[quantumspice]

Hey home chickens. Leaving for Brazil in a few hours to see Gostosinho for the first time since December. So excited! Too bad it's only for a week.

~*~*~*~*~ everybustie ~*~*~*~*~

Rose, I think you made the right choice too. For whatever that's worth!

[amilita]

Kitten, that does suck. Some people are just impossible to deal with, and yet we are forced to do it! I have some coworkers...bleh.

DM, I'm sorry things are so...muddy now.

Rose, not that you should listen to me, but I think you made the right choice. I have moved around a fair amount, and I think it is really important to have the mindset of fully investing yourself in the place where you are.

I also wanted to respond to something you wrote awhile ago, I just didn't have time then...it was about feeling like you were having an identity crisis. I don't even having anything deep to say about it, but just that I feel ya! I feel like I go to all these art things with the Mr. and people always assume I'm an artist, too, or even seem kind of...something...when I say I'm not.

Some people seem to appreciate what I do for a living and we have a good conversation. The thing I hate the most is when people are like, "oh, do you cook?" and I say yeah, knowing what is coming and they say, "cooking is an art!" or some such. Bleh. I love to cook and sew and do crafty things, but I don't need to elevate that stuff by calling it art, especially when we are in a fine art setting. Not that I'd never call cooking an art, but me baking some salmon with teriyaki sauce is not art. I feel that it's kind of patronizing, and I don't need it. I'm happy with my life and what I enjoy. And that stuff is great for what it is - it doesn't need elevation in my eyes.

So, I'm rambling.

Good luck on the job, Bunny.

~~~vibes for Polly and Yuefie and Sassy and Zoya and Candy and Pixie and Mando and Tess and everyone~~~

I'm having lots of fun planning my birthday trip to NY! Miss Shelby Lee is doing well during her treatment for heartworms. I'm trying to eat well and go to the gym like I need to. Things are OK down here.

[pollystyrene]

That's f-ed up, kitten. At least it's just a class, it's just temporary- I have a co-worker like that, so I have a more permanent situation with someone like her. It's just hot and cold with her and when it's bad, she's a hostile person who seems to have her target set on me. There are days where I seriously hope she crashes her car into a tree.

((DM)) Sorry the Chicago thing didn't work out, and not just for my own selfish Chicago Bustie reasons. I know jobs are limited these days, and I'm not sure what field you're in, so it could be even more limited for you....are there any other options, Chicago or elsewhere? Don't let the cold weather prevent you from at least trying it here- Chicago has so many redeeming qualities that get you through the winters.

((Rose)) I understand the decision, given the other factors. I just hate to see you wallowing in your own crepulence.

~*~*~*~*job vibes for bunny~*~*~*~* I don't think it's a big deal if you send in the application after the deadline. Any place that is that neurotic isn't a place you want to work.

I had a good day- we went out to lunch with my parents and LeBoy's parents. First time we've all gotten together since we got engaged. It went well. We went to the BBQ place we want to have cater our wedding and LeBoy's parents liked it. His mom can be a little picky about food, but she liked it. We talked to one of the owners about catering and it sounds like they'll be well within our budget. Hooray!

Well, I have to be up in five and a half hours, so I'd better go.

((hugs to all))

[kittenb]

Hello all! I am going to write a long rambling post while I have little else to do.

Roseviolet - You seem like a very smart person. All signs point that way. If your gut is telling you to focus on NC, then do it! There are times I miss performing and times I consider going back to it but no time has been right for it. Having The Geek perform improv can be a mixed blessing. I love watching the shows but I often feel like his groupie. But it sounds like you are keeping it creative in your life and that is very important.

Designermedusa - I wish I had great words of wisdom for you. I've been where you are and it is very very confusing. I hope things start to make some sense or answers make themselves clearer.

{{{bunnyb}}} All available limbs crossed!

{{{zoya, polly, candy_canegirl, all kvetchies}}}

It has been a long and tiring weekend. The reality of my current family crisis has been settling in. I'll post more in the "Dysfunctional thread" but I will say that it is draining me. I had class all weekend. It was Group Counseling class. We spent many hours divided into smaller groups led by doctoral students. It was far more interesting than I thought it would be. Our focus was career and educational development. But then, today, one of my classmates brought up an experience that happened last semester where a teacher and one student challanged her and told her she was defensive. The other student in this incident was me. I was the only one in today's group (other than her) who knew the full story of what she was talking about. I clearly remember the incident as I was so mad at her I was shaking. The way that she tells the story every student, other than "the one", approached her afterwards and told her how she was in the right and every student, other than "the one", did not like the teacher. This is how she tells the story today in our group with me sitting one person over from her. I had no idea what to do. As she seemed to want, everyone in the group sympathized with her. I said nothing. I did not want our group time to become a rehash of that argument. It was a very unpleasent way to start my day and it has put a serious crimp on our relationship which was just getting to the point that we were relaxed with each other. It also made me really scared about running a part of the group in our next meeting. I already struggle with feeling that I do not have friends in this school (a feeling greatly exacerbated by this argument last semester) now I know there is someone in group who is holding a grudge against me. To wrap things up on a great note, as the whole class gathered to journal about our groups, the classmate sitting next to me asked me if I was sich yesterday b/c I had looked so tired on Saturday. Keep in mind, I had not asked her opinion on anything. I wasn't even talking to her when she told me this. I almost burst into tears. She did tell me that I looked better today. It was all I could do not to snap back at her, "Of course I look rested today. I got laid last night!" just to shut her up but I choose to remind her I didn't ask her opinion and went back to my work. WTF?

To recover from my week, tonight I had a nice dinner with The Geek and a good friend. Ribs, mashed potatoes, and Baily's cheesecake. It isn't pie but it did just fine.

[roseviolet]

(((((((((((((((((DM)))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so conflicted and unsatisfied. Sounds like you've found yourself in a rut, but you're not sure how to break out of it. Nine years is a really long time to work at the same place. No wonder you feel bored! I can see how a fresh start in a new city might sound promising, but I can also understand why it might be best to stay where you are for the time being. That's tough. What does Mr. DM think?

Hope you all had a nice evening. We curled up on the couch with the cat & watched a little "Firefly". Good times.

[designermedusa]

((rose)) I think you made the right decision about staying in NC. Yes, the play would have been fun, but as you said you don't want to be who you were five years ago, and you don't want to feel worse once you would return to NC. I can understand how it was a hard decision though.

I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life at this moment, I'd say it's my upcoming birthday, but it's been building for years. I was so excited about the possibility of the Chicago job, and then I got overwhelmed thinking about important things like money and the stress of moving and also thinking about trivial things like how would I handle cold weather. Then I have my current job where it's been over nine years, I don't hate it, but I don't love it. It's not that I even have anything that I aspire to career wise (and I don't think that's wrong), but I'm bored. There are so many more issues that keep me torn about making major decisions, but on the other hand I can be very impulsive. I'm rambling now, but I kind of feel like when I am I going to feel fulfilled with life and the choices I make.

((bunny)) Job deadlines don't always matter, good for you for applying.

[roseviolet]

Bunny, good for you for applying anyway. I'm not sure about other offices, but at the places where I've worked, those deadlines were never set in stone. If the right application showed up just a little bit later than the others, it didn't matter. The point is to find the right person to fill the job. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

By the by, I agree with your points. I decided to stay in NC and make good use of my time here. I told BestGalPal a few minutes ago & she understands. She said that maybe this will be a catalyst for positive change - the extra little shove I need that will get me moving in a better direction. I think she's right. I feel really good & strong about this decision. My confidence was boosted just knowing that these people were so eager to work with me and so sure that I'd do a great job on such short notice. I don't need to take the part in order to confirm that. I can take that knowledge and their support & use it to move me in a new direction here.

[bunnyb]

(((rose))) it sounds as if you are conflicted and there are definitely pros and cons to both going and staying. However, there is a small part of it that comes across as if you are talking yourself out of it; perhaps you are and there are certainly valid reasons for doing so. If you are looking for opinions then I would suggest that you stay in NC but actually use those two weeks that you could have been in Tulsa to put yourself out there in NC and find out how you could be part of the theatrical community there and the community overall (I'm not sure what your aspirations are/how you want to contribute there).

I can certainly understand the fear of going home, of feeling homesick, of the doubts in what you are doing in your new city/new life but it can be validating also to go home and feel reassured that you made the right choice ... although I think my above suggestion is overall the best as it is being proactive and productive.

I'm in a tell-it-like-I-see-it mood today.

kvetch: I've come across a job today that is a little out of left-field but would be more or less ideal for me/would allow me to explore other areas of interests without limiting myself and still being connected to what I want to do overall. The kvetch? the deadline was on Friday! Ugh. I'm applying anyway, in the hope that if it arrives before Monday morning then they'll allow it.

[roseviolet]

Warning: Long-winded self-absorbed rambling ahead.


Thanks for the support, everyone. I don't think I properly described the other side & why I'm not sure this is a good decision.

First of all, understand that I am a big fan of following your gut. I have jumped on a plane & flown far away simply because my gut said it was the right thing to do. Sometimes the best thing you can do is follow your impulses. But sometimes your gut tells you not to get on that plane. I think that's what's happening to me.

A part of me feels that taking this role & going on this trip would be a major step backwards. I love my old town and my old theater friends, but I really need to focus on building a life here. I don't live in Tulsa anymore so I don't think it will help me to build more ties there. I think if I go, I may feel a huge high at first, but then I'll come back to NC and I will crash HARD and I'll lose the momentum I've been building up in recent weeks. Tulsa has this way of getting its tentacles wrapped around me, throwing me into the familiar comfort of the past, & making life much more difficult for me once I return to NC. Yes, it would be fun to be in a play, but at what cost? I don't want to take one step forward if it means I have to take 2 steps back. I don't want to look backwards; I want to move forwards.

I need to find opportunities in my own community & meet people here so that I'll feel more satisfied with my current life. I don't want to be burdened by the past anymore. I don't want to try to recreate who I was 5 years ago. I just want to feel content with myself here & now and build on that. Taking this role ... well, it feels kinda like an act of desperation. I can't fly all they way over there and put my life on hold for 2 weeks just for the opportunity to say a few little lines in a play. Honestly, it's one of the smallest speaking part in the whole play. Three short scenes. It's not worth it. There has to be more to this trip than that. But there isn't.

Here's the nail in the coffin: If I go, my parents will be out of the country the whole time. Amongst other things, this means I won't be able to work on the stained glass business with my Mom. I won't be able to spend time with family and, frankly, I will only be there because of this little part in this little show. That doesn't feel right. In addition, I've found out about some interesting things that are coming up here in NC that I'll miss if I go to Tulsa - shows I want to see, classes I may take, plans with friends, etc. I don't feel good about sacrificing those opportunities.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was that I should stay here & nurture my roots in NC. My gut is telling me to stay. I know it's crazy. I know it sounds like I'm turning down a great opportunity, but in my heart it feels like I'm growing & embracing what I have - like I'm saying no to one thing so that I can say yes to others. I want this place, this town to be my home & I'm on my way to making that happen. I don't want to mess this up by putting myself into an emotional tailspin. So I think I'm staying. It feels like the strong thing to do.

But enough about me! I want to hear more about those fabulous pies & cheesecakes!

[zoya]

**de-lurks**

rose, in situations like this, I always remember one of my favourite quotes:


"you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky


do it. it can only be good. everything you said is positive. the only person who can talk you out of it is you, and it sounds like your gut is saying 'go for it.' listen to your gut without getting in the way. It's always right.


((((everyone))))


**re-lurks**

[bunnyb]

Do it, rose! you'll regret it, if not. It's definitely good type of crazy.

polly, now I'm scared of reading it! I don't have the money to go to Italy! I read a book once set in Paris and a few weeks later the boy and I went to Paris so I know from experience that I do impulsive things like that...

turbo's dinner sounds yummy and I am also very intrigued about sidecar's cheesecake.

yay for the final chapter, star!

I'm planning a lazy Sunday of reading, writing, and emptying the clean washing basket.

(((everyone)))

[pollystyrene]

It's crazy good, rose- do it.

Had a fabulous time with the Turbos (as always!) It was the Turbos and then some- they were dog-sitting two other greyhounds, so it was 45mph couch potato city there. They're so sweet, though. And we did get to have pie. Turbo had some homemade cinnamon ice cream, so we stopped at Whole Foods on the way there and got a gluten-free apple pie.

Bunny, you'll have your tickets to Italy before the movie is over, I swear!

I think you'll be fine, star- I just wasn't sure how much more you had to go through after this.

How'd the avocado cheesecake come out, sidecar? I had a really good avocado smoothie a couple weeks ago.

[candycane_girl]

Do it, do it, doooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiitttt!! Plays are always fun!

I hope everyone enjoyed Pi day. Sadly, I had no pie.

[roseviolet]

K, gang, I have been offered a very interesting opportunity, but I'm not sure if I should take it. Tell me what you think.

BestGalPal is the lead in a play that opens in 2 weeks. Unfortunately, a lady just dropped out of the show & needs to be replaced. BGP, the director, and the head of the theater company were sitting around, trying to figure out what to do, when BGP said, "You know who would be great in this role? RoseViolet." According to reports, everyone's face lit up. "Yes," they said, "RV would be perfect! Is she coming to town? Could she do it?" I was not scheduled to be there, but everyone loved the idea so much that they decided to give me a call. They asked if I'd be able to come to Tulsa for 2 weeks to take this part. It's not a huge role - just a few scenes (I would play the best friend of the lead). But it's something, you know? It would get me on-stage again & might boost my confidence, which would be great. We all know I could use that! And it certainly feels nice to be wanted. However, I'd have to leave in one week. And I wouldn't come home until April 6th. And we'd still have to pay for my airfare (which will probably cost about $250).

The director said I need to tell him yes or no on Sunday because they don't have time to dilly-dally. I'm sure there are dozens of other women out there who could perform this role perfectly well, so maybe I should just let someone else have the opportunity. However, if I don't do it, I know I'll just sit at home & mope & be miserable. As for the money, I was thinking about spending about that much on a stained glass class. If I go to Oklahoma for this show, I can learn the same things from my mom for free AND do the play. So in a wacky way, it's more cost effective to go to Oklahoma and do the play ... right?

It's crazy. But is it the good kind of crazy or the bad kind?

[stargazer]

polly, this draft will be my first final draft of my dissertation. i'm a strong writer academically. once i get it turned into my chair, i'm pretty close to being done. my school doesn't require us to have a dissertation defense. once my chair gives me the final ok, then i just need my committee to sign off on it. unless they have major concerns, my work is pretty much done. my editor starts the process of going through my dissertation after my chair signs off on it. like i said before, doing this writing now is the hard part. anything after this will be minor. i'm not really worried, but maybe i should be.

**scurries back to finish last chapter**

[Christine Nectar...]

*fly-by*

just wanted to let you all know that i am sitting back, eating some homemade apple-raspberry pie and thinking of you all!

((((((kvetchies))))))

[bunnyb]

*fly-by* sidecar, PLEASE blog the recipe for that pie! take photos if you can.

Sounds like lovely days/nights all around, except for poor (((rose))) being poorly and (((star's))) all nighter.

polly, I NEED to read/see The Enchanted April!

We went to the Victoria & Albert museum, walked lots, went to my aunt & uncle's for tea & blueberry muffins then ended up staying for dinner, which was lovely.

Have a killer headache and off to rest my weary head.

Happy Pi day!

[sidecar]

I'm making avocado cheesecake, which isn't technically pie, but close enough for me! I will let you all know how it turns out. It's baking right now.

have fun tonight, polly and say hi to the turbos.

[pollystyrene]

Yay for strawberry pie, sassy!

Turbo sent out an open invitation on Facebook this morning for dinner tonight, to whoever replied first- my obsessive FB checking finally paid off, so LeBoy and I are going over there for dinner. She's making rack of lamb. I'm sure it will be delicious. I offered to bring something, she said I didn't have to, but I can't just not bring something; I'm going to stop by Whole Foods and hope they have a gluten-free pie left over.

So, is this your first draft of your dissertation, star? I don't think I ever asked you.

I hope you feel better rose

Sidecar, your trip sounds wonderful. If you haven't already, talk to prophecy- she and prophecy guy went to Italy a few years ago, to some of the less-touristy places. Italy in April- just like The Enchanted April. *sigh*

((ccgirl & grandma))

ok, need to run to the post office to drop off my mortgage and assessment checks. Hopefully that automated kiosk will postmark them for today. I don't want no late fees!

((hugs to all!))

[sassygrrl]

HAPPY Pi day!!!

I decided to make a strawberry pie. I found a recipe on Cooking Light. I got on Mcgeek about him not letting me, and just decided to make the pie myself. Sometimes, he's such an ass!!

(rose))) Sorry about you not feeling good. I also love Wonderfalls.

Bunny, awesome day! I may buy that book on my next Amazon shipment.

Star, all parts crossed!!

Ahead a great day of watching Firefly and Pushing Daisies...


((kvetchies))