[periander]

Ok so I need help asap. I have a boy coming over tonight for some well deserved (on my part) portions. My problem is that he does like to try and rub my clitoris like hes buffing floorboards or something. Now I tend to be a very blunt person but I don't want to hurt his feeling by just blurting out "what the hell do you think your doing". What do you thing is a nice and subtle way of getting him to be a bit more gentle with my bits.

[theredhead]

On "For Yourself" -- I think it's a great book, and does address issues like learning to consiously relax the muscles near your vaginal opening. It's basically written to help women become orgasmic (during masturbation and during intercourse/other kinds of sex with a partner). Even if that's not why you're reading it, though, I think it'd be a helpful resource. Unfortunately, there aren't any good, comprehensive sex books that concentrate on muscle relaxation (sad, really, since it's a major issue for lots of people!)

crinoline, I think your doc's advice about learning consious muscle relaxation is a great first step. Also, make sure you're using tons of lube and have tons of foreplay (and, if possible, an orgasm for yourself) before penetration. If you feel like it's a dryness or skin condition issue (ie your skin feels tight, and feels like it's stretching and tearing), you might want to do a daily five-minute massage with Liquid Silk lubricant. There are some great instructions for this massage here.

On the lube issue - the best lubes I've ever found that don't contain glycerin are Liquid Silk, Sensua Organics (now called Sympathical Formulas), Pleasure Glide, Slippery Stuff, Maximus, and all the silicone-based lubricants (ID Millennium, Eros, System Jo, iLube, Wet Platinum, etc). All are compatible with latex; none will get sticky, since they don't contain glycerin.

onyva, maybe it's just an issue of getting used to partnersex again? For lots of women, when they spend a period of time having sex only with themselves, go through a sort of adjustment period when they start having partnersex again. It's really no different than if you had a really great lover, then stopped having sex with that lover and started having sex with someone else. It wouldn't be the same, and it would take some adjustment and time to make sex with the new partner awesome. I'd say give it time, and make sure you're communicating clearly with your partners, letting them know what you like and don't like. And maybe try some mutual masturbation - that way you know you'll have your orgasm, and your partner can watch and learn!