[repletewithyou]

So, there's this boy. He is a very dear friend and I've known him for years and years and last summer we fell in love. He goes to school about a thousand miles away and he didn't want to try a long distance relationship. We got back together over winter break and had sex (both of our first time); he is one of the most genuine and gentle and smart and adoring people I have ever known. BUT we talked the other day and he says he "doesn't tend to think about people much when he can't see them." I think about him all the time and it makes me sad to think he doesn't think about me.

We talked tentatively about getting back together this summer. I hate it when girls care more about their guys than their guys care about them. I don't know whether he really doesn't care about me anymore or if he is just a dumb boy with a bad memory. I'll be seeing him soon and I don't know what to do.

[pepper]

perhaps i HAVE been socialized to like being hurt during sex. my mother was in an abusive relationship and so was i, all through my twenties. taking control over that aspect of my sex life is a valid form of self healing. end of story.
and perhaps we have been socialized to enjoy porn. lord knows it's out there in the mainstream these days. it uses evocative sexual imagery that ilicits a response from the primal reptilian brain. that is some hard shit to resist and i'm not saying that i don't get aroused when i see it, hell i've made my own porn and LOVE having a mirror in the bedroom. it's not about the imagery itself, it's about the psychology of it. it might turn me on while i'm looking at it (providing it isn't the ridiculous fakey fake-ass too-silly-to-even-pretend-it's-sexy sort), it's how i feel afterwards. that shit is abusive and it makes me feel sick. i too had a bf like the sick fucker described below and i have a hard time believing that he would have gotten that way without society telling him that that sort of pornographic depiction of women and sex was "normal" and something to strive for. it fed his addiction, justified it and made him righteous about being as sick as he was. just 'cause some people can deal with it in a healthy way doesn't mean we all can, and therein lies the heart of the issue, i think. it's just like alcohol and cigarettes, they're legal and even considered ok by lots and lots of people. they still fuck up lives though and because they are considered maintream a blind eye is most often turned to all that fucked-up-ness. not to say that i won't have a glass of wine now and then, i just won't glamourize the practice of getting and being shitfaced like it's "cool".
i enjoy erotica, but i won't feed into a massively disfunctional industry. not with my acceptance and support, and certainly not with my money.