[moxiegirl]

hey annoush- i'd still get a pump. I have a very good friend who is a teacher- i.e. doesn't work in summers. She still likes to go out once in a while w/o the bebe...pumping is good for that! Plus, if your milk doesn't come in right away, or the wee one has attachment issues, a pump is supposed to help alot.

Diapers- well, see how much the hospital will give you! We found that for the newborn size, pampers is the way to go. huggies suck. Once moxette was in "size 2"12-18 lbs, the cheap, target brand work just fine. Size 3 will bring cheap costco brand...she's just not that big yet.

mandi- www.flickr.com/photos/chrismoritz
for all moxette related photos, monts 0-4!

[anoushh]

See, I think that there are definitely interesting, not offensive, and IMPORTANT articles about how hard/forbidden it is to say that in being a parent sometimes you have mixed feelings, regret the kids, even hate them. That's normal and we sure as hell need to talk about it more and not shame people.

But that woman just seems like an ass. A self-absorbed, useless moron.

Anyway, experienced moms, I need some advice. I'm due to have my first (I'm sure only) child in November. I won't be working then (long story if you don't know it.) I will at some point, but don't know when that will be (and it's not entirely in my control, of course.) I plan to breastfeed. Do I need a breastpump? If so, when?

Also, I"m baffled about diapers. Really.

[freckleface2727]

[quote name='mandolyn' date='Aug 8 2006, 12:27 PM' post='95729']
[color=#3333FF]"ok, I um,, didn't think what she said was all that awful.
she was truthful, and what's so awful about that?"

freckle, picture yourself as one of her kids, reading that article several years hence. just because it's the truth doesn't mean it needs to be published. (and yes. i realize how awful a sentence - and sentiment - that is. but i'm too foggy & PMSy to think of a better way of putting it.)

yes, of course there are truths in that article that most of us can relate to. but i just have a hard time with this new me-first mothering backlash. seems to be a new "fashionable" trend or something. maybe i'm way off base.

i'm the same as you, i wasn't sure i wanted a child either, made the leap, and now can't picture my life without him (and live in deathly fear of him leaving for college in 4 yrs). i would die if he knew i wasn't sure if i wanted him or not.

but i've also never defined myself as a mother first. sometimes i even forget i'm a mother.

you know it's funny.. the mr & I met w/ a "financial advisor" today & she took us on this very {emotional} journey about what we'd like our money to do for us at the different stages of life; things we'd never ever talked about bc it seemed so far off down the road.
she ( actually wrote down on a large paper planning chart to keep in our file) had one collum for him, one for me.
at one point I was upset bc it didn't seem as if our goals matched, bc mine was so frecklette-centric.
I was concerned w/ having enough to give her whatever opportunites were possible for her interests, to be able to expose her to anything and enrich her accordingly, while at the same time getting my own college degree (which this woman is set on helping me achieve now- yah!!) so I could be a better role model for frecklette.

as much as a non-mom as I sometimes see myself, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought?
I believe I've always carried around a certain amount of guilt bc I know if I were to choose again, I doubt I'd choose the same way, as much as I absolutely ADORE my girl.
that's what I believe really spoke to me in that woman's article, that's what I heard anyway.
made me feel sad for her, for maybe not embracing the gifts that her kids could be, as frecklette (teen hormones aside) is to me. she has radiated my life w. a love I didn't know exsisted.

and yes, it did occure to me what her poor kids might feel someday if/When they read that.
however, there might well be a place when they understand it fully as well.

le sigh.
just my thoughts however~


ok, I have one last load of laundry to do yet, and my hair to hennae before I can to to bed and then we are off to the family in the midwest tomorrow for a week.

Voodoo Princess- where ever you are, if you read this, call my cell please sweets.
I will be close to your neighborhood for the next week & would love to meet you & the kidlets if possible.

mando- pm me the williamsburg hotel info please please?

happy last few weeks of summer everyone, hugs ~

[mandolyn]

"ok, I um,, didn't think what she said was all that awful.
she was truthful, and what's so awful about that?"

freckle, picture yourself as one of her kids, reading that article several years hence. just because it's the truth doesn't mean it needs to be published. (and yes. i realize how awful a sentence - and sentiment - that is. but i'm too foggy & PMSy to think of a better way of putting it.)

yes, of course there are truths in that article that most of us can relate to. but i just have a hard time with this new me-first mothering backlash. seems to be a new "fashionable" trend or something. maybe i'm way off base.

i'm the same as you, i wasn't sure i wanted a child either, made the leap, and now can't picture my life without him (and live in deathly fear of him leaving for college in 4 yrs). i would die if he knew i wasn't sure if i wanted him or not.

but i've also never defined myself as a mother first. sometimes i even forget i'm a mother.

moxie, your wee one is pure adorableness! any more pictures anywhere?

[moxiegirl]

Frek- I should have posted here what I posted in the Hip mama thread...here goes:

"OK, so this writer, is the "um, why did you have kids at all?" type, but tart, there are a couple good points.

1. "To admit that you, a mother of the new millennium, don't find your offspring thoroughly fascinating and enjoyable at all times is a state of affairs very few women are prepared to admit. We feel ashamed, and unfit to be mothers."
-Yes, yes, yes. One of moxieman's co-workers just had his second child. When moxieman asked him what he and his wife realized was different btn #1 and #2, the co-worker replied: "Well, we knew the first 3 or 4 months was more like having cute furniture with #2." Good friends T&A (yes, that's really their intials!), have a 2 year old. Mom-A said "I did not ENJOY (as oppose to love or care for) kidJ until he ws about a year old. I needed thearapy to be ok with that." I personally love the "grandparent" afternoons when I can have my house and my husband to myself. Even if its just an hour...gp time is good for the bebe, and a lifesaver for me.

2. "trouble for a mother like me is that not being completely and utterly enthralled with, dedicated to and obsessed with one's children is a secret guarded, if not until death, then until someone else confesses first."
-See above.

And a big point of contention:

3. "many women have spent years studying and then working so that we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood."
-being a full time mom isn't menial...its unpaid. Without vacations. Not the same thing."

Kids CAN be boring...repeat "up legs, over legs" 20 times! FOr her, though, it seems very much like anything that didn't "fit" into her pre-kids olife was useless to her, including her kids. It's kind of sad, really.

[pepper]

oh maude, that woman is an utter arse. her kids are SO much better off with the nanny.
my problem is a simple lack of time. if i could afford a nanny, or had a partner, i'd be so happy to spend all of my free time doing arts and crafts and walks in the woods. as it is, what free time? we wake up, i get us ready to go, work work work in a frenzy alll morning, actually Go to Work where i stand up all damn day, rush to pick him up and catch the earlier bus home, make supper which i eat standing up in the kitchen as i clean and prepare lunches for the next day, see him off to bed (many nights the story is a cartoon), and then i have about two hours to myself with which to do about 17 neccessary things to be ready for the next day. the weekend is a mad rush of errands and chores that i have no time for at the end of the day.
while i wish that there was a bit more money, a bit more free time, a bit more help from somewhere, i actually love it. i don't even know HOW i would deal with him being gone to my mums for a week or two or three. i'd probably have a mental break down from missing him and the disruption of our routine. but i like being a parent and i don't see the worth of a life without children. not everyone is the same and that's just fine. unfortunately that woman has children already so they'll just have to deal with their lives. there are certainly worse parents out there, just ones who don't Publish their bad parenting techniques for the public to read and judge. so what, those kids will live and maybe, just maybe they'll grow up to be better parents themselves. one can only hope.

[freckleface2727]

helen kirwan-taylor, meet ayelet waldman. *severe eye roll*

no one - i repeat, no one - knows the value of "me time" better than i do. and i'll certainly never be up for a mother-of-the-year award. but i have zero tolerance for mindsets like those, and the flaunting thereof. argh.

ok, I um,, didn't think what she said was all that awful.
she was truthful, and what's so awful about that?

while yes I did feel she came across as pompass and privilidged and somewhat unworthy of her kids, and yes moxie- if she felt that way why Didn't she get a cat. or art. or maybe over priced exotic fish, she also said some brutally honest truths too.

the mr is sometimes way more a better parent to frecklette the older she gets, as opposed to when she was an infant. there's no guessing as to her wants and needs now. they can have articulate conversations and discussions. he's not so afraid of her now as back then.
whereas I miss freck's younger years, when parenting her was simpler. I get it, you know?

my biggest beef w/ the whole gist of her essay was that she probably never should have reproduced in the beginning. but as it's too late for that, let her be a lesson for others to maybe be more honest and let Us as a society not bash on women who chose not to have kids.
I was one who didn't want them. changed my mind just marginally enough to let it hapen, and here I am again, still realising freck deserves a better, less self-involved mother, and as we are, we muddle through the best we can regardless.

== hoppin' off the soap box bc it's all just my opinion anyway==


mando- thanks for the insight as to Will's Col. so what you are saying is- go at night? just to walk around?
you can do that?

how is the theme park itself, as far as like the eye-max type ride I saw at their site?
and the log ride- I always Loved those, please tell me it's good?

did you go to the water park there too? our tickets are for both,and I'm thinking we'll do 2 days at the ride park and the 3rd at the water.

please do pm me about the hotel, bc so far I've found a mom & pop type place that is like $49.99 a night but am not sure how ok it'd be.

smooches & hugs and hearts & flowers all around~~


my next vackay? girlfriends, NO DRIVING, umbrella drinks and cabana boys. who's with me?

freckle, where can i get a copy of new moon? might barnes and noble have it? i'd love to give a copy to my niece for her 13th birthday coming up. if anything, just to make her sucking-lemons judgemental conservative mother think i'm trying to turn her into a wiccan or something. hee.



PS: so- there, the vacay w/ umbrella drinks and cabana boys.
"suga, peel me a grape."

new moon might not make your sister look like she's sucked a lemon, bc if you actually read it it's so Good, but maybe just maybe we'll get lucky? really, YOU would like it too.
if it weren't so $$ to order, I'd get sub's for all frecklette's friends as gifts bc I believe in it so much.

B & N might carry it, seems Borders does for sure, don't know about BAM.
it takes a while for the mags to arrive, so maybe be looking around just in case anyway.

hugs to you!

[moxiegirl]

I was totally thinking of the Waldman, mando! Again, the point of not becomming absolutly, completely kid-centric is a good one, but hella? COuld have used birth control if kids were just lovey price pieces. Get art. or a cat. cat's don't care what you do with them. Kids do.

oh, HIIIIIII MANDO!!! Mwah!

[mandolyn]

helen kirwan-taylor, meet ayelet waldman. *severe eye roll*

no one - i repeat, no one - knows the value of "me time" better than i do. and i'll certainly never be up for a mother-of-the-year award. but i have zero tolerance for mindsets like those, and the flaunting thereof. argh.

[tart]

Hey, mamas... just crossposting this little bit of inflammatory journalism from the Hip Mama thread.

Have we all thought this at one point or another? Certainly. Will this woman's sons slap her in a retirement home & "be "too busy" to visit? Oh, I've got my bets...

[mandolyn]

"... but if you treat her like you like her, want her around and respect her opinions, you won't have as much trouble."

ok, mornington, how the hell do you sum things up so succinctly and perfectly, just like that? that should be the mantra of every parent with a tween/teen! you need to delurk in here more often!

sybarite, my gut feeling is that there's nothing to fret about. stepdaughter sounds like a lovely girl who's got it together, despite the two-family sitch. if anything, it may just be a hormonal/recently uprooted fallout, like you suspect.

as far as the "potentially manipulative" thang, unfortunately that's the M.O. of every adolescent, i fear. danny's pushing every single one of my guilt buttons for a dog right now (i promised, he's accusing me of renegging, long story). i think it's what they have to resort to to make up for their lack of power. as long as you can maybe stay one step ahead, and as long as they're not doing anything evil, sometimes you just have to let them think they've won. "pick your battles" is my constant mantra these days.

k. i'm sure the above makes little to no sense. and someone needs to copy and paste that back to me the next time my kid gets under my nails. which will probably be soon enough. his sweetness-to-snot ratio is rapidly shifting.

that said, 7 straight days with my mens made me a little nuts. next family vacation will be much more thought out, planned, discussed, etc ... winging it had it's ups and downs. mostly downs. oh, and next time we bring the laptop. especially since we forgot all the carefully collected & researched travel brochures at home. oy.

williamsburg is very pretty, freckle. the colonial crap isn't worth paying $$$ for during the day, though. we went after hours and strolled the main thoroughfare - danny took some awesome pictures - and had a WONDERFUL meal at the king's arm restaurant (spendy tourist trap, but very much worth it, since that was the extent of our colonial "experience").

busch gardens is hell on earth. luckily we went from 5-9 pm, and NOT during the heat of the day. we also got in with a reduced rate, which made it a tad more palatable. but yeah. if you like amusement parks (tho not that many rides per se, kind of weird) & crowds & shows & expensive trinket stores & crap food & all that jazz, it's neat. not my cuppa. not even sure danny liked it that much. but now at least we can say we did busch gardens. *sarcastic woot*

i can tell you more details via PM (we got a FANTASTIC deal at a very nice motel!) if you'd like.

my next vackay? girlfriends, NO DRIVING, umbrella drinks and cabana boys. who's with me?

freckle, where can i get a copy of new moon? might barnes and noble have it? i'd love to give a copy to my niece for her 13th birthday coming up. if anything, just to make her sucking-lemons judgemental conservative mother think i'm trying to turn her into a wiccan or something. hee.

eta: nevermind, freckle. i ordered two issues online. thanks so much for the tip!

[freckleface2727]

== I just want to say : teen pms is HELL. ==

that is all !

[sybarite]

Thanks freckle and mornington for your perspectives and insight. (And freckle, cheers for the new moon reference! Exactly what I need to get my hip cred with her up and running...) It's good to hear the essentials as seen from the outside. I had good role models for this kind of thing growing up, as my parents had an unusually civil and respectful divorce, we had joint custody and I had a great stepmum to boot, so I feel I have a good start. I just feel her trust is kind of precious and don't want to inadvertently mess it up.

[freckleface2727]

sybarite,

I think mornington hit on it, speak With Her, not To her so much.. big difference in how it comes across.
(note to self: remember this too!).

it probably is hormonal. it's like they morph into totally different beings and all the things you Thought you knew are suddenly flying out the window. frecklette hit it about 2 yrs ago and it's been a progressively wilder ride as time goes by. everything mornington said really makes sense though, letting her know that you geuninely want her around and are glad she's there, yes yes yes, But, do also make sure that as much as you respect Her, respect goes both ways and you're not her personal doormat either. kids, no matter how old, still need to know how far they can go.

that said, I'm not a step mom, so am not really sure of how different the dynamic might be and feel free to totally disregard anything I've said.
please feel free to keep coming here too, vent, rant, gab, whatever. blood doesn't make people a family, love does.

there's a magazine you/she might be interested in, called New Moon.

it's fabulous.
very anti-Teen Scene Trash if you know what I mean, and deals w/ what really matters in an intelligent, respectful (to them) way. it's written for girls, By girls.
frecklette loves it and so do I, and am quick to gobble it up as soon as it comes and she's done with it.

here is the link:http://www.newmoon.org/

[mornington]

*delurks*
syb, I'm coming at this from the other end (and be aware my stepmother and I don't get on) but, it probably is puberty. Treat her like an equal adult is my best advice, but don't be afraid to say "please don't do X". Not getting involved in punishing her is a good idea, but the more you speak with her when she upsets you the more she'll respect you (she'll tantrum too). I've not got much advice, except treat her like you always have. Yes, the dynamic will change, but if you treat her like you like her, want her around and respect her opinions, you won't have as much trouble.

on the whole travel thing... I flew solo for the first time aged ten (romania to the uk). Since then I've flown solo or with my brother around six times a year. It's scary the first time, but after that, you get used to it. I went solo on the train/bus at about fourteen, though, but I didn't need to use them before then.
*goes back to lurking*

[sybarite]

--long-ass post from delurker ahead: warning and apologies!!--

Freckle, for a teen princess HD has a fairly 'edgy' boyfriend, some guy from the band Good Charlotte. This has been confirmed by the Arbiter of Cool that is my mister's daughter. Glad the concert was so much fun!

*formally delurks* I've come in here hoping for some perspective, if people don't mind, on the aforementioned mister's daughter. She's 12 and mainly stays with her mum who lives quite far away. I am lucky in that we have a good relationship; I like her a lot, she's very bright and sweet with it. However, she is also potentially manipulative, caused I think by wanting to please her mum and her dad and saying what each wants to hear. She is an only child so has a particularly close relationship with her mum. She does get on well with her dad(the mister) but really doesn't see him enough.

I'm writing because I think our dynamic is shifting. Se's less bubbly and forthcoming with me this visit than usual, which I'm putting down to hormones ( I think she may be hitting puberty) and the fact her mum moved last year, which tok her away from her friends and a community she was happy and popular in. I respect whatever changes she's going through but am a teensy bit scared she's going to turn into a devious witholding teen who manipulates me because I'm not as strict as her dad. I don't discipline her, it's not my role. I usually back up her dad so as to provide a united front although I don't agree with some things he does, but I'm very aware it's not my place: he's her parent after all.

Because our place is pretty small her visits cause some upheaval, which I try to gloss over. I'm sure she picks up on some of it though. It also takes me a moment to adjust to having her around. Again, I try and hide this from her because I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I'm afraid she'll sense this and get defensive.

The more I type the more I realise I don't have a question as such, and also that I'm probably worrying over nothing. I'm just getting a slightly different vibe from her this time. If there's anything I'm saying that sends up red flags to you guys feel free to comment. And sorry for the long-ass me-me-me post!!

FWIW, in relation to earlier thread topics, the mister will. not. allow. her to fly or take the train on her own, even though this means he has to make the trip to where she lives to pick her up. I took the city bus on my own from age 10 or so, and flew with my (younger) sister to Europe at age 14, but I recognise times have changed since then.

[freckleface2727]

the hillary duff concert last night rocked !!

none of the bubble gum sweet pop princess we expected at all, though she did sing all the songs from the cd's of hers frecklette has.

she was, dare I say for lizzie mcguire... even edgy !!
she wore a long black tank pulled down over her jeans, flat black knee boots, and a few long dogtag like chains, w/ her hair, brown now.

had kind of an early fiona apple look to her, she's really grown up from how I tend to think of her, and her Band- they honestly were bordering on Hard metal at times- we were lovin' it and so was freck.
her face glowed with happiness the entire night, such Pricelessness

I believe we made her entire summer right there last night and I feel less of a schleppy mother, at least momentarily.
h d still has the niceness that first attracted us to her, but has grown up while still maintaining her decency.
I am totally now an endorser of her and might I add-- she made me wanna be a rock star too


pixie, what is going on w/ the pants wetting??
I mean, it could just be that she's newly discovering that she Can 'keep secrets' from you, which is a first for kids sometimes, like telling a lie and being believed.. powerful stuffs in the minds of wee ones... you know? or might it mean something else is going on that is stressing her out?

come to think of it ( & re-reading your post again) frecklette Did go thru that once too, bc she got so wrapped up in play she couldn't be bothered to stop & potty & it took me being more watchful & interfering of her play time, esp after snacks or drinks. not a huge issue once we realised, and didn't take long to correct. hope you get to the bottom (no pun) of this soon ~

mando- how was williamsburg? what to see/what to skip?
we're looking at trying to go in the next 3 weeks or so before school starts.

hugs to all~

[pixiedust]

Minipixe, who is 4 had peed herself at least once everyday of this weekend! Not only that, but she's been changing underware and hiding it, so that I am just full realizeing what is going on! I called the ex and he claims she isn't having this problem at his house, so I wonder, is she hiding panties there too and he just doesn't realize it ? Is she just being lazy because she's playing with the other minipixie and doesn't want to stop playing? Her little bottom is getting irritated, and i think that moght be in soem part due to the chlorine in the in laws pool, it did a number on Mr. Pixie yesterday too, so I am wondering if it hurts to go pee pee and so she is trying to hold it and failing? Then I've wondered about bladder infections, but she is already on amoxi right now, so that should be clear that up??If it's phchological, I have no idea what it causing it, and her therapist has cancelled the last 2 appointments because she has been sick.

[berenguela]

Cool, freckle, have a good time.

littleb and I are off to visit my Mum on Monday so I'll probably be away from the boards for a while. I'm looking forward to it --- anything to get away from this heat! I'm not even thining about the beginning of the school year until I get back.

[freckleface2727]

I am a total thread hog here but exctiting news for frecklette.

the mr got us tickets to see Hillary Duff in concert next week.

she's one of those teen singers, can't think of the single she had that actually got radio play, but she's one of the few that has stayed decent, which is a lot.

she's the girl who is Lizzie McGuire.

anyway, she's playing here next week, some sort of thing for the kids of troops, so the tickets were Free, which is so cool bc when she toured in our state last year the tix were like 35 bones.

will let y'all know how it goes


voodoo-

we will likely be coming to a City Near YOU in the next 3 weeks or so... still wanna hook up for coffee ?