[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[jazmyn13]

I never said she didn't. I think that of course she should express her discomfort with what he's viewing. Do I think that this should be approached in a non-accusatory, direct way through open communication? yes. Clearly, porn isn't a complete deal breaker since she knew that he watched it. It wasn't something he shared with her and it wasn't something she really wanted him to share beyond knowing that he occasionally watches it.

If she doesn't want him viewing any porn, fine. I just think that for me, personally, I wouldn't want my SO dictating what I could and couldn't privately watch. If it's child pornography, of course there would be problems. But this, however close to the line, is not child pornography. I wouldn't tell my SO what porn to watch; in fact, I didn't. He had his stash (which I occasionally watched on my own) and I wouldn't have dreamed of telling him he couldn't watch it. I wouldn't tell him what to read, or what to listen to.

If porn is becoming a "deal breaker" for her, she needs to tell him that. Maybe he'll be perfectly fine not looking at the type of porn she's not comfy with. But I'm willing to be that he'll be less receptive if he feels that he's being accused of doing something immoral.