[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[katiebelle2882]

Bklyhermit,

you say it's not about control but frankly, that's all i see it being about. I dont think its my job to tell my SO everything about my sex life unless its relevant to OUR sex life together. It's none of his business how many people i have slept with, what i did with them etc etc. also, watching porn by myself (if it is not interfering in our sex life) has nothing to do with OUR sex life. to not keep anything to yourself about your own sexuality unless its going to be hurtful to them seems extreme and way dependent.
perhaps i feel this way because i wouldnt dump someone for watching porn as i feel its way overstepping the boundaries of personal space. perhaps expressing concern about a certain type is one thing, but telling them they can't is something else altogether. banning someone from something that is relatively harmless is a sure way to get them to go behind your back.

i am also slightly unclear as to what watching normal porn has to do with your "safety".

i think alot of women have a problem with porn bc they are insecure about themselves. I am not talking about porn that is disturbing or violent or completely degrading to women. i think a person has every right to not want their SO watching that. However if hes watching erotica or porn that portrays women fairly and you still have a problem, well i think thats something that the woman has to deal with. of course he should help, but it shouldnt impinge on his private sex life just bc you are insecure about yourself. (i dont necessarily think anyone here is like this but i am just saying).

also, i think that if someone's porn habit was as severe as you are describing Bklyn, that they wouldnt need to tell you about it, you would most likely just figure it out.

and again i will say that if this was reversed, even if the guy had reasons you do for not wanting his SO watching porn, that we would be telling her to dump the bastard bc he shoudlnt have a say in something as private as porn and what you find erotic.