[funnybird]

Okay, I've been meaning to post about this for ages. The London borough we live in is big on re-cycling, and has recently starting collecting food waste from residents for use in a giant communal compost/wormery. We have these small plastic buckets with carbon filters (to keep smells in) in the lids for the kitchen, and larger containers with lids to empty them into, which are left outside for collection by the council. It's a great idea; very green and ethical, and the carbon filters are very effective, but if not emptied frequently enough (and our's never is) the results are often spectacular. The other day the Boy opened the container in the kitchen to deposit some orange peel, and discovered that the contents were steaming and had grown a huge fuzzy coat of mould which looked like fur. We thought about naming it; it was probably the closest thing we'll have to a pet! Also, I must mention the the smell at emptying out time; it's like the vomit of someone who's been eating shit. I have to hold my breath while I'm doing it. I'd love to know where it goes after it's been collected. Imagine how stinky that must be!

[auralpoison]

Hellotampon & Aquagirl2 requested that I post some nastiness about my time as a hotel maid.

The sickest thing I ever encountered was a room where it looked like a murder had taken place. Until you looked a little closer & saw all the downy feathers. Pheasants. A group of out of town hunters decided to clean their kills in their room rather than get blood all over the barn. Four guys, each guy maybe between two & four kills. Bloody mess.

On to hotels/motels sexually. First of all there are little swimmers/vaginal mucosa on almost every available surface. You name it, people will fuck on it/jerk all over it. How do you get ejaculate on the ceiling? Really? Did he stand on a chair on the bed? Had the room been rented to Ron Jeremy? Once I found several orgasms worth of cum on the bottom of a desk. The guy had been there about five days & must have jerked three times a day. Only found it because I couldn't figure out why that area reeked of sex & some of it had dripped onto the carpet below. It was on the chair, too. My suspicion: phone sex gone out of control. Still, tissues, gents. Tissues. They're part of the room. Condoms just discarded anywhere; I've always thought it was polite to tie them off & trash them, but call me Emily Post. I forgot to write the chapter about leaving them on the TV, the floor, in a drawer of the bedside table, in the pillowcase, or atop the Gideon Bible next to the phonebook. Sheets soaked in lubricants, all kinds. Vaseline, copious quantities of hand lotion, olive oil & once something that smelled & looked like cherry Chapstick. It was too... waxy to be any kind of real lube. I didn't inspect the trash too closely on that one. I didn't want to know how many tubes it would take. Foodstuffs that had obviously been, ah, implemented. In ways that left behind STRANGE viscera. If you're gonna stick something up there, eat it, don't leave smushed strawberries & ejculate in your sexual wake. A variety of empty bottles that had been inserted, champers being the most popular. I don't care how much I like a guy, he ain't stickin' a bottle of Cold Duck up my ginch. My shit's worth at least Cristal, motherfucker. I think the tackiest thing was the time they didn't take their oily drop cloth with them. I brought in three other girls to help; we each took a corner so everything slid to the middle & nothing icky spilled out. I don't know if they were shooting a porno or what, but it was a mess. If I can think of anything else, I'll come back.

On the same note, women will do stuff in bathrooms that are unimaginable. 'Pons & pads galore even though the bin is less that a foot away. Blood on fixtures, all over the toilet. Trying to flush a pad (Who does THIS? It says on the box that they're not toilet safe.) & leaving pink, clotty water half inch deep on the floor & not putting down any towels. Unflushed waste. Peeing all over everything, not just the toilet.