[snarky7]

thanx blanche and morning. i'll definitely take your suggestions to heart... i appreciate the thoughts. for some more background, they've spent a decent amount of time together and the boy says he likes her, tho i think he feels a little "second-wheel" when she's around them. poor kiddo.... i wish it wouldn't have to be that way. he's with his dad half-time, so it's a bit of a trial sometimes to keep him talking to me...especially after he's been at dad's for the length.

as for potty training, morning, depends on the gender i think, but at age 3 both should have started at least. snarkyboy was just 3 when he showed interest. after a month or so, we put the regular big boy cotton undies on first, then a pullup over the top - it worked like a charm! he could feel he was wet, but it didn't go all over. tv weaning is tougher...i'd simply suggest any activities to get them away from it. keep it off and turn on the radio, go out for a walk or a bike ride or to the park or swimming.... just don't give them the time and they'll not get to watch. if they whine about it, just remind them of the fun things you did instead and the whining will soon be minimal. good luck!

[mornington]

*sticks head in*

snarky, has your son met his dad's gf lots? I'd recommend it, make sure they get used to each other before he goes to visit, so he's not thrown in at the deep end. Also, is your relationship with your ex good enough that you, him and new lady sit down together and hash out some rules? - it really, really, really helps if you're all on the same page, particularly acceptable behaviour from him and her (what you might consider cool might not be alright with the gf) and boundaries. Make it clear that he doesn't have to like her, but he does have to respect her and be polite (kinda like a teacher). And that, like a teacher, if she does something he's not happy with, he can tell you - or his dad. But at the same time, if you don't like her, you also have to make every effort to respect her and be polite, because he'll pick up on your behaviour.

I know it sounds like a lot, but if you try now, there will be less problems when he gets older. Good luck!


Quick poll - age when kidlet started/should start potty training? And any tips for weaning said kidlet off the tv... (he's not mine, but when the tests come through, he might turn out to be my bf's... he's three and a half)

[snarky7]

hi moms...

can i ask a question of you? how do you help your child thru a situation like his dad is moving in with his new girlfriend? i'm a mom of one beautiful, smart, charming, challenging 5 yr old boy. he's my world in every way. but i got news a couple weeks back that the ex (only divorced a full 6 months so far) is moving in with his significantly older girlfriend (yes, she's old enough to be my boy's grandma, but that's for another thread)... i asked my son if he was okay with the news and he says he is, but does he really understand? will this totally screw with my boy's brain for life? i realize that i no longer control what the ex does or says or anything, but i so want to broach the topic. then of course i think about the shoe being on the other foot and never will discuss my thoughts on the subject with him...

but seriously, how can i help my son get through this time? he won't be number 1 with dad anymore, she will be (well, almost already is). i don't want him to feel neglected or like he doesn't fit... how can i get my boy to tell me his real thoughts/feelings or ask questions if he wants to?

any advice is welcomed....

[pepper]

did my six year old actually tell me that it would be cool if i were twins yesterday? oh yes, that's right. he did SO!
"if there were two of you you could do more stuff for me." he said.

aaarrrrgghh!

we spent the whole morning today making arts and crafts. it still wasn't enough apparently because even whilst in mid-poopy diaper change i must pay attention to the first born with my attention and whole body. oh my MAUDE, is he ever demanding right now. i mean, he LOVES his baby sister but geesh, he can't get ENOUGH attention! my mom and sister are out here too showering him with it and it's Still not enough. gah. when we move to our apartment he can sleep in my room again and man, do i EVER hope that does the trick. i'm exhausted!

[pepper]

i feel GR8! thanks for asking. hope you're all well and good. pics in the preggo thread, i guess that's a good place to put them eh? caio bellas!!

[mandolyn]

blanche, i'm relieved to hear you found an understanding, sympathetic soul.

and i hope i didn't come off as holier-than-thou. because you know i'm first in line for Neurotic Mother of the Year, yes?

if it makes you feel any better, danny used to wait til the last possible second to go pee, up until recently. maybe it's a male thing? he also refuses to go at school ... i have no idea what that's about. then again, he does have his father's Camel Bladder. *jealous furrowed brow*

pepper, how ya feeling? any pics of the new addition?

[pepper]

you know, i got home and kept thinking about this and i got kinda mad. what kind of camp counselor is that anyhow? it's not like you're telling them anything so way out there. image how they'd deal with a real problem? sheesh.
i second talking to the therapist and i also think your "what is your body telling you?" approach is terrific. and the scheduling it into the routine too. that's what i have to do with little 'cause he'll hold his pee until he's bursting too. it's just the rule now, bathroom breaks before and after any activity, meal, car ride. i have to remind constantly but hey, isn't that pretty normal?

maybe a special bracelet or pin or shoe tag or something that goes along with a story so each time he see's it he's reminded? is that too hokey?

[mandolyn]

blanche, thanks for the words of support re danny.

i wish i had some crystalline words of wisdom about mini, other than talking with his therapist, and looking past the camp counselor's reactions and getting them on your side as gently but firmly as possible. maybe the head counselor of his group, instead of the director - someone who has hour-to-hour supervision of mini?

the other thing is, he's only seven. and he's been thru so much more than an ordinary seven year old. try to be patient and step back a bit. (easy for me to say, this i know.) i bet it'll click for him soon enough.

[moxiegirl]

blanche, you little man sounds SO MUCH like our BFF's boy. I strongly think its got to be the biohazard donor's influence, even subconciously. At any rate, what worked for the BFF son was specific, dedicated times for each activity...screen time, reading time, play time, each either pre-ceeded or post-ceeded by a trip to the bathroom. By 8, the problem had taken care of itself. He just REALLY, really needed the structure and then his body figured the pattern out. He still needs ALOT of structure, though. He needs to know that 4 veggie pieces and 3 chicken nuggets are what he will have for dinner. He needs to know that reading 3 chapters of a book (an activity he LOVES, btw) and doing 1 chore must be completed before playing playstation or whatever. The kitchen timer is a friend. Is your little guy still seeing the therapist? Ask for a parent meeting and get some suggestions from her.

[mandolyn]

congrats, pepper! so glad to hear all is well.

fwiw, i placed danny in both YMCA daycare and summer daycamp. I did what i could afford, but it was more about trust and safety than anything. he's pretty well-rounded, so i don't think they did much damage. *tongue firmly in cheek*

speaking of the kid, he just finished 9th grade. with a B average, overall. the mr's a little disgruntled about the lack of straight A's - which we've been spoiled with since day one of kindergarten - but i think i got it thru to him that B's in honors classes (and he skipped french 2 and went straight to french 3) is all good. the mr's blaming it on the playstation. i fought for danny to get an Xbox (it was all he wanted, it's his graduation gift and early birthday gift, plus he's paying half). my theory is, we can't threaten or cajole or bribe him to do well in school, it's got to come from him. i also don't want him to think we're always disappointed. he brought his grades up wonderfully this last marking period, i know he worked hard, i know he's not resting on his laurels ... i'm proud of him. the only thing i go beserk on is late or missed asignments. there's no reason for that.

besides which, 10th grade's gonna be a bitch, with no study hall to offset the ferocious august-november band competition season. he's going to have to buckle down. there will be plenty of days where he won't have time for video games.

[sybarite]

*delurks* Congratulations pepper!! And what an amazing story! So happy for all three of you.

[pepper]

ouch freckle. "remember that time you dropped me?" that hurts more than anything!! darn kids.

well ladies, it's a girl (more in the preggo thread) and little was AMAZING! i wasn't going to wake him up but he woke all on his own and while i was lying there in bed having a medium/mild contraction i felt his wee head on my shoulder and his fingers tapping across my upper chest. he talked non-stop about how the muscles were squeezing the baby out and how he couldn't wait to see her head be born. he LOVED IT! awesome. what a terrific kid he is.

[freckleface7]

holy crap pepper!

fyi (like you don't know this Now) : headwounds bleed like CRAZI.

when frecklette was around 6 or so, and we'd just moved to our apt in germany, and the new tub there was really high; I was Lifting her out of it, lost my balance, fell in slow-motion, caught the back of her head on the edge of the wall radiator (not hot tho).
bled like no tomorrow. thought surely she'd die of blood loss.
lying there on the cold tile floor w/ her in a towel still drippy wet, pressure to her head, desperately trying to figure out the new phone system & find the # for the nearest med facility.

by the time I reached a nurse she was bored and asking me if she could get up and go watch cartoons.

AND, to this day, she still refers to the accident as "remember that time you Dropped Me mom?"
for the record : I fell too! I hit first even. thought I'd broken her fall.

kids!

blanche, at the Y's website, under membership, it states what constitues to them a "family;" which of course I can't find right now, but it's marriage between one man and one woman - up to X_ of children.
I understand the Y is christian-based, but the God I believe in isn't so close minded.
I guess this is a tradeoff. it's probably the best program in the area for what we're looking for, but in turn we have to battle some homophobia?
before we go next week to sign her up for swim classes, I will explain to her how I feel about it, and Why we are still joining.
she's a smart little cookie, I know she'll understand.


Last Day of School!!!!! 1/2 day. so I am trying to get everything done all in the next few hours.
the mr's been traveling again and will be back and on Leave for the next 3 weeks or so too..

*~*~ Summer's Officially HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE*~*! !!!!!!!!!!

[pepper]

FOUR hours in emerg, didn't get to sleep until 1, so much screaming. and after all that all the dang nurse ended up doing was disinfecting and sticking tape on it, i coulda done that myself at HOME!!!

it took until today to get him to tell me what the heck he did. turns out my brilliant son was running 'round the yard with a BOX ON HIS HEAD!! "but it had a hole in it mom, i could See!" yah, see everything but the barrel you tripped over and punctured your forehead on! GAH! it was so frikken deep i swear i coulda seen bone. and i mean blood Everywhere.

well, at least he has something good for show and tell next week. terrific. i love my kid.

[moxiegirl]

Frek- while I agree with you in theory, the YMCA is a great example of community centered fitness activity. Get the membership, talk with Frek about the issues you have. She's a smart kid...she should get that sometimes, positives and negatives can be weighed and a decision made.

[freckleface7]

= ack- double post that won't let me delete everything so this is why I'm filling it in with- sory!

[freckleface7]

poor frecklette:

she doesn't know it yet, but I think I have finally found a place and the right hook to get her more active this summer.
she's a great kid, but she's a couch potatoe and so first I had the thought of : for every 30-60 minutes she wants online or on the phone, she is going to have to give us equal time physical activity, which can be yard work, walking at the track, playing w/ Lucky in the backyard , etc etc but it's got to be legit'ly active.

so then I started to look up health clubs again and found a Y which looks to have some really great programs and glory of all, the cost wasn't a fraction of the health clubs I had researched a few months ago.
the downside is the best Y in our area is Way across town, and traffic is fierce esp w/ gas prices, but if this is a place we can go to as a Family and I'm doing this for Her,it's more incentive to go.

the downside is that the Y is pretty conservative as they define "family" as 2 married adults male/female + kids" and I'm not cool w/ the exclusionist implied homophobia.

does the goodness of the over all program = that attitude which I am raising frecklette not to accept?
am I a total hypocrit if I enroll us there anyway?

and what are your opinions of my plan to get frecklette more active please- too harsh?

I'm not really doubting myself on any of this..just wanted any outside (my own head) imput for anything obious I might not have thought of.

[shinyx3]

i have raised him to be individual and i was just sorta shocked when he wanted toi change for this girl. thanks for the input

[freckleface7]

welcome shinyx3!

no, you are not being overbearing.. bc yikes that is scary!
he needs to learn, even as young as he is, that it's important to stand up for who you are, as that is what makes us all unique and otherwise if we all went and constantly changed to suit the opinions of others, eventually we'd all end up Exactly The SAME. <yawn> booooring!!

that he has a mohawk and it's been his look for all that time is to me, a kid who Does know who he is, to/in some extent as it's not a hair style you see on every kid on the playground too. (very very cool- & I wish frecklette were a boy so I could encourage her towards one.. but as it is she won't even entertain the notion of a crazi haircolor as she's much more conservative than her loopy ole ma )

I'd say just keep trying to really enforce and support his individual creativeness to nuture his self-esteem and then recognize too that as kids mature at some points they Do cave to peer pressure bc it becomes so important to be seen as one of the crowd from time to time too.

welcome to our wee corner of bustland shiny

[shinyx3]

hello all, i am a preggy mom (due mid aug with boy #2) with a 10yr old boy. i have a question. shinyboy is in 4th grade and many of the kids in his class (as per his daily chatter) have had boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that seem harmless. when i ask what you do when you have a girlfriend he told he that you walk out to recess together and sometimes play on the same team for kickball and such. i asked if you hold hand and he looked at me like i am silly and said no. so i was pretty comfy with the idea when he told me he wanted to ask this girl in his class to be his girlfriend. it took him two weeks to get up the nerve to ask her (he has liked her all year) but he did ask her last week. she said yes and he was totaly happy! then the next day he comes home and tells me said girlfriend wants him to cut his hair. (he has a mohawk and has for years, it is sorta his thing and he loves it) so i ask why and he says because she thinks he would look good. here is what gets me. i talked to him about it and pretty much talked him out of it but i think if i had been really casual and totally kept my mouth shut he would have gotten it cut off. i do not want him to change something about himself that he realy likes for some girl that in another week he will not see till next school year and i am bothered that he would even consisder it. so here is the question. am i just being over baring and over protective and all or should i be concerned that he will try to change to keep people happy.