[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[jazmyn13]

uh, not to be too critical, but in my experience, letters aren't the best way to address complex issues. Why didn't you just wait until you got back to talk to him about this?

Unfortunately, the "teen porn" thing is all over the internet. search a porn database and "LOLITA" comes up frequently in a number of picture and movie titles. I think that it's one of those things that our culture is weird about. we're freaked out by pedophiles and have this war on pedophilia but at the same time, the most easily identifiable "sexy outfit" is the catholic school girl outfit. It is a fine line, as you say, but he's not necessarily a deviant for looking at this and getting aroused. Besides,there is a difference between fantasy and reality. Obviously, some fantasies are unhealthy, but sometimes we're just weird human beings. I, for instance, had very violent sexual fantasies for many years. I was never molested or raped but I enjoy rough sex and watch some hardcore porn. That doesn't mean that I want to be raped or think rape is okay.

I think that you have a right to express your discomfort but it seems like some of this is coming out of your general discomfort with porn. I don't know how you resolved your issues with porn in the past, but you allow him to watch it. IMHO, I think tht it is overly controlling to dictate the kind of erotic material your sig other can watch. However, I would VERBALLY express your discomfort without judging him (if possible). He's just going to be defensive if he feels attacked. It's a good possiblity that the letter made him feel defensive already.