[ananke]

I'm going to a candle lighting ceremony next week for victims of DV. I'm a little scared. Therapy has been better but more difficult. I'm making progress but some days I just want to hide.

[maddy29]

verbally? yikes, that's fucking scary. i did send him a letter, and i sent every other family member a different letter at the same time, telling them he had abused me, and asking for their support, and explaining that that's why i hadn't been around lately. that went well:) ha.

but no, i've never actually looked him in the face and said it.

I was thinking about my sister's wedding again and how he stood right behind me during the whole ceremony. so, after the ceremony is over and everyone is leaving the church, he and my grandmother come up to me and he's like (in his creepy, mocking, little smiley face) "maddy, you shook during the whole ceremony." I said (dead flat tone) "yeah, it was cold in there." My grandmother was like oh oh you look so nice oh oh la la, she was so nervous and fluttery.

at the reception, i got so wasted. my sister kept "making' us do bridesmaid's shots, and it was great. my grandfather did come up to me once to "ask me what time it was." it was so weird, i was like what? then my two roommates came up and kinda shove him away and grab me and are like maddy we have to go dance!!! they were so mad at him and the fact that i had to deal with him at my sissy's wedding. i have frequent bad dreams about my sister's wedding. i actually was so drunk that i had a small chunk of glass embedded in my foot overnight and until the next evening when i finally poked at it enough and it popped out. niiiiiice.

gumby- i'm sorry those disclosures with your friends went so badly. it really does show you who your real friends are. although, i don't know how old you were, i think as people get older and hopefully mature, they are better able to handle stuff like that. although, if your friends mostly know him, then they have a big stake in whether or not to believe you. and unfortunately, there's just no way to get around that.

when i told, my dad and mom and sister believed me. my uncle and his wife believed me. my grandmother and two aunts said i was a crazy liar. so, the family just split. my aunts were sooo mad at my dad for supporting me. my dad was officially "disowned" by his parents. it was really bad. now,i waited until i was out of the state until i did this! my parents kept me out of it and didn't give anyone my contact info. now my uncle has it, and i've seen him a few times, but it's kinda weird. we've never actually spoken directly about it.

gumby, i'm so glad that you'll have new insurance! you definitely need the correct diagnosis so that you can get the sessions you need.

have you thought about telling your mom? or is she a blabbermouth too? it's funny, cause i'm in this space where i wanna tell everyone! at the same time i'm scared i AM just a big crazy liar.