[shinyx3]

*delurks*

humanist, i have been following this and all i can say is *wow!* i am now pregnant with my second child and am very happy about it. however, this is fourth pregnancy, and the only one that was entirely planned, so i can see both sided of this. my son who is ten now and i have raise for the most part, on my own is a wonderful gift. i am not so nieve however to think that it was all just ment to be that way. i have looked back and wondered what my life may have been had i not been a young mommy going to school andworking an barely scraping by. i have also terminated an unwanted pregancy. all three time proir to this pregnacy i was on the pill, too. so i really do see this matter from more then one angle.

i have a younger sis who thinks she may be pregnant and is not at all in a situation or a place in her life where a baby is ok. i went through the whole *you have to be on birth control* thing with her and obviosly got no where. she tends to get pissed and shut me out when i am repetitive. if she is indeed pregnant i will bring her to where i am and hold her hand through the termination of it. she has already made the decision to teminate if she is preg. i wish i could get her to read this thread but she will have an excuse. i will try though. she seems to prefer ignorance to having information to make a decision with. then she can alway say *well, i didn't know*, which she uses far too frequently.

having babbled on . . . i guess i just wanted to say good for you for sticking up for you friend even if she may not see it that way. you must be as true a friend as there is ans she is lucky to have you.

[mornington]

humanist, I think that's brilliant! It's very well written, and I hope she takes the time to read it. It explains your point of view, and is personal without being *too* personal (if that makes sense; it's not invasive). mm, count me in on the ring suggestion.

(that reminds me, do any of the uk busties know if you can get the ring on the nhs over here? what's it's medical name?)

[humanist77]

Here is the email I sent to her. It's rather long so I posted it to my livejournal.

I'm posting it because I think it better illustrates the issue, anyone is welcome to read it and respond. Thanks!

[_octinoxate]

I wonder if she knows about the nuvaring or would be able to use it-- it has much lower hormone levels than the pill does.

I also wonder if rather than being in double denial, she actually wants to get pregnant, on some level. That would explain things too.

Good luck- you're a good friend!

[opheliathemuse]

wow, that's a very good and a very brave idea.

[humanist77]

Thanks for your responses, gals!

I am writing an email to her right now. I realized that at this point, it is the best way for me to talk to her-because I know she will read it, and if I write it out carefully and thoroughly enough, I just might get a point across. And she has no chance to interrupt me with yelling. I might post the email here just to get insight on that as well.

We have been BGP's forever. We are like sisters more than friends, there is nothing that can ruin our friendship-we actually bicker all the time-so I have no problem about being brutally honest with her.

I guess at some point, I am prepared to talk to her boyfriend. I am friends with him, but I don't know him that well, and I feel like I'm invading his privacy more than I am hers. But I know that it is for the sake of her as much as it is for him, so yes, I will talk to him if I need to. He is also a pretty reasonable person.

I think I'm going to offer her to come with me to my next exam, even sit in the room with me during it (maybe facing the doctor!) just to see what it is like.

Thanks again for your ideas, and please-anyone else respond as well!

[opheliathemuse]

humanist, I just thought--would she be mature/willing/open to the idea of monitoring her cycle so she would be less likely to get pregnant?

[mornington]

humanist, i'm with tyger - talk to him! if she's not going to listen to you, she might listen to him (even if it's just going to the gyno/gp). and... tbh, it sounds like she's too busy enjoying the sex to really think about it. you could put it down in an email, or something - it might be easier without the face-to-face awkwardness. maybe if it was in writing she'd (or he would) listen... or maybe you could go to planned parenthood and see if they have any leaflets on the withdrawal method and give them to her.

i hope you and your friend don't fall out of this - it might be that she's got to make the decision herself and you can't change her mind.

[opheliathemuse]

excellent point tyger; he's one half of the parenting equation.

[tyger]

humanist, it sounds like you've done as much as you can (or at least as much as i could think of to do, in any case). i'm just wondering why you won't try talking to him? do you not know him very well? because, i mean, the problem doesn't just lie with her, he's also fully complacent in their sexual shenanigans, and maybe he would be easier to convince that they're on the wrong side of the dumb choices line?

[humanist77]

sorry-accidentally hit send before I finished

I just wanted to add-
this is an urgent issue. I want to help her in any way I can. She is a smart person but she is being very naive and irresponsible.

Thanks so much for anyone with advice!

[humanist77]

I need some serious advice here.
About a month ago I posted in this thread about my BGP, who was getting involved with a guy and was a little worried about his penis size-she had not slept with him yet-and I wanted to know what I should tell her.

Well, they have consummated-and she is quite happy with it, she hasn't let on to his size, which I don't particularly care about-but she says he definitely knows what he's doing, and she enjoys it. Halleluiah.

The problem is that she has some major issues with using protection. He falls flat in 5 seconds in a condom, and she...among other things, is scared to go to a gynecologist. She said she doesn't want a stranger "poking around down there". She has a normal doctor, who told her that because of all the medications she is on (for an ulcer, and anxiety) that she wouldn't dare try putting her on the pill, or anything hormonal. But that was a couple years ago when she last asked about it, and she is on different meds now-but she still has some kind of mental blockage to even ask again.

So...they're using withdrawl. Statistics show that an average of 27 out of 100 women in a year will become pregnant, using withdrawl alone. If used VERY carefully, only 4 will (which is a fairly good rate, but I don't know how careful they are). I mentioned diaphragms, female condoms, and any others I could think of-but it was like she wasn't listening to me-she refuses to try anything. It's completely irrational.

I've talked to her about this a couple of times so far, calmly and respectfully-but it quickly turns to her getting frustrated and yelling. It is obvious that she is stressed about it as well as in deep denial about the high possibility of getting pregnant.

This is terrifying for me, because although she is pro-choice, she would personally never, never, never have an abortion, and on top of that, she would refuse to give a baby up for adoption-she says she'd never give her child to strangers. I told her that in an open adoption you can interview as many couples as you want before deciding who to give it to, and keep in touch with them throughout the child's life, but she would have none of it.

I told her she is in denial about getting pregnant, and she said she is not in denial....so she is in denial about being in denial about getting pregnant..she is in denial about how much a baby would affect her life, she is in denial about her options if she did get pregnant, and she is apparently in denial about how babies are made in the first place.

She has been in college for years, and is close to getting her degree in teaching. I don't want her to waste everything that she has worked so hard for. She has a promising future ahead. She doesn't realize that it can all change in an instant. She says she doesn't care, she will quit school, and work around the clock to support the child. I told her she'd be ruining her life, and she got angry, saying that a baby doesn't ruin someone's life. It may not kill her, but yes, it will ruin her plans to finish school and have a career. Not to mention her bf's life, as he is definitely not the type to take off.

Her bf is an artist. A real, gifted, but starving artist. He makes no other income besides from the art he makes and sells. It would destroy my heart to see him have to give up his dream of being a self sustaining artist, to have to take a real, steady job to help support a child.

I am not giving up on this, despite her getting angry when talking about it. I know that on one hand it is her and her bf's business, but they both seem to be in denial (although I haven't talked to him, and I don't plan to) and I care so much about her and her future, and I care about his as well, and I think someone who is being realistic needs to step in. It's not like I can have an intervention for her-it's too personal and intimate of an issue. What can I say to her that might wake her up? I mean, she could be pregnant right now! They could've gotten pregnant last night! It can happen any time.

[dayglowpink]

Yeah, there are definitely some weirdos on craigslist, but like I said, I have had positive experiences there. It's cool that you might have found someone, though! I might try out that site, too.

[glassk]

see if there's any fetish nights in your area.

they may seem primarily oriented at bdsm, but also attract people who want to wear strange things, or a lot less things, or do unconventional things.

[thingsarenice]

dayglowpink, a couple of people have suggested Craigslist, but considering my one friend's hobby of reading creepy Craigslist ads to me, I'm a little wary. I've been on this website called OKCupid! for a long time (the quizzes are terrific time-wasters), so I amended my profile to say that we're looking for a threesome partner. So far I've gotten two considerable offers. I am particularly intrigued by the out-of-town one--hello! Vacay!--plus he seems to fill our requirements particularly well. Granted, this just means that he is 1) bisexual, 2) hot, but not too hot, and 3) not dumb, but it's a good start.

[dayglowpink]

thingsarenice- Ugh, I've been trying to find a girl for me and my guy to hook up with for almost a year. I'm probably not looking in the right places or something, but I have not had any luck. I think finding another guy is much easier. Do you have a craigslist where you live? I have had luck in hooking up with just dudes off there, but there's always many MF couples looking for another F, and I haven't had anyone respond to ads I have posted looking for a woman. There are usually quite a few ads for M seeking MF couples. Our craigslist is pretty small, and I think in big cities it might be easier. I hooked up with two guys (together) off craislist, though, and that was pretty fun. The craigslist thing might seem sketchy, but I've only had positive experiences. I feel you, though. I'm dying to get another girl in bed with us, but it's hard to find the right person.

[thingsarenice]

cstars124, I really wouldn't worry about it at all. My boyfriend lost his virginity to me, too, and over the four years since the we started having sex, I think I can count the number of times he has orgasmed during intercourse on two hands. This used to kind of piss me off, but I got used to it, and now I actually like it, since I hardly ever have to worry about him cumming before I do.

I myself am kind of wondering about threesomes. My boyfriend, the glorious being that he is, suggested that we consider having a MMF threesome (two guys and one girl). This is fantastic news, not only because I'm interested in having a MMF threesome, but also because I'm interested in having a FFM threesome, but would not be comfortable having one without having the other kind first--don't ask, I'm just weird like that. But since he brought it up, I felt comfortable bringing up the idea of bringing in another woman. The problem is finding a third person. We want it to be someone we like and feel that we can trust, but to be honest, we don't have the most attractive group of friends. Only one would be a possibility from that perspective, but he's somewhat homophobic and not exactly sexually adventurous. Does anyone have any advice they could give us?

[twose]

Well do you people mean that by switching to a particular form of diet it can help change the flavor of the cum? Frankly speaking I have never heard anything like this and if this is indeed true then I must say that it is encouraging for women like us. As I can understand that my hubby likes me to take his cum on my face but I dont really like the taste of the same. So what could be more better if I can make him happy!

[professor]

Last night, I had sex with an ex-boyfriend whose virginity I took when he was 16 and I was 17 (which made it hotter!) He is moderately kind of the psuedo macho type and I kind of have feelings for him again...even though I broke up with him but that was around 5 years ago...so I am not sure how to act towards him and not make myself look desperate seing as if that would probably build up his ego a bit more. But damn that was good sex. A lot of my boys are skinny rails but he has some nice muscle (but not too much) and after cupped my ass then proceeded to lift me up and put me on top of him...I swear to god I blacked out.

[boblink]

I haven't posted in a long time, cause work blocked bust! ARRGH!

But I have a little issue and I figured, who else could help me out but everyone on bust?

I have a bf that I've been dating for a few months and he's great. When we met, he was a virgin, and I took his virginity about a couple of months ago. Since we started having sex, he hasn't been able to cum from it. He can cum from me blowing him, or jerking him off, but not from sex. And we've tried different positions, and creams and condoms and all this stuff and nothing is happening! Is this normal for someone that isn't used to sex? He used to masturbate a lot, so could that be it? Any suggestions on what I should do?

Thanks!

Cstars124

It's an unusual problem, like a bird that flies only in abnormal circumstances. I have an idea that has maybe a 50-50 chance of solving the problem. But it should be a mutually enjoyable effort. It can't do any harm, and what else had you rather be doing?

On top, lying flat, hold still while you hold a long kiss. Don't try to help him with thrusting moves. Let it grow on him over as long a time as it may take. Come up for air whenever it's necessary, but get back to another kiss. It shouldn't take long before he's groaning and thrusting with some desperation. You may need to exercise some judgement as to how to help and when. Don't help with thrusting simply because he needs it. Torture him with desire for it.The stronger the desire the easier he'll cum. Make him want it. Desperately.

If this doesn't solve the problem, let us know and I'll post a longer more complex solution based on a technique from Masters & Johnson's sex clinic at Washington University.

Good luck and good loving.