[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[maimy]

La Sirena, much as I personally dig honesty, there is honest communication, and there is truth-for-its-own-sake, and there are actually times those two aren't the same thing. Let your partner set the standard for how you treat him, not your own standards. "Do unto others" is all very well until others want to be done to differently than we do. And if you unburden yourself knowing his standard is different, are you doing it for him or for yourself?

I think you are on good enough footing here. It may not be comfortable footing for you, but it's within your guy's limits, and that is the important thing. Jazmyn is right, you may need more forgiveness from yourself than from him. Try to treat *yourself* by his standard, it seems generous. Sometimes, honesty can mean facing what communication is destructive, pointless or futile.