[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[maimy]

La Sirena, think about the level of agreement you have with this guy. We often know, whether it's spelled out explicitly or not, what a partner is willing to accept and what a deal-breaker might be for the person we're with. Even if it's not negotiated point by point, we tend to communicate our attitudes.

So decide whether your overwhelming guilt is about his standards, or yours ... or whether it may even be attached to some issue not between you. Maybe you have questions about your use of alcohol, based on some past experience. It may not even be the 'cheating' that is eating at you most deeply. Think about what it is that is feeding this for you, and think about why you condemn yourself for it. Do you feel you betrayed your guy? Yourself? Some other standard you hold, and are shocked to have transgressed ... ?

Don't beat yourself up. Deal with what this situation has put before you. And keep talking. We're listening!