[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[jazmyn13]

bklynhermit, i don't think you heard anyone here arguing in opposition to expressing discomfort or openly talking about how you feel.

Just that some of us feel that it is overly controlling to try to say "this kind of porn is okay" and "this kind" is not (obviously excepting kiddie porn). Like, this kind of toy is okay, but this kind is not. I thnk you're right in that there needs to be accomodation and flexibility, but you have to approach each other's needs openly and non-judgementally.

I'm with pepper here. If my bf wants to know the kind of porn i watch, i'll tell him. If he doesn't want to know, or assumes i don't watch, that's fine, I don't feel an obligation to tell him. I'm not cheating on him. BUT I would have BIG problems with him telling me what I can and can't enjoy - simply because he felt it was "immoral". Either you accept me, or you don't in some areas. I would probably be more amenable to changing if it were presented in an open way, without me feeling dirty or wrong. I think that Katiebelle is right. If the situation were reversed, I thnk that we would be telling her to watch out for his trying to control her. just my 2 cents.