[llamas]

*delurks*
Loving the poo stories-- mr. llamas doesn't leave skidmarks in his undies, thank goodness, but he has occasionally besmirched towels. To echo gilabat, how the hell does that happen?

Anyway, I have only pooed myself once in recent memory, but it was quite impressive! One morning as a freshman in college, I woke up, put on my bathrobe, and promptly dribbled liquidy green poo down my leg. Luckily my roomate was not there, but I did have to make a quick trip to the laundry room, which was on the other side of the dorm. Nothing like trying to be nonchalant with a handful of stinky laundry.

[lurvpaint]

David Sedaris has been coming up quite a lot lately. I just read Barrel Fever - LOVED IT!

I'll have to read Naked soon.

You ladies are much more patient than I would be. Those men are RUDE! Tell me you make them clean up after themselves.

[puppykitty]

Hey - have you guys ever reads "Naked" by Deavid Sedaris? There is a hilarious story in there about a mysterious someone wiping their shitty-ass on the bathroom towels. The story is so effing funny. I was reading it on the train and trying not to cry from laughter.

[bklynhermit]

you know, i have to say i've had a pretty serious case of the runs ever since this shitstorm of a conversation came up...

really, i have. at first i was blaming it on barbecue i ate friday. now it's tuesday, and i still can't get my shit together.

it's probably all you guys' fault, what with your shit stories and whatnot.



but i have one thing to share: i just crapped out a pristine, almost entirely un-digested lettuce leaf. wild.

[gilabat]

Reading these last few posts has made me feel better as I was horrified to discover shit marks on one of my white towels the other day. Asked the boyfriend if he "had noticed the stains on the new towel" and he looked at me like I was crazy. It does bother me though, as I am obsessively clean in the ass area and always use wipes. I bring up my love of wipes to try to get him in on it, but it isn't working at all.

And WHY for the love of god would you be leaving skids AFTER a shower? *shudder*

[vivee]

my honey wets down his teepee, too, quietmadness! hey, whatever works to get the poo out of his nasty man ass hair. oh, and he never flushes! he likes to leave his shits for me to find.
oh, the poo stories i have to tell...like this one time there was no toliet paper, so he just toke a shower too clean up. and of course, told me all about how the little poo flakes ran down his legs. and yesterday he was talking on the phone whilest peeing, and not paying any attention at all... the result was a huege puddle on the floor. at least he missed his shoes.
oh, and he wiped it up with my bathmatt...in front of me...gross.

[herculesgirl]

We had a barbecue last nite, and the dog lucked out and got quite a bit of it. The end result was a big ole pile of dog puke that I had to hose off the porch. The dog did come to me and let me know that he had to barf, and I was very happy about that because I didn't have to clean it up off the rug, but still, dog barf. Ew.

[jemisoutrageous]

'squirmy/grunty'-hahahahahahhahahaah!!!

[msgoofball]

i make mr. gb wipe the toilet...all i can think of is a little camp ditty 'if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.'

i loved the title 'my tale of two shitties.' heheheeh

[taracat]

Me Oh My O', I am so happy and joyful that you can relate. aaronsmom, I clapped when I read your post, so flippin hilarious!! Skidly a diddlies bahahaha. Now on to more serious matters... The toilet issue. Yes, HB lies and says he doesn't piss around the toilet. I stand toilet brush in hand exclaiming that "I will never again clean the piss from the floor"' and he says it wasn't him.. Strange because the last time I checked there wasn't another person living here??? Or is there? Piss Alien, Piss Ants. When I really press the issue he goes into a very long dissertation about how the stream doesn't come right first thing in the morning, blah, blah. blah. I may bash his head in with the toilet brush one day.
On a side note, HB also feels his ass is clean because his underpants absorb all the filth his ass produces. Hmmm. I also have a shitty stain stick. May it never touch anything I own. Amen.

[possum]

Eeeee! I am loving the shit stories!

My Tale Of Two Shitties:

1. My friends and I decide to spend a day at the zoo. Before the zoo, we stop to get some froofy coffee drinks at Starbucks. I got some vanilla cream thing. It's yummy. We go to the zoo. Everything's great until about 1 1/2 hours later. I can feel everything unload into my lower intestine. As we're leaving, I'm sitting in my friend's car and getting all squirmy/grunty and say something like "Uhhh, I don't feel so great." She's like "Do you need a bathroom?" And I'm like "Yeah. NOW." Fortunately there's a Circle K so I haul ass (har) and make it to the bathroom before my ass explodes. I pity the fool who had to use that bathroom after I was in it. I left no visible trace but ogod the stench...

2. Stomach virus. I spent a series of days sleeping, waking up, and having to shit rivers of diarrhea as soon as I felt myself wake up. So I'd get up and sprint to the bathroom (right next to my bedroom) but inevitably would get a little tributary of shit in my pajama pants running down my leg. I must've washed ALL my pajama pants like 3 or 4 times a day-- and that's the ones I didn't have to just throw out.

[txplumwine]

Thank the gods, at least, that GameBoy isn't in denial about them. I still ask him why it happens, though. He has a *bit* of an excuse, as back around the time we met, he had to have an anal fissure operated on and a bit of "leakage" from time to time is a side effect.

Also to his credit, though - he washes his own underwear so I don't have to deal with it. And the underwear seem to take all the damage.

[aaronsmom]

ok, glassk, I will be kind and spare you from what he does to the toilet (you think MILDEW is gross???) lol!

[glassk]

uh. i just cleaned up my dorm room (mopped the bathroom floor now that everyone was gone) and i thought it was gross that there was black mildew in and around the toilet. and everywhere else that water stayed for more than 15 minutes....

But aaronsmom, taracat.... I'm speechless. YUCK.

[aaronsmom]

Mr. Aaronsmom has been banned from sleeping a la nudie for many moons. I found the old skid-ly diddlies on my high thread count sheets and totally freaked out.

He also denies the skids in the underwear. I am gonna make him stain-stick his own stinkie drawers, maybe that'll teach him to wipe. Men are g-r-o-s-s!!!!!

[herculesgirl]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA @ "full-blown skidmark denial"!!!

[taracat]

Hahahahahah ohlelololo. I am dying, in pain from laughter. I almost cannot even write I am crying. HB believes he has a clean ass as well. I check that toilet paper several good times to make absolute certain there is no residual shit. Bahahahaha. Too much, too much for me. I am in love with you all so much.. What would I do without you....

[voodoo_princess]

Oh my.... this IS funny!
I suppose I have to admit to being among the many with "Mr.'s with skid marks" but I got one better than skid marks in the underpants...... my Mr. is ANTI-underpants, soooooo..... guess where the skid marks are?????? That's right, actually ON the pants or shorts he's been wearing!!!!! I almost died when I first noticed while doing laundry (years ago) and now I just choose not to look..... I asked him about it once and he is in FULL-BLOWN skid mark denial! He says I make it up, AS IF! I asked him WHY he doesn't check to make sure he's all clean before he finishes up. He makes fun of me for wiping until nothing is seen on the paper, and actually checking to make sure. He says I'M weird. Well, I DON'T HAVE POO IN MY PANTS, NOW DO I? Who's weird now?

[quietmadness]

HAAAAAAA! Bwahahahahah! (Hanging balls, and sympathy poo....)
Oh, Oh, Oh!
My Ol' Man rarely leaves skids, but then, when he shits, he wets toilet paper & wipes with that.
And, that in itself would be ok, but...


He leaves little "rolls" of shit paper dried and laying on the bathroom floor, afterwards!

Men. Nasty asses.

[luleey]

aaaggg...taracat...about to move in w the bf and suddenly, horribly aware that i may too have unpleasant underwear surprises in my future. let's hope not.

i don't know about a voodoo doll, but maybe we should get onto a different grossout subject before we all start pooing in sympathy, or something.