable now. I started being truly honest about my worries. My little sister is flying in a few days before everyone else to take care of the food issues, checking into the cabins, etc. I started freaking out again today about figuring out the menu and everything else, and my little sis emailed to say, don't stress, that's what I'm here for. I'm glad that I reached out to her for help. Of course, the weekly appointments with my therapist also help a great deal.

So if you are worried about your health, reach out for help. From the outside I appear to have everything under control. But I have found recently, that asking for help relieves my anxiety to some extent. And the people around me want to help me, and for me to be healthy, which makes them willing to help.

((kari)) I hope it passes soon.

[kari]

I'm glad your review went well, period monster. And glad the anxiety went away for a bit as well.

I've been feeling quite anxious lately. My anxiety is more like hypochondria. It sucks. I swear that for the past month or so, I spend everyday basically thinking I have some serious, chronic, or fatal health condition.

I don't know how to get rid of it.

[period_monster]

The review went well. The anxiety was completely absent for about 36 hours. It's back somewhat, but more in the day-to-day manageable variety. Thanks for asking.